Scared swimmer question...

[Old Dominion Heather]

My middle son, 7yo, is terrified of going underwater.

 

Background: He was the kid we had to hold down to wash his hair until he was about six. He slipped into the deep end of a backyard pool when he was about five and had to be pulled out. In short, he is not a big fan of water.

 

He still backs into the shower to wash his hair and his face never gets wet. I finally got him to put his head underwater at the pool today by promising him ice cream if he did it. And he finally, after about six tries, got everything but the top of his head under and got the ice cream.

 

However, I noticed as he was trying to go under, his hand and his whole arm were shaking like a leaf he was so scared. He was holding his nose and was shaking so hard, he turned loose in the water, which is necessarily a bad thing, just indicative of how strong this fear is.

 

Has anyone had a child with this level of fear about water? It is infecting his little brother. If anything, I think it is getting worse instead of better. How did your child overcome the fear, or have they?

[Starr]

The poor guy! I think I would sit and play in the shallow water just like you would with a younger child and see if begins to outgrow some of his fear. Maybe a lake or ocean where there is sand to play with as well as swimming would help. Obviously the old technique of throwing them in doesn't work.

[iamom]

My oldest was just like that until a bit after he turned 7. The whole bathing/shower thing was such a pain. He would never go beyond where he could touch in a swimming pool.

 

The thing that helped him was private one on one swimming lessons. I still don't know exactly what his teacher did, but she had him putting his whole head in the water on day one of swimming lessons. I couldn't believe it. She did have a little "treasure dive" on the last day of classes that she told them about right at the beginning. She put a bunch of pennies, nickels, and dimes in the shallow end and they had to "dive" for them. That seemed to be a real incentive for him. But it sounds like you're trying things like that with the ice cream. I wish I had other ideas for you.

[joannqn]

Time. Exposure. Very gentle encouragement and instruction. Don't force anything he is uncomfortable with too soon.

 

My 9 year old is just now able to put her face under water without goggles on. She just started showering, rather than bathing, this year and showers like your son. Last year, she had took swimming lessons at the YMCA. After 9 months of lessons, twice a week, she was able to put her head under water with goggles on and swim on her back if someone had a reassuring hand on her head to make sure she didn't go underwater. She is slowly gaining more confidence on her own but she never leaves the shallow end where she knows she can touch.

 

I've looked into some programs supposedly designed for kids like this. They seem to be more of the force them to do it so they'll overcome their fear mentality but I've seen that backfire with my own daughter. Another program, that I may try, is a private pool with instruction. They guarantee that even frightened children will be swimming within 3 months. They require every kid to jump into the pool from the low diving board and if they won't, an instructor will lower them in; there's no other way off the diving board. It seems to be a good middle ground, because the kids wear flotation devices and an instructor is waiting for them under the board. I don't think the kids have to go underwater; they are just lowered to the water to the waiting instructor. They also do not allow goggles as you need to be able to swim without them in an emergency...unless you make it a habit to wear them when you are near any body of water. I would never have considered this a year or two ago. The fact that my daughter has more confidence now is a big part of considering this program. It's expensive though...$15 a lesson, twice a week minimum, for group lessons.

[lgm]

What a brave fellow! Now that he's done it once, can you have a discussion about the root of his fear in order to put his fear into perspective?

 

If he's confident that an active life guard is there and he stays in shallow water, he can begin to play and feel more comfortable since he'll be able to stand up and rescue himself. I'd give him goggles too, as he'll want to grab things underwater comfortably.

 

I would offer playing in the lawn sprinkler so he gets experience with his face getting wet.

[TracyR]

I agree that time and exposure will help. I have seen children like this at our swimming classes at the Y. Of course my girls are the total opposite. What I have seen that helps is having a friend that LOVES to swim. My niece was like this and when she saw my daughters jump in she thought she'd give it a try and now she is going into 3rd grade and swims like a fish.

 

I know there have been several children that have watched my girls go crazy in the water and amazingly thier parents watched on as they saw them watch my girls and all of a sudden after years of swim lessons they one day decide to jump in like their friends.

Peer pressure or peer example really helps. Those kids that were terrified of the water and watched my 'water babies' have fun with the water are now on our local swim team along with my daughters.LOL.

 

Swim lessons really do help. Explain your son's situation. Find out if there are kids who just love to swim and let him watch. Never give up. That is the worst thing you can do. I am a firm believer if it is not something that will hurt them that they CAN do it. Even if it takes a little bit more time then it does for others.

 

With all of that said my youngest was terrified of the water. The best thing for her was me sitting at the edge of the pool( at the Y) and talking with the other moms as she sat on the edge dipping her feet into the water. After she saw a baby in the pool that loves the water each day she got more daring and now she LOVES to be in the water.

Baby steps help. If it means sitting with your child and inching him each time into a pool or at the beach then so be it. Make a big deal on how the children are having lots of fun and that he is safe with you being there and a life guard being there too.

Edited July 2, 2009 by TracyR

[lllll]

terrified of going underwater.

 

How did your child overcome the fear, or have they?

 

Wellll ... this would be me when I was little. I think I took beginners swimming lessons about 6 or 8 times. It was a lake where you couldn't see the bottom and I was certain there were huge things down there waiting to bite me and pull me under. I was also terrified going over those huge, narrow bridges down in south Louisiana every year when we spent a month with the relatives. All that water. And I knew there were gators down there because my grandfather had taken us fishing in a spot where the gators were sunning themselves on the riverbank. He said they wouldn't bother me if I didn't bother them. :w00t:

 

Anyway, I never did pass. But I did learn to swim. Mostly by going to the pool every day (my parents had joined for exactly one summer when I was about 12yo).

 

So when I had kids, I knew I didn't want them to be like I was. Thus, we joined a place with a pool and I started taking them all when they were babies/toddlers. I put water wings on them and we would spend an hour or two in the water several times a week. Once they could stay afloat, I would take something to read and sit while they swam as long as they wanted.

 

I tried lessons once, but the instructor told me the best thing to do was what I was already doing. So I kept doing that and they all love the water and swim fine. I guess you could say we 'hs'ed' for swimming, too. :)

 

Have you tried doing some version of that for him? And let him cling to you as long as he needs to - hours, days, months ... he'll get there.

 

HTH

Kathy

[BigMamaBird]

Your description of your son was me at that age. I was terrified of getting my face wet, even in the tub. I could't shower till at least Middle School.

 

I eventually grew out of it on my own. My folks didn't push me or coerce me in any way. What did it was peer pressure. When I got into high school my friend had a pool and that's where we'd all hang out and I wanted to be included so I sucked it up and played along. Eventually I gained confidence and now the fear is gone. I'm still not a strong swimmer, but I'm not afraid any more.

 

One thing that did help me was a swim mask that covered my eyes and nose. If I had that on I was much more comfortable being in the water.

[muffinmom]

My middle son, 7yo, is terrified of going underwater.

 

Background: He was the kid we had to hold down to wash his hair until he was about six. He slipped into the deep end of a backyard pool when he was about five and had to be pulled out. In short, he is not a big fan of water.

 

He still backs into the shower to wash his hair and his face never gets wet. I finally got him to put his head underwater at the pool today by promising him ice cream if he did it. And he finally, after about six tries, got everything but the top of his head under and got the ice cream.

 

However, I noticed as he was trying to go under, his hand and his whole arm were shaking like a leaf he was so scared. He was holding his nose and was shaking so hard, he turned loose in the water, which is necessarily a bad thing, just indicative of how strong this fear is.

 

Has anyone had a child with this level of fear about water? It is infecting his little brother. If anything, I think it is getting worse instead of better. How did your child overcome the fear, or have they?

 

Poor guy. But I feel for you too. My ds, also 7, won't put his face under water. He's not terrified of water in general, but can't bring himself to go under for more than just a dip. And then he sputters and spits and has to almost "recover" from it! This is still the sticking point despite 3 rounds of group lessons and 1 round of private lessons. He can't go any further in swim instruction without being willing to do this.

 

I'm thinking we may have to wait until he just makes up his mind to do it (which was the case with walking, potty-training, etc.). In our case, I believe it's a matter of his perfectionism. Until he can do it with skill or mastery and without discomfort, he wants no part of it. (And we obviously all know that won't happen without practice!:glare:)

[jensway]

I highly recommend swimming lessons with a qualified instructor one on one. I had lessons as a child before the age of 1 no fears arose later. In my early 20's I became an instructor. I have quite a few frightened swimmers, 2 of them were my nieces they them were terrified. They are now in their late teens and 20's and swim very well.

 

My son was born in Jan. '98. So as soon as summer '98 was here I had him in a pool 4 days a week. He was swimming on his own without the aid of any floatation devises before he could walk. He is now 11.5 and I have no worries about his swimming abilities.

 

An instructor will be able to break the fear barrier quicker than you think. In the beginning another key is repetition/immersion--as in at least every other day if not daily. It's hard to keep this schedule I understand, but it won't be for long. You will both be glad you did.

[muffinmom]

I highly recommend swimming lessons with a qualified instructor one on one. I had lessons as a child before the age of 1 no fears arose later. In my early 20's I became an instructor. I have quite a few frightened swimmers, 2 of them were my nieces they them were terrified. They are now in their late teens and 20's and swim very well.

 

My son was born in Jan. '98. So as soon as summer '98 was here I had him in a pool 4 days a week. He was swimming on his own without the aid of any floatation devises before he could walk. He is now 11.5 and I have no worries about his swimming abilities.

 

An instructor will be able to break the fear barrier quicker than you think. In the beginning another key is repetition/immersion--as in at least every other day if not daily. It's hard to keep this schedule I understand, but it won't be for long. You will both be glad you did.

 

 

Thanks for your advice. I've joined the Y this summer so he can get in frequently. He doesn't ever want to do anything but play, of course, but I'm going to try to work with him.

 

How does one find a good instructor? The private lessons we had were at the Y, and she was early 20s, swimmer all her life but never taught before.:glare: Our Y tends to be lackadaisical in everything. I've asked others but no good answers yet...all their kids just have that swim-like-a-fish-on-their-own ability.

 

What are your thoughts on the "swim-Nazi" type of programs, where they are strict and unyielding? (BTW, the one in our town people either highly recommend or think it's borderline abusive).

[Laurie4b]

My middle son, 7yo, is terrified of going underwater.

 

Background: He was the kid we had to hold down to wash his hair until he was about six. He slipped into the deep end of a backyard pool when he was about five and had to be pulled out. In short, he is not a big fan of water.

 

He still backs into the shower to wash his hair and his face never gets wet. I finally got him to put his head underwater at the pool today by promising him ice cream if he did it. And he finally, after about six tries, got everything but the top of his head under and got the ice cream.

 

However, I noticed as he was trying to go under, his hand and his whole arm were shaking like a leaf he was so scared. He was holding his nose and was shaking so hard, he turned loose in the water, which is necessarily a bad thing, just indicative of how strong this fear is.

 

Has anyone had a child with this level of fear about water? It is infecting his little brother. If anything, I think it is getting worse instead of better. How did your child overcome the fear, or have they?

 

Congratulations to both of you! You did a great job: you, for coming up with an incentive and he for conquering his fear! As long as he is choosing to move forward with the next step (including for a bribe!) he is diminishing his fear. I would keep offering a strong reward for a while; eventually, his brain will be pairing ice cream/face underwater rather than terror/face underwater. What is important with a phobia is not to force the person into it. It's important that they choose to take the next baby step--and it is baby steps.

[lionfamily1999]

It sounds like you're doing really well on your own. Keep at it and he'll start to see that he will be okay. If he's worked himself up over it, so much that he's trembling, then it is going to take time to get him to understand that it's safe.

 

:grouphug:

 

btw, love the smackdown ref :D

[plansrme]

Might make him more comfortable to be able to breathe under water, until he gets used to the feeling of the water over his head. He could start using the snorkle without actually putting his whole head in the water, just his mouth.

 

Terri

[jensway]

My thoughts on the "swim nazi" types is hard to say. If the instructor is good then this is the type of lesson that your son needs 1 on 1. If the instructor is not good then could cause further fright/damage to your son. Call him tell him/her of your sons issues and see if he would let you watch him/her teaching another child. Watch and listen to the instructor and his/her pupil's reactions. Then do the hardest thing you will have to do--listen to your gut! Would this instructor be good for your son? Only you will know. Is the instructor harsh/stern when needed and caring but not yielding when needed. Yielding comes after you break the fear barrier and have some compliance in progressing.

 

To find an instructor:

1. ask at a high school/college natatorium in your town, if your town does not have one, then find the closest one to you and call them and ask them for a referral. Major universities almost always have a swim team.

2. ask at the Y

3. put the word out that you are looking for a swim instructor at church, boy scouts, any social groups.

4. look for ads in local newspaper

 

I hope this helps.

[jensway]

In my opinion I would not recommend goggles/snorkels or any other swim apparatus in the beginning as your son would likely use them as a crutch. If you want to offer a bribe of goggles--that is OK, but ONLY and I repeat only after he can swim across the pool from 1 side to the other side by himself unassisted by anyone or device.

[Old Dominion Heather]

Update: I spoke with the head life guard at our pool today. She does do lessons, $15 for the half hour. So I plan of getting with her asap. I'd like to have this beyond us by the time the pool closes.

[Dobela]

My son was born half fish I think. There was never any fear. But many kids in his class were afraid at very young ages. The wonderful instructors didn't expect them to put their whole face under water until they had been taught how to blow bubbles and breathe. Then they didn't go straight down. They supported the kids on their bellies while the kids learned how to turn their faces from side to side and get air. They did this evern before they learned any strokes. In thepool they also showed them safety measures - like how to get to the edge of the pool and walk around it with their hands if they fell in or got tired. Most could at least doggie paddle to the edge and hold on.

 

After all of this training at the beginning, I really saw the kids relax and trust the instructors. They also trusted themselves and knew that if something happened they wouldn't sink to the bottom and die before someone saw them. They could get out all by themselves if they needed to do so. The instructors also did the diving toys for motivation beginning with the toys on the steps of the pool and gradually moving down into the deeper water. Some kids loved the idea of being a mermaid - those kids were dunked thru the water as though they wer diving - moving horizontally instead of straight down.