mommylawyer Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I'm glad you've decided against the gift card and have decided to cut off contact. So, what happens the next time something goes missing? More phone calls, more accusations, more gift cards? Just drop 'em. Life is too short to deal with this petty behavior - whether it happened or not or some other kid is involved. It just amazes me that this is over a LEGO MAN!!! She called you over a LEGO MAN! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susu Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I am one of those that maybe overanalyzes things, but seriously...I would not send a gift card for two reasons: 1. It does seem like an admission of guilt and would send a message to my own son that I did not really trust him. 2. It seems kind of like a passive aggressive move to me. If I were to send a gift card when I did no wrong, it would likely be to try to make the other person feel bad and "see the light". But the reality is, it would only make them feel bad in my fantasy. I would imagine them getting the card, realizing how stupid they had been, and calling to beg my forgiveness...:D Not really a good motive for sending a"gift" card! I do like what a the wording of a note a previous poster (Tap, Tap, Tap) suggested, minus the part about the gift card: ""I understand how you view this situation, but I have checked with ds and he doesn't have the toys. I am sorry that you are convinced he does. Due to the 3 unfortunate situations (Lure, toy in suitcase, and this episode) and ensuing lack of trust between the boys, I feel like we should take a break from having them together." Then I would change to relationship to mere polite acquaintance...nodding at one another from a distance. If however, at some point I ever found that lego man in my son's possession...then I suppose it would be time for both of us to eat a lot of humble pie (and a come to Jesus meeting with my child)! lol (Although I do think this has been blown way out of proportion!) Susu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avila Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Wow! That is a lot of drama for what amounts to 25 cents worth of plastic. I know those little guys are expensive, but little things get lost all the time. It is a Lego man, not diamond earrings. I can see calling and asking if your kids have seen the item because it is missing, but I cannot honestly see making that kind of accusation, and especially not doing so repeatedly. :grouphug: I would run away quickly from these people, and I wouldn't send any money. I don't care what you tell them, they sound like the kind of people who will see the money as tacit agreement with their POV here. And making "restitution" will probably only encourage them to think that you want to continue a relationship with them. How awful for you and your son! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I'm gonna go the other way with this:-) Because she went wrong on the first toy thing, she went wrong on the second. I'd ask for coffee and try for one peacemaker's session. It'd be even more kind than just sending the card. It's not just all about us and our children and what's easiest:-) They need friends:-) and you could be it:-) A friendship restored can be a friendship worth gold:-) And, I'd have a rule about no toys given or borrowed from them, too:-) Carrie:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamommy Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I would not send a gift card because it seems likely that they'd use it to purchase additional toys for their son, which would in turn reinforce his behavior. Also, because it may send a message to your son that you doubt his version of the story, when it seems like you have complete confidence in him. I would quietly distance myself from this friendship. I wouldn't discuss it further unless the individual asked why we were no longer available to get together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I'm getting bogged down in all this. Tell her she's being a pita over a piece of plastic and it's highly likely that her son knows exactly where the crap is. Bring up the fish lure incident. Then write them off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christielee7278 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I wouldn't give a gift card. I'd explain one more time where it was and cut off contact. But, to me, giving a gift card is an admittance of guilt. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I see nothing wrong with her asking the first time. <snip> "I understand how you view this situation, but I have checked with ds and he doesn't have the toys. I am sorry that you are convinced he does. Due to the 3 unfortunate situations (Lure, toy in suitcase, and this episode) and ensuing lack of trust between the boys, I feel like we should take a break from having them together. While I am absolutely certain he didn't take the toys, I will pay for you to replace them, just to to clear our family name. Let me know the value, and I will send you payment. (your name) " I do see something wrong with asking if a visiting child has stolen a toy, when you can simply say the toy can't be found, and did it perhaps get mixed in with your son's items? I can't imagine accusing a guest of stealing a toy. Once, a little boy across the street did steal a collectible car from dh's collection; I knew very well he did it, because my kids were just babies then, and the toy was here when he arrived and done when he left. And, y'know, I knew this kid. I still didn't accuse him of stealing, but simply asked him to check and see if perhaps he stuck it in his pocket by accident. He brought it back, with apologies, but if he hadn't, I would have simply let it go. Not worth dragging his parents into it (they were the punishing type, not the discipling type), even though the car was not a cheap toy, and not worth the slight chance that I myself moved the car in some kind of fugue state :D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Inna* Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Good grief! She is being ridiculous. "I understand how you view this situation, but I have checked with ds and he doesn't have the toys. I am sorry that you are convinced he does. Due to the 3 unfortunate situations (Lure, toy in suitcase, and this episode) and ensuing lack of trust between the boys, I feel like we should take a break from having them together. While I am absolutely certain he didn't take the toys, I will pay for you to replace them, just to to clear our family name. Let me know the value, and I will send you payment. (your name) " :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlockOfSillies Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Leggo my kid's Lego! Right now, I mean it! LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Tell her she's being a pita over a piece of plastic and it's highly likely that her son knows exactly where the crap is. Yep. What she said. After accusing your son of stealing a lure (Did I read that right?) and not getting away with it, he's been waiting for the chance to accuse him again. If it is in your house, the other boy probably put it there (sneaking it into your ds's pocket or something). I wouldn't put it past a kid who wanted to get someone into trouble to be able to pull that off. Check all those seldom used pockets--pants, backpack etc. Is this a situation where your ds get along better with the other twin? That would be serious potential for jealousy there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 Leggo my kid's Lego! Right now, I mean it! LOL.:lol::lol::lol: Thanks for this -- usually, I would be the one reading and thinking of this stuff, but being 'embroiled' in this, I have missed the obvious tongue in cheek hum:001_smile:r! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 Oh never mind. I type too darn slow! I'm sorry you are going through this. Hey, Lisa: Thank you :). Yeah, I was going to write about this weeks ago after the first phone call, but couldn't see myself sitting here typing for that amount of time. I'm going to go and teach Science now! Kids are sniffly and post-nasal drippy so we are avoiding the pool :svengo:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I've had kids leave toys at my house and never collect them, several times, in fact. I don't get the big deal; there is clearly something else going on here to be so weird about this. If you want to positively clear your name, I can understand your husband's solution. It seems like she's willing to lose all of your friendship over this. Maybe have events, if you still feel like having them, only at your house. Really odd, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I'm gonna go the other way with this:-) Because she went wrong on the first toy thing, she went wrong on the second. I'd ask for coffee and try for one peacemaker's session. It'd be even more kind than just sending the card. It's not just all about us and our children and what's easiest:-) They need friends:-) and you could be it:-) A friendship restored can be a friendship worth gold:-) And, I'd have a rule about no toys given or borrowed from them, too:-)Carrie:-) Who said that this is just about us and our children and doing what's easiest? :confused: Is it your contention that the OP's actions have not already demonstrated an attempt at peacemaking? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 NO, not at all. But, it seems that many feel that the friendship should be dropped. I understand if she does that, and obviously, since I don't know her IRL it won't affect me at all. But, I know that if they can kinda "call" the family on it, that it may prove better in the end. For one thing, if they go to school together...they can't really avoid the family, and the OP poster's child may be the one ending up being the child that's left out in the end. (BD and other gatherings) Just a thought... no harm intended. Carrie:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Rittenhouse Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Some one started this note. I would change it to say. "I understand how you view this situation, but I have checked with ds and he doesn't have the toys. I am sorry that you are convinced he does. Due to the 3 unfortunate situations (Lure, toy in suitcase, and this episode) and ensuing lack of trust between the boys, I feel like we should take a break from having them together. While I am absolutely certain he didn't take the toys, I will pay for you to replace them. Use this site to inventory and order the correct parts, http://www.bricklink.com/index.asp Email me a copy of your paid and delivered invoice and I will reimburse you for the missing man and car. (your name) This puts the burden of replacement for the exact item back on her plate. The site allows her to exactly replace each item with original parts so the sets are complete for "garage sale or ebay". It does not give her a gift card for a "free shopping trip" to Target. I would almost lay money on her never getting around to placing the order. If she does place the order, you will pay only for the parts necessary to complete the set. Then I would make a mental note of not being available for anymore playdates with this family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeJM Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I would MAIL the gift card and the note, polite is fine, but sounds like you need to be really super explicit about her kids and yours not playing together any more. She is the loser, but she, with help from her son, has made it that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Some one started this note. I would change it to say. "I understand how you view this situation, but I have checked with ds and he doesn't have the toys. I am sorry that you are convinced he does. Due to the 3 unfortunate situations (Lure, toy in suitcase, and this episode) and ensuing lack of trust between the boys, I feel like we should take a break from having them together. While I am absolutely certain he didn't take the toys, I will pay for you to replace them. Use this site to inventory and order the correct parts, http://www.bricklink.com/index.asp Email me a copy of your paid and delivered invoice and I will reimburse you for the missing man and car. (your name) This puts the burden of replacement for the exact item back on her plate. The site allows her to exactly replace each item with original parts so the sets are complete for "garage sale or ebay". It does not give her a gift card for a "free shopping trip" to Target. I would almost lay money on her never getting around to placing the order. If she does place the order, you will pay only for the parts necessary to complete the set. Then I would make a mental note of not being available for anymore playdates with this family. Great idea! This really covers all of the bases. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlockOfSillies Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Well then, I'm not sure you read the OP's post very carefully. She said they don't go to school together right now. Her kids used to go to the private school; the other lady's kids go there now. Anyway, if the 9yo boy acts like a 3yo every time they get together, why would the OP want to have her kids go to Tantrum Boy's birthday party? Her son might get accused of "stealing" a goody bag. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I absolutely would NOT send a gift card. To me, that says you feel your son is guilty. It doesn't matter what you say/write/e-mail about your son's innocence after that because the one and only reason to send them $$$$ is if your son DID break or steal their toy. What a ridiculous situation! This other boy doesn't sound like a good influence on your son. If their friendship doesn't matter to you, I would end it. Let the loss of the friendship be the punishment to the other boy. He will no longer have your son to push around and accuse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlockOfSillies Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 No, the Tantrum Boy saw a lure that looked just like his, and swiped it because "he was just taking back what was rightfully his." OT, I did that with a bag of grapes at the store once. I saw that the lady in front of me had a bag of green grapes. I assumed she'd taken mine, so I just grabbed them out of her pile and put them on mine. She was incredulous. I got home and found two bags of grapes in my bag! A year later I bumped into her in the store again and apologized. I don't know whether she remembered me, but she was pleased that I apologized anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Um.... all this drama over a little piece of plastic? No. No more explanations, examinations, apologies. No more questioning your son, he doesn't need a guilt complex over this. Definitely no gift card. No more beating around the bush. Next thing you say should be, albeit very sweetly, "We are offended that you are continuing to accuse my son. I consider our involvement in this issue complete and I will not be discussing it with you further." What she said! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam Wilhelm Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I'd take my kid out to the store....... buy them a very,nice lego set for themselves and also a car that approximates the one "taken".......... take the car and a man from the lego set and give them to the kid and wash my hands of the issue........ and the friendship. If they are that petty then to heck with them..... I'm too old and cranky to deal with crap like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susu Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Then the silly woman will say..."Oh so your kid DID take it!" I still don't get making recompense for something you didn't do. If you are going to "turn the other cheek" then it means that you intend to continue the friendship. Making a parting gift just to make a point as you vacate the relationship doesn't seem to be really rising above to me. If I were going to replace the toy, I'd have to be willing to truly rise above, continue the "friendship" and let her continue to believe her delusions. I couldn't do that, therefore I would not be replacing the toy. I wouldn't be rude or mean...I'd just nicely say that you both aren't going to see eye to eye on this and you feel the boys need a break. (And permanent break would be my intention!) Susu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Some one started this note. I would change it to say. "I understand how you view this situation, but I have checked with ds and he doesn't have the toys. I am sorry that you are convinced he does. Due to the 3 unfortunate situations (Lure, toy in suitcase, and this episode) and ensuing lack of trust between the boys, I feel like we should take a break from having them together. While I am absolutely certain he didn't take the toys, I will pay for you to replace them. Use this site to inventory and order the correct parts, http://www.bricklink.com/index.asp Email me a copy of your paid and delivered invoice and I will reimburse you for the missing man and car. (your name) This puts the burden of replacement for the exact item back on her plate. The site allows her to exactly replace each item with original parts so the sets are complete for "garage sale or ebay". It does not give her a gift card for a "free shopping trip" to Target. I would almost lay money on her never getting around to placing the order. If she does place the order, you will pay only for the parts necessary to complete the set. Then I would make a mental note of not being available for anymore playdates with this family. :iagree:This is my favorite reply among many good ones! I like the way you've handled things so far. :grouphug: I hope that whatever you decide to do you will update us. I find the whole situation fascinating in a weird, some-people-are-crazy kind of way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 If I were going to replace the toy, I'd have to be willing to truly rise above, continue the "friendship" and let her continue to believe her delusions. I couldn't do that, therefore I would not be replacing the toy. I wouldn't be rude or mean...I'd just nicely say that you both aren't going to see eye to eye on this and you feel the boys need a break. (And permanent break would be my intention!) Susu Susu along with everyone else here has summed it up for me as far as my intentions. I will not replace the toy -- I have read every post here and I am in agreement with everyone who has written that it was handled poorly from the start - I think with her phone call to me in the first place -- things could have been phrased differently. I also think (and DH's first reaction was this) it's a silly piece of plastic that costs maybe $1.00 at most --she apparently was willing to risk the steps we all had taken to build a friendship (and this was not a bosom buddy friendship) - it was truly only in the beginning stages as I tread very slowly when building relationships with others because experience has taught me that I am truly much happier surrounded by my own kids and my DH and that's just that...call me anti-social....it doesn't bother me....I am old and tired and I have no patience for the drama and nit-picking. I have already raised two daughters -- I have grand-daughters, and I've paid for college for both, and medical school for one, and we've paid for two weddings...can you say T*I*R*E*D? I have seen it all, have no desire to see it again, and I will run like my hair is on fire from anyone who has a need to complicate what could otherwise have been a nice little uncomplicated friendship. So, after having read everyone's well thought out and some very funny responses, I will email her (she emailed me last night). I will verbatim quote her my son's answer as to where the items in question were placed, and as far as I am concerned, I am finished (gee, there is no smiley of a little face wiping its hands). I will not (and I have maintained this from the start) offer to pay for anything! Things get lost, things get flung under pieces of furniture, things get put in the wrong bins, and on and on, and I am perturbed that she thought this was worth her time and mine. My kids will not be at that private school when school starts in two weeks, we are homeschooling. I was not ever thrilled that my dd9 and her dd9 were becoming friends - I volunteered at the school alot and there were things I saw that I didn't like behavior-wise. I wondered if I was going overboard by deciding along with dh that we would not socialize or bother with this family again, but I get the idea from the responses here that my decision was not necessarily extreme. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 :iagree:This is my favorite reply among many good ones! I like the way you've handled things so far. :grouphug: I hope that whatever you decide to do you will update us. I find the whole situation fascinating in a weird, some-people-are-crazy kind of way. I will keep you updated after I send the email if I get a response, which I am sure I will. I do find the entire thing kind of like a car wreck that I cannot look away from - similar to what you said about some-people-are-crazy kind of way. I think I heard a character on tv say 'Margot Kidder hiding in the bushes kind of crazy' -- I love that! :lol: I tend to try so intently and with such heart not to be offensive or inappropriate, it always takes me by surprise when someone does it to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommy2be Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I haven't read all of the replies, so sorry if this has been said... but I would simply e-mail back and say... "I am sorry that Little Johnny is missing his toys, but my son does not have them... He saw them last in the red bin with the other legos...Hope that helps. Isn't it crazy how things can just disappear? Haha How are you and Mr. Jones doing? Hope you're doing well. We've been great too" Just simple - "oh that sucks, but too bad, huh?" kind of attitude and brush it off and on to next subject... If she continues after that she is for sure being rediculous... Then I would be kind of ready to be done with them... Sorry, that lady and her son both seem kind of annoying... haha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I think I heard a character on tv say 'Margot Kidder hiding in the bushes kind of crazy' -- I love that! :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I will keep you updated after I send the email if I get a response, which I am sure I will. I do find the entire thing kind of like a car wreck that I cannot look away from - similar to what you said about some-people-are-crazy kind of way. I think I heard a character on tv say 'Margot Kidder hiding in the bushes kind of crazy' -- I love that! :lol: I tend to try so intently and with such heart not to be offensive or inappropriate, it always takes me by surprise when someone does it to me. So did you ever send the email or get a response? Nosy busybodies like me are wondering... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 (edited) Whoops. I'm really not sure how I ended up on such an old post. Strange... Edited July 26, 2010 by Mimm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Geez. You are so much more patient and diplomatic than me. I'd just say what you wrote. "Um, I told you that information last time we spoke and you said then that you had searched carefully. I would think before making a claim that my son broke one of the 10 commandments you would have already checked very carefully. I really don't think my son took it. You say your kids have pulled everything out to play with since, so who knows where it is now. This is the second time your boy has wrongly accused my son. Last time it was a fishing lure and your boy had it in his pocket. I'm sorry if you don't believe me or my son, but I don't have time to stress over a Lego man and hot wheel car that it appears your son lost." And yes, if I later found that my son did in fact have either of this items, I'd suck it up and call eating crow. And there'd be heck to pay for my son!:D And honestly I wouldn't have called you about the lego thing unless it was noticed within 24 hours and there was no doubt. As far as I'm concerned, after 24 hours anything could have happened to the toys and I would not feel comfortable making a claim without considerable more than it's lost therefore he took it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrianne in TX Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 I cant believe I read a whole thread all 9+ pages without looking at the date!!!! But inquiring minds do want to know........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smrtmama Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 HA! I hate when I stumble into an old post. I hope this was all resolved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geek Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 So did you ever send the email or get a response? Nosy busybodies like me are wondering...Me, too. Is there a point of view I am missing? TIAI did read the entire thread and unless I've overlooked it, I do have an alternate point of view to offer up. Is there a possibility that the 9yo boy--who appears to rule the household--could be on the autism spectrum? Asperger's and high functioning autism aren't always seen easily, but what *is* seen is a "spoiled child who runs the household". Make sense? I know that my aspie would freak. out. if a Lego man he was attached to vanished. His toys are literally an extension of him and he mourns them as though they are real. (Yes, it can be exhausting. Just imagine what happens when you have a house fire and this child loses nearly all of his possessions? This happened June '09.) Just a possible alternative explanation that sprang to mind almost immediately, especially given the persistence of the mom. I don't think I'd persist as much as she did, but I can see how I could if this child were really, really having a hard time with its loss AND if he happened to be Aspie or HFautie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Marianne. You've kept us waiting for a YEAR for an update. That's not like you. Frankly, I'm beginning to think that perhaps your son saw the update, wanted to keep it all to himself, and slyly took it home. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted July 26, 2010 Author Share Posted July 26, 2010 Whoops. I'm really not sure how I ended up on such an old post. Strange... Geez. You are so much more patient and diplomatic than me. I'd just say what you wrote. "Um, I told you that information last time we spoke and you said then that you had searched carefully. I would think before making a claim that my son broke one of the 10 commandments you would have already checked very carefully. I really don't think my son took it. You say your kids have pulled everything out to play with since, so who knows where it is now. This is the second time your boy has wrongly accused my son. Last time it was a fishing lure and your boy had it in his pocket. I'm sorry if you don't believe me or my son, but I don't have time to stress over a Lego man and hot wheel car that it appears your son lost." And yes, if I later found that my son did in fact have either of this items, I'd suck it up and call eating crow. And there'd be heck to pay for my son!:D And honestly I wouldn't have called you about the lego thing unless it was noticed within 24 hours and there was no doubt. As far as I'm concerned, after 24 hours anything could have happened to the toys and I would not feel comfortable making a claim without considerable more than it's lost therefore he took it. I cant believe I read a whole thread all 9+ pages without looking at the date!!!! But inquiring minds do want to know........ HA! I hate when I stumble into an old post. I hope this was all resolved. WOW - cannot believe this has surfaced - ONLY because our wedding anniversary is THIS week which means we are coming up on one year since this happened AND it has been on my mind - if only b/c of the one year date that is looming. To answer and to update: Everything was as I wrote in the OP when we left on vacation....we returned home from vacation in 9/09 to find that a pipe had leaked under the kitchen sink and our home had sustained alot of damage - the result of which was that we lived in a hotel from October till February. Suffice to say, THIS whole thing was not on my list of priorities - ;). HOWEVER, in October, I had to go to the private school and leave off a costume for a friend's child and as I am leaning on the EXIT door to, well, exit, the mom turns a corner and appears. :w00t: (THAT would be her, not me). She sees me, looks surprised (which makes sense - my kids don't go there anymore, why would I be there?), and does a 360 and goes back where she came from. A couple of months after that, on a Friday afternoon, the kids and I are at the library in the town where we live, and dd11 comes up to me and says, 'Hey, Mom, I saw Mrs. L when I was checking out my books. I said 'hi' to her.' I asked dd what Mrs. L said to her, and dd responded, 'She said, 'I'm busy, I have to go.' ' :confused: DH and I have, of course, been consumed with other stuff, but we do still comment to each other infrequently, that her behavior was 'odd' to say the least...and the situation could have been handled differently if there was interest in continuing the friendship that had developed. In the past year, (and one would think I am WAY TOO OLD to have taken so long to come to this conclusion), I have realized that some folks are..........well, I don't know what the word is.........but I remain puzzled by the way this woman chose to handle this situation.:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 THANK YOU! THANK YOU Mariann, for updating! As someone else said, I cannot BELIEVE I sat here drinking coffee and reading 9 pages before I looked at the DATE! LOL! I am SO GLAD I can *at least* know how this ended! LOL! And...good GRIEF at the way she responded to seeing you all. If I had been through all that you have been through, I would have been tempted to say "Are you still stewing over a Lego man? Because let me tell you what REAL LIFE DRAMA is all about!!!" :lol: Of course, maybe real life has hit her too and she is embarrassed to have made such a stink. Oh well...life goes on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 only read your first post and honestly, how petty and childish. When you have kids over to play with yours, breaking toys (not mean spirited or on purpose) and misplacing toys (although no stealing) is just a part of what is to be expected. I can't imagine making such a big deal about something like this. I'd buy my kid the lego man myself IF he didn't have a history of misplacing things himself and blaming others for the missing items, as sounds like happens with this "friend." I remember when ds had a friend over who was a Lego maniac! He collected legos. He was surprised to see ds had a lego man he didn't. Well, that one man showed up missing. I was annoyed to no end but never contacted the family over something so petty as a lego man. A few weeks later it was found anyway. Lego men are SMALL. I wish all I had to worry about were lego men. Same friend mentioned above came to my house with his mother and sister for a geography group. He punctured a hole in my leater couch. I had spent TWO YEARS trying to find the exact couch I wanted and bought two of them. They cost over $3000. I was hoping they'd last for years but we only had them two years when this boy ruined ours. I called the house and I could hear the panic in his voice. His mother never returned my call. I left several messages and she never returned our calls and the friendship ended. Our boys were close friends for years. Thankfully I bought a protection plan on the couches and since they were discontinued, I switched to microfiber. Because of where it was sliced (ds saw him with a pocket knife) it really couldn't be fixed. LOVE my microfiber but I still miss those gorgeous couches. Lego men???!!! :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 (edited) . When little boys play with little toys, things get lost. My son still loses Legos from time to time and he's 16. It has been happening since the beginning of time and her precious angel is no exception. I can't believe she insists on laying blame on your son. What a disaster. This is why I canNOT beleive she is making a big deal over a couple of little peices of plastic. I wouldn't even THINK to question a playmate over a lost lego. She needs to :chillpill: . A friendship isn't worth a lost piece of plastic. I honestly think she has a couple of little liars on their hands, and she is the Queen of DeNile. They have manipulated in the past, and won. And she is wondering why nobody likes her little angels. What I don't understand is why she goes to such lengths over insignificant things. Edited July 26, 2010 by cin to add: I should probably check dates before commenting. :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted July 26, 2010 Author Share Posted July 26, 2010 THANK YOU! THANK YOU Mariann, for updating! As someone else said, I cannot BELIEVE I sat here drinking coffee and reading 9 pages before I looked at the DATE! LOL! I am SO GLAD I can *at least* know how this ended! LOL! And...good GRIEF at the way she responded to seeing you all. If I had been through all that you have been through, I would have been tempted to say "Are you still stewing over a Lego man? Because let me tell you what REAL LIFE DRAMA is all about!!!" :lol: Of course, maybe real life has hit her too and she is embarrassed to have made such a stink. Oh well...life goes on. Polly: You're welcome! It's summer, the board is S......L........O.........W -- updating is the least I can do.:lol: THAT many months later, I think that all I wanted to say to her was: WHAT were you thinking?.....or maybe, nothing at all........If she hadn't hightailed it out of there like that, I would have thought that two simple 'Hellos' would have sufficed. And, I could have done that -- :). As for my family's situation, nah, it was a pain in the you know where - but not worthy of real life drama - or maybe it was just that: drama, but not important - I was thankful that we were given the resources with which to deal. (Because I was finally getting to the end of the tunnel of REAL LIFE, HEARTBREAKING, SCREAMING IN PAIN DRAMA, HEARTBREAKING DRAMA, CANNOT SLEEP DRAMA - did I say that already? - when we began to be friends with this family). I think it could have been handled differently, but it wasn't, and that's all there is to that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted July 26, 2010 Author Share Posted July 26, 2010 (edited) Me, too. I did read the entire thread and unless I've overlooked it, I do have an alternate point of view to offer up. Is there a possibility that the 9yo boy--who appears to rule the household--could be on the autism spectrum? Asperger's and high functioning autism aren't always seen easily, but what *is* seen is a "spoiled child who runs the household". Make sense? I know that my aspie would freak. out. if a Lego man he was attached to vanished. His toys are literally an extension of him and he mourns them as though they are real. (Yes, it can be exhausting. Just imagine what happens when you have a house fire and this child loses nearly all of his possessions? This happened June '09.) Just a possible alternative explanation that sprang to mind almost immediately, especially given the persistence of the mom. I don't think I'd persist as much as she did, but I can see how I could if this child were really, really having a hard time with its loss AND if he happened to be Aspie or HFautie. I think your points are VERY WELL MADE -- very well made. Truly. That being said, though, I am not sure what I could have done differently to deal with this, KWIM? ETA: I've highlighted in red: again, your point is very well made - BUT, without any indication from the mom that what is highlighted in red is even on the radar here, well, I am at a loss; -- given the information that I was given (and nothing was mentioned regarding extenuating circumstances) I was as 'accomodating' as I was able to be. Not being snarky at all; I would like to think that IF what is in red WAS a likelihood or possibility (and the mom certainly does not have to share that with me), then my response was accomodating enough to include that. When all is said and done, I cannot produce something that I do not have, kwim? Edited July 26, 2010 by MariannNOVA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Her reaction of turning around and walking out, etc. makes me think that she found the all-important Lego man and car--probably long ago--and is embarrassed. She doesn't know how to say that it was all a mistake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matryoshka Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Her reaction of turning around and walking out, etc. makes me think that she found the all-important Lego man and car--probably long ago--and is embarrassed. She doesn't know how to say that it was all a mistake. :iagree: I was thinking the same thing.... :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 So funny, I actually thought about this thread not so long ago! Her reaction of turning around and walking out, etc. makes me think that she found the all-important Lego man and car--probably long ago--and is embarrassed. She doesn't know how to say that it was all a mistake. I was thinking the very same thing. Regardless, you now know that she wasn't someone worth keeping in your life. Small potatoes, as you surely know, Mariann :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 BTW...Happy Anniversary! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 (edited) Her reaction of turning around and walking out, etc. makes me think that she found the all-important Lego man and car--probably long ago--and is embarrassed. She doesn't know how to say that it was all a mistake. Absolutely. She's bolting before anyone can ask, "Say, did that lego fella ever turn up?" and she's forced to either flat out lie or say, "Um, yeah, it was under the dryer (or in the doghouse, or in bad boy's pocket, or under the bath rug, or.......)." 'cause then she might have to actually apologize. PS - I am glad this is sooooo last year for you. Let's see, 2009: Year of the Crazy Play Date. 2010: Year of the Bushwhacking Neighbors. 2011: Who can say? Mehopes you get a break but I am hearing faint strains of the Twilight Zone theme music...! Edited July 26, 2010 by AuntieM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted July 26, 2010 Author Share Posted July 26, 2010 Her reaction of turning around and walking out, etc. makes me think that she found the all-important Lego man and car--probably long ago--and is embarrassed. She doesn't know how to say that it was all a mistake. I was thinking the same thing.... So funny, I actually thought about this thread not so long ago! I was thinking the very same thing. Regardless, you now know that she wasn't someone worth keeping in your life. Small potatoes, as you surely know, Mariann :D BTW...Happy Anniversary! :) Absolutely. She's bolting before anyone can ask, "Say, did that lego fella ever turn up?" and she's forced to either flat out lie or say, "Um, yeah, it was under the dryer (or in the doghouse, or in bad boy's pocket, or under the bath rug, or.......)." 'cause then she might have to actually apologize. PS - I am glad this is sooooo last year for you. Let's see, 2009: Year of the Crazy Play Date. 2010: Year of the Bushwhacking Neighbors. 2011: Who can say? Mehopes you get a break but I am hearing faint strains of the Twilight Zone theme music...! :lol::lol::lol:Turn that music down! I have had ENOUGH!:D:D:D It would be difficult for me to go much further under the radar, kwim? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted July 26, 2010 Share Posted July 26, 2010 Whew. I was really going to be out-of-sorts w/out an update. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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