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My (unconventional) family arrangement


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You could have at least put some kind of warning in the title. You probably knew that this would offend some people. When people post about something with Christian content there is usually a warning in the title. This just seems very inappropriate for a HS board IMO.

 

:iagree: and I'm not Christian. I know I appreciate it when Christians put "CC" in their post titles so I know it's a thread I can skip. I think it's just as important to label a thread like this with "TMI" or something so people at least have a heads-up. "Unconventional family arrangement" can mean many things -- I think few people were expecting to read about polygamy. I'm not personally offended by the post, but I can see how others could be.

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I'll admit. I'm a newbie to posting here, but I've lurked for 18 months or so. So you'll pardon my ignorance and sarcasm...

 

What does any of this thread, from beginning to end have to do with home education? And what is it doing on a home education board? :bored:

 

Going back to my bubble...please resume your regularly scheduled posting.

 

Not everything on this board has to do with HS. This board is for "everything else" including some HS discussion.

 

Well I think it's all very interesting.

 

As for some people are more open about their information and it just doesn't bother them. To them it's just everyday stuff.

 

I think people on this board often share way more religious info than they need to. What people are willing to 'ask for prayers' about on here sometimes is amazing. How is opening up your life like and telling people about your spiritual side any different from this?

 

As for what it's doing on a homeschool board, you can ask that question for most of the posts on this General Board. So many of you consider yourselves "friends" and people are comfortable to post things about your lives and answer questions people have about you all the time. She's comfortable about her life, and she may consider you 'friends' so why should her post be any differnt from so many of the others. Except for the fact that many of you seem to disagree with it.

:iagree:

As far as I am aware there is no requirement that *any* threads carry *any* labels other than those the OP chooses to give them (including CC). I don't really see the "CC" as a "warning", but more a statement on the part of the OP of the thread that she really is primarily interested in discussing a particular topic with her co-religionists.

 

Also, I really don't get that folks who know they are going to be offended by alternative lifestyles or family situations would a) open a thread entitled "My unconventional family arrangement" or b) once opened would have read past line 5 when they saw "DW#2". If one continues past both those points, then it would seem that one does indeed have some sort of interest in the topic, because it was pretty obvious what was being discussed.

 

As to bearing on homeschooling, a person's family structure certainly has more bearing on their homeschooling than the latest episode of Lost or Farscape, buying area rugs, photo developing, Michael Jackson, etc. I would probably just as soon not have known about any number of detailed medical issues discussed here, *lots* of folks discussions about "having tea" or "booKshelves", the lack of fidelity of spouses, etc........so I tend not to open those threads.

 

This is very well stated...

 

Okay. I had to chime in here. I knew in opening up the thread that I would learn about things I do not agree with. I also assumed much of what the OP described happens -- such as bed-sharing, etc.

 

I will repeat -- I do not think this is a proper lifestyle.

 

But, I also think it is ridiculous to put such tags on the thread and the insult the OP. Her first post was not very detailed, and if people wanted to know no more, they should not have read on.

 

And, this is the general board for all sorts of chit chat. We Christians cannot demand respect and then turn around and belittle those of different faiths and customs.

 

EXACTLY!

 

 

I opened this thread knowing I was going to read about something I know *very little* about. I am glad she chose to come out and tell us about her lifestyle, so if I ever wondered I would know. I would NEVER PM someone about intimate details of their life if they did not first say "feel free to ask questions".

 

We are here to learn from others. This is something I have always been curious about but never knew anyone who lived it to ask. Although I personally could never live her lifestyle, and it is against my core belief system, I appreciate having the knowledge she has supplied for me. Also, my belief system tells me to love others as Christ does, share his love for them, and not judge them. If we lived next to them I would use it as an opportunity to teach my children about tolerance and love for others, even if I taught them that we do not believe in the same lifestyle.

 

Again, I knew what I was going to read when I scrolled over it and chose to read it. It did not offend me to read it or that it was here. If anything I am ending my day more exposed and educated than I started it. I think the questions And explanation of "tea" time was tactful and tasteful and really answered curiosity, including mine.

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Am I the only one who never reads the tags on threads?

 

It never even occurs to me to look for them.

 

Cat

 

I didn't even know there were tags on threads until I read this post and it became an issue ;)

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Okay. I had to chime in here. I knew in opening up the thread that I would learn about things I do not agree with. I also assumed much of what the OP described happens -- such as bed-sharing, etc.

 

I will repeat -- I do not think this is a proper lifestyle.

 

But, I also think it is ridiculous to put such tags on the thread and the insult the OP. Her first post was not very detailed, and if people wanted to know no more, they should not have read on.

 

And, this is the general board for all sorts of chit chat. We Christians cannot demand respect and then turn around and belittle those of different faiths and customs.

 

:iagree:

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I didn't know about the tags either. Thanks for pointing this out. :001_smile:

I think we can all just relax and appreciate that everyone has a different life, but we can come together and appreciate the value of Classical homeschooling. I can tell you for a fact that most if not all people (society) think that Classical homeschooling is a Christian ideal and most of the families look like the Duggars (who I think are fab). I didn't know before this board that there are such a variety of lifestyles who embrace the fundamentals of a great education. I think that so many "different" people use the Well Trained Mind model speaks so highly of its merits. So I would tell the OP thanks for opening my "well trained mind" a little more tonight.

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Here is the purpose of the General Board: "Parents' Forum General Board For general questions about classical education methods, teaching techniques, readiness, supplemental activities, field trips, assessments, frustrations, online resources, etc. or just for hanging out and chatting!" Take note that nine out of ten discussion categories (I'm counting "etc.") are related to homeschooling. I think the original post and the whole thread detract from what I perceive to be the intended atmosphere of the board, and I hope this thread gets removed.

Edited by Colleen in NS
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Here is the purpose of the General Board: "Parents' Forum General Board For general questions about classical education methods, teaching techniques, readiness, supplemental activities, field trips, assessments, frustrations, online resources, etc. or just for hanging out and chatting!" Take note that nine out of ten discussion categories (I'm counting "etc.") are related to homeschooling. I think the original post and the whole thread detract from the intended atmosphere of the board, and I hope this thread gets removed.

 

I went and bolded another part of the description you posted, I think this post fits that part of it.

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I stated that "For those who believe in traditional marriage this certainly debases the concept of marriage." Am I wrong in this?

 

No, it makes perfect sense. Simple multiplication shows us that 3 x 2 amounts to more than 1 x 1. Being homeschoolers, you have the skills to do the math and can therefore see quite clearly that polyamorous relationships like Ravin's have more love in them than any of your traditional one-times-one marriages, debasing in your eyes the love of monogamous couples. Debasement -- "reduction in quality or value" -- is the perfect word.

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I am wondering why my post was deleted when it called this post what it is, yet the actual post which has nothing to do with most of the homeschool public is still lingering.

 

I am sickened.

 

I suspect because the OP is just a mom sharing a bit about her family while your post likely contained something that broke the rules. That's generally what merits mod action.

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Wow, I went to take DH to work and run some errands and...

 

:chillpill: people!

 

I for one am completely oblivious to the tag thing. I'll have to go look at them and add any that I think are appropriate, I guess. I'll keep it in mind when posting on threads in the future.

 

And I didn't mention "tea", or other relationship types than my own, except in response to other posters. I even used the silly euphemism!

 

Plenty of people have posted to me in PM's. I figured if I wasn't offended by being asked something publicly, I wasn't going to worry about offending anyone by answering publicly, because for every question someone posts, there are probably several other people curious about the answer.

 

One person's TMI is another's everyday conversation.

 

I hardly expected to get universal agreement or acceptance with this topic on this board; I've been reading and posting here long enough to know that many on it are quite conservative. It's kind of like hanging out back in my hometown. I'm a firm believer that we all (me included) benefit by occasionally seeing what's beyond our immediate bubbles. I had recieved several inquiries in other threads, so it seemed fitting to start one rather than derailing someone else's. And as a PP or two observed, it's hardly the only topic about family issues, "tea", etc. on the board. The only area I generally expect to find common ground on is, well, classical home education.

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Wow, I went to take DH to work and run some errands and...

 

:chillpill: people!

 

I for one am completely oblivious to the tag thing. I'll have to go look at them and add any that I think are appropriate, I guess. I'll keep it in mind when posting on threads in the future.

 

And I didn't mention "tea", or other relationship types than my own, except in response to other posters. I even used the silly euphemism!

 

Plenty of people have posted to me in PM's. I figured if I wasn't offended by being asked something publicly, I wasn't going to worry about offending anyone by answering publicly, because for every question someone posts, there are probably several other people curious about the answer.

 

One person's TMI is another's everyday conversation.

 

I hardly expected to get universal agreement or acceptance with this topic on this board; I've been reading and posting here long enough to know that many on it are quite conservative. It's kind of like hanging out back in my hometown. I'm a firm believer that we all (me included) benefit by occasionally seeing what's beyond our immediate bubbles. I had recieved several inquiries in other threads, so it seemed fitting to start one rather than derailing someone else's. And as a PP or two observed, it's hardly the only topic about family issues, "tea", etc. on the board. The only area I generally expect to find common ground on is, well, classical home education.

 

You're one classy chick Ravin. :D

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Am I the only one who never reads the tags on threads?

 

It never even occurs to me to look for them.

 

Cat

 

Nope! It's never occurred to me to look until someone throws a hissy about tags, and then I have to go back and look at them. But then I usually have to remember where they are located! They just aren't on my radar!

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Judgemental insults are moral?

 

Political Correctness isn't demanding others protect you from anything you might possibly find offensive?

 

Oh my.

 

I don't do the judging, I have the standard (God's Word) that judges.

 

Your second sentence didn't make any sense to me. Was it a statement or a question?

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Wow, I went to take DH to work and run some errands and...

 

:chillpill: people!

 

I for one am completely oblivious to the tag thing. I'll have to go look at them and add any that I think are appropriate, I guess. I'll keep it in mind when posting on threads in the future.

 

And I didn't mention "tea", or other relationship types than my own, except in response to other posters. I even used the silly euphemism!

 

Plenty of people have posted to me in PM's. I figured if I wasn't offended by being asked something publicly, I wasn't going to worry about offending anyone by answering publicly, because for every question someone posts, there are probably several other people curious about the answer.

 

One person's TMI is another's everyday conversation.

 

I hardly expected to get universal agreement or acceptance with this topic on this board; I've been reading and posting here long enough to know that many on it are quite conservative. It's kind of like hanging out back in my hometown. I'm a firm believer that we all (me included) benefit by occasionally seeing what's beyond our immediate bubbles. I had recieved several inquiries in other threads, so it seemed fitting to start one rather than derailing someone else's. And as a PP or two observed, it's hardly the only topic about family issues, "tea", etc. on the board. The only area I generally expect to find common ground on is, well, classical home education.

 

You politely answered questions that people publicly asked you on this board. I know it's healthy for me to once in a while be transported beyond my bubble.

 

Janet

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I had recieved several inquiries in other threads, so it seemed fitting to start one rather than derailing someone else's.

 

Thank you for the clarification, Ravin. I misunderstood your original post, and mistakenly thought you'd been privately asked about your lifestyle. I hadn't realized that people had posted questions on other threads. If that's the case, I now understand why you started this thread, and I apologize for any confusion on my part.

 

Cat

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Definitely not my style and not a way I would ever choose to live my life. But I'm sorry your getting bashed for living your life and raising your children in the way that you think is best. Thanks for having the courage to post your story, knowing some of the reactions that you'd get.

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(emphasis added)

 

Maybe then the OP could have included a polygamy tag so that her co-polygamists could have responded.

 

Her co-polygamists (if there are any on the boards) are already well aware of much more than is in the content of her posts;). This was a specific post addressed to those who are not familiar with anyone in that community to give a bit of explanation. She wasn't asking for advice on how to conduct her relationship. She specifically stated that she was answering questions from a number of folks who had asked for clarification. Really, how much more warning that DW#2 did one need?

 

 

CC is asked for so as not to offend.

 

By whom? The board rules do not include this. http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/faq.php

 

Honestly, what I have seen non-Christians say is that it's nice when something is labeled CC so that they know they may or may not want to spend the time opening the thread. As I remember, this was primarily an artifact of the old board structure and folks having older/slower modems or computers so that opening threads took up a lot of bandwidth. It was helpful when the person gave a clear indication in their title of the topic. "Unconventional family situation" certainly seems to give a good idea----it's not as if she titled it "flower arranging".

 

Why isn't also a polygamist thread required of the same? Is the a PC infraction? Or one with a double standard? :001_huh: Me thinks a double standard....

 

Perhaps that might fly *if* it was a standard that *all* posts with any Christian content were *required* to be so labeled for the specific purpose of not having any chance that anyone might come across something with which they do not totally agree. That is not the standard or requirement for this board (see "board rules" above). It is also not even a universal convention by those posting messages with Christian content (nor do I think it needs to be). Take a look over the last few screens of posts and you will see several examples.

 

Would it have been okay (and not a "PC infraction" or "double standard") if a Christian polyamorist had set up the thread and added a "CC" to it? (and yes, there are some, google it if you like)

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I am sickened because a post that speaks of filth is allowed to continue, but my post that simply stated that it was garbage was deleted. I guess the WTM board police are more concerned with Political Correctness than for keeping this a decent, moral place to be.

 

I see no reason the OP shouldn't be allowed. There is nothing in the rules about staying away from controversial topics and this is not a conservative-Christian-only board. I'm not sure calling something garbage is exactly decent. If you don't like something that is posted, say a prayer for the sinner (btw, we're all sinners, some of us just have more public sins) and walk away.

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I don't do the judging, I have the standard (God's Word) that judges.

 

Your second sentence didn't make any sense to me. Was it a statement or a question?

 

WOW! :001_huh: Standing behind the word of God to justify your judgements offends me as a Christian. Personally I leave the judging up to him, but I'll follow his commandment to love my neighbor as myself.

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I think this post fits that part of it.

 

Post or thread? If thread, I don't think it's your average "hang out and chat" thread. Talking about recipes, asking for advice on how to positively interact with MIL, impersonal debates about creation vs. evolution, describing religious beliefs (for examples) are "hanging out and chatting." Publicly describing your controversial lifestyle (which would naturally raise questions about intimate life) to thousands of strangers on an intended homeschooling board, plus inviting more questions in public about it, is not, IMO. I understand that the original poster wanted to clarify a controversial lifestyle, but I think it's best left to answering PMs, because I still think that this topic greatly detracts from this particular site, which is mostly meant to support parents who are homeschooling.

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Post or thread? If thread, I don't think it's your average "hang out and chat" thread. Talking about recipes, asking for advice on how to positively interact with MIL, impersonal debates about creation vs. evolution, describing religious beliefs (for examples) are "hanging out and chatting." Publicly describing your controversial lifestyle (which would naturally raise questions about intimate life) to thousands of strangers on an intended homeschooling board, plus inviting more questions in public about it, is not, IMO. I understand that the original poster wanted to clarify a controversial lifestyle, but I think it's best left to answering PMs, because I still think that this topic greatly detracts from this particular site, which is mostly meant to support parents who are homeschooling.

 

Well, I think it is just a difference of view. And I meant this thread, OP, whatever. This is something I would be very curious about if I were at a play group and a Mom was explaining her lifestyle. I would be intrigued and "hang out and chat" about it. Just to satisfy curiosity. I do not see any difference here.

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Post or thread? If thread, I don't think it's your average "hang out and chat" thread. Talking about recipes, asking for advice on how to positively interact with MIL, impersonal debates about creation vs. evolution, describing religious beliefs (for examples) are "hanging out and chatting." Publicly describing your controversial lifestyle (which would naturally raise questions about intimate life) to thousands of strangers on an intended homeschooling board, plus inviting more questions in public about it, is not, IMO. I understand that the original poster wanted to clarify a controversial lifestyle, but I think it's best left to answering PMs, because I still think that this topic greatly detracts from this particular site, which is mostly meant to support parents who are homeschooling.

 

How is discussing my family situation different from discussing my religion? I mean, other than no one's asked about my religion lately, even though I mention that (and not my family structure) in my signature. I might see your point if I wasn't, in fact, a homeschooling parent.

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Ravin, I'm glad you shared. I wondered after a couple of things you said in another thread.

 

To the people who chose to put offensive tags on this thread:

 

How would any of YOU feel if we posted offensive tags on CC threads? If, for instance, on a thread dealing with 'teaching creationism' with

 

'teaching children untruths'

'teach science instead'

'ignorance'

 

etc, etc,etc.

 

Please don't make this about evolution vs creation, just think about how YOU would react to that?

 

If you don't want to read this thread, or, after you started reading it, don't want to anymore.....WALK AWAY!!

 

or, use this....

 

:auto:

 

I was just going to post this very same thing!

 

Thanks!

Astrid

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it is obvious from the deleted posts and the disappeared tags that the forum admins are tending to this thread. i think it would have been deleted already if the board owners deemed the topic too off topic for the WTM General Board. hmmmm. political threads are removed; this has not been. must not be that controversial.

 

Ravin, thanks for sharing. if you were sent a number of inquiry PMs, responding in a thread was certainly more efficient than individual replies. we're all much too busy to respond to a bunch of PMs.

 

i used to think i had a lot on my plate but reading all that you juggle i realize my life is fairly uncomplicated. i still need a nap, though.

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IAs for the whole "tea time" controversy, just do a search people. There's been thread after thread on "tea". Nothing Ravin said was particularily graphic.

 

 

No, she didn't say anything graphic at all actually.

 

On the other hand, there is a thread re: porn where some posters have gone way off the deep end of tmi. :eek: Seriously, even *I* wanted to gag on that one. And that is really saying something.

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No, it makes perfect sense. Simple multiplication shows us that 3 x 2 amounts to more than 1 x 1. Being homeschoolers, you have the skills to do the math and can therefore see quite clearly that polyamorous relationships like Ravin's have more love in them than any of your traditional one-times-one marriages, debasing in your eyes the love of monogamous couples. Debasement -- "reduction in quality or value" -- is the perfect word.

:lol::thumbup1:

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:grouphug:

Ravin, I'm glad you shared and I wanted you to know that you are not a lone. I am bisexual but only because my DH let me grow to be the person I am. We were 18 when we married. So that and other things that happen to me when I was young made it harder to grow sexuality and spirituality. I wouldn't have fond my true self and been able to be my true self if not for him. We first fill in love when we were 12. Then when we were 18 fond each other and fill in love all over again. We have been together for 14 years. We are true soul mates. You might ask how I know this. And I would say that there is no reason I would leave him and no reason he would leave me. We are forever together in this life and in the next. And by the way I'm not Christian but he is. We are unconventional in many ways. :D

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This is ridiculous. The fact that "Christian Content" threads need to carry warnings labels, but this type of thing does NOT? What kind of logic is this?

 

I'm extremely offended that this thread did not carry a warning. I most definitely would rather have NOT known about this, especially since this has NO BEARING on homeschooling.

 

:iagree:

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Thanks for sharing Ravin, I've often wondered how polyamorous relationships worked.

Sorry about the kerfuffle, folks can be intolerant sometimes huh.

 

Oh, please. By all means, lets drag out the "You are all so intolerant of me!" whine.

 

Disagreement with someone's lifestyle does not equal intolerance. Furthermore, if you post intimate details of your life on a message board, then be prepared to defend the backlash. Most people have been around long enough to know that something like this was bound to be controversial.

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No, she didn't say anything graphic at all actually.

 

On the other hand, there is a thread re: porn where some posters have gone way off the deep end of tmi. :eek: Seriously, even *I* wanted to gag on that one. And that is really saying something.

 

Don't forget that thread on "backdoor" sex. One gal got very graphic. :svengo:

 

This one has been totally tame in comparison.

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We went through the legal system when my brother was charged with a crime that he did not commit. He also had to take a plea. I'm so sorry that your family has had to go through that. Personal experience with the justice system is very eye-opening. :grouphug:

Edited by Rhonda in TX
misspelled word
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Oh, please. By all means, lets drag out the "You are all so intolerant of me!" whine.

 

Disagreement with someone's lifestyle does not equal intolerance. Furthermore, if you post intimate details of your life on a message board, then be prepared to defend the backlash. Most people have been around long enough to know that something like this was bound to be controversial.

 

1. I haven't whined. I'm not the one who said anything about anyone being intolerant, other people responding on this post were. Kindly refrain from putting words into other peoples' mouths.

 

2. As I have previously stated, I knew of course that there would be some backlash/controversy. On the whole, though, I think despite how vociferous that has been from a few individuals, more people appreciated some honest explanation in its own thread, rather than repeated side-tracking of threads that really it had nothing to do with.

 

3. No, disagreement does not equal intolerance. Name-calling, on the other hand...

 

4. There are plenty of threads on this board in which people state things I disagree with. Generally I either post something they might find supportive within the parameters of their own worldview, or I say nothing. Often, I simply refrain from reading to make it easier to keep my mouth shut and not offend people. Sometimes, I say something polite to try and stretch othe people's points of view a bit, without judging them in my words. I do not, however, worry about offending people when honestly answering questions asked. This is, I hope, the sort of behavior that is expected on this forum. Certainly it's the way I conduct myself in real-life conversations. And it's the way most people have responded to this thread, for which I thank you all.

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1. I haven't whined. I'm not the one who said anything about anyone being intolerant, other people responding on this post were. Kindly refrain from putting words into other peoples' mouths.

 

2. As I have previously stated, I knew of course that there would be some backlash/controversy. On the whole, though, I think despite how vociferous that has been from a few individuals, more people appreciated some honest explanation in its own thread, rather than repeated side-tracking of threads that really it had nothing to do with.

 

3. No, disagreement does not equal intolerance. Name-calling, on the other hand...

 

4. There are plenty of threads on this board in which people state things I disagree with. Generally I either post something they might find supportive within the parameters of their own worldview, or I say nothing. Often, I simply refrain from reading to make it easier to keep my mouth shut and not offend people. Sometimes, I say something polite to try and stretch othe people's points of view a bit, without judging them in my words. I do not, however, worry about offending people when honestly answering questions asked. This is, I hope, the sort of behavior that is expected on this forum. Certainly it's the way I conduct myself in real-life conversations. And it's the way most people have responded to this thread, for which I thank you all.

 

How gracious you are!

 

I, for one, am really glad you started this thread and enlightened us on the complete situation. No, it certainly is none of my business, but that didn't stop me from being curious. I guess I can admit to being nosey :D after some of the comments in other threads, LOL.

 

We too have a sort of stick-it-together family that really works for us and has for well over a decade. I've been on this board a long time, even though I don't post that often. I've always thought of this board and open and embracing of all varieties of people, but I guess either I've been a little naive or no one has really bothered to "tell me how they really feel.:lol:"

 

Anyway, kudos to you for handling the backlash with such grace. And good for you for finding something that works for you and your family. Love makes the world go 'round.

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