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So yes, you can do it. But please be mentally prepared to shift gears if you need too, and educate yourself enough so that you can do that. You need to know what to do when you don't know what to do because no one else will. Really. They will love you. They will care about you. But they won't know what to do. And don't care too much. Don't invest too much in your plan. Living life well matters more than plans for living life well. Sometimes you have to let go of one of 'em. :001_smile:

 

Oh man. I don't know whether to fall on the floor laughing (it will be tinged with hysteria) or fall in the same spot sobbing (most definitely along the hysterical vein). However, I did learn in physics this week how much more force it takes to defy gravity and remove a larger mass from the floor. Besides, I would ruin a perfectly good glass of wine that way. Can. not. spare.one.drop. this week.

 

I can't really even find the words to express how I feel about this thread right now and it's time for the evening driving session. I do know that it is difficult to educate your teens really well whether they are home schooled or in public school, when you care deeply. You ladies are in my heart tonight. Janice, thank you. For those of you that had a rough week, what you do matters very much. It really does.

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Here are a few recent interesting threads, not exactly what you asked for, but interesting:

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?p=988959#poststop

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?p=777638#poststop

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=88119&highlight=differently

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=76314&highlight=differently

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?p=698057&highlight=differently&page=2

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?p=673680#poststop

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?p=222261#poststop

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=82785

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=80303

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=72106

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=79970

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=80414

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=68058

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=83725

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=76668

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=65092

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3487&highlight=high+school

 

Ok, so now that I've made us all feel like we're repeating ourselves... These are some of the threads that I've found helpful or intriguing. And I think the 8th graders thread I started and the one on homeschooling high school are in here. I've done this pretty hastily and I'll do a better search later, but I'm not sure how much I'll be around this weekend.

-Nan

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What a wonderful thread.

Something has happened to me in the last few months..I have lost my incredible enthusiasm for homeschooling. It's not that I am depressed, or even burned out. I still want to do it, too. But I am not living and breathing it any more. I dont research curriculum any more (amazing, I know).

What I have found is that it is plain hard work at this stage. My dd15 works independently...but so what. If I dont interact with her and discuss her work with her, I feel I am really letting her down. My ds13 has just started working independently...its a relief..but I can easily fall into the trap of getting busy doing other things now, instead of staying with them and interacting.

Its hard work. Its tedious. I hate marking. It takes all my self discipline to do it, then MAKE them redo bad work etc. I have many passions and interests. I have to actually remind myself now that homeschooling is my job. I have had to postpone my afternoon rest till the kids have finished work in the afternoons, so that we can keep interacting, talking, and also so that I can check they are actually doing the work. It doesnt really get easier as they get more independent, because the stakes get higher, and they still need that challenge of interactive discussion, as momof7 says. I love the discussions about philosophy and history and literature. Sometimes I love the Latin too, although my dd is ahead of me now. It just all gets terribly tedious at times, though.

 

I am SO glad we have done lots of grammar, they can spell well, they are about grade level with math, and we have read zillions of good quality books and discussed them together. I am also glad we have done Latin classes in the past, and they do a science class now- that is a huge load off me and the teacher does a great job- at the level my non-sciencey kids need. I am glad we did a lot of structured writing in the past, and narratives etc

 

As for online classes....yes, I usually give up. Dd15 did a writing class I thought was fantastic. She did the 2nd one too. Then she just begged me not to have to do any more. She wants to learn with me- or from books. She hates online classes. So much for that. She did a year of French online. Waste of time.

 

I have really struggled not knowing what direction to take with my older in particular. She is extremely artistic...and extremely social. She is also a good writer. Only this week, someone was talking to her, asking her what she is going to do, and she said, as usual, I dont know. The person then enthusiastically encouraged her to go into Journalism, because she could do her photography, her writing, and be very outgoing with it all, socially. She also has a good general knowledge because of all the history we have done. She got very inspired....and I am blowing on those sparks of enthusiasm with all my might, because now we have a PLAN. A sense of direction. Its a relief...even if she changes her mind, it's ok, it's a start.

 

ON the other hand....the kids have amazing freedoms, a great social life, wonderful opportunities. Dd15 has a part time accountancy job looking after a friend's books...and gets paid an adult wage for an adult's job. SHe now catches public transport and visits people and places. Today, Saturday, she went surfing with friends at dawn, and is now at an art workshop. Tomorrow she will go with her boyfriend to a Scouting function. Ds13 is on a farm this weekend with his best friend, seeing newborn lambs and experiencing their lifestyle, and going to a rodeo. Last week we took a holiday up to Ningaloo Reef, a 12-14 hour drive through the barren scrub and desert and amazing wildflowers, to see the incredible tropical reef, coral, whales, manta rays etc. It was awesome. We have an amazing lifestlye, the kids have it so good, largely because of homeschooling.

 

I feel its all going to work out but its not a smooth straightforward plan, thats for sure. Things change, are in a flux, all the time. I want another year with my dd15 before she goes off to TAFE(our equivalent of CC I think) so I can teach her all those things I want to teach her before she flies off. She is itching for her freedom- she wanted to go to school next year, but I am very keen to keep her home. So many books I wanted her to read that I dont know if we will realistically have time for.

 

I feel a bittersweet pang as my kids grow up. All the doubts about whether I have prepared them well enough for the world or academically come up. I feel I can see a time in the not too distant future where it will be just Dh and I going on our holidays...so we are trying to fit in some extra ones now. We want to teach our kids how to live, not just how to get a good paying job- they are motivated to make money already. But these are the years of mature discussion, and immature emotions, then logical arguments, then totally irrational outbursts. I miss being able to put my son on my knee when he cries, and hug him. That was so much easier. Now he stands aloof and gets upset and storms around and I draw him through with patience and long discussion where before a cuddle was enough.

 

Anyway, it's all worth it and I love these years. The academic side I find harder. There is a lot of joy though.

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Nan, thank you for linking all those threads. I have them all saved now, for future reading/encouragement.

 

Jenn, Peela, thank you for sharing your thoughts/stories, too. All of you. Even if any of you feels you are repeating yourselves, you actually add some freshness each time, because you have another few months/years under your belt each time.

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"remind myself that homeschooling is my job"..."amazing lifestyle"...

Peela, what a great post. Those two phrases about sum up how I feel about homeschooling, that and the closeness with my children. I'm homeschooling from necessity because of who my children are, so I've never really expected to actually like the day to day part. It has been a fantastic bonus that so much of it is actually nice and that it has worked as well as it has. You can hear that whenever you read my posts, probably. I often feel like I am trying to accomplish something entirely different from the rest of you and that's why my posts sometimes stand out. And then at other times, it seems like we are all ultimately trying to do the same thing. Lovely post, Peela. There is a great Zits that I will post when I get back tonight that describes the jobness of homeschooling GRIN.

-Nan

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ON the other hand....the kids have amazing freedoms, a great social life, wonderful opportunities. Dd15 has a part time accountancy job looking after a friend's books...and gets paid an adult wage for an adult's job. SHe now catches public transport and visits people and places. Today, Saturday, she went surfing with friends at dawn, and is now at an art workshop. Tomorrow she will go with her boyfriend to a Scouting function. Ds13 is on a farm this weekend with his best friend, seeing newborn lambs and experiencing their lifestyle, and going to a rodeo. Last week we took a holiday up to Ningaloo Reef, a 12-14 hour drive through the barren scrub and desert and amazing wildflowers, to see the incredible tropical reef, coral, whales, manta rays etc. It was awesome. We have an amazing lifestlye, the kids have it so good, largely because of homeschooling.

 

<snip>

 

I feel a bittersweet pang as my kids grow up. All the doubts about whether I have prepared them well enough for the world or academically come up. I feel I can see a time in the not too distant future where it will be just Dh and I going on our holidays...so we are trying to fit in some extra ones now. We want to teach our kids how to live, not just how to get a good paying job- they are motivated to make money already. But these are the years of mature discussion, and immature emotions, then logical arguments, then totally irrational outbursts. I miss being able to put my son on my knee when he cries, and hug him. That was so much easier. Now he stands aloof and gets upset and storms around and I draw him through with patience and long discussion where before a cuddle was enough.

 

Anyway, it's all worth it and I love these years. The academic side I find harder. There is a lot of joy though.

 

Indeed, a great post Peela! Thank you for reminding me during this challenging senior year about our core reasons for homeschooling.

 

I have always oscillated between feeling my son had to jump through assorted hoops (AP exams, SAT subject tests, etc.) or whether he should be given lots of time to pursue specific things that truly interest him (archaeology, Dystopian literature, hands on electronics work). This brings back the old discussions on breadth vs. depth--and those chats on why we as homeschoolers are asked to verify our students' work via more testing than is expected from the traditionally schooled applicant. What makes this so hard is that I want my son to pursue his passions, but I fear that colleges may not admit him if he does not jump through a sufficient number of those traditional hoops.

 

My fears create tension between my son and me. I know that. He is already on edge so he does not need a mother displaying her own nerves. What I find to be interesting with parents whose traditionally schooled children are applying to college this year is that they seem to either be in an almost hands off mode ("Mary Lou will figure it all out" or "Bob Jr. will attend State U because it is where everyone in our family goes") or they are essentially like me--researching things on the Internet to find the perfect fit for my son. Really, I don't think that my concerns and worries are unique to homeschoolers but to any concerned parent. My girlfriend in San Francisco whose daughter attends a Catholic school has been phoning regularly to compare notes. She may not have to write a counselor letter or a homeschool description, but she is as involved as I am in this process.

 

Which leads me to wonder...is part of the difficulty of these high school years experienced by all engaged parents, no matter where their children attend school? Do we (the group of engaged parents) all second guess our decisions and seek out interesting opportunities for our students to develop their passions and experience their transition into adulthood in safe and nurturing ways?

 

Jane (who is grateful for this thread as it is providing a necessary attitude adjustment)

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Loved your post, Peela. You sincerely explored both sides of this issue. Yes, it works. No, I wouldn't give up this lifestyle for anything. Yes, the opportunities are awesome. And YES, " It just all gets terribly tedious at times, though."

 

I just dropped my 12 year-old ds off at an Organ Master Class with Thomas Trotter.

http://www.concertorganists.com/site2009/artist2.aspx?id=73

He is giving a concert tomorrow at the church where the music director - herself also a master organist - has agreed to give our son lessons on the King of Instruments. She began teaching him this fall; she has never taken a student this young, but she believes that the little man might make something of it. So we began. And he is beyond psyched; no projecting on my part here - he really loves it! We could not have made this happen if we weren't homeschooling; he practices four times a week on the instrument. (At least I am getting more reading done while I sit and wait for him. ;)) And he is still aggressively studying piano and violin.

 

Yesterday afternoon I found myself in our truck driving in a circle around town to track the range of a home-made di-pole antenna with older ds. The 18+ ft wide "thing" was positioned in the backyard; we were traveling with a more mobile unit - gathering questioning looks as we drove down dead-end streets etc.. Lists, data, and graphs. How to build the perfect mousetrap. Lots of problems. He wants to go out again today even though he hasn't worked on his set-up at all. Top Gear episodes and all. :001_smile: He's probably forgotten about the whole thing and will remember next week when he's supposed to be doing something else. ;)

 

I took dd to a new pediatrician yesterday for her annual check up. We had a wonderful ride. We started listening to American Bloomsbury on CD. I really enjoyed the book itself, and I think she will connect well with these Trans. authors better if she knows a bit more of their bios and their connections; I know that I did. So we drank coffee and crunched down a bag of cinnamon pita chips while we listened and paused to chat and listened somemore - while I was driving in Jersey traffic. :001_smile: The new ped. dubbed her a "very intelligent, well-spoken young woman." I agree. :001_smile:

 

So yes, I feel like I "hear" you. It is so hard, and so tedious, and so hard. But then it is so grand too. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Well - at least not for anything that I know of. But I do wonder if there is a way to increase the density of the powerful experiences and decrease the density of the mundane-motion thing.

 

I'm not quite comfortable with our balance yet.

 

I appreciate your perspective and the perspective of others who post on these boards. If ya'll help me to keep shuffling the deck, I'm confident that eventually I will find a hand that I love.

 

Can't wait!

 

Peace,

Janice

 

Enjoy your little people

Enjoy your journey

Edited by Janice in NJ
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My fears create tension between my son and me.

 

Oh my, Jane. This. Everything that you said. And This. THIS!!!!! This is the hardest part. I hate, hate, hate myself the most because of this. It screams at me when our landscape is peppered with these spikes of tension. Disciplining young people is one thing, but self-awareness of an undulating personal fear of failing them coupled with that process is incredibly murky. Few clear lines, and tons of circular "should I or shouldn't I have _____ thoughts."

 

And I'm not one of the those downer, self-loathing kind of folks. I'm generally a cheerful, upbeat gal. But I struggle with this most of all. Fear. My fear.

 

I do know that this is going to work out.

I do know that this fear does nothing for me.

I do know that I will not fail to do ANYTHING that I should do if there were 0% fear.

I do know that I would still do everything I should.

I do know that this fear does nothing for anyone; it only bullies one along.

So I do not know why I can not calmly set it down and walk away from it forever. Keeping it is completely and totally irrational.

 

I don't need it. I don't like it. And I don't want it.

 

It doesn't make me feel special.

It doesn't make me feel "busy" or "valuable" or "needed."

It just clips wings. Constantly. Invasively. Irrationally.

 

Jane, how can you let go of something that seems to have its root in a rational thought process, but seems impervious to the results of that thought process when it calls for its death?

 

Wisdom dictates that fear must die. But it seems shielded from my resolve. Stories of success help. Stories of "how to" help. Knowledge is power and all that. But it doesn't seem to go away.

 

I am starting to wonder about this more and more. I'm wondering if it's like other addictions. Petted. Encouraged to grow from habit, maybe even ironically encouraged by loathing. And like other addictions - alcoholism for example - the only way to break free is to recognize that the drink has power over me. Even a tiny sip. It grows. It roots. It deceives. Humbling, I know. Am I really that weak? Ah, yes. Maybe, yes.

 

Maybe I have been deceived into thinking that a tiny dose of fear is healthy. After all - might be dangerous to let go of it entirely. It keeps me honest, right? Maybe not. Maybe I'm too honest not to be honest. Maybe I don't even need a sip of it now and then. Maybe it's nothing but poison to me. And maybe I'm too weak for even a sip. Cause I don't know when to stop. :001_smile:

 

Who wants to start a local chapter of fearics-anonymous?

I really think that it does nothing for us.

 

Peace, my sister!

Janice

 

Enjoy your little people

Enjoy your journey

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Which leads me to wonder...is part of the difficulty of these high school years experienced by all engaged parents, no matter where their children attend school? Do we (the group of engaged parents) all second guess our decisions and seek out interesting opportunities for our students to develop their passions and experience their transition into adulthood in safe and nurturing ways?

 

Jane (who is grateful for this thread as it is providing a necessary attitude adjustment)

 

And I'm not one of the those downer, self-loathing kind of folks. I'm generally a cheerful, upbeat gal. But I struggle with this most of all. Fear. My fear.

 

 

Jane, Janice, my apologies for snipping your posts but I felt the two pieces together get straight to the heart of the matter of educating teens and why it seems so difficult for some of us.

 

My parents sent me to the Catholic high school, the nuns guiding me along in the college application process, while I did the rest myself as I was highly motivated to get out of the house. My parents were there to pay tuition and check report cards. That was the extent of their involvement. They trusted the nuns and fortunately it worked out well.

 

There are many days where this is all I want. Oh to be able to turn over the responsibility and angst to someone else and to experience successful results. Somehow, my kids' high school missed this memo. Before yesterday was over, I would have to speak with the arrogant, chauvinistic, jack**s of a VP at our high school and then proceed to point smoking guns at my dd's Spanish 3 teacher who was messing with my dd's attempt to make up a week's worth of work missed due to H1N1.

 

Janice's day looked similar to mine in so many ways even though my teens are at ps. Some of the similarity may be due to the fact that I hs our youngest and do math with the teens at home, but I think it was the emotion behind the description that I connected to that compelled me to write my first post. Obviously, I support Jane's idea that these years are difficult if you are a fully engaged parent who actually enjoys your interaction with your teens. It doesn't matter how you do school. We love these prickly, outrageous, brilliant yet idiotic, thoughtful, selfish, eager, interesting, passionate young people. We want what's best for them even if we have no clue what that is. And yes, we are afraid. I thought that once the kids quit putting Play Dough up their noses or their fingers in the light sockets, I would be less fearful. Right. What was I thinking? There are days fear and second guessing threaten to swallow me whole and I really didn't think that was my nature.

 

It's great to encourage fellow home schoolers. It's a disservice to them and the process itself to romanticize it, especially the high school years. The plan here is hs Swimmer Dude through high school. We started home schooling too late for my dd. We used it to advance my middle child. I have too many regrets for both of them. I already know that home schooling is hard, hard work and thanks to you that post on the high school forum, I know that it will only get harder. I thank you for the heads-up.

 

So Jane, now the question goes back to this concept of "engagement". Are we so hands on that we drive ourselves crazy and deprive our kids of necessary skills to fend and research for themselves or were my parents on to something in their approach?

 

Sorry this is so long. Really, I don't usually call school officials names.

Edited by swimmermom3
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So Jane, now the question goes back to this concept of "engagement". Are we so hands on that we drive ourselves crazy and deprive our kids of necessary skills to fend and research for themselves or were my parents on to something in their approach?

 

Sorry this is so long. Really, I don't usually call school officials names.

 

I'll add my experience with the hands off approach. It backfired big time in my case. My parents expected the school system to answers all the whys and hows of getting into college. My older sister successfully navigated those waters, I did not, even though I had the burning desire to leave my hometown. I met my high school guidance counselor once, to change a class. My parents couldn't afford college and I was less than thrilled about working full-time and attending school. My grades/classes were not enough except for minor financial help.

 

I plan to do things quite differently with my ds. I may make him do more legwork but I plan to be an active "guidance counselor" (said with fear & trembling) and make sure he knows I'm there to help. I want him to have enough foresight (even if I have to put it there) to see where his career choice may land him longterm, not just what it can do for him today.

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Are we so hands on that we drive ourselves crazy and deprive our kids of necessary skills to fend and research for themselves or were my parents on to something in their approach?

 

I don't know, I wish I'd had more guidance when I was in high school. I had some, but life was kind of messy for me then, and not a whole lot of help was available. It was rather scary, graduating from high school and not really having any plan. Things turned out alright, but I really had no direction and I hated that feeling.

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Are we so hands on that we drive ourselves crazy and deprive our kids of necessary skills to fend and research for themselves or were my parents on to something in their approach?

 

I guess its all about balance. My parents also sent me to private school and did nothing but pay the fees. Didnt even check if I did my homework, ever. I was a good student though- always could have been better, but I always did better than average just doing enough.

The presumption I would go to college, since i come form an academic family, ended up with me not going. I left home at 16- still finished school though. Rough time for me (my mother, recently divorced with a new alcoholic boyfriend, kicked me out for seeing an older man). However...I still did well, amazingly.

 

I lean toward lots of support, then stepping back and letting them experience some failures, and see what they want. Our family style is such that we all do our own thing a lot of the time, and then come together for meals, for together work, for outings..but everyone explores their own interests a lot.

I try and make sure I am not always breathing down my kids' necks or wanting to know what they are thinking. I leave them space for their own privacy, their own inner world.

Finding a direction to point Dd15 in , though, has been agony for me and its been hard to know how much to help. I do feel though that any direction is better than none, because you can always change courses, but its hard if you haven't even got a start anywhere.

 

I think its scary being a homeschool mum and taking the whole responsibility onto your own shoulders. At least in school, there is no one person to blame if somehow it all goes wrong. I remind myelf though that there are safety nets- many courses and opportunities for kids who drop out of school. I doubt we would need them, but they are there. All is not ever lost. At the very least, I am sure they will look back on these years with fondness for the lifestyle they had.

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These posts have been so encouraging! Sometimes I look at other homeschool moms of highschoolers and they seem so together and un-frazzled. And I think I'm doing something wrong because it's so hard. Reading these lets me know it is just hard. Some of it is just normal teenage hard, how hard to push, am I micromanaging or just making sure he doesn't mess up his CC class. Some of it is highschool. I outsource but I'm still keeping up[ with history,latin and economics. And learning how to judge debate. Much of it is reality. I do have to check my son is doing school on the computer, not facebook. He does tell me he has so much school to do and has no free time and he will perish, and then goes and spends 2 hours playing computer games online. I think I though by homeschooling I would have a brilliant kid who was so passionate about learning I never had to motivate him at all. Instead I have a good kid ,who if directed stays mainly on track, and on the whole is way more mature then I was at his his age. Its nice to hear that others have those kind ofkids too.

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I guess its all about balance. My parents also sent me to private school and did nothing but pay the fees. Didnt even check if I did my homework, ever. I was a good student though- always could have been better, but I always did better than average just doing enough.

<snip>

I lean toward lots of support, then stepping back and letting them experience some failures, and see what they want. Our family style is such that we all do our own thing a lot of the time, and then come together for meals, for together work, for outings..but everyone explores their own interests a lot.

I try and make sure I am not always breathing down my kids' necks or wanting to know what they are thinking. I leave them space for their own privacy, their own inner world.

Finding a direction to point Dd15 in , though, has been agony for me and its been hard to know how much to help. I do feel though that any direction is better than none, because you can always change courses, but its hard if you haven't even got a start anywhere.

 

I think its scary being a homeschool mum and taking the whole responsibility onto your own shoulders. At least in school, there is no one person to blame if somehow it all goes wrong. I remind myelf though that there are safety nets- many courses and opportunities for kids who drop out of school. I doubt we would need them, but they are there. All is not ever lost. At the very least, I am sure they will look back on these years with fondness for the lifestyle they had.

 

Peela, your comment on "always doing better than average by just doing enough" is the major reason I don't advocate my parents' hands-off approach. To this day, I am amazed that compliance can be equated to genuine success. In my case, it's also very difficult to develop a real relationship with your children if you don't talk to them on a deeper level when they are teens. I love my folks but I think our conversations will be forever somewhat superficial. My question was poorly stated.

 

I'm not sure how to respond to home schooling moms carrying the whole burden vs. no one to blame with schooling. Perhaps the whole issue is too much of a hot button for me right now and it's hard to be rational and write logically.

 

We started home schooling the youngest when the kids were in 4th, 7th, and 9th grade respectively. The middle one came home in November of that year and was never sorry to miss the rest of middle school. I wouldn't have considered home schooling my dd at the time.

 

Last year, as many of you know, my dd was diagnosed with depression. We were stunned. The lovely, bright, charming, always cheerful girl was talking suicide and cutting. The counselors, the psychatrist, the school, and extended family all agreed that school and that ugly word "socialization" were the best thing for her. I disagree with all my heart. She is so anxious with regards to the proficiency grading sytem and other aspects of school that she often fails to learn what is needed.

 

It took days of haggling with the school to allow her to complete geometry and chemistry at home. At her own pace, she has little trouble mastering the work. This year was going better until she missed a week of school due to the flu.

 

I'm sorry but I envy you all that are carrying the burden of home schooling your high schoolers. Home schooling would not cure my dd's depression but it would allow for some genuine learning. I am bone weary of trying to work with someone else's rules and standards and trying to clean up the mess as we go.

Edited by swimmermom3
Typos galore
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Bless you all for these posts! Janice, you are a dream! I have my oldest in 6th this year -- doing a majority of 7th grade work -- and in the past few weeks I've started to really freak out about what is coming in the next couple of years!

 

I have always been told, and so always thought "don't worry, there's plenty of time, it will be just fine". Well golly gee -- time FLIES and I mean REALLY FLIES!! You get to a point where you really do have to come to the realization that there is no more time. The time is now. Things need to be learned now. Can't put it off any longer.

 

I am very happy to "hear" whoever posted that you need to look ahead at what is required by colleges and so forth. Just the past few weeks I was thinking that I really should look into what is considered good for high school credit, what colleges that offer degrees that my dd might be interested (and there are probably 10-15) would require. . .because if I don't look ahead NOW, then it might be too late!

 

So thank you all so very much. I truly find everything you hsing high school moms have to say fascinating and wonderful knowledge!!!

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Oh don't be afraid. :001_smile:

 

Every snap-shot has a setting. And you can't judge a life by one picture or even two or three. Please know that we have our amazing wonderful days. I write often about them here too. :001_smile: But I would be offering up a lying view if I hid our other photos, so I share them too. (And it's when I'm down that I tend to need the most BTDT chatter; I NEED you guys during those times!) My photo album is growing as we move into high school. Some of the pages aren't my favorites, but I have no desire to toss those pictures and only put the "best of the best" in the album. Because those peaks don't tell the whole story. And often the valleys are the places where our lives change the most. Leaving those out of the album will generate more confusion than is necessary - for others and for me. :001_smile: They represent the bulk of the effort, and deserve to be included; because they touch at the heart of the matter - the life of this life, they tell most of the story. :001_smile:

 

In this post, we've bounced around a couple of ideas about the fear thing. It's really a bad idea to let fear carve out the shape of even one of your lenses. Sober judgement? Sure! Honesty? Absolutely. But please don't be afraid. I live here in this particular hsing life, and I'm constantly frustrated by any "fear" that creeps in. It's irrational. High school at home here is a ton of work, and the whole process often becomes terribly confusing even though I'm not generally that easily confused. But like I have said, I live here; and I can confidently and honestly say that life is good. I have nothing to be afraid of. People who intimately know our family agree, so I know that I'm not delusional - so that helps! :lol:

 

So the trajectory of life is good, even when the dips feel yuckie. :001_smile:

 

Peace,

Janice

 

Enjoy your little people

Enjoy your journey

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Really, I don't think that my concerns and worries are unique to homeschoolers but to any concerned parent.

 

 

Which leads me to wonder...is part of the difficulty of these high school years experienced by all engaged parents, no matter where their children attend school? Do we (the group of engaged parents) all second guess our decisions and seek out interesting opportunities for our students to develop their passions and experience their transition into adulthood in safe and nurturing ways?

 

Jane (who is grateful for this thread as it is providing a necessary attitude adjustment)

 

 

It depends on the child and on the parent, but YES. I've had public schooled kids and run myself ragged trying to guide them through their own blunders and the blunders of those running the public schools.

 

Maybe you feel it more because you can't "blame" anyone else, and it all is on your shoulders? I actually prefer it when I can clearly blame myself, because I don't like the feeling of being angry at someone else :001_huh: But either way is hard.

 

Julie

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For me Janice seems to have very similiar days to mine.

I am not going to even contemplate how it will be for when my current 9th grader is in 12th grade and I will then also have an 11th, 9th, 8th, 6th, 5th, 3rd, 1st and preschooler. Okay I will contemplate it with the false confidence that my then I'll be a worry-free pro. :willy_nilly:

 

For me my guilt moments are doubled for my oldest - the poor guinea pig trail and error eldest. I am always wishing I could go back and be the better mother/educator to him that I've only learned to be by learning as I go with him. I really don't have much stress at all over the kids comming up behind him. There's always individual quirks and such to be managed but I seem to have a tremendously better grasp of how to do it, a clearer awareness of what they need and what I want for them. But my oldest? It all new territory for both of us. Some days it's the most awesome of joyful adventures. But wow when it stinks it's awful. It IS a roller coaster.

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I've been diligently trying to read all the replies, but want to quickly respond to the OP about that comment before I keep reading this great thread because I'm sure to get distracted from my original thought.

 

First, I'm a fan of Jane in NC, but wow, what a great comment Janice made in SWB's new blog (which I hadn't even known about until now.

Why is it great? It's not just because I can totally relate to this, although that helps. But it's because it raises some excellent points and questions, even if she wishes she could edit :).

 

One of the things I'm finding with a freshman in the house is that I'm working on doing a better job with my younger dc in certain areas. Not that I think I failed with my dd or that I didn't make some good choices in choosing my battles with her. But of course I could have done some things better; that's part of not being perfect. But my other dc, challenging as though the are, are not as difficult to work with in some areas as dd was, so I need to push more in certain areas than I could with her. My goal is to do better and better and to learn. As an eldest child who was the guinea pig child, I do empathise with my eldest who was the same. But since each child is unique, I really don't have all the answers for the other two.

Edited by Karin
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Homeschooling. High School.

So nothing's wrong. Everything's fine.

Don't worry. :001_smile:

 

Peace,

Janice

 

Enjoy your little people

Enjoy your journey

 

 

 

Okay, I'm now a fan of Janice in NJ because she is able to keep it real and make me laugh at the same time. This is not to belittle what she's saying, of course. But what she writes about is so real.

 

Plus, in my house subjects are only fun when they're done for fun with now written work. As soon as it's a textbook or assigned, it's boring, hard, etc. Much of the time, at least.

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Now that I've read through all the posts, to save writing a lot of replies, I'm quoting a few snippets from some of the great replies. My computer won't allow multiple quotes, but this thread is so timely, that I've cut and pasted a bunch into Word so I could do this. Thanks, Jane, for posting this, because I really needed it now, and am not discouraged, but am more encouraged to know that it's not just hard for us and that we're not the only ones whose kids don't love school work ;).

 

Janice's comments struck a chord with me. I loved the part about normal students who would rather sleep-in and play video games than investigate string theory. My son is a smart, motivated , wonderful young man. But given his choice, he would still rather play video games than school. Back when he was young I did have visions of him never even wanting to watch tv and video games would of course be no interest for him compared to the thrill of calculus. So, the homeschooing journey has not always gone as planned, but it has been good.

Me, too. We don't have video games, but my kids would rather play/read/draw/fool around. I had such an idealized idea of what homeschooling would be that I think I was probably one of those mothers people would have figured wouldn't make it so far. That vision was shattered our first year of homeschooling!

Into this discussion I toss in the CC concept. Some note that they live near an "excellent" CC; ours is not. But whether the CC has a reputation that is stellar or significantly inferior to similar institutions, bear in mind that not every teacher is excellent or mediocre. My son learned a great deal from his English 111 instructor last semester; his English prof this semester has her moments, but she is not as demanding or inspiring. She is adequate. In fact, I feel that I can manage an "adequate" job at home. What is the advantage of this CC class?

Initially sending our students to outside courses brings other benefits. Our students are exposed to people who think differently or maybe like-mindedly (wow--there is someone as odd as me out there!). My son is immensely grateful to have learned how to use software like Blackboard. But our CC has too many students who accept mediocrity as a standard--at this point I worry that my son may succumb to a similar mentality.

Homeschooling high school is hard. On that many of us will agree.

Jane

 

 

These are great points. We haven't done CC yet, but hope to. I think that anything can be over or underrated, too, and that each of us needs to strive to strike the right balance for our families. Not easy to do, is it?

 

ohio;1279794]I used to wonder when I went to homeschool meetings where the more experienced moms were. The only people who seem to have the time to blog, write homeschool articles, go to homeschool meetings, etc. are the moms with younger dc. So I think that is part of the reason we see so much more about the fun times with preschoolers.

 

Good point. I have less time to be on this forum this year than ever, and only one of my three is in high school. It's not just because I have one in high school, though, but I'm trying to beef up what my younger ones have been missing out on that we used to do when dd was aged 8-10 (group science classes, etc).

 

My list, which isn't going to be very funny after Janice's stream-of-consciousness rant

3. Time in the car doesn't have to be car schooling -- with a teen, time in a car is a chance to chat -- drug prevention bonding!

5. Not every course is as in depth as you'd like. We call them "Git 'er done" courses, or "checking off the box" courses. There is only so much time in the day for a student to work, only so many hours we can give up on the weekends in planning. Focus on the basics, focus on your dc's interests, get the rest done in as easy a manner as possible.

6. (Echoing Janice here ) Dinner? All their activities are in the evening. It is a shock when the entire family unit is together for a meal -- and usually there is no food to prepare as I haven't had time to grocery shop so we all go out to eat.

 

Many good points, but these three really rang for me. I teach pre-driver's ed while we're driving sometime. But most of the time we don't drive far and by the time we leave my kids are picking at each other or being too silly, so I put something on the CD player and have them all sit quietly so I can focus on driving safely. As for meals together, dh hardly ever eats a meal with us, and so family bonding happens in other ways.

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Part 2 so this doesn't get so long that I lose my post because I'm no longer signed in!

 

I feel its all going to work out but its not a smooth straightforward plan, thats for sure. Things change, are in a flux, all the time. I want another year with my dd15 before she goes off to TAFE(our equivalent of CC I think) so I can teach her all those things I want to teach her before she flies off. She is itching for her freedom- she wanted to go to school next year, but I am very keen to keep her home. So many books I wanted her to read that I dont know if we will realistically have time for.

I feel a bittersweet pang as my kids grow up. All the doubts about whether I have prepared them well enough for the world or academically come up. I feel I can see a time in the not too distant future where it will be just Dh and I going on our holidays...so we are trying to fit in some extra ones now. We want to teach our kids how to live, not just how to get a good paying job- they are motivated to make money already. But these are the years of mature discussion, and immature emotions, then logical arguments, then totally irrational outbursts. I miss being able to put my son on my knee when he cries, and hug him. That was so much easier. Now he stands aloof and gets upset and storms around and I draw him through with patience and long discussion where before a cuddle was enough.

Anyway, it's all worth it and I love these years. The academic side I find harder. There is a lot of joy though.

I think its scary being a homeschool mum and taking the whole responsibility onto your own shoulders. At least in school, there is no one person to blame if somehow it all goes wrong. I remind myelf though that there are safety nets- many courses and opportunities for kids who drop out of school. I doubt we would need them, but they are there. All is not ever lost. At the very least, I am sure they will look back on these years with fondness for the lifestyle they had.

 

I've taken two of Peela's posts and combined snippets from each to save space. Both posts were wonderful, but these particular points rang strongly for me. I do want to say that, similar to Peela, I slipped through school without my parents doing a lot of checking. Had they been more on top of things, I would have had better grades. Actually, I would have had a different educational experience altogether starting at 15, but my dad wouldn't hear of me going to an Alternative school, even if it wasn't for the academically struggling.

 

There is so much food for thought in this entire thread. Even though we have our tough days and our daily challenges, my kids are very close to one another and we do also laugh often, even if the jokes aren't always very funny. I married a man who, with the privacy of our immediate family at least, laughs at his own jokes. At first I thought it was dumb, but I've learned that it's actually a great way to keep humour in things and not get overly serious about things that don't warrant it. I tend to be a very serious person by nature and didn't even start learning to laugh at myself until I was 16. Learning to laugh at my own dumb jokes has helped me learn not to take everything equally seriously.

 

Thanks, everyone, for contributing to this thread. As I've been reading it, I've been checking on my 14 yo who is still dragging herself through some Geometry proofs that she could have and should have done 3 weeks ago...

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Ah, ladies, I read this thread late last night with out-loud laughter and tears. I felt like I was at an up-all-night-sharing slumber party with you all! How I WISH we really could have a weekend all together to giggle and share fears, be goofy, encourage one another, and just "let our hair down" safely!!

 

And Janice, thanks for sharing such a *genuine* day -- a total relief to hear that someone I so look up to has days (and children!!) that look a bit like mine! :) TOTALLY relate to that need to just PEE and everything else is in your face! :smilielol5:

 

Thank you!! And mega group hug! :grouphug: Warmest regards to you all, Lori D.

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It depends on the child and on the parent, but YES. I've had public schooled kids and run myself ragged trying to guide them through their own blunders and the blunders of those running the public schools.

 

Maybe you feel it more because you can't "blame" anyone else, and it all is on your shoulders? I actually prefer it when I can clearly blame myself, because I don't like the feeling of being angry at someone else :001_huh: But either way is hard.

 

Julie

 

Thanks Julie. You stated it so clearly.

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. There are those kids for whom a "rigorous" WTM high school education is not the right fit. It doesn't mean you give up on great or pretty darn good books, of give up on analysis and writing, but it just may not go at the pace or to the depth you had hoped. Not every kid is ready for a 4 year college at 18, some might do best with CC or a trade school if they can follow a passion and be happy. It is wrenching to come to terms with that -- I am speaking from experience, but once you accept it, everyone is happier.

 

And for others who need an equally rigorous education but in a different way. My oldest did it mostly the WTM way and it was perfect for him. My second tried, got very sick, and we had to reconfigure. She is doing rigorous but with minor emphasis on world history. We will end up doing that next year in one year but since she had it all earlier, it will be enough. She has been reading classics and writing a lot. My third will need a different emphasis altogether. She is my math/engineering gal and needs less classics and history and more math and science. Will she do classis-yes. Will she study history- yesm but from textbooks which is the format she likes. Will she write papers-yes but not as many as her sister.

 

NOw for the realities- I found out this weekend that while my daughter was doing plenty of work, she was doing it in an unusual way. I have decided to have her do math problems in 2 lesson sequences because the Alg 2 is all review until halfway through Chapter 6. She also had watched the lectures ahead of the work she was doing. With her bio, she has been reading the text but is behind a bit on the lecture and homework. She has been keeping up with AM. Hist. but I decided to make sure that didn't get beind by assigning x pages per day. Her British Lit is going great as is her writing class, her debate work, and her govt class. Her Spanish is a mystery that will be solved today after she finds her assignment calendar or we have to recreate one.

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Believe me, you blame yourself just as much if your child is in public school as you do when you homeschool. I have one of each in college. I would love to be able to blame the public school over the mess we had with my oldest, but I just can't. It doesn't work like that. You will still feel it is your fault, no matter how much the public school errs. -Nan

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That is a good point. The unschoolers I know about have made full use of these. Their children have spent the high school years learning a few things in great depth (becoming very interesting people in the process), and then taken advantage of the safety nets to fill in the gaps when they needed the gaps filled to pursue their interests further. Unschooling parents always say the nets are there and we can always use them. We've used them, too, in a way, when we've used community college as a bridge. Thank you for reminding me that they exist. I hope my children won't need them extensively because I think it takes more strength to use them than to do things the regular way, but it is reassuring to remember they are there.

-Nan

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That is a good point. The unschoolers I know about have made full use of these. Their children have spent the high school years learning a few things in great depth (becoming very interesting people in the process), and then taken advantage of the safety nets to fill in the gaps when they needed the gaps filled to pursue their interests further. Unschooling parents always say the nets are there and we can always use them. We've used them, too, in a way, when we've used community college as a bridge. Thank you for reminding me that they exist. I hope my children won't need them extensively because I think it takes more strength to use them than to do things the regular way, but it is reassuring to remember they are there.

-Nan

 

Nan, could you please elaborate on this. I'm not sure I'm following. Thank you.

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Peela wrote: "I remind myelf though that there are safety nets- many courses and opportunities for kids who drop out of school." These, and the courses and opportunities for the ones who graduate from high school and then decide later to go to college are the safety net things I'm talking about. And the unschooling part: I met an unschooler who taught himself to juggle. Using that, he created opportunities for himself to perform and teach juggling. He didn't do much else during high school, other than read, travel, and watch the history channel. When he wanted to go to college, he found had to catch up in math before any colleges would consider him. He took the remedial classes offered at the community college and then went off to study broadcasting. The community college classes were his safety net. There are GED classes, community classes offered at public high schools, and other options, too, for gathering enough academic skills to manage college. This is a hard path to follow, though, so I'm hoping mine don't need to.

-nan

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It is not easy, is it? I have already changed our history curriculum this year from the Spielvogel textbook approach with handy-dandy study guide and online quizzes to Susan's Ancient History text (we are doing a little catch-up reading only for the next week, and then will use the book as a foundation for note-taking and writing context pages and papers as Susan intends in WTM).

 

We are doing biology in the very textbook-oriented way, but it feels like overload. However, I am torn between wanting to be more leisurely and deep in our learning and wanting to prepare my children for learning the "traditional" way so that in college they won't be completely blind-sided by the amount of reading, the skimming for details, the quizzes and tests, the expectation to know material that is bulky, and quickly. We are doing that in biology, and then I find that he is having difficulty retaining the information past the quiz... just as I did in my own years of public high school and public college. He will retain the nuggets, but it moves so quickly. Sigh.

 

I am also coming to the conclusion that online courses look like more effort than they are worth- for me. Time is at a premium in this house, and the efficient use of it for teaching and for learning is what we need here. The days fly by as it is.

 

There is time for fun here. I don't mean to imply otherwise. There is time for specialization and activity outside of academics. My frustration is that I believed, foolishly, back when my son was in K, that one day I would get this home education thing nailed down. Heck, my program is even accredited. And, I continue to feel like I am floundering from year to year.

 

It's because the demands change every year- and because these little suckers (ahem, my children) change every year. I keep feeding them and they grow and they experience and they learn and BAM. They are new people and the requirements change. And if I am honest with myself, it is far more frequently than every year that I find I must shift gears in this little home education world I have created.

 

At the end of every year, I cull my files and save the most important bits for proof, if ever I should need it. I marvel at all the important bits. I marvel that I have been able to assign so much, to grade so much. I marvel that they have been so diligent in getting the work done all year long. Then I panic at the realization that I must plan a new year never knowing whether it is "good enough."

 

They are growing and maturing and they know things that I don't even know how they know them. Their test scores have always been high, they work hard, they are developing new skills. They are good people who choose good people to befriend. We get lots of teachable moments and lots of intimate moments and tons of snuggle time. We can take breaks from the grind and enjoy each other. These are the things that I must call to mind when I am wondering whether it is "good enough." Not the feeling of anxiety that I am not doing it according to some "standard" or like the home schooler across town or on that nifty blog I read sometimes.

 

This is why I keep going. This is why it is worth all the doubt that I feel at times. And, now I have four minutes to get myself through the shower so I can take a walk in the rain with my children.

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Peela wrote: "I remind myelf though that there are safety nets- many courses and opportunities for kids who drop out of school." These, and the courses and opportunities for the ones who graduate from high school and then decide later to go to college are the safety net things I'm talking about. And the unschooling part: I met an unschooler who taught himself to juggle. Using that, he created opportunities for himself to perform and teach juggling. He didn't do much else during high school, other than read, travel, and watch the history channel. When he wanted to go to college, he found had to catch up in math before any colleges would consider him. He took the remedial classes offered at the community college and then went off to study broadcasting. The community college classes were his safety net. There are GED classes, community classes offered at public high schools, and other options, too, for gathering enough academic skills to manage college. This is a hard path to follow, though, so I'm hoping mine don't need to.

-nan

 

And at this point in time, even if my dc end up getting an Associates by 18 at a CC (not that we're planning to at this point, but if the funding remains & homeschoolers can go for no charge) they will still need a GED to go to a state college, based on something I heard recently. I don't like that one bit, but it may end up being something some or all of my dc may have to do if the tuition savings in going that route are enough. Unless, of course, any of them gets a full ride scholarship to a private college or decides to borrow money and get up to their ears or more in debt.

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I thought for a long time that some of our decisions for our son would make us forfeit the state college option. And then an out-of-state college accepted him. I still don't know whether an instate one would have. They seem to be trickier to get into than other colleges. I hear you and sympathize.

-Nan

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