College is making my laid-back and happy teen really stressed...(help a worried mom)

[Paz]

He has never worried or been stressed a day in his life. He is the most laid back kid I know, but it seems like the college lifestyle has all the ingredients to really stress him out. He needs lots of sleep, healthy food, and time. He is a kid who hates feeling overwhelmed and would actually cut back on activities in high school if things got too busy. He is living in an apartment with some friends and eating pretty well so that part is good. He just hates the feeling that he always has so much to do and he doesn't do well (physically) when he has to stay up late to get things done. He is also frustrated by his large classes that give a few 20 point multiple choice tests and a few quizzes for the total class grade. He does much better in classes where he can write papers and essays but right now in his over 400 people classes that doesn't happen. He chose to transfer to this larger school so he knew that part would be difficult. How can I encourage him to get through his next 3 years without being miserable? (It probably doesn't help that he is a little bit sick now so his persective is even worse.) It also worries me because he calls me every day and wants us to come visit. (We are going next weekend.) He has been away the past 2 summers and away last fall at school and called me maybe once a week. He tells me he is happy there but I am concerned.

[Karen in CO]

How big of a school does he go to? My ds finally settled on a small campus of a medium-sized school, because he knows that he gets lost in a crowd - ironic that his school is in Tokyo and he loves it, but... His school only has 400 students at his campus. It is smaller than the local high school that he didn't go to. He would find large seminar type classes stressful. One encouraging thing for your ds is that his classes probably get smaller and more focused as he gets into higher levels so he will get away from the giant, multiple choice tests.

 

btw - my ds is also a very, laid back guy. His favorite classes are small and have a large discussion component and essay tests.

[Paz]

I think his school has around 18,000 students. He started off at a small liberal arts college and didn't like it. He loves it where he is now minus the actual school part :lol:. He does have an Old Testament class which is smaller and he loves it. I think it will get better when he gets more into upper level classes. He may also change his major to creative writing with a business emphasis instead of straight business which may make life more enjoyable for him.

[8filltheheart]

Is he naturally organized? If not, a day-timer might help him see visually how to accomplish his daily goals.

 

Also, is he getting any exercise? Again, if not, encourage him to make a 30 min commitment/day to get some. Tell him his overall productivity will increase if he de-stresses and gets his endophins going instead of believing that he will get behind if he takes the time.

 

I would also recommend that he make contact with his professors. He should take time to go by their offices and let them know that he is stressed by his grades relying so much on a few multiple choice tests. They might have some good suggestions, etc. Becoming "a person" vs. just one of the crowd never hurts when it comes to dealing with a class.

 

I know it is easier said than done......but your stressing about it isn't helping him! :grouphug:

[Paz]

Thank you for your suggestions. I am not sure about the daytimer but I know that on their school blackboard (computerized email system) all of the teachers list reminders and assignments so that has been helpful. I think the no exercise is part of the problem. He was sick last week and still has the cough so he hasn't really been able to exercise for 2 weeks. He is used to biking about 25 miles 2 to 3 times a week so I know that is hard for him. I will also suggest talking to his professors. He is usually good at this but it doesn't hurt to remind him.

[Nan in Mass]

Maybe next semester he could sign up for a pe class. I took swimming, ballet, riding, gymnastics, and fencing in college various years. I did better when I had pe classes along with my regular ones. When I was in an apartment, my parents offered to sign me up for a partial meal plan (lunches and a few dinners). I should have done that. I could have saved time and effort and eaten more healthily if I'd switched my dinners for my lunches and eaten my big meal at school. My husband found that when he was living off-campus, it worked better to treat school like a job. He went in the morning and didn't go back home again until after he had finished all his studying. That way he didn't waste time going back and forth. Sometimes it takes awhile to learn to efficiently mix the ordinary living things and the schoolwork. When you get that figured out, things ease up.

-Nan

[Harriet Vane]

I second the recommendations for getting to know the professors and for taking a PE class.

 

I went to a ginormous public university. I am an introvert. I also have a personality type that needs to believe in what I am doing. As such, some of my non-major classes and the pre-req classes were really hard for me. These were gigantic lectures that often felt dumbed-down to me. It was easy to skip class, frequently, and still pull high grades. It seemed pointless, arbitrary, and thus I struggled. Being an introvert in an enormous lecture also was abrasive.

 

For me it did get much better when I was in upper-level classes in my major. The class sizes were much, much smaller. (My writing classes were often 7-10 students.) Also the subject matter was way more interesting, and way more applicable to what I really wanted to be doing.

 

There weren't a lot of professors I got to know personally, but when I did make that effort my motivation for the class was much higher. At a large university the student HAS to make that effort--the professor cannot.

 

My other recommendation is to get involved in a club of some sort. Having a tight group of friends in this large environment is essential. I joined InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, and it made an enormous difference to my ability to feel at home on campus. Whether a campus fellowship or a biking club or whatever, your son might be better equipped to deal with the large setting difficulties if he's got a good friendship connection.

[Halftime Hope]

and late nights not working well for him. I found that by going to bed early (10ish) and sleeping til 3, I could then get up, when it was completely quiet in the dorm and when I was rested, and have 4 hours to study that was "do or die" time, before my morning classes. Because there was a bit of pressure, a deadline, I was much more efficient than if I had tried to stay up til it was done.

 

Just a thought.

[Nan in Mass]

I did that. I worked better early in the morning than late at night. It is a bit risky because if your alarm clock doesn't go off you are in big trouble, but other than a few accidents (which I still have nightmares about today), it worked very well.