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This can't be a good sign

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I just finished babysitting for a friend of mine. Her baby is 5 months old. She was perfect the whole time - cooed, laughed, was perfectly content.


But I had zero attachment to her. None. Zip. Nada. You know how sometimes one can be near a baby and just "be in love" even when it's not their own? Usually I'm like that. Well, I used to be anyway. But I'm not anymore. I haven't been for probably 2 years or longer.


What am I going to do? I kept telling myself, "It's not the same thing. This baby is not your own. You'll totally love your own."


And it's not like I won't love him, I'm just afraid of being detached for awhile. Why is this? Why did that "Oh, I just love babies" feeling go away? How can I get it back by May? :eek:


Oh, and for the record, this little girl's name is Hazel. I kept calling her "Hazel-ra". It's been awhile since reading Watership Down, but that name comes to me as if I read it yesterday, lol. Poor girl. I'll be calling her "Hazel-ra" as long as I know her.:D I'm not alone in that, am I? Please tell me it isn't so! :)

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You will totally love your own. I'm not big on other people's kids, especially babies. They're cute, and fun to play with, but since I had my own kids, I can't recall feeling a bond with anyone else's baby at all.


Are you pregnant now? Is that what has you worried? When I was pregnant with my second, I was totally worried about bonding with her. I'm a huge advocate for breastfeeding (nursed my first for an extended period of time, nursed while PG, expected to tandem nurse, etc.). But until my second was born, I was completely convinced that I was going to have to give that baby formula, because I simply didn't want, and couldn't imagine, having another little being so attached to me for so long. I couldn't even stand the thought. Of course, as soon as she was born, I was ready to put her to my breast immediately, and we enjoyed (and occasionally still enjoy ;)) a long and healthy nursing relationship.


So don't worry. Your head can think whatever it wants, but your heart and body will know what to do when the time comes.

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You almost certainly will. I was really worried, to tell the truth, with Eleanor. I was so sick when I was pg with Leo (18mos earlier) and then again at the end with her, and did I mention Leo was only 18months old and...well...he's...Something Else, that one, so I was a bit overwhelmed. Physically, I was plain worn out. I was over "doing babies again" and I just kept praying that I'd at least have the strength to take care of her well and that she'd never know I didn't have my heart in it. Really! This is what I was thinking! It lasted a millisecond after she was born, and we did just fine, she and I. (And I only tried to sell her big brother on eBay that once...) Ahem. A story for another time. ;)


*BUT* I did have one child that I *didn't* have a good start with. I won't mention Child by name, because really, Child will find out eventually and probably use it against me in therapy someday. Why rush it? I had PPD (and if I'm not mistaken you've BTDT?) bordering on PPP. A very ugly time. I'm sure bringing that up isn't the polite thing to do when someone is asking for reassurance, but I hate that no one ever talks about these things! It's not uncommon to feel less than attached at first, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Because you know what? It eventually kicked in. Even when I was doing very little to advance the cause because I *couldnt* in the state I was in at that point. You may not feel head over heels in love and fuzzy at first, and you really mustn't beat yourself up IF that's the case. It's perfectly possible to get there, even after a rough start. You're a dedicated, attentive mom. You can do it! Rah, rah, rah and all that.

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