WWYD re: ds's eating (M)

[rafiki]

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[Chris in VA]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. It sounds like the issues you had in your family are coming into play here. They almost always do--I remember working thru an eating disorder book. One of the exercises was to remember the feelings you had at the dinner table. I never realized the reason I liked spagetti as a child was that there were no veggies in it (besides the sauce, which didn't qualify!). I never realized, either, how tense and anxious I was, every night, night after night. As you mentioned the rules you had to follow re: dinner as a child, I would certainly think that might be something to look at.

 

That said, no, I absolutely don't think you are being unreasonable. I believe in making one dinner for every one, unless there are allergies, in which case I'd make something everyone could eat, and maybe save the things that could cause problems for times when I was on a "date night" with dh. (No one likes shrimp except the adults in our house, so we save it for date nights--). Our standard line is, "You can eat it or not eat it, up to you. But remember, if you don't eat it, you are choosing to go hungry, and I don't want to hear about it, because you have to live with the choices you make." If not eating is the choice, then it's nothing else until the next meal--NOT the next snack.

 

A healthy kid will eventually eat. If he isn't healthy and has an eating disorder, that's another story. There are ways to help, and it's best to get a professional involved. But to me, it sounds like a power struggle, and I'd caution you to make sure you either don't engage in it, or win, every time. Children can choose 3 things to battle over--food, toileting, and sleeping. Short of being inappropriate, we can't make them do any of those things. You are worried he is underweight, right? Check with the Dr on that one. Your worry may make you give in. If he's healthy, don't give in. His protein needs, if truly needs, will be cravings if things get bad. If he is healthy, his body will demand protein, and he will give in.

 

That's my advice, fwiw. You may have to endure unpleasant behaviour, but I'd punish any disrespect, if it came from his not eating. It's no excuse. Children have to learn to live above their feelings, and it's good training to expect them to behave, even when they've made a choice that leads them to feel grumpy (like not going to bed on time, or not eating, so they have low blood sugar or whatever) Guess I'm a bit of a hard as* in that regard.

[Laura in VA]

Stay strong! ;)

[Jennifer in MI]

I have one like this. He's 7 1/2 and my allergy boy. We only offer healthy foods, yet he chooses not to eat. And, he never complains! FWIW, he doesn't yet weigh 60 pounds (I think he's about 56 pounds) and he's still in a booster seat in the car!!

 

We opted not to make it a big deal. He must sit with us at the dinner table and eat his veggies (he does like those!) and anything else he likes (usually a pasta or bread). If he is hungry after dinner, he is welcome to help himself to yogurt or a piece of fruit. Those are the two snacks I always have available. BUT, he must make it himself and he must clean up after himself. (This is the rule with ANY snack in our house.)

 

Good luck! I do know the struggle!!

[Amy in Orlando]

One of my sons was like this when he was 5-7-ish. It was miserable sometimes, but I did pretty much what Chris described. It works. A healthy kid will survive a missed meal and a truly hungry kid will eat.

 

That said, my son still doesn't eat meat, but he will eat just about everything else. Actually, he loves to help cook dinner and is constantly finding new recipes that everyone can enjoy. Hang in there! (This son is 14 now.)

[rafiki]

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[Pretty in Pink]

i agree w/ the PPs regarding mealtimes. at our house you eat what you are served or you don't eat, daddy's rule, not that i mind ;) but i always make sure to offer snacks i *know* they like, so that they are not going hungry, because then they are miserable and so am i! do you know what high protein snacks he really likes? i'm thinking things like:

 

peanut butter & honey on WW bread

cheese stick & apple slices w/ whole grain crackers

peanut butter & apples stuffed into a WW pita pocket

 

because these are substantial snacks, anything that has protein and is substantial. HTH.

[rafiki]

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[Amy in Orlando]

Due to food allergies we are a dairy (all forms), nut (tree and peanut), and egg free home. Which is why I've had to rely on processed meats like summer sausage and pepperoni for snacks. He won't eat cubed chicken, or basically anything other then beef or sausage.

 

We have the same allergies here minus eggs. Can you get your son to try hummus? My kids love it and it's an easy snack to have on hand. Just an alternative to the meat snacks.

[Tap]

They can't dislike everything. They can have about 3 items that they dislike. Otherwise they need to eat 3 bites. Our dd wouldn't eat anything with melted cheese, mayo, white sauce or cream sauce until she was about 6-7yo. So I knew not to fix those for her. Her dislikes were very distinct and clear, and easy to work around. If she didn't like the creamy dish, then she got an extra helping of veggies.

 

We figured out that our dd will eat almost anything if she has the right condiment. BBQ sauce and steak sauce are her favorites. She has always liked her food with a lot of flavor and doesn't like it too mixed up. She says that when the flavors all mix together, that they don't taste good. She will eat a hamburger bun (no sauces), lettuce, tomato, meat with sauce and a slice of cheese...all separate. But unless we are at a restaurant, she won't eat them piled together. As long as she doesn't complain while were out, we let her have her preference at home.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I have one like this. He's 7 1/2 and my allergy boy. We only offer healthy foods, yet he chooses not to eat. And, he never complains! FWIW, he doesn't yet weigh 60 pounds (I think he's about 56 pounds) and he's still in a booster seat in the car!!

 

Hmm, my daughter is also 7 1/2, and she weighs 43 pounds! Should I be worried? She's a very very picky eater, and she has many unusual food allergies. I keep wondering if she's picky because of an allergy, or because she's just picky.

 

She used to refuse anything with Cheezwhiz. Until I found out there was MUSTARD in that! And yup, she's allergic to mustard. She also has oral allergy syndrome (so do I, so I know how she's feeling) and that rules out pretty much any fresh fruit.

 

On top of that she's training 9 hours a week on a gymnastic team! She needs to eat properly, but I can't feed her properly!

 

So I can only commiserate with you.