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To be happy hsers, do we need to interact with other hsers?


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I have always thought so thus far. I didn't want my dc to not know any other hsers and then become all isolated and bitter in their high school years. My one son is very social almost to a negative. So I made it a point to always be a apart of a co-op and reach out to other families and make lots of hsing friends, so that my kids know they aren't the only ones.

We live in a small neighborhood and obviously, we are the only hsers.

 

But, as they get older, the hsing activities are becoming a waste of time and the kids, not that great. I can actually see it where we leave our co-op and not participate in anymore homeschool specific stuff. But then are my kids going to become bitter cause they don't have friends? They can make friends at church, and other activities, but all those people have their schedules full because of school. PS is not an option for us.

 

What do you think?

Ruthie

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My kids have never had friends exactly their same age. Older, younger, but somehow never the same age. We have a couple of families we're close to, but it's more like younger siblings instead of peers.

 

It's never been an issue. The few times we have gotten involved with an outside group, peers, public school groups, whatever it's been.............unsatisfactory.

 

My kids are their own best friends, and have no trouble making friends in college.

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My kids would love nothing more than to hang our with other hsers all day. Personally, I do not fit in with other hs moms. Honestly, many of them drive me nuts. So, I would actually be less happy if I had more interactions with other hsers.

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For my family, the answer is yes. My two older kids, in particular, would be happy sitting on the couch all day or playing on the computer. If I didn't make the effort to get them out and involve them with other people - they would become lazy and passive. Now... since I did get them out and about and involved - they are very sociable people. My youngest would fair well with just about anything handed to him without much structure - just a different kind of kid. My best, best, best memories are from being with my friends and my dh in high school. I would not trade those days and memories for anything. So, I very strongly feel that my kids need some type of social interaction. We choose it to be with homeschoolers, but really it could be with any kids their age. I also believe they need unstructured interaction where they get to just hang out and visit with friends.

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We pursue hobbies and interests that bring us into contact with other people; they are sometimes but not primarily homeschoolers. Martial arts, theater productions, 4H, church, and swim lessons provide a lot of interaction at all age levels. The common interest in the activity is more than enough to develop friendships, and for us it works much better than using the umbrella of "homeschooling" as a starting point.

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not necessarily now. When we first started, I needed to prove to myself, my family, and even to my dc that home schoolers were normal and that we weren't the only ones. Now, dc are older and we don't care. So do we need it, nope.

 

I do, enjoy the interaction b/c I like the moms, I love to talk about hsing, and hsers can play on a more flexible schedule. There are benefits. (plus, whispering, I do find them better behaved, in general, well, at least the ones I'm willing to spend time with ;))

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We have relationships with like-minded people. Some of these people are homeschoolers. Some of them are elderly. Some of them are younger children. Some are publicly or privately schooled. Some share our relationship with God, some do not. The one hard-and-fast rule is that we need to relate to and enjoy these people in some way. While I might find one person or family that we especially click with in a group, most of the time we do our socializing on our own and at our own pace. (Usually once I've found the people that I click with in a group, I stop going and we just interact with those people on our own.)

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It depends on where you live and what the personal cost is to your family. Right now we are very in the country. Neighbors are not within seeing distance. Because of that, and because I don't think computer hibernating is a better alternative, we choose to drive an hour each way to participate in a co-op. It is worth it for us. ;)

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So I made it a point to always ....... reach out to other families and make lots of hsing friends, so that my kids know they aren't the only ones.

 

But, as they get older, the hsing activities are becoming a waste of time and the kids, not that great. I can actually see it where we leave our co-op and not participate in anymore homeschool specific stuff. But then are my kids going to become bitter cause they don't have friends? They can make friends at church, and other activities, but all those people have their schedules full because of school.

What do you think?

Ruthie

 

 

I tried so hard for a long time to make homeschool friends, and now after 10 yrs we almost never see any other homeschoolers. I gave up being the one to call & invite others to my home so we rarely see anyone even though 2 homeschooling families live around the corner from me.

 

You're right the activities, as the dc get older, are a waste of time. Co-op nevered worked for us because we are not unschoolers OR evangelical Christians. The homeschool kids are either too loose or tight for us!

 

My boys are content with a couple of friends from church and our little family (extended family lives hours away).

 

:auto:

Edited by MIch elle
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I have always thought so thus far. I didn't want my dc to not know any other hsers and then become all isolated and bitter in their high school years. My one son is very social almost to a negative. So I made it a point to always be a apart of a co-op and reach out to other families and make lots of hsing friends, so that my kids know they aren't the only ones.

We live in a small neighborhood and obviously, we are the only hsers.

 

But, as they get older, the hsing activities are becoming a waste of time and the kids, not that great. I can actually see it where we leave our co-op and not participate in anymore homeschool specific stuff. But then are my kids going to become bitter cause they don't have friends? They can make friends at church, and other activities, but all those people have their schedules full because of school. PS is not an option for us.

 

What do you think?

Ruthie

 

We are in exactly the same boat. We even changed to a different kind of co-op looking for people that we might have more in common with - but nope, still more of the same.

 

The two I have homeschooling are pretty much all on the same page with me here- next year we will stop wasting our time on these things and just go our on way.

 

I guess we will just have to have plenty of acquaintances and be thankful that they have each other as true friends. :sad:

 

Georgia

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My children have all types of acquaintances.

 

I think it is important for children to have a variety of friendships. That said, I think my children would be missing out if they didn't have ANY friendships with homeschoolers. It allows them to connect with children who are "like" them. It lends a sense of normalcy to their lives that I think wouldn't be there if they were the ONLY homeschooled children around.

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I have always thought so thus far. I didn't want my dc to not know any other hsers and then become all isolated and bitter in their high school years. My one son is very social almost to a negative. So I made it a point to always be a apart of a co-op and reach out to other families and make lots of hsing friends, so that my kids know they aren't the only ones.

We live in a small neighborhood and obviously, we are the only hsers.

 

But, as they get older, the hsing activities are becoming a waste of time and the kids, not that great. I can actually see it where we leave our co-op and not participate in anymore homeschool specific stuff. But then are my kids going to become bitter cause they don't have friends? They can make friends at church, and other activities, but all those people have their schedules full because of school. PS is not an option for us.

 

What do you think?

Ruthie

 

For me, no. For my incredibly social only child, yes, Yes, YES, *Y*E*S*!*

 

In our experience, schooled children are just too hard to mesh with. They have different schedules, different interests, different ways of playing, different rules, different toys, even (hi tech vs low tech). Seriously, though, the thing that mostly keeps us from connecting from school kids is schedule.

 

With homeschool kids we connect much more easily. It's really a mix of all the above things. My daughter's best friends are similar to her in terms of compatability of interest and compatability of schedule. Though we will re work a schedule half a million ways to be able to play while most people wont . . . that's having an only for you.

 

I don't think that attending hs-only activities is really what we go for at all, though. In fact, my girl is in a Catholic girls' club that is predominately made up of schooled girls. She LOVES it but I don't think its' a venue for making any lasting friendships because of that. Everyone is delightful and nice but the girls have such different schedules that getting together to play, just play, is too hard.

 

On the other hand, we have a couple of hs only affiliations, too. Some ppl are great and some make you wonder . . . That they are homeschoolers per se is not what makes us get along with them but interests and schedule.

 

If I had half a dozen kiddos running around I wouldn't worry about it at all. But having one, and a social butterfly at that, she needs other ppl in her life and homeschoolers are about all that we really make work.

 

As for co-ops: too many crazies or too much committment to twaddle or in some other way time wasters.

 

I have sought out non co-op opportunities for my girl. I started a mother/daughter book club, she has girls club, and we sometimes join in homeschool activities just to meet a few ppl and then drop the activity after we've either met someone or decided that we didn't click with anyone.

Edited by MomOfOneFunOne
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In all our years of homeschooling, we never sought out other homeschoolers for socialization -- or anything else. Our sons stayed busy with sports, church, Scouts, etc, and we made our friends where we found them. Some of them were homeschoolers, most were not. Homeschooling was just never the most important bond we had with others, and frankly, we often found other homeschoolers to be tiresome.

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Isn't that what the WTM boards are for--so we can socialize? :D Oh, you mean for our kids to be happy. ;) No, I don't think so. I try to have my kids in activities, but not necessarily with other hs'ers. There's not enough of us around. And we're all too busy to coordinate our schedules, anyway.

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Where we used to live most of our friends were homeschoolers, simply because they were friends before becoming homeschoolers.

 

Now I haven't specifically sought out homeschoolers. We tend to try and find like minded individuals. Ds has a few friends from different outlets, but he gets along just as well with adults. He's recently started a new hobby where most of the participants are adults. Dh goes with him and says he gets along and is well accepted among the group.

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Isn't that what the WTM boards are for--so we can socialize? :D Oh, you mean for our kids to be happy. ;) No, I don't think so. I try to have my kids in activities, but not necessarily with other hs'ers. There's not enough of us around. And we're all too busy to coordinate our schedules, anyway.

 

:iagree: LOL!

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We don't really. My kids are really active in sports and have plenty of friends. Also, we often don't really...ehhh...fit in with homeschool families. I don't know why.

 

LOL, we don't either. I can't put my finger on it. I love hanging out with other homeschooling moms, and although there have been exceptions on both sides of the fence, in general my kids tend to click better with neighborhood kids than the children of my homeschooling mom friends.

 

Barb

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I don't know that answer to that question. We know a few other homeschooling families but we didn't meet them in homeschooling circles. Most we've met through sports. The kids know that these families homeschool but we don't really hang out with them.

I find that most people in our area have packed schedules regardless of where they go to school. It's hard to find time to see people.

I think we do our best though and am okay with the way things are now. My boys are still young though. We'll see what happens as they get older.

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My kids would love nothing more than to hang our with other hsers all day. Personally, I do not fit in with other hs moms. Honestly, many of them drive me nuts. So, I would actually be less happy if I had more interactions with other hsers.

 

This is us.

 

I have found two groups of homeschoolers in my area. One group seems snobbish and elitist and even though they have never met me, not very welcoming.

 

The other group that we have been interacting with drives me nuts. The women are all flighty, can't plan anything (everything is last minute/fly by the seat of your pants), and apparently let their children run around with minimal to no rules. I don't like the chaos and I believe that children do need some rules. Some of the Mom's are also a bit too casual about sickness and will bring their children to a group activity while ill and not bother to tell anyone. The Mom's drive me crazy.

 

I don't like some of the kids either, their bossy and rude because the Mom's put a very minimal amount of restrictions and rules on them. My kids enjoy playing with them usually. But every now and then they will complain that they don't want to see a particular friend that week "because she's too bossy". In a few weeks they miss her and want to see her again.

 

I continue to interact with these people because I know the kids enjoy it and want to have some friends, but I find it very exhausting. I would love to find some local homeschooling Mom's that I could enjoy spending time with.

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We are just starting out, and for me personally I'd say no. I don't need to interact with other homeschoolers, but for my very social ds, it's very necessary *right now* at least. I don't want him to feel like he's the only one not going to school (he loved school), we have only been living in this town for a year and don't know many people other than the kids that went to ds's montessori school last year (which I pulled him out of).

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For us no, We do know one other homeschooled girl that my dd sees in gymnastics class from time to time, but she lives 1hr away on Knotts Island NC, so we're not able to meet up with them very often outside of class. The kids have made friends with some kids in the neighborhood and at their other gym classes.

 

That's enough for us.

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ya know, I've been hsing for almost ten years now and I'm an expert of the past...I just wish things would quit changing ALL THE TIME!! I have all the answers for the stuff that happened before:glare:

 

it is reassuring to hear I am not the only one that does not mesh with other hsers. I am a conservative evangelical Christian, but I am also quite forceful, domineering, controlling and driven (my dh likes it that way, too).

 

I guess every geographical area is different, but if you had just asked me even a month ago about the need to interact with other hsers, I would have (forcefully) said, "absolutely!!!". you need to make sure your kids have hs friends and blah blah blah. Now I am not that sure. Most of the other hsers are not like me and honestly, I don't like them all to much. They're wierd :tongue_smilie:.

 

I'm going to try to find more interest driven activities. Maybe we can find friendlier people that way. It seems to headed that way as the kids get older.

 

Thanks so much for all your stories and experiences.

Ruthie

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I'd LOVE to have more homeschooling moms as friends. And specifically homeschool moms who file the R-4 in CA. It just gets old to be constantly introduced, "This is D****** and she homeschools ON HER OWN." Huh? Eyebrows raise, mouths open in a gasp. The thing is that I never introduce MYSELF as a homeschooler. I figure who walks up to people and says, "Hi, I'm D*** and I send my children to public school." Uugh.

 

What happened to, "This is D***** and she's been my friend since we were both pregnant together ten years ago," or "This is D******* and she goes to my church." "This is D***** and she's a good friend of mine."

 

I'm tired of being pigeon-holed as the rogue homeschooler in the group.

 

So yes, some homeschooling moms who file the R-4 are necessary to my happiness. Maybe just zapping my non-homeschooling friends would make me happy. Either way.

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Not really. Dd has friends who are hs and has friends who aren't. It doesn't really matter much, as far as happiness goes.

 

I don't particularly need hs moms as friends. Honestly, I can't relate to many of them. This is going to sound snotty maybe, but my dd has never really struggled academically with much. We've had bumps in the road, but there's never been any academic issue of which I've worried whether she'd get it or not. So, when I hear the lamentations of reading problems, or math problems, or whatever, I can't contribute anything, because I have no clue what to contribute! Very few people homeschool using classical or CM methods in my world, so if it ain't in an Abeka book, it ain't good-nuff. :glare:

 

So, no, we don't particularly need other HS people to be happy. I make sure my dd isn't isolated and between music classes, church, youth group activities and her riding lessons, she has friends from all walks of life. As for me? I'd be happier on a hill top with very little human contact!

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As for me? I'd be happier on a hill top with very little human contact!

 

Hah! This is me, but I worry that my kids are going to turn out messed up if I don't drag myself out of the house every now and then.

 

I don't really have problems with the other hs ladies in our support group. No one EVER talks about curriculum. It's taboo or something.

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Every where we go there are hsers; we can't ditch'em. At ballet, the soccer field, the library. They are everywhere! Today it is Sunday . I want to stay home, chill, and roast a chicken, but my dd knows there is a potluck and music jam session at a hsing friend's house, so she wants to go!

 

We can run, but we can't hide. :D

 

That all vented, some of my best friends are hsers. We are all different in how we go about it, but they are fantastic people.

Edited by LibraryLover
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Guest janainaz
We don't really. My kids are really active in sports and have plenty of friends. Also, we often don't really...ehhh...fit in with homeschool families. I don't know why.

 

This would be my family also. I have not tried a hs group in a while and am not super excited to either.

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