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I am not Christian, although DH is. DS and I are Jewish. DS's very best friends for several years now are wonderful boys in a very conservative Christian home. Their mom is a very good friend to me. My DS is 13, his friends are 13 and 11.

 

I am wondering if this behavior of the dad is typical and expected for conservative Christians, or is sort of weird. I am certainly not looking to offend, if this is usual behavior, that is fine. I just want to know.

 

If the dad is around, he always hovers near the boys, clearly listening and keeping an eye on them. We had a Halloween party, which the boys came to, along with their dad. At one point, all the boys at the party (eight boys, all the same ages) were sitting in our backyard gazebo, talking and eating candy. The gazebo is brightly lit, right in our yard, and completely in front of the windows, so there is nothing they could do in there we wouldn't see from the house. All the other adults (and the dad knows them all) were in the house, talking and having fun. The dad went out and sat in the gazebo with the boys, and stayed in there for more than an hour. It was clear to me that he was monitoring their talk, which DS described later as just jokes and chatting about games and music.

 

It is totally typical of this dad to do this. He is always hovering and listening to the boys when they are together. He will wander away from adults to watch his sons. The mom isn't like this.

 

My DS has also told me that when he spends the night at their house, the dad sleeps in the front room with the three boys.

 

It has never really bothered me that much, but suddenly today I started to wonder if this is just expected behavior, or if this dad is odd, or if there is some assumption that our family/friends are "immoral" or otherwise not okay to leave his boys with. Now I'm feeling annoyed about it, like this dad thinks my family is going to contaminate his boys if they get to sit and talk to my son without his presence.

 

So, what say you? Is this odd, or is it just a typical practice of a Christian family? If it's to be expected, then I'm okay with it. If it's odd, then I guess I have to figure out how to talk to the mom about it.

Michelle T

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We're moderately conservative Christians (I think :confused:)...it sounds odd to me. My dh wouldn't behave that way, anyway, and my Dad didn't, either. Sometimes he'd hang around and chat with my friends & me when I was growing up, but not to make sure we were staying moral or anything like that...I think he was just trying to stay connected & also get to know my friends a bit. We definitely had lots of time to ourselves, too. :)

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I didn't think it was odd until I got to the sleep over part. I am one of those parents who would rather keep an eye on my kids (so they don't do anything stupid) rather than hang with the adults most of the time (but I'm also uncomfortable in a group of people, and hanging near my kids gives me a "purpose" ;)).

 

The sleep over part - that's wierd.

 

I really don't think his behavior has anything to do with his faith, though.

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I would LOVE for dh to be that involved in supervising, Christian or not. That's why it's called supervising. Too many parents think that just being "nearby" is good enough. Unless he is interfering with their normal activities, it seems great to me. They will have tons of time after they are adults to have non-dad time. His job is to get them to adulthood.

 

I remember my teen years, and what other teens SAID and PLANNED. A good, viable adult presence would have curbed a LOT of that.

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I don't think it is odd. However, I would rather that all the dads joined him and the boys. They can chat and tell jokes together.:001_smile: Have you ever listened to men talk? When we were moving, I went and bought pizza for the guys loading the truck. I was the only woman. They sat and debated the merits of DC comics over another one and the various powers of the super heroes and their story lines.

 

The thing is, I do like to know what my girls and boy are talking about with their friends. Conversations can become inappropriate or hateful easily. Stupid ideas can be hatched and then planned.

 

Just a few thoughts off the top of my head.

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...or if there is some assumption that our family/friends are "immoral" or otherwise not okay to leave his boys with. Now I'm feeling annoyed about it, like this dad thinks my family is going to contaminate his boys if they get to sit and talk to my son without his presence.

 

 

to address this part: there is simply no way to determine whether another family is *safe* -- even at younger teen ages there have been horrific things happen where "nobody saw it coming."

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I don't find this odd or unusual at all. I think it is important and a good thing to know what is being said, movies being watched, and topics between the boys are known by the father in order to see exactly what their hearts are being exposed to. My husband would do it. And probably has and I've just not noticed. Our boys are rarely with other boys except at scouts. I can see NOT hanging out the entire time with the boys but stepping in every once in a while just "to check" is a good thing. I'm not quite so sure about sharing the sleep over with the boys though but maybe he just really wants to make sure things are on the up and up. We don't do sleep overs so I don't know how my hubby would handle that but I'm almost 100% positive he wouldn't share the same sleeping quarters.

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IMy DS has also told me that when he spends the night at their house, the dad sleeps in the front room with the three boys.

 

Michelle T

 

 

One question, do they have girls?

 

My girlfriend sleeps on her couch whenever her kids have a sleep over. She wants to know if movement between floors is occurring. KWIM?

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I would LOVE for dh to be that involved in supervising, Christian or not. That's why it's called supervising. Too many parents think that just being "nearby" is good enough. Unless he is interfering with their normal activities, it seems great to me. They will have tons of time after they are adults to have non-dad time. His job is to get them to adulthood.

 

I remember my teen years, and what other teens SAID and PLANNED. A good, viable adult presence would have curbed a LOT of that.

 

I don't think it is odd. However, I would rather that all the dads joined him and the boys. They can chat and tell jokes together.:001_smile: Have you ever listened to men talk? When we were moving, I went and bought pizza for the guys loading the truck. I was the only woman. They sat and debated the merits of DC comics over another one and the various powers of the super heroes and their story lines.

 

The thing is, I do like to know what my girls and boy are talking about with their friends. Conversations can become inappropriate or hateful easily. Stupid ideas can be hatched and then planned.

 

Just a few thoughts off the top of my head.

:iagree:I don't sleep in the same room, but when we have sleepovers, the children sleep in the common room that is attached to my bedroom. This way, I can hear everything and everyone is in a public place. I also require all doors opened so I have the opportunity to listen in and participate at all times. Sometimes, I hover, not always. Supervision is important enough. My husband will sometimes do the same, particularly now that the boys are getting older and would rather have Dad hangin' around than ole girly me (who they still say is a cool mom :001_wub:)

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I don't think it's an issue of his faith, but I do see it as an issue of trust. Unless something has happened to warrant the dad feeling like he needs to keep an eye on things, I think his behavior is a bit, maybe not odd, but unnecessary. I tend to get together with people that I have a certain level of trust with already, so I wouldn't feel it's necessary to monitor the kids' conversations that way. Again, only if there had been a problem brought to my or my dh's attention. (I'm not saying that's the case here.)

 

As far as sleeping in the living room WITH them, no thanks. I wouldn't like that, and I would want to know why. Whether in the living room or some other room of the house, my dh would not sleep in the room with my son when he had a friend over. There would have to be a very specific reason for something like that.

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I don't think it's an issue of his faith, but I do see it as an issue of trust. Unless something has happened to warrant the dad feeling like he needs to keep an eye on things, ......Again, only if there had been a problem brought to my or my dh's attention. (I'm not saying that's the case here.)

 

...and then there's preventing the whole "problem" to begin with. ;)

 

The trust works two ways: the kids need to trust that their parents have the kids' best interests and overall safety in mind. If you haven't communicated that to your kids, then there's certainly a deeper issue. Kids that have problems with adults around open themselves to trust problems.

 

As far as sleeping in the living room WITH them, no thanks. I wouldn't like that, and I would want to know why. Whether in the living room or some other room of the house, my dh would not sleep in the room with my son when he had a friend over. There would have to be a very specific reason for something like that.

why?

statistics.

the issues that crop up during sleepovers w/ "friends" are insane.

Prevention is key.

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I would LOVE for dh to be that involved in supervising, Christian or not. That's why it's called supervising. Too many parents think that just being "nearby" is good enough. Unless he is interfering with their normal activities, it seems great to me. They will have tons of time after they are adults to have non-dad time. His job is to get them to adulthood.

 

I remember my teen years, and what other teens SAID and PLANNED. A good, viable adult presence would have curbed a LOT of that.

 

I agree. It sounds normal to me considering they are conservative christians. With parents who feel they need to supervise closely, I don't think it would matter who the children were around. My husband keeps a close eye on our children even if they are with other "like minded" friends.

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My hubby would probably be a bit like this. He is a school teacher and always in "supervising children' mode. LOL.

 

We don't do sleep overs though so I don't know if an adult sleeping in the same room with the kids is normal or not. We avoid that situation altogether.

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I don't think it has anything to do with being Christian, either cultural or evangelical, just as it has nothing to do with being Jewish. He's keeping tabs on his kids, like a Dad should. There's nothing like having a parent within earshot to keep their "talk" from devolving into, well something less than exemplary.

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I don't think it is a Christian thing either, but rather something that this dad feels is important for his boys.

 

If my parents had kept an eye on me like that I could have avoided ALOT of heart ache and mischief as a kid. We snuck out of the house because we knew no one would find out, we discussed very inappropriate things, and thus began the drift away from my parents way of thinking for the remainder of my teen years.

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I'll be the dissenting voice...... I find that amount of hovering both odd and developmentally inappropriate for the ages of children and in supervised settings.

 

why?

 

I'm not seeing how it is "developmentally inappropriate" for a parent to actually know what their 13yo and 11yo kids are saying or doing......

 

"supervised" being the subjective key word here......

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why?

 

I'm not seeing how it is "developmentally inappropriate" for a parent to actually know what their 13yo and 11yo kids are saying or doing......

 

"supervised" being the subjective key word here......

 

Sweetie, I am not going to have a peek style discussion over this. :001_smile:

 

I find the behavior too much and over the top for a supervised, around adults family event. If the kids were younger, I understand. If parents were to wander over, "check in" and chat a bit, fine.

 

But the hanging with, around and over tweens and teens in the settings described is not a match for my perspective on what's appropriate for their ages.

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I am not Christian, although DH is. DS and I are Jewish. DS's very best friends for several years now are wonderful boys in a very conservative Christian home. Their mom is a very good friend to me. My DS is 13, his friends are 13 and 11.

 

I am wondering if this behavior of the dad is typical and expected for conservative Christians, or is sort of weird. I am certainly not looking to offend, if this is usual behavior, that is fine. I just want to know.

 

If the dad is around, he always hovers near the boys, clearly listening and keeping an eye on them. We had a Halloween party, which the boys came to, along with their dad. At one point, all the boys at the party (eight boys, all the same ages) were sitting in our backyard gazebo, talking and eating candy. The gazebo is brightly lit, right in our yard, and completely in front of the windows, so there is nothing they could do in there we wouldn't see from the house. All the other adults (and the dad knows them all) were in the house, talking and having fun. The dad went out and sat in the gazebo with the boys, and stayed in there for more than an hour. It was clear to me that he was monitoring their talk, which DS described later as just jokes and chatting about games and music.

 

It is totally typical of this dad to do this. He is always hovering and listening to the boys when they are together. He will wander away from adults to watch his sons. The mom isn't like this.

 

My DS has also told me that when he spends the night at their house, the dad sleeps in the front room with the three boys.

 

It has never really bothered me that much, but suddenly today I started to wonder if this is just expected behavior, or if this dad is odd, or if there is some assumption that our family/friends are "immoral" or otherwise not okay to leave his boys with. Now I'm feeling annoyed about it, like this dad thinks my family is going to contaminate his boys if they get to sit and talk to my son without his presence.

 

So, what say you? Is this odd, or is it just a typical practice of a Christian family? If it's to be expected, then I'm okay with it. If it's odd, then I guess I have to figure out how to talk to the mom about it.

Michelle T

 

My two cents would be that it sounds like with this family this behavior is "to be expected". The exact reason for this is not all that important. It could be a product of their religious beliefs, but it could just as reasonably be a reaction to frightening incidents that have happened to people they know, a firm determination to be more involved parents than their parents were for them, an awareness of specific but private concerns they have about their son's behavior or social development, a concern about the sort of influence another child in the group might be, or some other unknown factor. For whatever reason, they have made the decision that this is the style and level of parenting they feel is appropriate for their child, and I think they have the right and responsibility to make that decision, whether you or I would agree with them or not. As long as they are not being abusive or neglectful it's probably not appropriate to say much about it, just accept that this is how they do things, so it's "to be expected" in their case whether the reasons are religious or not. If they're basically good, responsible people you can probably trust that their reasons are good ones, whatever they are, whether you know the reasons or not. If you have a good, close friend relationship with the mom you may be able to ask her why the dad does that, just for the sake of information, but a lot of people would feel that it's kind of intrusive for their friends to tell them how they should or should not parent their kids.

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I am not Christian, although DH is. DS and I are Jewish. DS's very best friends for several years now are wonderful boys in a very conservative Christian home. Their mom is a very good friend to me. My DS is 13, his friends are 13 and 11.

 

I am wondering if this behavior of the dad is typical and expected for conservative Christians, or is sort of weird. I am certainly not looking to offend, if this is usual behavior, that is fine. I just want to know.

 

If the dad is around, he always hovers near the boys, clearly listening and keeping an eye on them. We had a Halloween party, which the boys came to, along with their dad. At one point, all the boys at the party (eight boys, all the same ages) were sitting in our backyard gazebo, talking and eating candy. The gazebo is brightly lit, right in our yard, and completely in front of the windows, so there is nothing they could do in there we wouldn't see from the house. All the other adults (and the dad knows them all) were in the house, talking and having fun. The dad went out and sat in the gazebo with the boys, and stayed in there for more than an hour. It was clear to me that he was monitoring their talk, which DS described later as just jokes and chatting about games and music.

 

It is totally typical of this dad to do this. He is always hovering and listening to the boys when they are together. He will wander away from adults to watch his sons. The mom isn't like this.

 

My DS has also told me that when he spends the night at their house, the dad sleeps in the front room with the three boys.

 

It has never really bothered me that much, but suddenly today I started to wonder if this is just expected behavior, or if this dad is odd, or if there is some assumption that our family/friends are "immoral" or otherwise not okay to leave his boys with. Now I'm feeling annoyed about it, like this dad thinks my family is going to contaminate his boys if they get to sit and talk to my son without his presence.

 

So, what say you? Is this odd, or is it just a typical practice of a Christian family? If it's to be expected, then I'm okay with it. If it's odd, then I guess I have to figure out how to talk to the mom about it.

Michelle T

 

 

Michelle, This sounds a bit unusual to the norm maybe in society. However, he seems like he is a conscientious Dad. Behavior is one thing around family members and may be exaggerated around friends. Could it be he knows this from past experience with his son/s? Or, doe his son have a special needs issue that he does not want to draw attention to in front of his son's friends, but it still needs monitoring.

 

On the other hand, he could be incredibly immature, having marital problems, other problems etc.

 

The fact that this is typical behavior makes me think his actions are related to the former characteristics stated above.

 

Perhaps he has the opinion that it's better to be safe than sorry.

 

This isn't a typical Christian family or biblical issue necessarily.

 

HTH!

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I'll be the dissenting voice. I don't think it has anything to do with conservative Christianism, but I find that amount of hovering both odd and developmentally inappropriate for the ages of children and in supervised settings.

 

:iagree:

 

At those ages, I think the hovering is very odd. I guess I'm not sure what the dad thought was going to happen with the adults indoors and the kids outdoors. I can see checking on them every now and then, but what he did seems over the top. I think 12 yr olds to teenagers deserve a little bit of independence (and that is a little independence, imo). Or it could be he just wants to be "buddies" with all of the kids, which is also inappropriate imo.

 

And the sleep-over thing would totally creep me out.

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I find it a little over the top. It's one thing if all the dads are out there. It would be more appropriate to occasionally drift over to the boys, which does let the boys know an adult could appear at any time. I find the sleep over thing odd, and it would make me uncomfortable to think he trusted my child so little that it isn't sufficient to have the bedroom door open so he can hear.

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It does seem excessive to me that the Dad is sleeping in the same room with all of the kids when there is a sleepover. But as to the reason why you are really just left with guessing unless he comes out and tells you why he is doing that. I can understand it - to a point with younger children - but 13 years old seems on the old side for the Dad to sleep in the same room. Maybe there has been some kind of issues with his childrens behavior recently and as a consequence they are being very closely monitored.

 

If you can bring it up in a very casual, friendly manner, perhaps you could ask the Mom about the Dad sleeping in the same room as the kids. Maybe you could say something like you've noticed the Dad closely supervises the children and you had never thought of sleeping in the same room as the kids for sleepovers. Get her to talk about it a little and see what she says. It is unusual.

 

I think usually children are left with too little supervision. But too much hovering would make me wonder what the parent was thinking too.

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I find it a little over the top. It's one thing if all the dads are out there. It would be more appropriate to occasionally drift over to the boys, which does let the boys know an adult could appear at any time. I find the sleep over thing odd, and it would make me uncomfortable to think he trusted my child so little that it isn't sufficient to have the bedroom door open so he can hear.

I agree. Why not just check in on the kids often ?

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I agree. Why not just check in on the kids often ?

 

It seems to be his way of parenting. It is of course the OP choice as to whether to continue to let her kids spend the night or be in his presence.

 

It is typical of the people I know to have all ages mix together and hang out together. It is not typical for the age groups to separate and just hang out with each other. It is always a mix of adults, kids, male and female. That is one of the reasons I like homeschoolers, their kids can converse with all age groups and are comfortable with adults not just their peer group.

 

As for the sleepovers, we don't do sleepovers at all. Never have. Made an exception one time for a small period of time with who we thought were like minded people. Regretting it still!

But as long as nothing has been said that makes the OP's son uncomfortable, then he should expect that Dad to continue and I believe it would strike me as rude for someone to tell me my Dh shouldn't sleep in the same room as the kids. He is doing what he feels is right in his own home. If you know that in advance because of the past sleepovers and you don't like it, then it may be best to keep your child home.

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I find the behavior too much and over the top for a supervised, around adults family event. If the kids were younger, I understand. If parents were to wander over, "check in" and chat a bit, fine.

 

But the hanging with, around and over tweens and teens in the settings described is not a match for my perspective on what's appropriate for their ages.

 

I agree withYou

 

Bill

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Sweetie, I am not going to have a peek style discussion over this. :001_smile:

 

Ok. I love Joanne. I love Peek. I love parents who are present with their children. I love parents who give thier kids space.

 

But this is BY FAR the BEST quote of anything I've read today....a peek style discussion......

 

 

:smilielol5:

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I find that amount of hovering both odd and developmentally inappropriate for the ages of children and in supervised settings.

 

:iagree:

 

If it were my son, I would be very uncomfortable with him spending the night at that household again. I don't care what religion or lack thereof... that type of behavior would make me very very nervous.

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:iagree:

 

If it were my son, I would be very uncomfortable with him spending the night at that household again. I don't care what religion or lack thereof... that type of behavior would make me very very nervous.

 

I'm glad someone else said it. That made me very uncomfortable as well. It really seems like a high degree of boundary crossing. I can't imagine the husbands of my devout friends behaving in that manner.

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Agreeing that the Dad sleeping in the same room with the boys is odd, imo. But I am so against sleep overs. They give me the willies.

 

The Dad hanging out with the boys during a social event doesn't really bother me. I agree with the others though that it would be better for them all to interact (Dads & teens) together. My BIL is like this. He is always out with the boys but he'd rather be ripping apart a car, then talking with a bunch of boring "grow ups" anyway and he is in his 40's.

 

I knew one Dad who did this when several of our families got together. Our children were younger but he would hover big time (all still within line of sight). I finally told my husband that I think he just felt awkward around the adults. He was the only man there who wasn't in a professional field and I think it made it hard for him to join in the conversation.

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I would LOVE for dh to be that involved in supervising, Christian or not. That's why it's called supervising. Too many parents think that just being "nearby" is good enough. Unless he is interfering with their normal activities, it seems great to me. They will have tons of time after they are adults to have non-dad time. His job is to get them to adulthood.

 

I remember my teen years, and what other teens SAID and PLANNED. A good, viable adult presence would have curbed a LOT of that.

 

:iagree:

 

After my sons first sleep over party with a bunch of 8 and 9 year olds - I was impressed that boys NEED adult supervision from the male perspective. I assume there speech and actions will only get more questionable the older they get. Positive male role models are needed. And this was a group of boys from conservative Christian families - including the pastor's kids!!

 

As it was - my dh went to sleep - but I stayed up and supervised the boys until they were all asleep!!

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It is his parenting style and and not his religion.

 

Does this bother your DS or only you?

 

I actually think it is a good thing. It keeps the behavior acceptable and he is probably opening the doors to be someone the teens will go to to talk with since he spends so much time with them and gets involved in what they are doing.

 

If it bothers you the only thing you can really do is to eliminate your DS's contact with the boys because "hovering" by dad is going to stay.

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For those of you comfortable with the level of company and supervision given by this Dad, at what point in a mixed setting (kids and adults) do you allow the children to *be* without adults in earshot constantly?

 

And, if not at 11 and 13, when?

 

I feel stressed as a person just *reading* this thread. As a tween or teen child, I'd feel closed in on, disrespected and perhaps even creeped out by the constant (vs. intermittent) company of ONE adult in a setting where adults exist socializing.

 

And, no, I don't believe that kids being with kids always = poor choices in plans, language, interaction.

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For those of you comfortable with the level of company and supervision given by this Dad, at what point in a mixed setting (kids and adults) do you allow the children to *be* without adults in earshot constantly?

 

And, if not at 11 and 13, when?

 

I feel stressed as a person just *reading* this thread. As a tween or teen child, I'd feel closed in on, disrespected and perhaps even creeped out by the constant (vs. intermittent) company of ONE adult in a setting where adults exist socializing.

 

And, no, I don't believe that kids being with kids always = poor choices in plans, language, interaction.

 

Some of the best times of my life existed with the grown ups near by on the fringes....did we, as tweens, and then young teenagagers, sometimes cross lines? Sure. Not horrible...nothing that even makes me cringe today 30 years later. We felt loved and watched over and cared for. I never one time had a grown up sleep in the same room with me and other girls. I would think that would be a little weird....however, at the same time, I've never allowed my ds9 to go for a sleepover somewhere else...and when he has had a few at our house, I've been known to sneak around to see what is going on. So I se both sides of this...

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For those of you comfortable with the level of company and supervision given by this Dad, at what point in a mixed setting (kids and adults) do you allow the children to *be* without adults in earshot constantly?

 

And, if not at 11 and 13, when?

 

I feel stressed as a person just *reading* this thread. As a tween or teen child, I'd feel closed in on, disrespected and perhaps even creeped out by the constant (vs. intermittent) company of ONE adult in a setting where adults exist socializing.

 

And, no, I don't believe that kids being with kids always = poor choices in plans, language, interaction.

 

I don't know that there is a set age. I know 20 yr olds that I wouldn't trust with my cat. But there are some 12 yr old boys that watch my daughters on the playground or in their parents or my backyard while I do the hen party thing. And I dont' blink an eye. I think it is the maturity of the child and it is an individual decision based on each person's beliefs or standards. I tolerate it when people parent hands off and I hope they don't stress or spaz over my choice of parenting. You can raise good kids both ways. And you can get a Unabomber both ways.

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Why would you assume this was a Christian "thing?"

 

 

oh my gosh, help me not to hijack this thread!! oh please, I am not going to say it, I can control myself!:D

 

I could so go off the deep end here with so many politically incorrect comments and then there I would be.......banned~~:lol:

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It does seem odd to me. Is he watching the kids interact because he thinks something bad will happen if he doesn't? Does he not trust either his own kids or the other kids? I am cautious myself about who my kids spend time with. I wouldn't want them hanging out with anyone that I felt needed intense, constant supervision to keep things from going awry (if that's what he's doing). I don't see this as a conservative Christian thing, more of a conservative, very protective parent thing. I wouldn't allow my boys to sleep over at his house either. There's just something a tad bit creepy about him sleeping in the same room with the boys. If he's that worried, he shouldn't be having sleepovers at all.

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I actually thought the same thing. Perhaps the Dad is the one who is uncomfortable with other adults, or a group of adults and rather seeks the company of kids?

 

I don't remember if you mentioned ages. If we are talking about young children, it would seem okay. However ages 12 and up shouldn't need constant hovering IMHO.

Neither I nor dh would be sitting out there with the boys. Someone may step out to check if everything was going well and if there are problems with everyone getting along, an adult may have to intervene.

Edited by Liz CA
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It does seem odd to me. Is he watching the kids interact because he thinks something bad will happen if he doesn't? Does he not trust either his own kids or the other kids? I am cautious myself about who my kids spend time with. I wouldn't want them hanging out with anyone that I felt needed intense, constant supervision to keep things from going awry (if that's what he's doing). I don't see this as a conservative Christian thing, more of a conservative, very protective parent thing. I wouldn't allow my boys to sleep over at his house either. There's just something a tad bit creepy about him sleeping in the same room with the boys. If he's that worried, he shouldn't be having sleepovers at all.

 

I agree "......If he's that worried,he shouldn't be having sleepovers at all." If it were my son, I would feel uncomfortable about the Dad's constant hovering over the kids and him sleeping in the same room with them - unless it were a motel room because they were on a trip and there was no other room to sleep in. I don't think I would allow my child back there for another sleep over. It's just a little too odd.He should go hang out with the other adults.

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I actually thought the same thing. Perhaps the Dad is the one who is uncomfortable with other adults, or a group of adults and rather seeks the company of kids?

 

I don't remember if you mentioned ages. If we are talking about young children, it would seem okay. However ages 12 and up shouldn't need constant hovering IMHO.

Neither I nor dh would be sitting out there with the boys. Someone may step out to check if everything was going well and if there are problems with everyone getting along, an adult may have to intervene.

 

The OP said:

My DS is 13, his friends are 13 and 11
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Odd. Most Christians *I* know would not do that.

 

There is an uber conservative group of hsers who believe that the parents must protect their dc at.all.times. They never, ever allow the dc to be together without an adult (or trusted older child) present. My guess is that he is part of that.

 

But it is not the norm, by any stretch of the imagination.

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