Jump to content

Menu

Does anyone else have the wrong personality to get along with other women?


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 126
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

I wonder if classical homeschooling draws more of the "NT" type of woman, since many of us here resonate with what Angela is talking about. We like learning to reason well; good, thoughtful discussions; systematic approaches to learning and problem solving....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like my kind of friend. We offer advice, help find solutions, and even though we are alway sthere when someone needs a shoulder to cry on, we also will take dinner, clean your house, watch your kids, and get you to the doctor if that's what you need!

 

This is actually very true of all NTs, lol!

 

LOL!

 

I get along especially well with ENTJ's, I could be on a committee with you!

 

I have learned to identify what personalities go well with ENTJs and foster those relationships. I think my problem is that so many SFs serve on committees because we're all a team and we're all just here to have fun and we'll think about that hard stuff tomorrow! Strictly my interpretation, not actual fact, mind you. That drives me craaaaazy. :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wonder if classical homeschooling draws more of the "NT" type of woman, since many of us here resonate with what Angela is talking about. We like learning to reason well; good, thoughtful discussions; systematic approaches to learning and problem solving....

 

Yes, a lot of NT's and NF's, and also a fair amount of SJ's which I would not have predicted, there was a later poll I'll try to find, I'll update this post if I find them, here's just the N/S poll:

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=83171&highlight=intp+infp+infj

 

Here are the polls with the full breakouts:

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=83440&highlight=types+visual+statistics

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=83441&highlight=E%27s+vote

Edited by ElizabethB
Link to comment
Share on other sites

http://www.personalitydesk.com/myersbriggs.php

 

Read the bit under thinking/feeling.

 

Sexist implies you believe something occurs naturally. I think this is *strictly* cultural.

 

is having a negative opinion about a group simply because of their gender. It can apply to men or to women. It's like being racist--having a negative opinion of a group simply because of their race.

 

The thing that I find most ironic about this thread, not about anyone in particular but just in general, is how all of these counterexamples to the originating stereotype have been expressed, and yet the stereotype has been reinforced.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

is having a negative opinion about a group simply because of their gender. It can apply to men or to women. It's like being racist--having a negative opinion of a group simply because of their race.

 

I think what you are seeing in most of the posts is expressions of frustration and being in the minority as far as *personality type* for your sex goes. Did you read the link?

 

The thing that I find most ironic about this thread, not about anyone in particular but just in general, is how all of these counterexamples to the originating stereotype have been expressed, and yet the stereotype has been reinforced.

 

As has already been noted, there is a bigger proportion of NTs among the women here than in the general population. It makes sense that those types are drawn to Classical Education. Even though I'm an E, the polls show most of the people here are I, something else that makes sense.

 

I have lots of women friends. However, I know that the personality types I get along with are a minority among women.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think what you are seeing in most of the posts is expressions of frustration and being in the minority as far as *personality type* for your sex goes.

 

I agree with you except that I don't agree that they are necessarily in a gender linked minority; rather, an intellectual or focus minority.

 

Did you read the link?

Yes, I did, but I don't necessarily consider it to be a type of evidence on par with peer reviewed studies or having made much of an attempt to remove cultural from inherent qualities. I know that MB is supposed to be inherent, but I don't know whether it has been proven to be bias free. I do think that it describes empirical reality to a large extent.

 

As has already been noted, there is a bigger proportion of NTs among the women here than in the general population. It makes sense that those types are drawn to Classical Education. Even though I'm an E, the polls show most of the people here are I, something else that makes sense.

 

Yup, pretty much my point. Except that I would also extend the point to saying that since there are so many of us here with so much in common, and since most of us are women, it behooves us to take that observation seriously as well, and not to say that we have the wrong personality to get along with women. Our community here belies that. SWB's existance and our respect for her belie that. What many of us have, as you put it so well, is a higher comfort level with our own personality types, not specifically with men or with women.

 

I have lots of women friends. However, I know that the personality types I get along with are a minority among women.

 

I have many women friends, some of whom are of my personality type and some of whom are not. I don't fit very many stereotypes of women, but I do believe them to be stereotypes rather than reality. I think that we really have to be careful not to apply sterotypes toward women or anyone else, especially those that we ourselves prove are not all-pervasive.

 

I believe that for a woman to put down women as a group puts herself down as well.

 

And it does not surprise me that so many of us here are non-standard in the way that we live as women. After all, let's face it, we are non-standard in homeschooling our children. And we are further non-standard in trying to homeschool in a rigorous, intellectual fashion with a focus on world history. Why wouldn't we be non-standard on committees or in other social groups as well? We are about as weird as they come, but in a good way.

 

And frankly, although I don't know very many women who are just like me, I don't know very many men who are either.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I believe that for a woman to put down women as a group puts herself down as well.

I haven't seen anywhere in the thread where any personality type or group has been "put down." Recognizing personality conflicts or that certain personalities are in the minority doesn't belittle any group. I can say that my eldest child is studious, my middle child is outgoing, my youngest is sweet and caring. None of those things is bad, they are just different.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I haven't seen anywhere in the thread where any personality type or group has been "put down." Recognizing personality conflicts or that certain personalities are in the minority doesn't belittle any group. I can say that my eldest child is studious, my middle child is outgoing, my youngest is sweet and caring. None of those things is bad, they are just different.

:iagree:

 

My favorite MBTI book is "Gifts Differing," it highlights the strengths associated with each type and that we all have "gifts differing."

 

Certain types are easier to get along with than others, and I've found it helpful to know the strengths and weaknesses of each type, it makes it easier for me to communicate with and get along with others who think differently than me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find, as others have stated as well, that the majority of women I meet IRL are not like me in personality. I wasn't putting down their personality, just asking for advice on how to relate to them in a way that doesn't make them think I dislike them or cause me to burn out from being fake. On the flip side, these women act toward me in the way they think makes me happy (positive words, etc.,) but it doesn't do much for me because they don't show it in their actions.

 

Yes, when in a random group of 10 women IRL, I have the different personality, I lightly refer to it here as the "wrong personality."

 

I purposefully worded my question to invite in those who are like me into this thread, so that I could get advice from them, so I don't know that this thread in any way demonstrates the average personality of this board, homeschoolers, women, etc. It demonstrates the average personality of someone who saw my post and could relate.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

is having a negative opinion about a group simply because of their gender. It can apply to men or to women. It's like being racist--having a negative opinion of a group simply because of their race.

 

The thing that I find most ironic about this thread, not about anyone in particular but just in general, is how all of these counterexamples to the originating stereotype have been expressed, and yet the stereotype has been reinforced.

 

I don't have a negative opinion of other women as a group - as a matter of fact, I strive to make myself do things in a more feminine way that don't come natural to me, because I think those things are worthwhile. It is just naturally easier for me to make conversation with men most of the time. That doesn't mean I think they are better - just acknowledging general gender differences. I do believe in general difference, even though I tend to be an outlier.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I haven't seen anywhere in the thread where any personality type or group has been "put down." Recognizing personality conflicts or that certain personalities are in the minority doesn't belittle any group. I can say that my eldest child is studious, my middle child is outgoing, my youngest is sweet and caring. None of those things is bad, they are just different.

 

I have seen a lot of posts in this thread that are disparaging about women as a group--kind of an eye rolling, 'I can't stand them' stance.

 

It's true that one can say that my child is studious or outgoing or sweet without indicating value; however, for example, saying one just can't stand being around boys because they are so active does assign value. It's that kind of example that is bothering me.

 

I guess I think the association of the particular set of fairly unpleasant traits with all women was to tar us all with a brush that very clearly doesn't match, and, ironically, a sexist one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have many women friends, some of whom are of my personality type and some of whom are not. I don't fit very many stereotypes of women, but I do believe them to be stereotypes rather than reality. I think that we really have to be careful not to apply sterotypes toward women or anyone else, especially those that we ourselves prove are not all-pervasive.

 

I believe that for a woman to put down women as a group puts herself down as well.

 

 

I actually agree with this. I had a paragraph at the end of my first response to this thread saying that I kind of object to "women" being the problem - as while I totally get the kind of "woman" being referred to here as someone I can't relate to, we who are responding are also women. There are obviously plenty of women who are not at all like that sterotype (ie pretty much everyone responding to this thread) and that I have no trouble relating to. I am a woman, I enjoy being a woman, and don't like being lumped in with a bunch of bubble-headed nincompoops, which is what is really being talked about here. I agree that those people are annoying and I can't relate to them, I just don't think bubble-headed nincompoop = woman.

 

I like hanging out on this board, for example, which is, oh, 95%+ women.

I don't see a lot of threads here about how to color my hair or where to get the best bargain on overpriced stilettos in spite of the overwhelming femaleness of this board.

 

My problem is mostly with mainstream group-think. There is a male sterotype of this - football watching, beer drinking troglodyte. That's not all men either. I don't like sitting around and talking sports stats and burping anymore than I like sitting around talking about shopping and manicures. Blech on both counts.

 

I like thinking people.

 

But I deleted the paragraph because I thought it might be too argumentative. Ooo, how female of me. :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know how else to put it. THe majority of women on this board are NT. The majority of women in life are not. The majority of men in life are NT. One aspect of NT life is that non NT people often find us cold and unemotional because we do tend to use our rational side instead of our emotional side.I went to a conference on one of my diseases and our substitute keynote speaker talked about statistics of the types and gender and who they marry and what tends to work. 60% of men are NT, 40% of women are NT. The NT men will marry either. The NT women will marry NT guys. Their marriages tend to work out. The NT men who marry SJ women are the majority of late divorce marriages where the woman wants a divorce. Why? Because they don't feel loved and they have been waiting for him to change and he doesn't. An NT man will consider providing for his family to be of utmost importance and how he shows his love.

 

In the same way, when we talk with other women, we tend to want to give practical advice if asked but are a lot less comfortable and adept at muttering benign pleasantries. Constant gushing about isn't it cute, isn't it adorable type of group doesn't interest me.

 

I do get along with some women's groups - mostly ones where we have a specific interest and topic to address- gardening club where we discuss flowers scientifically and practically, book clubs where we analyze books, Bible studies where we are studying something intellectual rather than reflecting on our emotional connection to something,etc. I do go to social events and can ask polite questions and reply politely. I just don't make friends with emotional women and don't usually find that they have any trouble making plenty of friends.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's not that I don't get along well with women, but I do not tolerate frivolous, air-headed people well. I find that too many women steer towards that. I know women who I *KNOW* are very intelligent and capable of carrying on a decent conversation, but somehow, in group settings even they will go with the air-head flow.

 

I don't play that game, so I choose to stay away from it when possible.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have seen a lot of posts in this thread that are disparaging about women as a group--kind of an eye rolling, 'I can't stand them' stance.

 

It's true that one can say that my child is studious or outgoing or sweet without indicating value; however, for example, saying one just can't stand being around boys because they are so active does assign value. It's that kind of example that is bothering me.

 

Where did anyone say that they "can't stand" a particular trait?

 

I said a particular personality trait "drives me crazy" *under a specific circumstance* but that's on me, not them. It drives me crazy that a specific personality type likes to serve on committees because I don't feel they are productive but they like it because it makes them feel in the thick of things. *I* need committees to be *productive*. Otherwise, I think, why bother? Clearly, other people feel differently and serve on committees for all sorts of social reasons that don't appeal to *me*. It doesn't make them bad people, just people *I, personally* don't like to serve on committees with. It's a bad mix.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know how else to put it. THe majority of women on this board are NT. The majority of women in life are not. The majority of men in life are NT. One aspect of NT life is that non NT people often find us cold and unemotional because we do tend to use our rational side instead of our emotional side.I went to a conference on one of my diseases and our substitute keynote speaker talked about statistics of the types and gender and who they marry and what tends to work. 60% of men are NT, 40% of women are NT. The NT men will marry either. The NT women will marry NT guys. Their marriages tend to work out. The NT men who marry SJ women are the majority of late divorce marriages where the woman wants a divorce. Why? Because they don't feel loved and they have been waiting for him to change and he doesn't. An NT man will consider providing for his family to be of utmost importance and how he shows his love.

 

 

My dad is an INTJ, my mom is an ESFJ. While they have always had a strong marriage, about 15 years ago when I started reading MBTI things to my mom, she said,

 

"I wish I had known this when I first married your dad! I almost understand him now and wouldn't have spent so much time trying to change him."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

*I* need committees to be *productive*. Otherwise, I think, why bother? Clearly, other people feel differently and serve on committees for all sorts of social reasons that don't appeal to *me*. It doesn't make them bad people, just people *I, personally* don't like to serve on committees with. It's a bad mix.

 

...I really liked it!

 

(And it's a bad mix for me, too, to serve on committees like that.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't see a lot of threads here about how to color my hair or where to get the best bargain on overpriced stilettos in spite of the overwhelming femaleness of this board.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

After knee surgery, I had to give up the few pairs of heels I had and switch to comfy shoes. This was 5 years ago, and I still don't own a pair of uncomfortable shoes! I even wear low heeled comfortable shoes when I have to go to formal military balls.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

See, here when you said 'people' instead of 'women'...

 

...I really liked it!

 

(And it's a bad mix for me, too, to serve on committees like that.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

If it hasn't been your experience that most of those people are women, fair enough. In my experience, they are. Granted, my circle is made up of *mostly* military people. Those types of men probably wouldn't do well in the military, so, they probably are not in my frame of reference. I get along really well with the types of women who serve in the military and their male spouses, lol.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've always gotten along better with guys vs gals. Men aren't catty, for the most part could care less about all the girly garbage (yet still appreciate femininity), and are willing to get into heavy, oft times debates, discussions and still disagree, shake hands, and go get a beer (figuratively or literally)...less drama, less emotions. Unless you get one of those men that make it a personal mission to make everyone see that he is RIGHT and will use any manipulative tactics he possesses to force a person to his way of thinking (yeah, I've run into a couple of those as well...ugh!).

 

My best female friends have been those that are willing to tell you like it is and stick it out through the uncomfortable times as well as the fun times. They will drop everything at the drop of a hat to drive 4hrs to walk your non-contracting pregnant self through WM 20x's a day or come and help you out of a jam. I have had a female friend like that and I've tried to be one of those female friends. Unfortunately, most of us seem to congregate online LOL!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Those types of men probably wouldn't do well in the military, so, they probably are not in my frame of reference. I get along really well with the types of women who serve in the military and their male spouses, lol.

 

LOL, they can do fine if they are in the medical field, but not the regular Air Force, they would get run right out of there.

 

I knew we would get along, I was in the Air Force for 11 years before I was promoted to mom.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

LOL, they can do fine if they are in the medical field, but not the regular Air Force, they would get run right out of there.

 

My hubby is in a joint job, I actually had in mind one of our good friends and her hubby. She's an Air Force officer. He is the social coordinator for our coffee group. :D

 

I knew we would get along, I was in the Air Force for 11 years before I was promoted to mom.

 

I'm sure we would! :grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm going to have to run and hide after posting this, but....

 

...every woman I've ever met who says this is basically trying to excuse their own rudeness and personality flaws as something desirable, "man personality", if you will. Because obviously, a "rational" person (ie, a man) would "get" them and not be offended by whatever rude or selfish trait they have.

 

Its kind of like the female version of men who say "Well, I'm just a tell-it-like-it-is guy. Don't like it, leave!" What they are basically saying is they are an a$$hole who won't come out of their self-centered personality to treat others decently.

 

By deflecting the problem to how others react to the behavior, it doesn't have to be addressed.

 

I am NOT saying everyone on this thread (I've only read the first 2 pages, anyway) fits this, or even anyone, just every woman I've met in real life who says this. I've met enough of them (and the male countertype) that I'm not just pulling this out of my butt, though.

 

Running away now!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have never understood girlie girls, but if they are polite, we get on okay. The ones who are all huffy and too stupid to understand anyone who is not just exactly like them usually end up hating me and being on the mean side. I feel like I'm in 5th grade again, and I hate it.

 

Most of my pals, when young, were male. As I've gotten older I've found my female peers have gotten tougher and shed the "oh, I've dropped my hankie" stuff, and I like older women more and more. My mother was a mountain climber who never cried, a work horse and child-bearer who could swear like a trucker. She also cooked lovely pies, and knitted and kept our house and garden things of beauty. My father was a mountain climber who never cried, but he was so sweet and gentle and loved children and never raised his voice. I like people to be people, not stereotypes. I like the quote "the differences within the sexes is greater than the differences between the sexes", meaning a male jerk and a female jerk have more in common than a male jerk and an honorable male.

 

I also like Forster's What I Believe. It spoke to me from a young age:

 

http://www.harpers.org/archive/2008/01/hbc-90002010

Edited by kalanamak
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wonder if classical homeschooling draws more of the "NT" type of woman, since many of us here resonate with what Angela is talking about. We like learning to reason well; good, thoughtful discussions; systematic approaches to learning and problem solving....

 

http://www.capt.org/mbti-assessment/estimated-frequencies.htm

 

According to this, female NTs are rare.

 

Regards from an ST, far across that wide S-N gulch. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm going to have to run and hide after posting this, but....

 

...every woman I've ever met who says this is basically trying to excuse their own rudeness and personality flaws as something desirable, "man personality", if you will. Because obviously, a "rational" person (ie, a man) would "get" them and not be offended by whatever rude or selfish trait they have.

 

Its kind of like the female version of men who say "Well, I'm just a tell-it-like-it-is guy. Don't like it, leave!" What they are basically saying is they are an a$$hole who won't come out of their self-centered personality to treat others decently.

 

By deflecting the problem to how others react to the behavior, it doesn't have to be addressed.

 

I am NOT saying everyone on this thread (I've only read the first 2 pages, anyway) fits this, or even anyone, just every woman I've met in real life who says this. I've met enough of them (and the male countertype) that I'm not just pulling this out of my butt, though.

 

Running away now!!

 

I'd like to enter this post into evidence as "exhibit A."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just don't think we are all going to get on like a house on fire, with everyone we meet. If you have some people in your life who appreciate you exactly as you are, you are lucky and theres no problem. Not everyone is going to appreciate you though, and it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.

 

On the other hand, we all have personality traits that don't work so well for us at times, and it helps to be ruthlessly honest with oneself, and be willing to do a bit of healing and feeling work, to see why we always attract something we would rather not attract.

 

Of course we shouldnt change ourselves just to suit others. We are here to be ourselves, we are all unique withour own gifts. But if something hurts, rather than blaming someone else, it helps to see what we are doing as well. Brushing it aside can be a way of avoiding.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just don't think we are all going to get on like a house on fire, with everyone we meet. If you have some people in your life who appreciate you exactly as you are, you are lucky and theres no problem. Not everyone is going to appreciate you though, and it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.

 

On the other hand, we all have personality traits that don't work so well for us at times, and it helps to be ruthlessly honest with oneself, and be willing to do a bit of healing and feeling work, to see why we always attract something we would rather not attract.

 

Of course we shouldnt change ourselves just to suit others. We are here to be ourselves, we are all unique withour own gifts. But if something hurts, rather than blaming someone else, it helps to see what we are doing as well. Brushing it aside can be a way of avoiding.

 

I don't think any NTs believe there is anything "wrong" with them, that's part of our charm (or not, according to exhibit A). ;) I don't see any "blame" here, either. Oil and water don't mix. That doesn't mean one is right and one is wrong.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I'm an NT, and I have always had lots of great male friends, and a couple of close female friends.

 

My BEST female friends are even less girly than I am. We sometimes do things with our more "typical" women friends, but mostly I feel drained after being around them and say, "Let's not do that again for a LONG time."

 

I've been fortunate to have had some of my male friends for 30 years. There was never anything but friendship on both sides.

 

My husband understands all of this, because he was one of them for years. I'll call him and say, "I'm in town, so I'm going to go out to breakfast with Bill, or Smiley, or Leo." He will say, "Give him a hug from me, and invite him to come over soon." I guess it helps that Dh is an NT too.

 

I am not rude. I'm not insensitive. I just dislike being around anyone overly emotional, or who plays games. It's just not how I choose to spend my life.

 

Fortunately, so far, my daughters have been people I completely adore to spend time with. If my son will just marry the kind of woman I like, I'll have it made!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:lol::lol::lol:

 

 

Oy, if anyone that knew would have read her description and knew me, they'd be :lol: also. I don't have "man personality" and I'm not a rude, disrespectful @$$hole as she so indelicately put it.

 

Meh, one person's rude a$$hole is another person's delightfully honest best friend in the whole world. One person's "treat everyone with respect and decency" is another person's catty, fake, passive-aggressive bit%h. I think it's all in your perspective. :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am not rude. I'm not insensitive. I just dislike being around anyone overly emotional, or who plays games. It's just not how I choose to spend my life.

 

 

Exactly.

 

Rude, insensitive, selfish people don't care so much about how other people feel about their interactions with them. I think sometimes my problem is that I care TOO much about them, as in, "I care enough to try to help you." It has helped some people, but it obviously upsets some people, so I am trying to figure that out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think any NTs believe there is anything "wrong" with them, that's part of our charm (or not, according to exhibit A). ;) I don't see any "blame" here, either. Oil and water don't mix. That doesn't mean one is right and one is wrong.

 

Not only do I completely agree (and totally identify) with this post, I have to laugh out loud, because when dh and others find it necessary to point out any of my idiosyncrasies (among them rudeness, bluntness, "coldness"), that's my standard response:

 

"It's part of my charm."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am INTP

 

I have issues hanging out with women sometimes because I don't really like gossip.

 

I even have a guy friend who gossips so badly I often interrupt him to ask him to talk about something else.

 

 

I will not try and say I am not emotional, I am emotional..I just watched a movie last night and wept and wept, I just don't like it. :lol: If I had known it was going to be THAT sad I would not have watched it. I didn't realize it was so different from the story..I might have approached it with greater caution if I had. I was kind of PMS-ing too.

 

Frailty thy name is woman. Sheesh. Whatevah.

Edited by Sis
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...