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One of the most difficult aspects of teaching writing is helping a child edit their errors without turning it into my own writing/style. I tend to want to rewrite an entire sentence or paragraph my way. Help me to edit my son's rough draft, created from a key word outline using IEW's methods. He's 7, if that changes your suggestions.

 

Birds

 

Birds have several features that help the bird fly. They have hollow bones, slender feet, and a beak instead of jaws which weight less and help them fly. The most important features are feathers and wings. Feathers help the bird lift, let the bird fly streamlined, and keep it warm. There is 9,000 species of birds. They reproduce hard-shelled eggs and protect them.

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Birds have several features that help them fly. They have hollow bones, slender feet, and a beak instead of jaws which weighs less and helps them fly. The most important features are feathers and wings. Feathers help birds lift, let birds fly streamlined, and keep them warm. There are 9,000 species of birds. They lay hard-shelled eggs and protect them.

 

These are my suggestions for a seven year old. The word streamlined is bugging me but I'd let it ride.

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Yes, streamlined is bugging me too. It was a keyword in the original paragraph, talking about the aerodynamic nature of birds. My son knows the word aerodynamic from our science studies this year, but I can't quite figure out how to suggest he try that word instead.

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One of the most difficult aspects of teaching writing is helping a child edit their errors without turning it into my own writing/style. I tend to want to rewrite an entire sentence or paragraph my way. Help me to edit my son's rough draft, created from a key word outline using IEW's methods. He's 7, if that changes your suggestions.

 

Birds

 

Birds have several features that help the bird fly. They have hollow bones, slender feet, and a beak instead of jaws which weight less and help them fly. The most important features are feathers and wings. Feathers help the bird lift, let the bird fly streamlined, and keep it warm. There is 9,000 species of birds. They reproduce hard-shelled eggs and protect them.

First, good job for a 7 year old! Nicely done ds :) Honestly, unless this is for writing, and not a narration or summary about birds, I wouldn't edit as much as I did below, but if I were full on editing, here are my thoughts.

 

Birds have several features that help them fly. They have hollow bones, slender feet, and a beak instead of jaws which weight less(than...{less is a comparative word, so I'd be looking for the rest of the comparison, or a re-wording). (removed a repeated phrase)The most important features are feathers and wings. Feathers help the bird lift and (words removed for repeated phrase) fly streamlined. (remove the phrase b/c it does not deal with flying).

 

(new paragraph, perhaps add the feathers for warmth sentence in here) There are 9,000 species of birds. They reproduce by laying hard-shelled eggs and protecting them (insert how they protect them?).

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I think part of the problem is that the source text I chose from Kingfisher wasn't all that well-written to begin with. It had some long, awkward sentences. All of the information he included was written as a single paragraph in the original as well.

 

I'm thinking I would probably be better off not trying to sync our writing assignments with our science and history, and just use IEW's source texts instead. They are all written with simple narrative sentences that are easy to outline.

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Birds

 

Birds have several features that help them fly. They have hollow bones, slender feet, and, instead of jaws, a beak which weighs less and helps them fly. Their most important features are feathers and wings. Feathers help give the bird lift, let the bird fly streamlined, and keep it warm. There are 9,000 species of birds. They reproduce using hard-shelled eggs that protect them.

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