Jump to content

Menu

Potty training my 4th child...help


Recommended Posts

Okay, I feel really silly asking for advice on how to potty train my 4th child but my first 3 (girls) were trained in a week and with not a lot of urging on my part. It just clicked with them when I put panties on them. They did not like messing in their pretty panties.

 

With my son I am at a total loss. He isn't afraid of the potty and will tinkle when I sit him on it. If I happen to catch him before he poos he will go on the potty and be very proud of himself. But he will never, NEVER ask to go on the potty. In fact he won't even come to me and ask to be changed when he does mess his diaper. I'll ask him if he needs his diaper changed and he will say no, I'll check him and it's full. It's like he either doesn't care or can't tell.:confused:

 

I just don't know what to do. I tried just going ahead and putting underwear on him for a week. What a disaster! I ended up throwing away $20 worth of underwear (the peepee ones I would wash but the poo ones went in the trash...YUCK) I would ask him every 1\2 hour if he needed to go and every hour put him on the potty. Sometimes he would go in the potty and sometimes he would get off the potty and 5 minutes later go in his underwear.

 

I know some responses are going to be that he's just not ready yet but boy am I getting tired of wiping his big bottom. I don't mind wiping little baby bums but once they get to a certain age it isn't cute anymore. KWIM

 

Not exactly a riveting subject but would anyone care to make a suggestion?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome to parenting a boy! The average age for potty training is 3, and boys tend to train later than girls. So don't worry!

 

What finally worked for us is taking away the diapers, and taking him potty every 15 minutes for a few days. Then every 30 minutes, etc. I don't know how to do that with 5 children, but taking a week off for potty training could be worth it. It worked well for our late trainer.

 

Also, I've heard great things about the training over a weekend long camping trip method with boys. Take the family camping and let him run around naked the whole time! He will have fun peeing on trees and bushes and it will cement the whole process for him. lol Gross, maybe, but it seems to work for males.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have potty trained 4 boys (my family is kind of the opposite of yours!) and I'm afraid you've hit the nail on the head whether it's fun or not. He's not ready.

 

What I do:

 

Every few weeks (6-8 initially then about ever 4-6 after they turn 3) I try a day in underwear. If my child responds as your son is - then I know they aren't ready. One of those days, something is just *different*, they seem more aware, they seem bothered by the mess, they just seem to have turned a corner and "get" potty training. (this does not mean there are no accidents....). When *that* day happens, then we go full out underwear except pull ups if we go to the store or sunday school or whatever.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My DS was much, much harder than my DD's. It took him a LONG time also to 'get it'. Honestly i think they feel things differently to girls.

 

My suggestion is to get him out in the yard with a bare bottom and have him practice weeing on trees, flowers etc as much as possible. Once he can achieve that without much trouble time to start trying again inside.

 

Also do you have friends with toddler boys too? I only ask because hanging out with another toddler boy who is toilet training also may help him to work it out. A friend of mine came over with her DS and he trained overnight just from watching my DS pee on a few things out in the yard.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have potty trained 4 boys (my family is kind of the opposite of yours!) and I'm afraid you've hit the nail on the head whether it's fun or not. He's not ready.

 

:iagree: (except I only have 1 boy & 2 very-difficult-to-train girls)

 

With my girls, I tried to train them, and I thought they would never learn. I had resigned myself to the idea that ds may not learn until he was 10. No how, no way, was I going to try to train him before he showed lots of interest. All of a sudden, he was ready, and it was a breeze! I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor, because it was so much easier than with the girls. :grouphug: I know this is hard for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

m&m's worked here for #4. I give no guarantees this will work again. I'm still flabbergasted it worked in the first place. First, I picked up a 2L bottle of Sprite and m&m's. Filled ds with Sprite and used m&m's to teach him to use the toilet. It took 2 hours. Then I told all my children that everyone would get m&m's whenever ds used the toilet. My older children hovered over him. ;) That was it. He was even dry at night. I still can't believe how easy it was...:001_huh:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My girls were a breeze, minus my younger twin who's CP causes problems. My DS4 will poop his pants daily, multiple times a day. He will now pee in the toilet since we taught him to do so standing up. He has no interest in the other and could care less if he's messy. :confused: He wears strict training underwear or he will pee in a pull up. Still waiting for him to be considered ready... really sick of cleaning his bum.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have potty trained 4 boys (my family is kind of the opposite of yours!) and I'm afraid you've hit the nail on the head whether it's fun or not. He's not ready.

:iagree:

 

My 3rd boy (4th child) is going potty during the day. (He'll be 3 next month, btw). With the first 3 kids I tried and tried and worked and worked to potty train them. With this guy I was determined to just "let it happen." We didn't even start asking him to potty until he was taking his own diaper off after messing in it. THEN we started using the training undies.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, the peeing outside is not an option. As much as I would love for him to pee on my cranky neighbor's bushes we just don't have the privacy for that.

 

I never even thought about bribing him with candy. I don't normally like to use bribing as a ploy but I am near desperate here. I know I should be patient but ... oh, I don't have an excuse other than I'm just tired of wiping poo off that boy.

 

I think I'll bribe him. Everytime he goes on the potty he will get a tootsie roll and I will get a big bowl of icecream. Hee Hee:D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, I feel really silly asking for advice on how to potty train my 4th child but my first 3 (girls) were trained in a week and with not a lot of urging on my part. It just clicked with them when I put panties on them. They did not like messing in their pretty panties.

 

With my son I am at a total loss. He isn't afraid of the potty and will tinkle when I sit him on it. If I happen to catch him before he poos he will go on the potty and be very proud of himself. But he will never, NEVER ask to go on the potty. In fact he won't even come to me and ask to be changed when he does mess his diaper. I'll ask him if he needs his diaper changed and he will say no, I'll check him and it's full. It's like he either doesn't care or can't tell.:confused:

 

I just don't know what to do. I tried just going ahead and putting underwear on him for a week. What a disaster! I ended up throwing away $20 worth of underwear (the peepee ones I would wash but the poo ones went in the trash...YUCK) I would ask him every 1\2 hour if he needed to go and every hour put him on the potty. Sometimes he would go in the potty and sometimes he would get off the potty and 5 minutes later go in his underwear.

 

I know some responses are going to be that he's just not ready yet but boy am I getting tired of wiping his big bottom. I don't mind wiping little baby bums but once they get to a certain age it isn't cute anymore. KWIM

 

Not exactly a riveting subject but would anyone care to make a suggestion?

 

You just described my 3 yr old DS! He's almost 3 and a half. We've been doing the potty training thing since last spring sometime. Although he's made great improvements, he has yet to tell me that he needs to go potty. For several weeks this summer, he had a potty watch. (It cost $10 from a Learning Express store. Unfortunately, it broke when we tried to change the battery for the first time.) I could set the potty watch to go off every 30 min, 60 min or 90 min and it would play a little song. He was pretty excited about that and would go every time it played a song.

 

Now...months later... he can stay dry most days ( I guess his bladder is bigger). He can even stay dry during a 3 hour nap. However, I still have to tell him to go. The poop part has been very difficult. It used to always result in a screaming fit every time we asked him to go. However, he really took to the Flip Flap Body Book's description of "emptying his food tube". So every evening before bed we tell him to do just that. Sometimes we have to sit and read to him (a little bargaining goes on: you put something in the potty and i'll turn the page!).

 

I don't know if any of the above will help or not, but I just wanted to encourage you to stick it out. He will eventually be potty trained! I think the key to your child and mine is to find what motivates them. Maybe it will be M&M's...maybe a weekly slushie (from Sonic) if he doesn't poop in his diaper...maybe stickers....maybe filling up a sticker chart and then going out for ice cream....I don't know....just hang in there!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Then I told all my children that everyone would get m&m's whenever ds used the toilet. My older children hovered over him. ;) That was it. He was even dry at night. I still can't believe how easy it was...:001_huh:

 

:smilielol5: I love it! Enlist the whole gang! I'm going to remember this one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My oldest just wanted to be like his father. Standing up and sinking cheerios was the ticket. He was also very motivated by collecting stickers (various fire engines, airplanes, and farm machinery) on a piece of construction paper taped to the bathroom wall.

 

Dd trained herself. One day, a few months before she turned 2, she took off the diaper and announced that she was going to use the potty from then on. And she did. (I was amazed. I didn't know kids could just *do* that.)

 

Youngest ds is a whole different ball of wax. He was difficult. He *could* use the potty, but he just didn't always want to stop playing or whatever to go and do it. He'd lie through his teeth if I asked if he was wet/poopy. Eventually he decided it was easier to run to the potty than to sit there with a parent and get cleaned up afterwards. He also *really* likes Star Wars underwear. Ha!

 

I'm pretty sure that all three of my kids were dry through the night by 18 months. Other than leaving the kiddie potty in the bathroom for them to sit on when *we* were in the bathroom, we didn't even try to begin toilet training until they were waking up dry in the mornings.

 

Find his currency. (Hey -- *I* like the candy/ice cream idea too!)

:D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He isn't ready.

 

Interestingly enough, I think this idea is very specific to American culture. Dh grew up in Russia where children (boys AND girls) were trained by 1 year old. Very few exceptions. I guess it was *very* important due to lack of convenient diapers (everything was cloth and it wasn't the modern type), long cold winters/lots of clothing to change, and cultural expectations. If it can be that "easy" to train boys in Russia, why can't it be that easy here? (I know it's not easy... perhaps "common" or "typical" are better words?)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Interestingly enough, I think this idea is very specific to American culture. Dh grew up in Russia where children (boys AND girls) were trained by 1 year old. Very few exceptions. I guess it was *very* important due to lack of convenient diapers (everything was cloth and it wasn't the modern type), long cold winters/lots of clothing to change, and cultural expectations. If it can be that "easy" to train boys in Russia, why can't it be that easy here? (I know it's not easy... perhaps "common" or "typical" are better words?)

 

 

That sounds more like Elimination Communication which is different than potty training a toddler. EC is really more a matter of the mom being aware of baby's body signals and acting accordingly, not that an infant can urinate and defecate on command.

 

I'm not saying that there is anything WRONG with it (we tried it with DS for a short time after he was born), it is just a different animal altogether than potty training.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

With a little guy who is also 3yrs old who also just is NOT potty training, I'm so glad to read this. My older guys were about 2 1/2 to 3, so the resistance our youngest is having is bugging me. He has NO interest. This is the first time I've used the "wait until they are ready" method and, let me tell you, so far their idea of "ready" is not the same as mine.

 

I'm just glad I'm not alone. I'm more than a bit embarrassed to be changing a 3, almost 3 1/2, year old.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My son was 6 weeks from his 4th birthday when he finally got out of diapers. Up until that point, he just didn't seem to care or notice if he needed a change. He wasn't interested in the potty or any of the bribes I offered (candy, stickers, etc) and any attempts to get him to sit on the toilet regularly were met with tantrums. I gave up and figured he wouldn't be going to kindergarten in diapers.

 

As he got closer to 4, I started noticing that he would leave the room and then come back and asked to be changed. I watched him for a while and, yep, he'd leave to do his business then come back and ask for a clean diaper. I figured he was ready, so I took away the diapers and put him in underwear. The first two days, he didn't even try to make it for pee. He always made it for number 2, so I was happy about that. My husband suggested that since we knew he was ready and that he knew how to take off his clothes, we should let him change his underwear when he wet them. Two days later, he was using the toilet and hasn't looked back.

 

Our first daughter was difficult to train, too, and was 3.5 when she was finally out of diapers. We got lucky with our second daughter - she trained herself at 28 months.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Interestingly enough, I think this idea is very specific to American culture. Dh grew up in Russia where children (boys AND girls) were trained by 1 year old. Very few exceptions. I guess it was *very* important due to lack of convenient diapers (everything was cloth and it wasn't the modern type), long cold winters/lots of clothing to change, and cultural expectations. If it can be that "easy" to train boys in Russia, why can't it be that easy here? (I know it's not easy... perhaps "common" or "typical" are better words?)

 

I don't get it either. My mom had all three of her children trained before age 2 and says that was the norm in her circle of friends at that time. All four of mine were too and I didn't find it difficult. I am not criticizing. I'm just sort of wondering, what's it all about? And why let it drag on? Even my DS was completely trained including at night by age 22 months. I do think expectations have something to do with it. I expected it to happen. I let them know that it was expected that they would use the toilet from now on. In a loving way, but also with authority. You know, like I wasn't asking them to do me a favor or anything. I told them that now you are old enough to go in the potty. You are not a baby anymore. You are a big boy and big boys go in the potty. It took about 2 weeks. That's it. My DS only had 1 accident in his pants - ever.

 

I also babysat for a three year old. He was not potty trained. I told the lady I would not change a diaper on a three year old kid and if she wanted me to take the job, she was to bring no diapers and have him in underpants. It took me 1 week. She was stunned. She's like, "How did you do it?" Ah....I told him he was not allowed to go in his big boy underpants. He had to use the toilet from now on like everyone else. He understood me. He had maybe 4 accidents and that was it. So...as for me...I just would not be changing diapers on a three year old. I believe they understand and have the ability. (baring any developmental delays of course) But....to each his own. Really, no offense. This is just what I think. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Every kid is different. My dd was 3 and very difficult to potty train, my ds1 was a week before his 4th birthday, and my youngest was 2.75. The first boy was very stubborn. He knew what he needed to do by about 3.5, but he was not going to go on the potty and nothing (even bribery) was going to make him. Finally I had to push him and focus ALL OF MY TIME on taking him to the bathroom and sitting with him until he went. It was a very long couple of weeks, but he was fully trained and I only had one in diapers yay. The interesting thing about my boys is that both of them were fully trained from they day they started to go on the potty, no nighttime pullups like we had for my dd.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My girls were a breeze, minus my younger twin who's CP causes problems. My DS4 will poop his pants daily, multiple times a day. He will now pee in the toilet since we taught him to do so standing up. He has no interest in the other and could care less if he's messy. :confused: He wears strict training underwear or he will pee in a pull up. Still waiting for him to be considered ready... really sick of cleaning his bum.

 

 

Are you ready for tough love? If he messes in his pants, he has to change them. He must remove his underpants and dump the mess in the toilet. You help him clean himself. Then stand him at the sink with a small bar of soap saved for just this purpose. (You could also set a basin of warm water on the floor.) He must scrub his underwear clean. I did not have to resort to this with my son, but my cousin says it was the only thing that worked with her daughter.

 

My older son trained at a little over three. Pull-ups did not work. Once we put him in underwear, he urine trained over a weekend. The first day, he did not make it to the potty once. He would pee then cry because he did not like the urine running down his leg. I changed him and cleaned the puddles off of the floor. The second day he started asking to use the potty. Poop took longer. He would cry and ask for a diaper when he needed to go. After several days of being told no more diapers, he would hide to make a bowel movement. I asked his doctor what to do, Dr. said to just put him on the potty and make him sit there until he goes. To a toddler peeing and pooping are two different processes. It took about a week of sitting him on the potty (and reading to him while he was sitting) for him to reliably use the potty.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't get it either. My mom had all three of her children trained before age 2 and says that was the norm in her circle of friends at that time. All four of mine were too and I didn't find it difficult. I am not criticizing. I'm just sort of wondering, what's it all about? And why let it drag on? Even my DS was completely trained including at night by age 22 months. I do think expectations have something to do with it. I expected it to happen. I let them know that it was expected that they would use the toilet from now on. In a loving way, but also with authority. You know, like I wasn't asking them to do me a favor or anything. I told them that now you are old enough to go in the potty. You are not a baby anymore. You are a big boy and big boys go in the potty. It took about 2 weeks. That's it. My DS only had 1 accident in his pants - ever.

 

I also babysat for a three year old. He was not potty trained. I told the lady I would not change a diaper on a three year old kid and if she wanted me to take the job, she was to bring no diapers and have him in underpants. It took me 1 week. She was stunned. She's like, "How did you do it?" Ah....I told him he was not allowed to go in his big boy underpants. He had to use the toilet from now on like everyone else. He understood me. He had maybe 4 accidents and that was it. So...as for me...I just would not be changing diapers on a three year old. I believe they understand and have the ability. (baring any developmental delays of course) But....to each his own. Really, no offense. This is just what I think. :)

I definitely think it's possible to train most kids before age two...but there really are some kids that just. don't. care. My grandmother had one of them. I had one. For me though, the main reason that I don't potty train early is because I think having a potty-trained child who is not yet capable of doing everything themselves is far harder than having a child in diapers. A very young child who is potty-trained needs to go to the bathroom often...this means more trips to the bathroom in stores, when out of the house, etc. It means taking the child to the bathroom to make sure they are wiped properly, their hands are washed properly, etc. Most two and three-year olds are not yet capable of washing hands or cleaning their bodies properly by themselves. For me, that's a lot more work than changing a diaper. And I had lots of practice doing that when nannying and babysitting...I'm definitely not doing it with my own kids!

 

Kids who are relatively compliant potty train relatively easily if they are ready. Non-compliant kids...kids for whom no punishment and no reward works...are hard to train. Very hard. Because really...they don't care. They don't care if you expect them to have clean pants, they don't care if they get a treat. They don't care if they get in trouble. These children don't train until they want to...my first was like that. I spent a year trying to force him to use the bathroom...even my in-laws and nana...whom no one contradicts, couldn't get him to use the bathroom. He didn't until he wanted to. Period. Now, I know that many of you probably think, "I could have made him use the bathroom" and before I had this child...I would have thought that too.

 

My second (26 months) could probably train pretty now, although it would definitely take some work...he's not yet aware of when he's going. But for me...so not worth it. Right now I have the ability to take him anywhere any time without worrying about wiping, finding a bathroom, etc. (not that I let him sit in dirty diapers or anything, but I can at least wait until we get to that side of the store rather than take a running leap across Target with a kid who can't wait). Once he's trained, life becomes way more difficult for a year or two. I hated that stage once my son was trained...and this time I'm just waiting...waiting until he's at the point where he's asking to be potty-trained. Not going through the drama again.

Edited by chaik76
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I waited to toilet train my children when they showed readiness. Both kids were toilet trained in a matter of days, and that includes staying clean and dry all night.

 

My friends who wanted their kids toilet trained by some arbitrary age or date worked at it for years before their kids were clean and dry through the night. Frankly, I do believe toilet training under pressure does lead to lifelong dismay over bodily functions.

 

Readiness is key, whether we like it or not. That being said:

 

When it seems that your son is waking up clean and dry most mornings, begin waking him up about 15 minutes early and taking him directly to the potty. Reward these successes.

 

Send him to the bathroom with his father as often as possible. Let him watch Dad, and encourage the two guys to talk things through. Some father son teams enjoy peeing at targets. This is between the two guys. What goes in the bathroom stays in the bathroom!

 

Get underoos with his favorite cartoon hero on them. Ask him very nicely not to pee and poop on "Captain Amazing", or whoever!

 

Keep his potty in his playroom, or whichever room he happens to be hanging out in. Let him help transfer his "successes" to the real toilet and wipe out the portable potty pot. Emphasize that the "big potty" is the ultimate destination for human waste.

 

Try to disguise your distress over fecal matter and become matter of fact about it. Don't discard the poopy pants any more. Have your son help scrape the poop into the toilet and flush it. Put the poopy pants in the laundry and bleach the disaster out of them. Then show him that "Captain Amazing" or whoever simply isn't the same after he's been pooped on and washed clean.

 

Good luck with this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

PS- When the kids were toilet training we put their plastic potty in the back of the van as a matter of routine. We were living in Okinawa, and taking a tot to a public squatty potty could be really stressful. We used that plastic potty for road trips and long excursions quite a bit. It took the drama out of public restrooms. It wasn't until both kids were over the age of 6 that I stopped asking as we went in the door of a store: "Anybody gotta go?"

 

I'd rather get through the store's public restroom on my schedule than Mother Nature's. (She can be quite the mischief maker!)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I sorta feel that toileting, sleep, and food are issues that are out of my control. Every. single. time. the child is going to win. (Doesn't mean things like bedtime is out of my control; only that only they can make themselves actually *sleep.*) I can offer incentives, but I can't force it.

 

My first was easy to potty train. I put her in underwear and in a few days, that was it.

 

My younger daughter was 3.5. She just kept saying, "No. I won't do it." She didn't care if she was wet or poopy. Tried m&m's. She said, "Mommy, I like m&ms a LOT, but not enough to use the potty."

 

After that, I said, "Okay." Dropped it. Sent her to preschool, and around 3.5 finally said, "You don't have to use the potty but there are no more pullups." Eventually that worked.

 

I'd say he's just not ready..... You can put him in charge of dealing with the consequences, but if he isn't ready or interested, I think you may be out of luck. :grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I never even thought about bribing him with candy. I don't normally like to use bribing as a ploy but I am near desperate here. I know I should be patient but ... oh, I don't have an excuse other than I'm just tired of wiping poo off that boy.

 

I think I'll bribe him. Everytime he goes on the potty he will get a tootsie roll and I will get a big bowl of icecream. Hee Hee:D

 

 

Candy worked with my 3yo. She got M&Ms. Not handfuls, just one for each thing she did by herself. One for peeing in the potty, two for pooping.

 

Eventually, when that was established, I stopped rewarding those actions, and started rewarding others: One M&M for wiping herself. One for pulling her own pants up. One for remembering to flush. One for washing/drying her hands by herself. One for remembering to turn out the light. Eventually, she forgot the M&Ms, though she did request some when she cleaned her own backside the other day. I've been doing it all year because her arm wasn't long enough to reach. She's 4 now, and she can reach! :o) Happy day!

 

BTW, I never use candy or any other bribe method for anything else, but it worked great for this child for this particular skill.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wish I had some useful advice for you but I've been struggling with my 4th as well and she's a girl. We use the let them run naked approach. This kid has used the potty to perfection since FEBRUARY, when we are at home but if you put her in underwear she will use it like a diaper. She will not tell she has to go, and won't go when asked. After peeing and pooping in the potty for 4 months, she decided she didn't like to poop in the potty anymore and now simply holds it until she gets a diaper/underwear. She will hold it for days. I wish I could stay home for weeks on end but that's not really possible, but within 30 minutes of getting a diaper, she is pooping. I've decided it's all about control. And she's in control and she knows it. So I'm just stuck waiting to she grows up a little. Patience it will come (at least that's what I keep telling myself)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...