How do you adjust to never being done??

[choirfarm]

You would think after being a parent for over 14 years I would be used to this, but I'm not. Growing up, you finished a school year and you were done. I was always REALLY busy during the school year: choir, show choir, drama, youth group, etc. But then there was the glorious summer and the break in January when it was really slow. Same thing with college. I like being busy. I love people. But I need breaks of time where I interact with NO ONE. I declutter and go through things and think. I felt done at the end of each semester. Then I taught school for 5 years. Once again, at the end May I was DONE and I had a whole summer to do crafts, slowly think about the next year and re-energize. We lived in a teeny apartment. I love people, but they drain me. I was a good teacher, but I came home every afternoon and took a one hour nap and then got up and fixed dinner, graded papers, interacted with hubby if he was there. See that is the other thing. Dh was gone SO much during residency. I had tons of alone time and I loved it. Then I had kids... Then I took care of disabled father on top of that (he just died). I REALLY, REALLY want a whole month with no one around but me like I used to so I can get organized, but it isn't going to happen. Like I said teaching and being so upbeat and happy and finding the best way to teach everything is draining, but THEY ARE ALWAYS HERE. I can't go take a nap like I did when I was first married and teaching ps. I gave my heart and soul into those kids, but I had time to re-energize. I'm really dreading this school year. How can I teach all of those subject well and keep on top of an advanced 9th grader, average 7th grader and bright 2nd grader with visual processing issues.. And rest and re-energize. Then there is the huge house, 50 acres.. I'm never done. I really miss the feeling I had in May when I was done. I should be adjusted but I can't. I want to be done.

 

Christine

[Amber in AUS]

I don't know how you get past that feeling. I feel a lot like that and it is overwhelming! To try to get back some control and feel a little done I am cleaning and tidying my kitchen/ meals area everyday. I am also having 1 week off cooking every other month using up the extra meals I cook and freeze. It is life and I am learning how to deal with it better everyday.

[Peela]

Why can't you take a daily nap? Your kids are old enough to let you be.

I understand it is an issue for some people, but my kids really entertain themselves. Your older two should be able to give you some time every day, and take care of your younger. Maybe you need to train them to give you a block of time each day for yourself.

Obviously you are not going to get the amount of time you had to re-energise before you had kids. But you can organise and prioritise your life to get your basic needs met- your need for some solitude. I do. I get up early and have time alone then. Then I have an afternoon nap. And again in the evening I take time for myself. My dh is at home but he works evenings, so I get evenings to watch a show with the kids, then I do my own thing.

You probably need to work much harder than I do, with a farm, but surely you really can take some time for yourself?

You may find the sense of overwhelm goes if you can prioritise your genuine needs (and I consider solitude and time to plan and organise a need) above other peoples' wants and desires.

If mamma aint happy, nobody is happy. You gotta take care of yourself.

[Sasharowan]

Can your dh take the kids for one afternoon a week and leave you home for the afternoon? Send the kids out to play in the 50 acres and call it PE/natural science. Get the olders to watch the younger while you nap. Make some time alone a priority and something will turn up. I make the olders go to bed when the 3 yo does and they can read in there, but not come out and talk to me. They watch my 3 yo when I need to shower or do some paperwork.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

I have the need to be done with things too. I've arranged my life so that it has "done" times. At 4 o'clock all schoolwork that I must be involved in is done. At 9 o'clock I am done with housework, no matter what the house looks like. We are done with school for the summer after May 31.

 

In those times when I am not yet done, I've really had to school myself to keep moving on to the next thing in a timely manner and to take advantage of any time I have to do work that must be accomplished. It's not easy for me.

 

I also take the day off occasionally and leave my husband with the kids.

[Radish4ever]

No advice, but I so know where you are coming from!!!

[Kim in Appalachia]

I try to find time for myself during the day. I run or do yoga, and I do them alone! The kids are not allowed in the area I'm in while I exercise.

 

I take days for myself. Your oldest is old enough to watch the kids while you take a day away. I know it's not a day at home alone, but I find it helpful to just get away from the kids once in a while (I try to get away once a month).

 

I also set done times. Unless kids have been goofing off, or we had something the interupted our morning, we stop by 4:00. I make a done time for me too. I try not to do anything (well, maybe fold wash), after 9:00 at night. I either veg and watch TV, read a book, or do some gentle yoga in my quiet room.

 

We do not school year round. That would drive me nuts. We end at the end of May and have 2 full months off. I can use that time to get a few small projects done around the house. I give the kids cleaning projects too.

 

You need to have times where you feel done. There is always more to do, but if you completely burn out you will not be helpful to anyone. Take some alone time, make a "done" time. Don't worry about what doesn't get done.

[Chelle in MO]

It bugs me, too, but I think I've just accepted it as part of this stage of life. In a few years, I imagine I'll want some of the busy times back. For now, I exercise out of the house (usually w/a friend) for an hour almost every day and that helps.

 

When I'm feeling especially overwhelmed w/little things around the house, I'll decide that for 30 min. or so we're all going to pitch in on things that aren't "regular chores". It'll just be stuff that piles up or gets disorganized or messy. After a little heads up for them, I'll call all four boys into the kitchen and start handing out jobs. That works to help my sanity temporarily.

 

When my first was less than a year old and a friend was due w/her first, she asked me what I liked least about being at home. My reply was, "the over-and-over-and-OVERness of EVERYTHING!" The reality of never being finished is so exhausting! Sometimes I do something really silly and tell myself that I'm just. not. gonna. do it (whatever the "it" is that is staring me in the face at the time) right now. Usually I pay for that by still having it undone later when I really need to be doing other things, but that first thing hasn't been taken care of yet! A good, old-fashioned toddler tantrum would feel so good sometimes!

 

Hang in there, Christine!

 

Chelle

[Sugarfoot]

I was just reminiscing the other day about the same thing---DH in residency and our small home. Things are sooo much more hectic/busy/tiring now. I wish I had great advice. It's funny how you don't realize at the time that things are easy. I always thought things would be easier later... Ha, the joke's on me!

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm another person who can relate. The way I'm coping is to think more in terms of life-style. I want a life-style that is balanced. To me, that means that we do school year around because learning is part of our life-style and we like to do some most days. It also means that we have a quiet time every day from 1 to 3 pm. My kids are allowed to play outside, read books, play legos or other quiet play and on certain days to go on the computer. I have time to nap or read a book (or do anything else I want to do but that is what I end up doing). It means that we do ministry as a family and we allow some time for that because that is part of our life-style. And it means that we have projects around the house too because that too is part of our life. We also have family exercise/walk times.

[WTMCassandra]

I see two separate issues: being done and alone time.

 

I think that "being done" is always an illusion, but it was an easier illusion to sustain before when you worked outside the home. I agree with the others that you have to decide to be done at some point. I too have daily markers like being done with school by 2pm, being done being on official kid duty at 4pm, etc. I had to decide to be done with school this summer (except for some Math and Latin each week so they don't forget everything). You get better at declaring things "done" with practice ; ).

 

As for alone time, it's probably time to sit down with your spouse and talk about your need and the best way to fill it. I'm an introvert and totally get your need to be alone sometimes--and I agree that alone in your own house is the ultimate.

 

For starters, we have rest/reading time every day like Jessie Wise talks about. Some days I LIVE for that time. Also, I try to get DH and the children to go places sometimes and give me time alone at home, like an afternoon. Sometimes I am the one who leaves, say on a Sunday afternoon, and I go to the park and sit by the river and read for a couple of hours. Another thing I do is take an individual spiritual retreat at least a couple times a year. I go alone for 3-4 days. This is HUGE to help me keep going.

 

It IS possible to be an introvert and homeschool. You just have to get a little creative about how to fulfill your genuine needs.