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Julieofsardis

I'm deliberating holding my 9th grader back on paper .... input please

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My dd has a mid August birthday, so is young for her class. She is socially and academically on grade level. My concern is that she will graduate when she is 17 and begin college when is she has just turned 18. I don't really want her going away from home at that early age.

 

This would essentially be on paper only. I would begin her transcript next year and call that her freshman year.

 

An alternative to this would be to have a double senior year, or to have a gap year.

 

What kinds of questions should I be asking? What are the possible down sides to holding her back this year? She wouldn't really have to tell any of her friends that she's being held back. It would only be on paper for the state and then when she gets ready to apply for college.

 

Any thoughts????

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You know your daughter and her maturity. That said, my birthday is August 9th so I was 18 the week I went to Baylor welcome week. I was more than ready to be away from home. It was such a good experience for me. I loved college. I expected it to be really hard, and it wasn't. I would wait and see how you feel when she is a junior. My mom and I were really close, but it was time for us to each be in a different place. I was ready to spread my wings. And she was ready for me to fly the coop. We are still close today. But as I said, you know your daughter but an August birthday doesn't mean anything. My dh was born August 30th and he wasn't held back either and is a surgeon and graduated at the top of his class. I know the trend is to hold people back, but I guess from my personal experience I just didn't understand that philosopy.

 

Christine

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:iagree: wait a couple of years and decide then. If you & your DD decide that it's still the best idea then she can take a PG year or a gap year and then she's not being held back in any way.

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I wouldn't do it. Millions of us have graduated at 17 and started college just after turning 18 or before turning 18 (Mr. Ellie is one of us, having a September birthday) and lived to tell about it. I wouldn't hold her back. Nope.

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I started college when I was 16 and that was a bit young. I had *just* started driving when I started college. But I wouldn't necessarily think it was too young to start at just-turned-18; that would be more of a normal case (I think!).

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I started college when I was 16 and that was a bit young. I had *just* started driving when I started college. But I wouldn't necessarily think it was too young to start at just-turned-18; that would be more of a normal case (I think!).

 

I turned 17 a month before I started college, but I didn't have my driver's license yet. They mailed it to me after I got there. :001_smile: I was very ready to start college, and it wasn't a problem at all.

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I think it also depends on what she wants to do when she gets *out* of college. My best friend graduated from HS in 3 years (graduated at 16), and then went on to complete a double major in bio chem (a 5 year program) in 4 years. She was an October baby to begin with. She ended up finishing college just shy of 21.

 

No one would hire her.

 

She is incredibly smart, and was very qualified - she had work experience in and out of her field (and quite pretty, I might add, which, although not a requirement, usually doesn't hurt a gal... :001_smile:) -- but everyone danced around the fact that they didn't want someone so young in their lab.

 

Discriminatory? Of course. Just the "way it is"? Yep.

 

Just a thought.

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We are planning a gap year for our Summer birthday kids.

 

Same here as long as my dd continues to remain 100% on board. My ds was also and is glad he waited. I think that decisions like this should be made based on the needs of the child, not by what people in the PS or in general do. But I DO think that the dc need input, unless there is an academic problem, etc.

 

I homeschool so I can individualize our program and I do not feel any compunction to follow the totally arbitrary rules that our society has in place about what age you should do something . ;)

 

hth,

Georgia

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Both of my summer birthday children will have an extra year. I did this purposely at the beginning of their education so they will not have a gap year. For example, my 10yo dd is in the 4th grade but is doing 5th/6th grade math. My third ds will graduate and turn 19 the end of that June.

 

While it may not hurt them to start college younger, an extra year at home to mature will not hurt them either. JMHO

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I started college at 17 with a mid fall birthday and I was fine.

 

I would wait until the time comes and make your decision then. My son will be turning 18 in June of his senior year and I'm not concerned.

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I was not emotionally old enough to go away to college and didn't stay at my first. My high school was not a good one (except in math) and I didn't learn study skills or keep any sort of... I don't know the right word... initiative and curiosity?... anyway, I had it in 5th grade but it was gone by 12th (I hated school). To do college well, you need that and study skills, and you have to be able to live away from home. I didn't have all three.

 

For this reason, we delayed or repeated kindergarten for our sons with summer birthdays. It worked out fine, but it was obvious that they had the emotional maturity to live away from home when they left home for months at a time starting when they were 13 or 14. And the older definately had that initiative/curiosity his 12th grade year, when he was 18. He probably could have gone to college. I am still glad that we waited a year, though. When he isn't being a grownup and trying to save the world, he matches the lower grade better, somehow. It is hard to explain. My children are a funny mix of much older and much younger than their age-mates. Gymnastics teenagers tend to be younger than the rest of their grade, also, so this may play into it. Or maybe it is that they aren't so caught up in the silliness.

 

I don't know what will happen to the younger one. He taught himself to read early, so it seemed a little strange delaying kindergarten. Academically, he is all over the place. His best friends are a year or two older.

 

I think CC transition is probably the answer for us. It worked well for the older one.

 

I guess I just want to say that I think it isn't always easy to tell until the very end of high school. There is a big change between 16 and 21. That is why so many things happen then - you can drive, be drafted, work without a permit, go to college, get married, own land all at different ages right around there. And just because a child looks ready emotionally or academically doesn't mean they are really ready, or that they won't (as Ellie pointed out) rise to the occasion. Not very helpful. Sorry.

 

-Nan

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My 18-year-old is a freshman at Patrick Henry College. He lives at home and commutes to school each day. He's shy and easily intimidated by crowds, so this enables him to continue his education while he matures a bit. Plus, we can make sure his work is getting done and he's keeping his grades up.

 

Do you think living at home and commuting might be a solution that would work for your daughter?

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I agree with the others who said that while you know your child the best, there's really no reason to hold her back unless you're concerned about her maturity or ability to handle the work. You can always add a gap year if you need it. But then, there's also no disadvantage to starting her late either, if she's okay with it.

 

My older three kids all have summer birthdays (July, June, then August), and my oldest was legally grade-skipped years ago, so she'll be 16 when she graduates. She's doing really well as a 13 year old high school freshman this year and has the maturity and self-discipline to excel in high school, but if she decides that she's not ready for college at that point, there are plenty of other options... community college, a gap year, going to a local university and living at home.

 

Both my husband and I went off to college young, and didn't feel it was to our disadvantage, though he wishes he'd done community college for a couple of years first.

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I have three kids. My first was accelerated and went off early. He did fine for two years and then got ill. He is back in another school and doing well with a very heavy load. He will graduate when he is 21 so still early even with the break.

My second has an August birthday. She will graduate aat 17 and go to college at 18. SHe is scared of this but we have over a year and half to get her used to the idea. She has been able to do college work since she was 14 or 15 but we are keeping her with her normal year group so she can get more comfortable. She knows in her head that she needs to do this but she has anxieties and that makes it a bit hard. (We are Active duty military and there is absolutely no way she could live at home and attend college since we will most likely move twice while she is in college).

My third has a December birthday. She asked in the car today if there is anyway she could be skipped. Now she is my great underachiver. A lot of that is her perfectionism and then there is also her reluctance to do anything she considers boring. I explained to her that while I am sure she could go into ninth grade next year if she tried, she would have to prove it to me. If I can get her to actually stop underachieving, I will do it. I have a long checklist of things a child has to be able to do before high school starts and if she can do it, I will let her skip eighth, at least on my private schedule. After coming home, she decided one thing she needed to do is finally learn typing. THis is something she was supposed to do last year but never got done. We'll see how long that will last.

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This is what I did here. My dd can even graduate early if she wants, but this has offered us more flexibility.

 

I graduated at 17 and wasn't immature...However, I wasn't really ready for the responsibility and many distractions of college either kwim?

 

Both of my summer birthday children will have an extra year. I did this purposely at the beginning of their education so they will not have a gap year. For example, my 10yo dd is in the 4th grade but is doing 5th/6th grade math. My third ds will graduate and turn 19 the end of that June.

 

While it may not hurt them to start college younger, an extra year at home to mature will not hurt them either. JMHO

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Great food for thought everyone. I really appreciate the replies.

 

I guess my biggest struggle is that although she is academically able to do the work, she is not motivated in the least. If I don't tell her to start her school work she never would, even when she knows there are consequences for not doing it. And yes, we sit down together to go over things regularly, but I wish I didn't have to force her to get started every day. That seems to be an immaturity issue to me. She just doesn't see the big picture and how this is effecting her future, even though I've tried to explain it over and over.

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I started college at 17 with a mid fall birthday and I was fine.

 

Ditto. I turned 18 in Oct. of my freshman year. I've never given it a second thought, to be honest. Now, getting married at the end of my sophomore year, when I was 19...yep, that decision I've wondered about LOL!;)

 

I would wait and see how things are looking when she's a junior or so. And if all else fails maybe she can attend a local community college and then transfer when she's ready to go OFF to college.

 

OR she can work for a year or whatever after she graduates.

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Hi, Julie.

 

Dh and I both started college at 17 since we have September birthdays, and neither of us has regretted beginning then. (I'm sure you remember when Arkansas's cutoff was October 1.)

 

I wouldn't make any decision now that would prevent her from graduating from high school at 17. A lot can change in that time in regards to motivation, etc.

 

Both of my dds have August birthdays, and we'll think about a gap year if necessary when the time comes. But I won't officially hold them back unless they are academically behind.

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Hi, Julie.

 

Dh and I both started college at 17 since we have September birthdays, and neither of us has regretted beginning then. (I'm sure you remember when Arkansas's cutoff was October 1.)

 

I wouldn't make any decision now that would prevent her from graduating from high school at 17. A lot can change in that time in regards to motivation, etc.

 

Both of my dds have August birthdays, and we'll think about a gap year if necessary when the time comes. But I won't officially hold them back unless they are academically behind.

 

Jackie's post reminded me (hi, Jackie, BTW! :D ) that in our local school district, the cutoff is Oct. 1. So there are a LOT of kids around here that go to college while they are still 17.

 

And ditto on the academically behind thing. I would also consider a gap year (or more!:001_huh: ) if there was a significant maturity issue. (I'd do that even with an 18yo.)

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OR she can work for a year or whatever after she graduates.

 

:confused:

 

Wouldn't someone work for for however long he/she needed to after graduation?

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:confused:

 

Wouldn't someone work for for however long he/she needed to after graduation?

 

What I mean is rather than going straight from high school to college, working a year (or longer if necessary), as a gap year of sorts. I wasn't talking about after graduating from college.

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I understand your concern and frustration.

 

My children do not love school. They tolerate it at best and sometimes that is a very generous statement. We now have two graduated and one more to go. They want to get on with life not remain in high school any longer than necessary. The older they get, the more they want this. There work output, however, did not always mirror their desires.

 

Honestly, to hold her back a year will probably increase frustration, discouragement, and lack of motivation not encourage her to do her school work.

 

My children also have been extremely sensitive to "not being behind". Even with lots of explanation that it had nothing to do with her academic ability, I would suspicion that your daughter would to some degree feel that you felt she needed to be "flunked".

 

Do you have consequences in place if she doesn't finish (or start!) her schoolwork? You should not be her only motivation. We moms, trust me I've done this, just sound like nag machines when we don't allow the consequences to take their course. Maybe a few times of missing a favorite activity will encourage her to accomplish her schoolwork in a timely manner.

 

HTH

Cindy

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I wouldn't do it. Millions of us have graduated at 17 and started college just after turning 18 or before turning 18 (Mr. Ellie is one of us, having a September birthday) and lived to tell about it. I wouldn't hold her back. Nope.

 

 

:iagree:

 

I have a July b-day, and started college just a month after turning 18. I wasn't ready for college, but it wasn't maturity issues -- it was not knowing how to study issues. My dh has an October birthday, and started K at age 4, graduating from high school and starting college at 17 -- he did just fine in college.

 

If you make sure she knows how to study effectively and can learn independently, and if you prepare her for the social/emotional realities of college life/roommate issues/etc. she'll probably be fine.

 

Full disclosure: Our family is dealing with a variation on this theme. My dd12 wants to graduate a year "early," which would make her 17 and 4 months at graduation. She would love to be able to crow that she graduated "younger than Dad." :) Our solution: she has to demonstrate the maturity to get the high school level work done at the excellent level, otherwise I'll "hold her back" and she'll graduate at the customary public school age.

 

Karen

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Julie,

 

There is no one right answer to your question. Ask 100 people, you'll have splits on the answer to redshirt or not and why. The replies here show this! I've just had to trust my instincts on this one.

 

I have several summer birthday kids and we chose to redshirt all of them. I just wanted that margin at the end. And my kids will end up graduating high school with lots of AP/dual-enrollment credits, so they could easily go in as a 2nd semester sophomore or even junior. I surely don't want to send them in as a just-turned-18-yr-old junior in college!

 

I was a November birthday, started college at 17. It was fine for me, I didn't know any different! And neither will my kids.

 

So, all this to say, go with your instincts on this.

 

Lisa

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What I mean is rather than going straight from high school to college, working a year (or longer if necessary), as a gap year of sorts. I wasn't talking about after graduating from college.

 

I'm getting it now. Thank you!

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Both of my summer birthday children will have an extra year. I did this purposely at the beginning of their education so they will not have a gap year. For example, my 10yo dd is in the 4th grade but is doing 5th/6th grade math. My third ds will graduate and turn 19 the end of that June.

 

While it may not hurt them to start college younger, an extra year at home to mature will not hurt them either. JMHO

 

 

Ditto. I have done the same thing with my two summer babies. I am glad I did it, especially since they are likely to go to college far from home.

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I have no opinion on the college early or late thing, but I would offer a word of advice on the transcripts. Don't plan on 5 years of high school. 4 years, that's what you get. Where I worked, nothing done outside those four years counted toward meeting entrance without deficiencies. (Notice I'm picking my words very carefully here.) In other words, if you spread her credits out over 5 years and they only count 4, she could end up shy. Not likely, but something to watch for. We basically took from their senior year and counted back 4. Requirements to enter a university without deficiency are lower than high school graduation requirements, so again it might not be an issue. It's just something to watch for.

 

A gap year might be good, or she could work at home a year while taking correspondence courses. What does SHE want to do? If all her friends are graduating in 4 years, then she'll feel pretty conspicuous when she doesn't. I don't see how you can hide something like that.

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I concur with OhElizabeth as regards not planning on a five year high school experience. I would suggest that you keep excellent records so that if this year does indeed count as her 9th grade year, you have the records to support that. I suspect that this a decision you and she can make together in a year or two.

 

Regards,

Kareni

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