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Hi all,

 

I need some support (and unemotional opinions) from other homeschool moms here.

 

My son is in camp for the first time. He's 10. He was very excited the weeks leading up to camp, but when we dropped him off Sunday afternoon he was very nervous. He doesn't know anyone there. He was nervous about being away from home for so long too.

 

We dropped him off Sunday night. Monday morning he had his first horseback riding lesson ever in his life. I wanted to be there to see and he wanted me there. He had a great time and I was thrilled to be watching it! He said to me, "All my life I wanted to ride a horse." I wouldn't have missed that for the world! My being there did not inhibit or distract him in the least. He was enjoying camp and excited and bubbly. I stayed talking to some friends of mine for about an hour after my son was off to his next activity. He wanted Dad to visit that night so he did, but Dad asked me to join him, so I did. We stayed away all day Tuesday & Wednesday. I dropped by for a few minutes Wed. (last) night. He seemed tired and homesick, but said he was having a great time. I told him feeling homesick was normal & I'm glad he's having a great time. He asked for some pants (he was kind of made to feel bad at his lessons for not having them), so Dad took them this morning. Said hi, gave him the pants, said bye. Tomorrow afternoon we pick him up.

 

The camp materials state that parents are allowed to visit freely (it's only 20 minutes away) but each time my husband or I visit (including the very first time!), the Camp Secretary (who is the Director's wife) makes sarcastic remarks. I know her (barely) from our homeschool group. She is always friendly, but each time I've been there (3x) she says sarcastic (with a smile) things like, "You again?" "You're here so much I should charge you as a camper." I laughed and replied, "Just put me to work!" ng lessons that he needed to have pants) and dh dropped them off this morning and she said to my husband, "That poor kid!" She always says these things with a smile on her face, but she's done it from the start and it is making me quite uncomfortable. When I was there Mon. evening with dh, and we were hanging out waiting for ds, I caught her checking me out head to toe. I really want to like her, but she is starting to offend me and bringing out the mama bear in me. I think she has me judged me as over-protective, or maybe she thinks I don't trust them.

 

I have only met one other parent when I've visited. So maybe they say it's okay, but there is a culture of "don't visit", if you know what I mean.

But one of my friends from co-op is helping out there so she can be near her daughter who is attending camp for the first time.

 

We have talked to our son and have worked out a visiting schedule that he and we are comfortable with. All my visits actually have nothing to do with my nervousness at all or missing him (though I do). They have to do with his adjustment & needs - he was nervous about being away from us.

 

My problem is with the Camp Secretary and her comments. After her last comment to my dh, I am angry with her. I think she's being inappropriate. I tried to overlook it. We're obviously bugging her, but her comments are inappropriate. We paid for camp, they have an open visitation policy, it's my kid and I can visit her when I very well want too. If she feels it's hindering his adjustment to camp she should politely talk to me about it. But it seems like a personal thing to her.

 

I've worked with kids. I've taken church kids to camp before. I've had parents volunteer to help with camp so they can be with there kids. At first it bugged me, but I respected their right to be there. I've had parents bring their kids to the nursery, but stay with them - every week! I've been on both ends of this. And I've had my opinions of the parent's behavior at times, but kept them to myself and tried to be helpful to them. But I don't get her attitude toward us. She's giving mixed messages.

 

Would this bug you? My only options as I see it are: let it go or try to talk to her about it (draw her out a little and let her know she made me uncomfortable). I hope she doesn't do that to other parents.

 

Thanks for listening!

 

Sherri

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In pretend life I'd have a conversation with her about it and air all my grievances.

 

IRL I'm a wimp. But I'm a wimp who loves my kids, so I would continue doing what is right by my son and ignore her. At the most, if she made a comment like "You again" or "Your poor kid" I would probably just stare at her. Not say a word. Just stare. And then pointedly turn away. Sometimes a stare can say more than words.

 

That's about the limit of my ability to "confront."

 

(I try to be like the Juliet character in the tv show Lost when someone is out of line. She just stares at them and makes them squirm--if you've ever seen the show.)

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Well, since you are picking him up tomorrow, it's probably pointless to say anything. If it were me, I would come up with an arsenal of responses. I'm not witty enough to think of any at this moment, but I'm sure others on the board can help with that. Chances are you probably won't get an opportunity to use them since pick up is tomorrow, but at lease you'll have them handy. This is not something I would make an issue out of (ie: "We need to sit on talk about this problem I am having with you."), you would probably come off as overly sensitive. People who are really good at those stab-you-with-a-smile type comments are also usually good at playing others off as over-reactors.

 

hth,

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My personal style probably would spur me to be direct and ask the woman why my visits appear to bother her. Continuing to soak up her innuendos only would exacerbate my ire. For me, better to shine a flashlight on the problem and discuss it. (I also would expect your son to report disrespectful verbal "digs" shot his way from this person.)

 

What kind of camp is this ? YMCA ? Church ? Boy scout ?

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Having been a guide leader for years, I know the problems that can be caused by parents getting in the way, however the camp you're on obviously has a different culture and if there is an open visiting policy, she ought to pretend she's fine with that even if she isn't. If she was good at her job, she'd be handling the situation better. You're picking him up tomorrow, so you might as well leave it, but if you'd decided to act earlier, all you'd have needed to do was roll your eyes and say "Yeah I know, it's his first time away from home and he's a bit nervous. Better I pretend to be the overprotective Mamma than let his mates know he's scared, huh?" Then wink and say "I'm sure he'll be better next year, in fact, I think I might go away for the weekend!"

 

Rosie

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Don't say a word to her. Be sure your son writes a thank you note for the great time he had a camp and sends it to the place where she opens the mail! I realize that camp is a service you paid for and a note isn't necessary, but I can almost guarantee it would be the only one she receives!

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In pretend life I'd have a conversation with her about it and air all my grievances.

 

IRL I'm a wimp. But I'm a wimp who loves my kids, so I would continue doing what is right by my son and ignore her. At the most, if she made a comment like "You again" or "Your poor kid" I would probably just stare at her. Not say a word. Just stare. And then pointedly turn away. Sometimes a stare can say more than words.

 

That's about the limit of my ability to "confront."

 

(I try to be like the Juliet character in the tv show Lost when someone is out of line. She just stares at them and makes them squirm--if you've ever seen the show.)

 

:iagree: Oh, the Juliet stare, I've never heard it put that way, but I like it and I'm going to use it.

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I wouldn't bother talking to her. But I would rant, oh, say, here! I think the camp reassures parents by saying they can visit any time. In reality, I wonder how many parents actually do. Obviously by the secretary's response, not many.

I'm so glad you got to see your son's first experience on a horse. My boys recently had the opportunity to ride and and were over the moon!

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You know what? No matter what you say to her, she won't get it. I liked some of the advice the others gave on how to respond, but I know someone just like the secretary you described and she would have had a response to blow you off no matter what you said.

If you have a clear conscious about what you did, comfort yourself with how you responded to your son's needs. Not all kids are ready at 9 or 10 to cut loose from the parents for a few days away, but as long as they're progressing towards independance then you'e doing your job.

Forget about her insensitive comments. Enjoy the fact you got a chance to see him ride his very first time. Be glad you could get long pants to him so he wouldn't get blistered. Be proud he slept away from home and needed you less as the week went by.

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Having been a guide leader for years, I know the problems that can be caused by parents getting in the way, however the camp you're on obviously has a different culture and if there is an open visiting policy, she ought to pretend she's fine with that even if she isn't. If she was good at her job, she'd be handling the situation better. You're picking him up tomorrow, so you might as well leave it, but if you'd decided to act earlier, all you'd have needed to do was roll your eyes and say "Yeah I know, it's his first time away from home and he's a bit nervous. Better I pretend to be the overprotective Mamma than let his mates know he's scared, huh?" Then wink and say "I'm sure he'll be better next year, in fact, I think I might go away for the weekend!"

 

Rosie

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