mom2koh Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 I have a dd who's 5. She completed her K work last year and has started on her 1st work now. Her ped. has acknowledge her giftedness (even though no formal testing has been done). My problem is one of my fellow homeschooler friends has begun to be-little my education of my dd. She keeps hounding me about dds socialiization. Tellingme that it's in dds best interest to work in the level where she would be if in PS. How do I reply to her "adivce" tactfully? How do I stick up for what we are doing when I know it's the right thing and dd is breezing through her work complainig it's too easy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicianmom Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 In what context do you see this friend? If it's a purely social context, can you just brush it aside laughingly and say "Oh, I don't feel like talking curriculum today" and change the subject? What does she do to pin you down and make you feel as though you have to defend your curriculum choices? I'm not too great at "passing the bean dip", so if someone dared say that to me I would have to tell them that my child's academic progress is my responsibility, and if I'm messing her up, then that's a risk I'm willing to take! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 I agree with MusicianMom. With advanced kids, sometimes people are really intimidated or jealous or, heck, I don't know what runs through their heads. At 5 I think giftedness is very noticable. I remember a particularly hurtful experience at a playground with Huck at about that age. I tried to talk to a few other moms and Huck was reading the signs in the park. They looked at me with this look of disgust and one of the mom's said, "Well, I don't believe in pushing MY child that hard." I left rather quickly without saying a word. Because you know this gal, I'd just say that I'm doing what's best for her at this time and should our needs change in the future I'd love to talk curriculum. Oh look at that lovely bird over there. :o It does get easier, BTW. Huck's differences aren't noticeable as much at 9. I've also learned not to discuss levels or grades or anything else that would identify him as ahead of the game. HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 Yes... time to pass the bean dip! ;) It can be hard to talk about our kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 Your "friend" is wrong. There is plenty of evidence that holding gifted kids does more damage than good. In fact, I think it probably does plenty of damage and nothing good. How you handle it is going to depend on your personality, your relationship with this person, and how much you want to try to keep that relationship. Whatever you do, don't let her talk you into doing what isn't the best for your child. I'm not skilled in tact or passing the bean dip. I'm more of a direct and blunt person...so no advice on that. Do you think she would read/respond well to articles proving she is wrong? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 And... WHAT does your friend say that socialization has to do with academic level??? How would keeping her at a certain level academically affect her socialization? I'm lost here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2koh Posted July 2, 2009 Author Share Posted July 2, 2009 I see her quite often in several types of settings. It's been a struggle as she is quite overbearing in her opinions and I have been trying to "turn the other cheek". But, a couple of weeks ago her dd that is in my dd's sunday school class said something mean to my dd (that she had heard from her mom of course). Her claim is that with my dd advancing quickly then she will not be able to relate to peers her own age. In retrospect, it's quite funny as my dd has many wonderful friendships with kids of all ages and her kids are the troublemakers! :glare: She's not so much of a person to take to the bean dip being passed. So I guess a more direct approach is needed. I cringe at that; as I am more of a dip passer than a blunt peron. :blush5: Thanks ya'll. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Her claim is that with my dd advancing quickly then she will not be able to relate to peers her own age. And that is fine. Gifted kids often enjoy older kids better anyway, as they are a better match cognitively. Holding her back in school won't change the way her brain works. It would only bore her, make her hate school, and maybe turn her into an underachiever. Ask me how I know. In my experience, kids don't seem to notice other kids' academic level much. School doesn't come up too much; they just play. When something does come up, it's usually a positive response. I think your daughter will be fine...based on what you've said so far. It might be a different story if she were walking around trying to discuss quantum physics with them, but I don't get that impression. It sounds like she may be just jealous. Perhaps her own kids are on grade level or struggling? And she just needs to bring you down? If you need to be blunt, be blunt. "I've done a ton of research on the subject. The experts' conclusions contradict your uninformed opinions. I prefer to follow the advise of people who actually know what they are talking about. Thanks for your concern though." Of course, that's probably not the best approach...just my own irritated rant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 :iagree: I'm not much of a dip passer, either. Fortunately most of my friends have kids that are advanced in one area or another, so we all have our chance to brag, and our chance to be proud of someone else's kid too. I suggest telling her directly to let you worry about what is best for your child. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 I suggest telling her directly to let you worry about what is best for your child. Good luck! That's what I was thinking - "You parent your kid and I'll parent mine." And what is the grand obsession with "peers of the same age"?? What on earth is wrong with having friends of different ages? Becca's always done better with older kids too. I find it mind-boggling that a fellow homeschooler is hassling you about the S-word. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kpupg Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 :iagree: I agree with everything every poster here has said. My gifted kids are 14 and 12. You are only beginning with these issues. You can search and find numerous threads about how difficult it is to talk to other people -- including other home schoolers -- about our gifted children. Most people don't want us to discuss our kids, and many of those who do allow discussion want to tell us everything we're doing wrong. Sounds like your "friend" might be one of those. Socialization can be different for gifted kids. To extrapolate from joanna, there may come a day when your dd wants to discuss quantum mechanics and can't find anyone her own age who can hold up the other end of the conversation. That's frustrating and, to an outsider, looks weird -- but only because of their narrow viewpoint, not because of any fault on your or your dd's part. Apply the bumper sticker: God doesn't make junk ... including the gifted kids. Jealousy is powerful. I have only one sibling/sibling-in-law who can bear to discuss my kids' academics. The others just find it too painful that their kids can't compare. You will no doubt find similar reactions from relatives and non-relatives alike. It can be hurtful and isolating. That's why groups like this forum are so very important. This is a safe place to talk about these things -- thanks to all you ladies out there who make it so. :grouphug: I have found it essential to set firm boundaries with other people. Whether you use the bean dip method or the more direct method, you'll need to be aware in your heart that the only people whose opinions really matters are ... whoever that is for you -- you, your husband, maybe your mother or somebody else? For us, it's only me and my husband. After all, that's who God gave these amazing kids to for their upbringing, and we believe he delegated authority along with responsibility. You need to decide on those boundaries and keep them firmly in mind -- for your own protection and for your kids' sake. I sound like such a wet blanket here, and I'm sorry for that. The gift of gifted kids can be a difficult gift. I think the hardest part is dealing with other people, most of whom just aren't going to understand what you're dealing with. But raising and educating your amazing children is exhiliarating. Worth it; definitely worth it :001_smile: Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2koh Posted July 3, 2009 Author Share Posted July 3, 2009 :grouphug: Thank you for your encouragement. The next time the subject comes up I'm just going to get up the nerve to tell her "My child is my business and I'm doing what I feel is right." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skaterbabs Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 You might want to point out that in a public school kindergarten you may have children as young as four and as old as six. Dot has an October birthday, which means she missed the cutoff for kindy last year by all of seventeen days. She was doing kindy-level academics with no parental instruction for nearly a year before that. We could hold her back a year, or push her forward a year, and which we choose it based on what is right for her. Right now, that's "pushing" her forward, and letting her be with first graders instead of kindergarteners. A few years from now, it may be to hold her back in the younger group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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