Those of you who want more kids but can't, how do you deal with the pain?

[Peela]

I think the thing that has helped me is to realize that the role of mothering young children isn't meant to last a lifetime. It's for a season only, just as being a child is for a season only. Sometimes I think we moms love our children and our lives as mothers of young children so much that we want that period to last longer than it does.. but it's the plan and purpose of humans to grow up into adults, and that naturally and rightfully puts us out of that job. My advice is to enjoy your young children while you have them, but remember that it's for a short time and that it's not your entire identity. It may well be the most special time in your life, but it is only one portion of your life.

 

 

Yes. Well said.

[Staci in FL]

I could have written this. What's interesting to me is that I've really thought I settled all of this in my soul years and years ago. However...my future daughter in law will give us our first grandchild by Christmas. I find myself unsettled and unhappy about not being pregnant ever all over again. Hit me by surprise...like a tidal wave...and I'm floundering. I've found my floaties and will not drown, but, wow, that was totally unexpected.

 

 

Happy...

 

Thank you for sharing this with me. I really appreciate it. I'd never thought that the feelings would come back again some day. Now I won't be surprised if it happens. Again, thank you.

 

Staci

[cajunrose]

I haven't read all of the responses, but I wanted to add to this conversation. I have on dd who is 6. We have tried to get pregnant again since she was 2.5. She has been a dream child..and I couldn't wait to add to our little family. We quickly realized that another child wasn't coming so easily. I had to go on meds, take my temp, shots, surgeries (no medical reason was what I was told). It just wasn't happening. We did everything right. It has consumed me for 4 years now. I believe it has stopped me from living as full of a life as I could have otherwise. I have gained weight (50 lbs) because of meds and then just not caring. My body failed me, why should I care for it? Hindsight says that the weight gain probably didn't help matters.

 

I never did get pregnant. We started talking adoption. We didn't have the $$ to spill out for that so we started training to foster to adopt. We ended up with a beautiful 3.5 year old girl. The next 5.5 months we hell. I quickly found out that having 2 kids wasn't all it cracked up to be..especially since the 2nd one wasn't even 'mine'. She WAS mine in that I loved her like she was mine, but I couldn't do anything with her without permission. The girls fought CONSTANTLY to the point where I cried myself to sleep everynight. I wasn't sleeping at all because the foster daughter wasn't sleeping either. I was a mess.

 

She got adopted by her aunt 2 weeks ago. That started another round of depression and anxiety (hence the reason I'm up at 1:30 am..lol) Did I do everything right by that little girl? What could I have done to help her more? The guilt has been unbearable...and I didn't even give her up. I didn't even have the option of adopting her.

 

Why am I telling you all of this? In the process of trying to get what I thought I so desperately wanted, I lost sight of what I have. I fell so much more deeply in love with my daughter. We are so close...always were...but we have an even tighter bond now that we have been through what we have been through. Our family has grown so much tighter. I have things to look forward to now that I have an 'older' child. We can go canoeing, camping, road trips, travel abroad (have a trip booked to Paris, France), and heck..when she sleeps out, I have an alone night with my husband.

 

I'm so comfortable with where we are now...that my husband is getting the big 'v' (just in case), and I have taken our home off of the foster care list. I have redesigned our spare bedroom (where my foster daughter slept) into a homeschool room.

 

I am actually paranoid at getting pregnant now. The foster child situation has shown me that I'm not so good at being the mother of 2. I know the situation was completely different, but still. I saw a glimpse into what my life would be like...what I would be like as the mother of 2 and I didn't like it. I didn't like what I had become...who I had become.

 

Now it's time to take care of me. I'm going to drop that 50 lbs. I'm going to excersise. I'm going to love me again. My body didn't fail me, it just knew what was right for me, and I'm ok with that.

 

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I really have no idea if what I typed is really relevant to the OP but I feel better typing that out..lol