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Women who stand beside their scandal-ridden husbands . . .


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It's on the news again today. The politician caught. The news conference. The stoic wife by his side.

 

I just don't know if I could do it.

 

I cannot imagine the humiliation experienced by these wives. In front of everyone.

 

I would be so devastated, I don't think I could see anyone for a while. If I *tried* to stand beside someone, I'd probably be crying the whole time. My makeup would be a mess.

 

Maybe these women are made of something tougher than I. After all, their lives have been under public scrutiny in good times, as well.

 

I am awed that they can do it. God bless them.

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I'm not sure why you say SHE'S humiliated.?????? He's the jerk. She has every right to disassociate herself from him. IMHO, That would be showing strength.

 

I would be embarrassed to be standing next to this guy. I'd be in my lawyer's office filing for divorce and letting him handle his press problem on his own.

 

Reminds me too much of the NJ governor. Yikes.

 

k

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Guest Virginia Dawn
It's on the news again today. The politician caught. The news conference. The stoic wife by his side.

 

I just don't know if I could do it.

 

I cannot imagine the humiliation experienced by these wives. In front of everyone.

 

I would be so devastated, I don't think I could see anyone for a while. If I *tried* to stand beside someone, I'd probably be crying the whole time. My makeup would be a mess.

 

Maybe these women are made of something tougher than I. After all, their lives have been under public scrutiny in good times, as well.

 

I am awed that they can do it. God bless them.

 

I imagine that a great deal of the time there are advantages or incentives to remaining.

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for their children and their family. At least that's the only thing that would motivate me to act so dutifully.

 

I just don't get what's wrong with these men. Here's a guy who's been offered every opportunity in the world - money, education, a gorgeous wife, beautiful kids - and yet he chooses to throw it all away. I just don't get it. What goes on inside a man's head?

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I would like to think I would stand by him calmly that first day - the hardest day. He still has children and friends and a mother who will possibly watch tv that day, and I would want to show some strength and loyalty.

 

I'd have the rest of my life to figure out what it meant to my marriage and whether I even have a marriage left.

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It's on the news again today. The politician caught. The news conference. The stoic wife by his side.

 

I just don't know if I could do it.

 

I cannot imagine the humiliation experienced by these wives. In front of everyone.

 

 

She is a Harvard Law School grad. I suspect she is dripping with confidence. Another politician's wife was interviewed and she aksed people not to judge, that her motives for being the SBYM wife were for the children, for not blowing up what future there may be, for maintaining dignity about something that is, after all, smaller than the crisis in Darfur, 9/11, etc.

 

That said, I always, always, always knew there was something wrong with Elliot Spitzer. I was just sure he was trying to gun for the Presidency and was a little glad his tactics as AG weren't working so well in his new role, as I was just sure there was something wrong, wrong, wrong. Blind Ambition comes to mind.

 

I personally could care less if a politician has an affair. But this in a world of HIV, etc. is outside of the pale.

 

But come of the woman's comments....that she didn't find him "difficult" as the others had, are high on the UGH reaction, for sure.

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I would like to think I would stand by him calmly that first day - the hardest day. He still has children and friends and a mother who will possibly watch tv that day, and I would want to show some strength and loyalty.

 

I'd have the rest of my life to figure out what it meant to my marriage and whether I even have a marriage left.

 

Beautifully put. I would hope I would be that dignified as well, but probably not.

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One, that these women (and their children) are well-practiced in acting for the cameras. They have to know how to control themselves when someone is watching, because someone is always watching.

 

Two, that it is rare that the first time we find out about a politician's infidelities is the first time his/her spouse finds out about them. It's probably easier to put on one's game face in public about an issue one has known about for a long time.

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I imagine that a great deal of the time there are advantages or incentives to remaining.

 

This is one of my problems with Hillary Clinton. I can't help but think that her own political ambitions were more important to her than her own integrity. Personally, I would've walked out of the White House and kept walking. So I'm left to wonder, does she have the integrity I would like to see in our President? (Not that I think that there's a lot of that in the majority of them.)

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I can totally see doing it. I'd be in shock. I'd have no idea what to do. The thing yesterday... That poor woman had no idea how to react. If it were me, I'd be screaming and throwing things in my *head*, but I'd be so overwhelmed, I wouldn't be able to act or say much outside my own head.

 

The governor from New Jersey who was outed a while back for having a gay affair and his wife stood by him at first -- McGreevey... She was on CNN last night. They've since divorced. And she said basically the same thing... She was in shock, she didn't have time to process, her husband and his "team" were making (essentially politically motivated) decisions behind closed doors.

(ETA: Here's a link that mentions some of what she has since said about the experience: http://www.citynews.ca/news/news_20472.aspx )

 

She stood by -- but it wasn't long term. Eventually they *did* divorce, and it sounded like there was a totally expected mix of heartbreak, shock, confusion, a little bitterness, etc, that you would expect.

 

These men are still their husbands. It's not like some stranger who has betrayed them -- that would be so much easier. They generally have children together... It's not *just* about politics and careers and money.

 

If they knew all along, they've probably had time to accept the trade-off in their marriages. If it's a horrible, horrible shock, they probably have no idea *how* to react. And screaming, crying and throwing things aren't necessarily the first reaction -- especially if some part of you inside is screaming, "No! This can't be true! We have to be able to fix this!"...

 

Anyway. I can't imagine. But if I could imagine... I guess I can see standing there. Till I could figure out what on earth to say or do next...

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On GMA there was a spot about 'what is WRONG with these men'. It basically said that powerful men believe they are invincible and thus the stupid things they do that risks a lifetime of family and career. Bill Clinton said it well about his own behavior--that he did it because he could. He also said it was a morally reprehensible reason for his actions.

 

I've known a couple of these men IRL. Their wives also stuck by them---without the cameras, but of course, it is really all the same. Walking in to Sunday Service next to the man everyone in town knows is a cheat is not much different than a woman accustomed to the public eye standing next to her cheating husband at a press conference.

 

My favorite is the look on the face of that NJ governor's wife during the press conference where he admits he is gay. The look on her face is not so much stoic and stand by my man, but 'are you KIDDING me.'

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I think it is all about MONEY and POWER....those two things together changes people....for the worse...of course!

 

I just don't understand that perspective. If the wife of a non-famous husband chose to stay with him, to try to work through things, after he was caught engaging in some despicable behavior... Well, we wouldn't be shocked or think she was greedy and money-grubbing. We might say, "well, I would never do that" or "I can't imagine how she could do that", but we probably wouldn't find it totally inconceivable.

 

*Maybe* she actually loves her husband in spite of his flaws. *Maybe* she's in shock, she's heartbroken, and she doesn't know what she's going to do. *Maybe* she wants to try to rip his beating heart out of his body, but she doesn't want to come across as hysterical and violent on national television.

 

Give the poor woman a break.

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I think it is all about MONEY and POWER....those two things together changes people....for the worse...of course!

 

I don't understand this thinking. You are pretty sure that most women of social standing don't really love their husbands and only want money and power? Or that if a woman decides to stand behind him at least while he deals with the media storm, it's never because of loyalty or love for her husband or children, but only because of money and power? So a more noble woman would abandon him?

 

I guess I can assume that sometimes money and power are factors, but I could never guess which women are influenced by that and which are there for more noble reasons. I just couldn't accuse a woman of that without knowing her, and would prefer to give her the benefit of the doubt during such a difficult time.

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If the wife of a non-famous husband chose to stay with him, to try to work through things, after he was caught engaging in some despicable behavior... Well, we wouldn't be shocked or think she was greedy and money-grubbing. We might say, "well, I would never do that" or "I can't imagine how she could do that", but we probably wouldn't find it totally inconceivable.

 

...

 

Give the poor woman a break.

 

Agreeing here.

 

When one of my friends learned that her husband was having an affair (granted, he's not a politician) she was not in a position to throw him out or walk out immediately. They both owned a home based business together. They had a child together. And she loved him despite this.

 

She is currently going through a very painful divorce. Yeah, he was and is a jerk. But the guy she fell in love with 20 years ago did not disappear altogether.

 

These are sad situations.

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Here is Amy's quote I was commenting on....sorry everyone.....

 

"I just don't get what's wrong with these men. Here's a guy who's been offered every opportunity in the world - money, education, a gorgeous wife, beautiful kids - and yet he chooses to throw it all away. I just don't get it. What goes on inside a man's head?"

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there's a big difference to your dh having an affair and him frequenting a prostitution ring when he's made a reputation for publicly fighting against these things.

 

If my dh were to fall into an affair, it would be difficult for me, but, I think after time, maybe maybe maybe, we could move past that and come out the other side okay. I don't know and I hope I never have to find out.

 

But, if my dh were spending huge sums of money visiting prostitutes that's another story altogether.

 

We can't judge what is happening in the mind and heart of a woman who is standing up publicly with her dh. I don't pretend to understand the agony and anger they must feel when they have to now decide what will be happening in their marriage and family and do it so publicly with all the scrutiny of people who are just out looking for a salacious story as well as those who are reporting what is happening in a public figure's situation. It makes me really sad for her.

 

In my opinion, those families need prayer. There's nothing else that will help them right now.

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for their children and their family. At least that's the only thing that would motivate me to act so dutifully.

 

I just don't get what's wrong with these men. Here's a guy who's been offered every opportunity in the world - money, education, a gorgeous wife, beautiful kids - and yet he chooses to throw it all away. I just don't get it. What goes on inside a man's head?

 

DH and I were discussing this last night (we live in NJ, and are former NYers :rolleyes:). I swear I don't get it either. And the tryst in question was the night before VALENTINE'S DAY! DH says he must have been ticked at his wife about something to do it like that. I think he's just another jerk.

 

I'd be at my lawyer's office in a heartbeat too.

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This is one of my problems with Hillary Clinton. I can't help but think that her own political ambitions were more important to her than her own integrity. Personally, I would've walked out of the White House and kept walking. So I'm left to wonder, does she have the integrity I would like to see in our President? (Not that I think that there's a lot of that in the majority of them.)

 

I didn't really think she lost integrity with that choice. Nor do I think she would have lost integrity by leaving - to me it wasn't her integrity that was in question but his. It must have been a tough choice for her and I can't begin to guess why she made it, and I have great respect for her for choosing not to talk about it. I do think she loves him, but I wonder if that wouldn't kill my love.

 

I think sometimes peole fail to realize how traumatic and difficult divorce is. It's horrible. It eats up a huge amount of time and money, splits families, severs (not always, but often) relationships with in-laws. When God makes a woman and man one, it's very painful to split that apart. I think many of you would be surprised how many people stay married after marital infidelity because divorce just hurts and they don't want to do it.

 

And if you have a friend whose husband cheats on her with a lovely young co-worker, one thing you might hear from your friend (I've heard it) is "I really just wish he would have seen a prostitute or something. It's so hard that he choose someone young and beautiful and smart and who has the kind of job that I gave up so I could raise his kids." So while I do think that the public prostitute element of this case makes it really nasty and icky and just so unpleasant, for the wife, maybe it would be worse if the lover were her best friend, his secretary, or the nanny.

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Gotta love the sneaky bashing of Hilary here. What she went through and what this lady went through are two entirely different things.

 

Clinton had oral sex with an intern--he cheated, basically. Once it was discovered it was over with. A woman can and does forgive and forget and moves on from this.

 

This guy hung out with and had sex with, the very people he was condemning. He endorsed them to their face because it benefitted him, and lived a lie behind their backs--because it benefitted him.

 

I don't believe that either woman---Hilary or this one-- have motivations beyond "shutz, what can I do?" and both are stunned and shocked. I'm also pretty sure Clinton got his arse kicked by his wife, once the doors were shut ;). This guy is just pond scum.

 

Were it me--I could forgive my Bill, but not my Elliot because with my Bill, at least I know it was something stupid and not politically motivated. He just let a bit "go to his head" (maybe Hilary wasn't giving it up enough? :) )

 

For my Elliot, though, it means he not only lied to me and his family, but to himself and to everyone else who supported him. I would be walking out that door so fast and I would be holding my own press conference telling the world that "I am not him, please do not hold me responsbile for this man's reprehensible actions. Our children are innocent and that's why I am leaving"..

 

Clinton was just stupid. This guy knew exactly what he was doing. Hilary stayed because she knew Bill was stupid. This woman needs to leave him now or be sucked into this vortex of "bad press" for the rest of her and her children's lives. No one goes to Clinton's daughter and says "your daddy did this".. but people WILL be going to Spitzer's children.. and those children will forever hate daddy for it.

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Gotta love the sneaky bashing of Hilary here. What she went through and what this lady went through are two entirely different things.

 

This lady isn't running for president, is she?

 

Nothing sneaky about it. It's a perfectly valid statement considering it was a well-known fact that Hillary was eyeing the White House while they were still in Arkansas.

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This lady isn't running for president, is she?

 

Nothing sneaky about it. It's a perfectly valid statement considering it was a well-known fact that Hillary was eyeing the White House while they were still in Arkansas.

And? It still makes the Hilary comments invalid. Her running for president NOW has nothing to do with what happened when her husband was president--especially considering she had nothing to do with what her husband did.

 

If she had divorced him, she would have (or could have) still ended up Senator and then Presidential candidate. You, nor I know whether or not things would have changed if she didn't stay by his side and it makes for a feable argument when trying to claim such and it certainly does make it look like bashing when it is done.

 

If I had come back and said "Typical conservative republicans" to any number of things they have done, I would have been chewed out right and left for making a "bashing, general statement that is not true of all republicans".

 

But I come in and call you on the carpet for making a "bashing, general statement(that you can't prove)" and am told "oh things are different, she's running for President so it isn't bashing".

 

Please.

 

Listen, I despise ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Politicians--democrat, republican, or whatever. I do not like them at all. So my comments have less to do with "us vs them" than they do with "common sense vs reactionary commenting".

 

That Hilary was "eyeing" the White House while they were still in Arkansas means absolutely NOTHING to this beyond she was looking to the future--who wouldn't be? You'd be stupid not to.

 

So don't hold against her the actions of her dippy husband and likewise, don't hold against Spitzer's wife, the actions of her idiot husband.

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We have dear friends who were caught in this situation. High-stress, high-visibility job, multiple family pressures, etc.

 

He goes out and has an affair with someone with whom he ought not to have. (Not that there was someone that he should have done it with. I mean, from a professional ethics point of view. With someone else, it might just have been a personal issue; with this person, it was a professional issue as well.)

 

So he lost his high-stress, high-visibility job, plunging his family into chaos and distress. But part of me wonders if part of him didn't want it that way. Maybe a teeny part of him hated the situation enough that he wanted--all subconsciously, of course--to mess things up good and proper.

 

Maybe that's not the case here. Maybe the politician in question just had alpha-male syndrome really, really bad. But sometimes I wonder.

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We have dear friends who were caught in this situation. High-stress, high-visibility job, multiple family pressures, etc.

 

He goes out and has an affair with someone with whom he ought not to have. (Not that there was someone that he should have done it with. I mean, from a professional ethics point of view. With someone else, it might just have been a personal issue; with this person, it was a professional issue as well.)

 

So he lost his high-stress, high-visibility job, plunging his family into chaos and distress. But part of me wonders if part of him didn't want it that way. Maybe a teeny part of him hated the situation enough that he wanted--all subconsciously, of course--to mess things up good and proper.

 

Maybe that's not the case here. Maybe the politician in question just had alpha-male syndrome really, really bad. But sometimes I wonder.

I know how I am reading this and I am smiling at it. Because I agree with it. :)

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Why do these men do it? Pure and simple narcissism. They're told all they're lives they're wonderful, they can do anything they want because they're so brilliant, etc, and they believe it. So, they do anything they want and believe they're above it all, that they're so brilliant no one will find out and if they do, who cares, because they're so brilliant it can all be overlooked.

 

That's my take on it. And, I'll admit my take is most assuredly tainted by my former marriage. I do see a lot of similarities in the attitudes of the politicians with the attitudes of my EX.

 

And, to address the Clinton thing, I figured back when Billy was involved with the interns (and I'd bet my last dollar Monica wasn't the only one), that Billary stayed with him because she wanted to run some day. Appears that I was right, simply going on current events. I can't say, however, I know her true motivations for staying with him, since I obviously don't know her personally.

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I'm surprised at the way we are so strongly condemning this man here. Don't get me wrong, what he did was wrong, but men in the public eye are tempted daily, if not hourly, sexually. And it is one of their weakest links. Maybe she is standing by him because she knows that she was part of the problem? She didn't fullfill his needs, therefore he went elsewhere. (It still isn't right, I know!) And what is wrong with her standing by her man. For better or worse? This is definitely one of those worse moments. But that was the vow, and she took it.

 

Him trying to clean up the prostitution rings in New York, but partaking of it himself is sort of like the dad who has the playboy magazines hidden away. I know it's not good for my kids, but I just can't resist...

 

So she was a big powered lawyer, maybe she didn't give him the respect he felt he deserved, so he got some adoration & admiration elsewhere. (Again, it was wrong, but men are men).

 

Just some jumbled thoughts....

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Clinton was just stupid. This guy knew exactly what he was doing. Hilary stayed because she knew Bill was stupid. QUOTE]

 

Sorry, GG, while I agree with what you are saying about Spitzer, I'll disagree with this statement. You can call Bill Clinton a lot of things - good and bad - but stupid is NOT one of them. And I'm guessing Hilary never thought he was stupid either.

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OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH I got a dreaded "gray box" for speaking up in my last post.. hahaha.. how funny.

 

And while I do see your points about "Billary" (I LOVE THAT) sticking by him for future purposes, I don't think it was all about that though.. but again, we really don't know her motivations.

 

And sorry to disagree Cin, but what you are saying is very much like saying "You can't leave him, he only hit you once. He was angry(drunk, burned out, tired), he really didn't mean it".

 

which is a faulty argument. I don't care WHO you are and I certainly don't care how "drunk, tired, burned-out" or even "tempeted" you are--if your job is protect your wife (not hit her) or Stand up for the Public --you have no business doing what you did. You cannot lay blame anywhere else but where it belongs--ON HIM and I refuse to buy this "he's a public official, he's tempted everyday" (and how do you come to the conclusion that them being public officials equates them being tempted sexually?)

 

Maybe she is standing by him because she knows that she was part of the problem? She didn't fullfill his needs, therefore he went elsewhere. (It still isn't right, I know!)

 

If you know it isn't right, why'd you say it? I HATE this strawman argument--"maybe she deserved to be raped, I mean just look how she dresses"--- BULLHOCKEY and you know it. He should have kept it in his pants regardless of how things were going on at home. This is his fault and squarely and ONLY his fault.

 

If perfectly Godly men can take vows of abstinence and NOT fail at this, then he (godly or not) certainly can keep it in his pants.

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Sorry, GG, while I agree with what you are saying about Spitzer, I'll disagree with this statement. You can call Bill Clinton a lot of things - good and bad - but stupid is NOT one of them. And I'm guessing Hilary never thought he was stupid either.

 

Amy hun--I'm not calling Clinton stupid, I'm calling his choice of actions stupid ;) I'm trying to keep the "us vs them" out of this argument and focus on only the issues at hand..

 

eg: Clinton was just stupid for making that decision. He got caught and paid for it.

.....Spitzer was just stupid for making that decision. He got caught and now he's begging and pleading for forgivness, when he did something most vile and totally against what he's been lobbying for in the first place. His trust was broken for many people, not just his wife.

 

get it now? ;)

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OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH I got a dreaded "gray box" for speaking up in my last post.. hahaha.. how funny.

 

Toni, dear, just for future reference: the gray box is when the person repping you doesn't have enough posts to qualify as a repper. It's a newbie, so his/her rep doesn't register, and you have no idea (unless s/he left a message saying "Get a lif, you looser") whether it was a positive or negative rep being left.

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I'm surprised at the way we are so strongly condemning this man here. Don't get me wrong, what he did was wrong, but men in the public eye are tempted daily, if not hourly, sexually. And it is one of their weakest links. Maybe she is standing by him because she knows that she was part of the problem? She didn't fullfill his needs, therefore he went elsewhere. (It still isn't right, I know!) And what is wrong with her standing by her man. For better or worse? This is definitely one of those worse moments. But that was the vow, and she took it.

 

 

I think people tend to condemn him because it took some deliberate planning on his part in order to follow through with the affair. It wasn't like he just lost control one day and it happened, he PLANNED it meticulously over and over again and had the intention of continuing with this particular prostitution ring.

 

We do take vows, for better or for worse. This is a worse moment for sure. But, we do not agree to be violated, treated as less than his equal, our emotions absolutely trampled on, and our family torn to shreds. These are things that happen when one person is thoughtless and selfish and goes outside of marriage to find physical fulfillment. No matter how cold she may have been in his mind, it doesn't ever excuse what he did and the manner in which he did it. He took vows, too. He treated them wrecklessly.

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I just couldn't help feeling her love for him left a long time before his escapade came out to the public. It reminded me of a child that is raised without affection or love, they just seem to look into nothingness, not letting anything penetrate their heart anymore.

 

I felt really sorry for her and am praying for her as well as her family. I just saw pain.

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I cannot imagine walking in her shoes. That said, I have no idea how I would respond, but standing by his side in front of a camera seems really awful. I respect her ability to hold it together, that's for sure.

 

I think his career is over, so I don't really see any political benefit for her in standing by him. Bill Clinton didn't build his career on the idea of getting ridding politics of unethical behavior, but this guy did. I don't imagine he'll recover from this the way Clinton did for that reason.

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Toni, dear, just for future reference: the gray box is when the person repping you doesn't have enough posts to qualify as a repper. It's a newbie, so his/her rep doesn't register, and you have no idea (unless s/he left a message saying "Get a lif, you looser") whether it was a positive or negative rep being left.

Pari--I know this ;) I'm the one who figured it out. ;) Just sayin' is all cuz I find it funny. (and you really got one spelled like that, on here? HAHA.. that's funny, or pathetic.. for them..)

 

We do take vows, for better or for worse. This is a worse moment for sure. But, we do not agree to be violated, treated as less than his equal, our emotions absolutely trampled on, and our family torn to shreds. These are things that happen when one person is thoughtless and selfish and goes outside of marriage to find physical fulfillment. No matter how cold she may have been in his mind, it doesn't ever excuse what he did and the manner in which he did it. He took vows, too. He treated them wrecklessly.

 

B-I-N-G-O!!!!!!! Which is why what he did was worse than Clinton.

 

And Amy--I voted for the guy, ok? Do I think he's stupid as in "stoooooooopid"--no. But then again, please remember I do think ALL politicians are "stupid" and "dumb" and "moronic" and "bad". ;) And I think BOTH made these decisions out of "stupidity", the difference is now in the reaction to being caught, the "why" they did it no longer is a factor.

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has remained in a marriage even though DH cheated? I find that hard to believe.

 

I'm going on record to state that my DH cheated, and I'm still married to him. I would never in a million years speculate on why any other woman remains in her marriage after the spouse cheats, but I'm sure at least one or two of my reasons would apply to anyone else, famous or not.

 

Reasons:

We had a young child, I did not want to become a single mother

There was no way I could afford to keep our house on my own

I was too frightened of being alone

I still loved DH

I had already invested many years into our marriage

He promised to never do it again

I did not want to enter the dating world again

I felt it was in DS's best interests to have married parents

I was embarrassed

I was absolutely terrified

I was in complete shock for a long time

I was so filled with anger, I couldn't think straight

I would have to have gotten a new job that paid better

I would have lost many of our friends

 

I could probably think of more, but those come to mind.

 

And by the way, although no cameras were on me, I did get up and go to work the next day after DH's "revelation", and calmly carry on with my job. What else was I supposed to do? You'd better believe I cried in my private time, but I had to hold it together in front of my son.

 

What should these women do? Throw away the last bit of dignity they have remaining, to scream, cry and throw a fit in front of that publicity? Would that help their children through this ordeal? It takes time to figure out what to do and divorce, maybe they just haven't gotten there yet.

 

Sheesh.

Michelle T

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I'm not a democrat, so my comments have nothing to do with party loyalty.

 

What this man has done is despicable. There's no way around that. As a woman, I don't identify with this kind of temptation. Is he a hypocrite for coming across as a straight-laced guy, all the while frequenting a prostitution ring? Absolutely. Am I a hypocrite? Absolutely. I'm often guilty of saying one thing and doing another. I think we all are, if we're honest. I see my kids quarreling and yelling like a couple of babies, then I lose my temper and yell at them for yelling. Granted, this is a less drastic offense that Spitzer's, humanly speaking, but you get the point. I'm inconsistent. I don't struggle with the same sins as Governor Spitzer, but I sin, nonetheless. Sin is falling short of God's standard. It's easy to compare myself to the next guy. That makes me feel good. But when I see God's standard, I don't have any room for pride.

 

I don't have any reason to think that Spitzer is a God-fearing man (I don't know anything about him, really.) But do only scum of the earth reprobates engage in such activities? Well, King David was considered a "man after God's own heart" and he murdered Bathsheba's husband and had an affair with her. Sounds pretty premeditated and evil. And indeed, it was very evil. By God's grace, he repented. My point is, even the godliest peope are at risk for caving in to despicable behavior. How much more likely is it that those who are not so godly would give in to sin? Is it surprising that Governor Spitzer behaved in this way? No. Is it excusable? Absolutely not. But let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. This family needs prayer. And we all need to be on guard against the deceitfulness of our own hearts when it comes to sin.

 

I agree with previous posters who have a problem with dismissing the wife's loyalty as being motivated by money, greed, or something shady. Sure, this could be the case. But to *assume* this is true is unfair. A long marriage and 3 children is not something to take lightly. Neither is Spitzer's offense. She surely has a great deal to consider. I have no idea what I would do in this situation. If he has an unrepentant heart and she's motivated by something other than love, they are to be pitied and prayed for. If he's repentant and she is torn by her love for her husband, they are to be pitied and prayed for. I just don't see any room for anger or hostility toward either of them.

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It's on the news again today. The politician caught. The news conference. The stoic wife by his side.

 

I just don't know if I could do it.

 

I cannot imagine the humiliation experienced by these wives. In front of everyone.

 

I would be so devastated, I don't think I could see anyone for a while. If I *tried* to stand beside someone, I'd probably be crying the whole time. My makeup would be a mess.

 

Maybe these women are made of something tougher than I. After all, their lives have been under public scrutiny in good times, as well.

 

I am awed that they can do it. God bless them.

 

As we watched this on the news last night, I told dh that I wouldn't be able to stand behind/beside him in that situation without continually smacking him on the head.

 

I don't know how or why they do it.

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has remained in a marriage even though DH cheated? I find that hard to believe.

 

I'm going on record to state that my DH cheated, and I'm still married to him. I would never in a million years speculate on why any other woman remains in her marriage after the spouse cheats, but I'm sure at least one or two of my reasons would apply to anyone else, famous or not.

 

And by the way, although no cameras were on me, I did get up and go to work the next day after DH's "revelation", and calmly carry on with my job. What else was I supposed to do? You'd better believe I cried in my private time, but I had to hold it together in front of my son.

 

What should these women do? Throw away the last bit of dignity they have remaining, to scream, cry and throw a fit in front of that publicity? Would that help their children through this ordeal? It takes time to figure out what to do and divorce, maybe they just haven't gotten there yet.

 

Sheesh.

Michelle T

 

Let me first clarify that I've not had a **husband** cheat on me (I've only one, btw :) ).. but I have had boyfriends cheat, even "baby daddy" cheated and yes, they were OUT THE DOOR. I've no time to waste on scum like this.

 

Now let me also clarify, Michelle, that I am not calling your DH scum because I do not know him. Do I feel what he did was scummy? YOU BET. And I'd have very little respect for him for doing so. Your reasons for not leaving him, while I recognize them as your own, do not work for ME.

 

Let me break it down this way:

We had a young child, I did not want to become a single mother--I had two and two parents who loved me more. Which is more important to me at that point. Not to mention, even though I was dating, I was still technically a single mom and despite what some say, it rocked!

 

There was no way I could afford to keep our house on my own---Ain't no shame living with mom and dad, that's for sure. And I'm glad I did

 

I was too frightened of being alone--If I comment on this, it'll sound like I am picking on YOU, which I am not, so please understand that. But this is not an excuse for me.

 

I still loved DH---you think I didn't love them? I just gave them a child. You bet I did. But again, I'm not picking on YOU, but this is also not an excuse for me

 

I had already invested many years into our marriage---and lost thousands of dollars to his addictions, to his issues. NO WAY. My kids are more important and deserve better than that.

 

He promised to never do it again--biggest line of bull (again FOR ME) I've ever heard.

 

I did not want to enter the dating world again---and I didn't so soon. In fact, I was very combatitive towards my now DH. He's the one who pursued me ;)

 

I felt it was in DS's best interests to have married parents--well, I can't agree or disagree on this one. My girls did just fine with only me involved. But again, these are my reasons for kicking him to the curb.

 

I was embarrassed--This will be the only one I directly question to you--WHY? YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!! He should be the one ebarrassed--for what he did to you and to his family.

 

I was absolutely terrified--Unless you mean you were just terrified of being on your own(for which I DO understand), I'm not catching what you mean by this? Were you scared of your DH and what he might do to you if you left?

 

I was in complete shock for a long time--of course I was too! But by the time I met DH, I was used to it happening that I fully expected DH to do it as well. 8 years later, it's never happened and he has no desire for it to happen. ;)

 

I was so filled with anger, I couldn't think straight--and he got thrown in jail for it. Yep, I retaliated by throwing him in prison and I feel not one bit guilty doing it (FTR, he beat me)

 

I would have to have gotten a new job that paid better--and this is a bad thing? Hun, that's a good thing!! For you especially.

 

I would have lost many of our friends--well, I can't speak on this. I've never had any real friends, not to mention any that we shared. So this is foreign to me.

 

Again, I AM NOT PICKING ON MICHELLE!! Only stating WHY I would have kicked someone to the curb and why I have. My DH is loyal to me and I am totally comfortable saying this. I have no fears with him. But I have been there, done that and I simply do not understand putting up with it!! I just could not knowing that he "got pleasure" from someone else other than me.

 

My point is, I do not and would never begrudge someone as "throwing away their dignity" for getting rid of the jerk!! In fact, I'd be singing their praises because I feel it's actually KEEPING your dignity in tact and improving it, by dumping him!! It makes you stronger. In my eyes, you appear weak by standing by him for doing this (this lady, not Michelle).

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Looking at the pictures of her, she looks completely devastated. My guess is that she's on auto-pilot right now, and for her that probably means going where she's told to go, standing for pictures, etc.

 

On the other hand, I don't know anything about their situation. I would never blame the faithful partner for an unfaithful partner's infidelity, and yet at the same time I think situations like this spring from already dysfunctional relationships. That's not to excuse him -- obviously we all have some level of brokenness in our relationships (being fallen creatures and all), but I'm just saying we don't know the total picture here. It wouldn't mean his infidelity was therefore "OK" of course. It's hard to know what was going on in their marriage, what problems they had, what issues were unresolved. Maybe he is just a self-absorbed, power-hungry, I'm above the law kind of guy and she's a completely innocent victim, or maybe there were pre-existing conditions in their marriage which made this type of scenario more likely. It's just heartbreaking all around. :(

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has remained in a marriage even though DH cheated? I find that hard to believe.

 

I'm going on record to state that my DH cheated, and I'm still married to him. I would never in a million years speculate on why any other woman remains in her marriage after the spouse cheats, but I'm sure at least one or two of my reasons would apply to anyone else, famous or not.

 

Reasons:

We had a young child, I did not want to become a single mother

There was no way I could afford to keep our house on my own

I was too frightened of being alone

I still loved DH

I had already invested many years into our marriage

He promised to never do it again

I did not want to enter the dating world again

I felt it was in DS's best interests to have married parents

I was embarrassed

I was absolutely terrified

I was in complete shock for a long time

I was so filled with anger, I couldn't think straight

I would have to have gotten a new job that paid better

I would have lost many of our friends

 

I could probably think of more, but those come to mind.

 

And by the way, although no cameras were on me, I did get up and go to work the next day after DH's "revelation", and calmly carry on with my job. What else was I supposed to do? You'd better believe I cried in my private time, but I had to hold it together in front of my son.

 

What should these women do? Throw away the last bit of dignity they have remaining, to scream, cry and throw a fit in front of that publicity? Would that help their children through this ordeal? It takes time to figure out what to do and divorce, maybe they just haven't gotten there yet.

 

Sheesh.

Michelle T

 

I found out in 1999 that EX was cheating with men. I stayed until 2005, when it was obvious by the absolutely vile emails I found, that he had absolutely no intention of of stopping. I initially stayed for the same reasons posted, but after 6 years of having my hopes in his honesty, integrity and loyalty dashed, I threw him out, divorced him, gave him the albatross of the house and went on my merry way, trying to pick up the pieces and keep my kids sane. I wanted to stay, I wanted to work it out, I didn't want my kids to have divorced parents, but even worse, I wanted them to have a mother they could respect. I felt that staying with him was nothing more than abusive to me and them emotionally and that in their eyes, I'd be nothing more than a pathetic doormat. We all knew what he was doing and we knew it wouldn't change.

 

I still believe in marriage and I pray for God to bring a godly man into my life, but I don't regret divorcing EX for one second. I can look at myself and know that I did all that was humanly possible to keep the marriage going, but a marriage can't stand on lies and deceit and continuous adultery.

 

I'm not sure how I got onto this, but that's my story for throwing the baggage out. And I'm stickin' to it. :D

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