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I don't think the pictures of yourself are immodest. A V neck line doesn't always = cleavage. The last two pictures, though, are immodest, imo.
Swellmama's pics... I would not think that the second picture is appropriate. I would assume wardrobe malfunction and would be embarassed if I was the one in the picture.

 

For the dress, I do the same thing and either pin it or wear a nice tank top/camisole underneath.

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1. Has anyone here read Every Man's Battle? (EMB) It explains how men are wired physiologically different than women. As much as certain kinds of feminists (who are anything but IMHO) would like it not to be true, men and woman are inherently different--hormonally and neurologically. Why do you think there are so many sex books and marriage books that address achieving satisfaction in the bedroom? If our sexuality were identical, there would be no need for this kind of information. EMB explains the all important 72-hour rule, which has been a very crucial part of my marriage, though of course we don't follow it legalistically.

 

2. I was in a MOPS meeting where a woman spoke about overhearing her older elementary aged sons' discussing which mothers in church dressed the most "slutty." They were comparing several women based on how short their dresses were or lowcut their blouses. This brings me to another point:

 

What we wear sets the example for what our daughters and other people's daughters. I really resent having to tell my girls that we love so-and-so but we shouldn't dress like they do because God tells us to be modest, which means not showing off our bodies (they are beautiful and shouldn't be on display for the whole world). It's easier for me to do it with women who aren't Christians but it's harder for me to do it with a good attitude when it's teens or moms in church.

 

At the same time, I have compassion because I used to be that teen girl...until an older woman in church talked with my mom (and my best friend's mom) and kindly asked if we would stop wearing such short skirts because it was causing some of the single men to struggle. My friend's reaction was much like many on this board (that's their problem!) but I took it to heart and changed, though at first begrudgingly.

 

Having kids put an end to my bikini wearing and I'm glad about that, but I wish I would have known the principles in EMB when I was younger so I never would have worn them. Honestly, though, there was always that still, small voice making me feel not totally right when I dressed in skimpy attire (thankfully it wasn't all that often).

 

3. Just to show that I'm not legalistic... I was thin all my life until I turned 30 and put on 30 pounds (three babies later), so now I'm in the average range weight for my height (which feels fat to me). I rarely go shopping and if I do it's usually thrift stores, so I have a lot of hand-me-downs which I appreciate because of being frugal. Some of the jeans are tighter on my butt (but not skin tight all down the legs) and I still wear them (not in church settings unless I've got a long shirt). My butt is my best asset (pun intended) since I'm petite up top, but I try not to wear things that accentuate it. At the same time, if it's too cold to wear a skirt to church and all I've got that's dressy are semi-form fitting cords, I will wear them.

 

It's really simultaneously a heart and head issue -- an attitude of humility with discernment for how to practically apply that. Showing curves isn't the same as showing off, but if the intention is to draw others' eyes to them, it becomes that. As for baring skin in the areas that are linked with sexuality (breasts, midriff, thighs), I'm hard pressed to believe anyone would be "forced" to do that (unless they are a slave to the fashion industry) and can't think of any good reason to do it, unless it's to please your husband--like showing a little cleavage on a date, as someone else mentioned. For me, that would be wearing my "tight" jeans out with him.

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I hate that, too. It assumes all men are mere animals. But I would go further than that.

 

Personally, I believe strictures of dress on women are simply a tool of patriarchal oppression. That women feed into this and coerce other women into it through shame and fear tactics is, to me, one of the most despicable things about (some) women. When we not only willingly pick up the shackles of mysogyny, but clamp them on fellow women, we are perpetuating the denigration of our own humanity.

 

I couldn't agree more. It's one thing to feel convicted to dress 'modestly' yourself- it's another thing altogether to talk trash and make assumptions about women who feel differently. I hate anyone pushing their agenda onto others.

I know this is going a little OT, but I'm already typing so WTH?

:D I find that so many times people are trying so hard to convince themselves that they are 'right', that they ignite a hatred/intolerance of the subject/idea they are searching for the 'truth' about within themselves- therefore in order to feel secure lots of people need to put down opposing ideas. It's like kids making fun of kids in school.

I understand being frustrated by having things 'in your face' everywhere you go, believe me I do. BUT, it's your individual choice to live differently, and if seeing such things offends you then I'd say it's your job to steer clear of offensive situations as opposed to expecting everyone else in the world to meet your personal qualifications for public behavior. KWIM?

Here's a semi-related video from a 'different' perspective. I'm NOT posting this to offend (and like I said, I'm going OT). It has d**n in it, so if that truly offends you then don't click the link. It's about things being 'in your face' and being offended by it. (it's supposed to be humorous).

D**n Atheists

Happy viewing. :)

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1. Has anyone here read Every Man's Battle? (EMB) It explains how men are wired physiologically different than women. As much as certain kinds of feminists (who are anything but IMHO) would like it not to be true, men and woman are inherently different--hormonally and neurologically. Why do you think there are so many sex books and marriage books that address achieving satisfaction in the bedroom? If our sexuality were identical, there would be no need for this kind of information. EMB explains the all important 72-hour rule, which has been a very crucial part of my marriage, though of course we don't follow it legalistically.

 

 

 

I hope I'm not showing my ignorance, and my mind is probably in the gutter, but what's the "all important 72-hour rule?" Are you supposed to have "tea" every 72 hours? :ohmy:

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Here's a semi-related video from a 'different' perspective. I'm NOT posting this to offend (and like I said, I'm going OT). It has d**n in it, so if that truly offends you then don't click the link. It's about things being 'in your face' and being offended by it. (it's supposed to be humorous).

D**n Atheists

Happy viewing. :)

Not a bad video, not wholly accurate as I'm sure anyone of any belief system can show how their belief system is overshadowed by others in various areas of life. Definitely OT considering that modesty isn't just a "faith based" issue ;)

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I was in a MOPS meeting where a woman spoke about overhearing her older elementary aged sons' discussing which mothers in church dressed the most "slutty." They were comparing several women based on how short their dresses were or lowcut their blouses.

 

Frankly, if I discovered my boys talking this way about women anywhere, let alone in our church, my heart would be broken, and I would be seriously doubting how I raised my children. Although, maybe that woman was proud of her sons' perception and judgment? This disgusts me far more than anyone's cleavage ever could.

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I really resent having to tell my girls that we love so-and-so but we shouldn't dress like they do because God tells us to be modest, which means not showing off our bodies (they are beautiful and shouldn't be on display for the whole world). It's easier for me to do it with women who aren't Christians but it's harder for me to do it with a good attitude when it's teens or moms in church.

 

You genuinely resent that other people have different standards of dress from what you set for yourself and your children? Even those (though less so) who don't share your faith, and have NO REASON to abide by the dress standards set by your religious book?

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You want to cry because some people make a CHOICE to dress a certain way other than the way you feel acceptable?

 

Not in the least. I don't show my own (voluminous) cleavage, and I'm so happy to be in turtleneck season again. I want to cry because it's so obvious that some people despise and mistrust other women so much for their choices, yet expect everyone else to respect their own. So often in these threads, I see our poor, savage, weak, put-upon men put on pedestals and tenderly "protected" and shielded, and other women given no quarter and thrown into the muck--no grace extended, no talk about the "plank in your own eye." Where are the personal responsibility advocates that I'm forever seeing on this board when we have these discussions about our husbands stumbling?

 

You know what I keep wondering when I read these threads here? Why are we not talking about why women wear makeup? Shave their legs and armpits? Wear nice clothing for no real reason when they go out? Wear strappy sandals and keep their feet nice and their toes and fingers neat and polished up? If we don't want to feel like we look nice and attractive when we go out in public, why not only do these things for our husbands? Why not wear our comfy sweatpants and bleach-stained favorite shirts everywhere we go, with our hair in sloppy ponytails and our fresh-from-the-shower faces? I dress nicely and put on eyeliner and nice shoes and fix my hair when I go out, and I'm trying to lose 50 pounds because I think the extra weight I'm carrying makes me look less attractive. Does this make a whore who only feels value in my sexuality? It's not because I want your husband leering at me from across the checkout stand in the grocery store. I want to look nice when ANYONE looks at me. I want men and women both to look at me in the store and think what an attractive person I am. Ladies, lock up your men, because here I come!!!

Edited by melissel
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Sometimes there's so much misogyny on this board it makes me want to cry :(
I think I know what you are getting at... because I was just thinking of women I know that have ample breasts and purposely slouch, wear there bra straps too loosely or wear the wrong sized bra because they are afraid to have their breasts show "in all their glory" if you will.
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Not a bad video, not wholly accurate as I'm sure anyone of any belief system can show how their belief system is overshadowed by others in various areas of life. Definitely OT considering that modesty isn't just a "faith based" issue ;)

 

Oh I agree, I think that most people feel that others are 'pushing' their own ideas/ideology/etc. onto them in some fashion. That was my link to people being offended by what other people are wearing in public. You can focus on what others are doing and be offended, or you can live and let live. Some things ARE outrageous, but that doesn't mean that we HAVE to say something about it (then or later on a message board ;) ). And I did say that I was veering Off Topic :).

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1. Has anyone here read Every Man's Battle? (EMB) It explains how men are wired physiologically different than women. As much as certain kinds of feminists (who are anything but IMHO) would like it not to be true, men and woman are inherently different--hormonally and neurologically. Why do you think there are so many sex books and marriage books that address achieving satisfaction in the bedroom? If our sexuality were identical, there would be no need for this kind of information. EMB explains the all important 72-hour rule, which has been a very crucial part of my marriage, though of course we don't follow it legalistically.

 

 

 

 

I have no idea what the 72 hour rule is.-- wait (behold the power of google), after reading an amazon review that goes into it the premise of the 72 hours the whole book is deeply, deeply disturbing (the most telling from a Pastor who was saying how bad it was).

 

It sounds like the author is telling wives to just lie back and think of England so that your poor husband doesn't fall into lust by another woman's books.

 

Totally off topic-

 

You want to know why I started writing erotica? Becuase most women I knew were so bound by fear and self loathing that they could not operate in an deeply intimate happily functioning relationship with their husbands, they therefore withheld thier hearts and bodies. (Not that the onus fell on the shoulders of the wife alone)

 

You want to know who most of those women were? Christians, bound by what they feared was a sin in the bedroom . What to know who read the most erotica? Christian women (there was a poll, I would have to look far and wide for it, it was @ 5 years ago). I believe becuase they WANT to have that relationship, they are just too oppressed by legalisim within the church to reach out for it. And that book just added more shame and law.

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Not in the least. I don't show my own (voluminous) cleavage, and I'm so happy to be in turtleneck season again. I want to cry because it's so obvious that some people despise and mistrust other women so much for their choices, yet expect everyone else to respect their own. So often in these threads, I see our poor, savage, weak, put-upon men put on pedestals and tenderly "protected" and shielded, and other women given no quarter and thrown into the muck--no grace extended, no talk about the "plank in your own eye." Where are the personal responsibility advocates that I'm forever seeing on this board when we have these discussions about our husbands stumbling?

 

Oh, I think many of us have spoken up in the thread about this very thing and in *every other* thread like this. Sheesh, it comes up at least every other month. That website that was posted before was very telling, imo, nearly everything (except gauchos) seemed to cause *someone* to stumble. Guess we had better resort to these.

 

Do some things bother me? Yes, they do. Do I think "wow, she's immodest" just because she is sitting wrong, her bra strap is hanging down her arm, she's wearing the wrong color bra, etc? No, I don't. It's my problem and nobody else's. Anyone telling *other people* they need to dress to their own standards of modesty or they are immodest/slutty/etc is just plain wrong and misogynistic, I agree.

Edited by Mrs Mungo
curse you, typos!
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Oh I agree, I think that most people feel that others are 'pushing' their own ideas/ideology/etc. onto them in some fashion. That was my link to people being offended by what other people are wearing in public. You can focus on what others are doing and be offended, or you can live and let live. Some things ARE outrageous, but that doesn't mean that we HAVE to say something about it (then or later on a message board ;) ). And I did say that I was veering Off Topic :).

Agreed. However, like anything else, it is a topic that can be discussed. It's interesting to get perspective on why people presume others do something vs why those people say they do something ;)

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Not in the least. I don't show my own (voluminous) cleavage, and I'm so happy to be in turtleneck season again. I want to cry because it's so obvious that some people despise and mistrust other women so much for their choices, yet expect everyone else to respect their own. So often in these threads, I see our poor, savage, weak, put-upon men put on pedestals and tenderly "protected" and shielded, and other women given no quarter and thrown into the muck--no grace extended, no talk about the "plank in your own eye." Where are the personal responsibility advocates that I'm forever seeing on this board when we have these discussions about our husbands stumbling?

Bingo.

 

I dress to please my husband...if it were *just* about me, I'd never wear anything but big sweatshirts and jogging pants.

 

I forgot to quote it, but the slouching and buying wrong sized bra...so me before I was married! Never ceased to amaze me how I was perceived as being 'competition' simply because of my chest. Well, that and being a single mom, cause we all know that single mothers travel with mattresses on their backs. :glare: Having a huge chest AND a single mom?! Well, I'm amazed other women didn't have me wearing sackcloth and ashes to protect their poor, easily tempted men.:glare::glare::glare:

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:w00t:

 

At the grocery store, at church ... and not just a little!!

 

 

:001_huh:

 

I thought of this thread today while at our co-op. A ninth grade girl was wearing a *very* low cut top, and showing very defined cleavage (methinks a pushup bra was likely involved as well). I almost posted the other day that cleavage didn't bother me much, but I have to say, it bothered me today. It seemed wrong in a girl that young, in a homeschool co-op setting. More than anything, I felt sorry for her, because I think it's likely that she didn't know what message she was sending. :(

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Is this more a case of no common sense or no sense of appropriateness? Clueless? Manners? It seems to me that anyone would know that that type of dress is not appropriate in a CHURCH. Well, the churches I know of anyway. A nightclub, maybe. I wouldn't, but at least it fits the environment more. Would they go to a job interview dressed like that, and I mean a legitimate job interview (office or such)? Even in S. Florida? It seems like there is a total lack of appropriate behavior, not just dress.

 

Janet

 

My hubby onced worked at a place that had to send out a memo stating that big fluffy bunny slippers were not appropriate work atttire. :tongue_smilie:

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I think it's about power. Some women believe their "power" is in how they attract males (regardless of intentions) by "accentuating" their feminine charms. True strength lies in dignified humility.

 

And herein lies my point. Why would it be so hard to fathom that not every women who dresses in a way that YOU may think provocative even gives a darn? Why must it be so hard to believe that some people might dress a certain way because THEY like how THEY look and are comfortable that way? Most people like to look nice to outsiders when they walk out of the house, do they not? IMO, this is such a negative view of other women and really extends no compassion and grace in any form. Apparently, if you're not with us, you're against us.

Edited by melissel
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I thought of this thread today while at our co-op. A ninth grade girl was wearing a *very* low cut top, and showing very defined cleavage (methinks a pushup bra was likely involved as well). I almost posted the other day that cleavage didn't bother me much, but I have to say, it bothered me today. It seemed wrong in a girl that young, in a homeschool co-op setting. More than anything, I felt sorry for her, because I think it's likely that she didn't know what message she was sending. :(
Yes, but everyone thinks (insert celebrity here) is beautiful. The guy I have a crush on loves (insert celebrity here). My DH never misses a movie with (insert celebrity here). (Insert celebrity here) always wears tops like this. He loves those commercials/ magazines that have the pictures of models dressed like this.
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Most people like to look nice to outsiders when they walk out of the house, do they not?
Exactly. What are we as a society trained to think looks nice? Do I look in the mirror when I am dressed immodestly and sigh because I look good but I know it isn't acceptable so I need to add a layer, pin, or button? Yup.
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Agreed. However, like anything else, it is a topic that can be discussed. It's interesting to get perspective on why people presume others do something vs why those people say they do something ;)

 

I think this actually points out the bottom line of this thread-assigning a motive for something to someone else is RUDE.

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Oh, I think many of us have spoken up in the thread about this very thing and in *every other* thread like this. Sheesh, it comes up at least every other month. That website that was posted before was very telling, imo, nearly everything (except gauchos) seemed to cause *someone* to stumble.
Ahem, and overalls. Now we know what we can wear!:tongue_smilie::lol: The most frumpy out of date unattractive clothing available... Hey what about sweatpants? At least they are unattractive and comfy right?

 

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Wow! I am not impressed what I've read about Every Man's Battle. I can't figure where they would get the 72 hour rule, because it certainly would not apply here.

 

 

And another OT: my opinion of women's erotic stories is that it's merely porn for women, or what's called soft porn. Instead of pictures, it's words. And yes, I'm very familiar with them as my, yes Christian, grandmother gave me her already read ones from the time I was 12. They created an unrealistic view of relationships and sex even though they were quite entertaining (and not just the sex...many of these authors do a fair amount of historical research on events, people, and costuming). Personally, I think the stories can be just as entertaining without the sexual details ;)

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I hate that, too. It assumes all men are mere animals. But I would go further than that.

 

Personally, I believe strictures of dress on women are simply a tool of patriarchal oppression. That women feed into this and coerce other women into it through shame and fear tactics is, to me, one of the most despicable things about (some) women. When we not only willingly pick up the shackles of mysogyny, but clamp them on fellow women, we are perpetuating the denigration of our own humanity.

 

Audrey, you said it perfectly. The patriarchy (or perhaps I should say The Patriarchy, because it's pretty well organized, isn't it?) sets these standards for women to control them. How is this all that different from a burqa? Is that the next logical step?

 

I have always thought that the worst oppression of women is perpetuated by other women, who are threatened by any woman who do it differently -- after all, if you don't tear down someone who does it differently, it might mean you realize your way isn't the "right" way.

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Agreed. However, like anything else, it is a topic that can be discussed. It's interesting to get perspective on why people presume others do something vs why those people say they do something ;)

 

Very true. And yet I keep seeing people talking about why they show cleavage, intentionally or inadvertently, and others keep shoutin' 'em on down:

 

"I have a hard time finding shirts that fit my tomes" -- "I/All my family members with tomes can find clothes to cover themselves, why can't you?"

 

"I like my cleavage, and I'm comfortable with it and how I look" -- "Women who intentionally show cleavage are only interested in displaying their sexual power and only find worth in their sexuality."

 

"I'm not a Christian, so the Biblical verses regarding immodesty don't apply to me" -- See above.

 

Yes, it's great to have discussions and gather perspective. Many here are not interested in perspective. They're only interested in denigrating people who think and feel differently than they do.

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You genuinely resent that other people have different standards of dress from what you set for yourself and your children? Even those (though less so) who don't share your faith, and have NO REASON to abide by the dress standards set by your religious book?

 

I also resent living in a fallen world. Guess that's just my perfectionism. Or could it be that this world was created by a perfect God who intended us live in purity, but loved us enough to let us go our own way, as perverse as it was from his original design? And that having found my way back to him (or rather, having been found), I yearn for holiness.

 

You make it sound like my personal values should have no bearing on how I perceive the world around me. The fact is that it's not just people of a particular religious belief who are bothered by and/or disapprove of women who dress without discretion to attract attention. I've exchanged knowing glances with women of all walks of life when we've both noticed a half-naked person strutting her stuff.

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Very true. And yet I keep seeing people talking about why they show cleavage, intentionally or inadvertently, and others keep shoutin' 'em on down:

 

"I have a hard time finding shirts that fit my tomes" -- "I/All my family members with tomes can find clothes to cover themselves, why can't you?"

 

"I like my cleavage, and I'm comfortable with it and how I look" -- "Women who intentionally show cleavage are only interested in displaying their sexual power and only find worth in their sexuality."

 

"I'm not a Christian, so the Biblical verses regarding immodesty don't apply to me" -- See above.

 

Yes, it's great to have discussions and gather perspective. Many here are not interested in perspective. They're only interested in denigrating people who think and feel differently than they do.

 

Both guilty and understanding. While nursing I have to look long and hard for tops that both fit and cover. Sorry, but I'm one that CANNOT were something too revealing (and no, I'm not oppressed, sexually or otherwise). But I do know that I and other women do find them. So I guess I get a little perplexed by that comment. (36H when nursing, but I cram them into 38DDD, because who can find an affordable "H" bra?)

Edited by mommaduck
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I think it's about power. Some women believe their "power" is in how they attract males (regardless of intentions) by "accentuating" their feminine charms. True strength lies in dignified humility.

Not about power here. It was about my dh complaining that for having a beautiful wife, he hated taking me out (grocery shopping, etc...not date night) looking frumpy. 'Frumpy' to him is baggy. A fitted t shirt, jeans that are snug in the bum area rather than saggy, tinted lip gloss, and he's happy. I'm not talking painted on or cut to the navel, either.

 

Date nights, he prefers my little purple dress. Cut above the knee, and showing cleavage. Or my black sleeveless sheath (somehow NOT cut to show off the Michilen Man tire, talk about awesome!) with the side slit that ends just above my knee.

 

The only 'power' involved in either situation is the power to make my husband's eyes light up, and the grin come to his face that tells me that six years and two babies later, he's proud to have me walk beside him, and finds me attractive. And that's the only thing I'm going for.

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Oh, did you see the fleavage and teavage post? I'm so sad they they took those tags off :lol:

 

Yes!! VERY clever! Look, some of us have them and some of us don't. Some like to show them and some of us won't. Some think they make men stumble and some think they don't.

 

Whatever.

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Oh, I think many of us have spoken up in the thread about this very thing and in *every other* thread like this. Sheesh, it comes up at least every other month. That website that was posted before was very telling, imo, nearly everything (except gauchos) seemed to cause *someone* to stumble./QUOTE]

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

I don't know if you saw my previous post in this thread. It was

 

I was once part of a group of young people who were very conservative in dress. The women wore skirts. To ride bicycles, we were allowed to wear gauchos. Until, one day, a young man went to the men at the top and told them that it caused him to stumble. The gauchos were no more. Personally, I thought a lot more stumbling could come from girls riding bicycles in skirts, but don't go applying logic. I just couldn't imagine what this guy did when he went to Wal-Mart, or anywhere public. I just don't know how he contained himself.

 

So there you go. A gaucho stumbler.

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Oh, I think many of us have spoken up in the thread about this very thing and in *every other* thread like this. Sheesh, it comes up at least every other month. That website that was posted before was very telling, imo, nearly everything (except gauchos) seemed to cause *someone* to stumble.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

I don't know if you saw my previous post in this thread. It was

 

I was once part of a group of young people who were very conservative in dress. The women wore skirts. To ride bicycles, we were allowed to wear gauchos. Until, one day, a young man went to the men at the top and told them that it caused him to stumble. The gauchos were no more. Personally, I thought a lot more stumbling could come from girls riding bicycles in skirts, but don't go applying logic. I just couldn't imagine what this guy did when he went to Wal-Mart, or anywhere public. I just don't know how he contained himself.

 

So there you go. A gaucho stumbler.

 

CURSES! :lol: eta: So, how did he feel about denim jumpers?

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women's erotic stories is that it's merely porn for women, or what's called soft porn. Instead of pictures, it's words. They created an unrealistic view of relationships and sex
:iagree:

 

EVERY thread about boobs gets this big! Cleavage (this is not the first), modesty (isn't it nearly all about the boobs), breastfeeding, bikinis, all of it!
:lol::lol:
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