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Exhaution due to special needs children...


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I think I am just a very weak person. I will plan to get a ton done, and be optimistic and full of energy. We will start out the day great. Then she spills juice on her shirt. First screaming fit. Then she has to get dressed. Nothing feels right. Another screaming fit. Her mosquito bite itches and I try to help, but only make it worse... you guessed it screaming. After repeated screaming fits of 10-60 minutes each, I am done. I have no energy left and I end up sitting here all day.

 

Am I a horrible mom/person? How can I get out of this pattern?

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I just want to say you are a wonderful mom, and getting up every morning w/optimism is a great road. Dont give up or give in, these children are so worth fighting for.

 

God has a plan, and would not put too much on your plate, if he did not think you could handle it.

 

Just keep on swimmin. Lots of hugs and support here.:grouphug::grouphug:

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Yes, but define "handle it." I feel the same way as the OP many days (I have a son with sensory issues) ... I get frustrated by the "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" line because I feel I'm not handling it WELL, kwim? So is He up there judging me because He gave me this challenge He thinks I can handle, and I'm just sitting on the computer all day trying to avoid it because I'm so tired?

 

Are we not called to excellence? I feel my situation is preventing me from achieving excellence in anything. My kid is a screaming wreck half the time, I'm at the end of my rope, the house is trashed, and my career is swirling down the toilet. Yet I am totally exhausted. I know I work harder than many other moms just due to the nature of the child God gave me, yet I have very little to show for it. My youngest shows no signs of the sensory stuff and he is so EASY. I just wonder why it has to be so hard, and to what level of success God is calling me considering the major limitation He has placed on us in the form of a "different" child. I love him to bits and pieces, but I have to admit I'm frustrated beyond belief and often wish he'd just act normal, already. I know how awful this must sound, but it's been a really hard week. He's doing great today, though, so I'm thankful for that and have been trying to be more productive.

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Yes, but define "handle it." I feel the same way as the OP many days (I have a son with sensory issues) ... I get frustrated by the "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" line because I feel I'm not handling it WELL, kwim? So is He up there judging me because He gave me this challenge He thinks I can handle, and I'm just sitting on the computer all day trying to avoid it because I'm so tired?

 

Are we not called to excellence? I feel my situation is preventing me from achieving excellence in anything. My kid is a screaming wreck half the time, I'm at the end of my rope, the house is trashed, and my career is swirling down the toilet. Yet I am totally exhausted. I know I work harder than many other moms just due to the nature of the child God gave me, yet I have very little to show for it. My youngest shows no signs of the sensory stuff and he is so EASY. I just wonder why it has to be so hard, and to what level of success God is calling me considering the major limitation He has placed on us in the form of a "different" child. I love him to bits and pieces, but I have to admit I'm frustrated beyond belief and often wish he'd just act normal, already. I know how awful this must sound, but it's been a really hard week. He's doing great today, though, so I'm thankful for that and have been trying to be more productive.

wow oh wow! Thank you so much for sharing. this is so similar to the way I feel. :grouphug:
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Of course you're not a horrible person/mother! :grouphug:

 

I'm realizing more and more that we all have such limits. Our energy, optimism runs out. I guess I'm finally learning that when we're weak, He is strong. There are just so many things we can't do, no matter that we add it to our to-do list each morning. We just simply run out of steam pretty fast each day.

 

So, when you run out of energy, it's not because you're horrible. You might be weak, but only in the way that God knows you're weak. You're not morally weak or somehow weaker than anyone else. You're just human-weak. Like all of us.

 

You are not a horrible person. You are a very normal person. I can't imagine going through what you go through each day.

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The beginning of your post sounds a lot like my days. My kids are "typical". (Except two of them are 4 and I'm pretty sure that's just numerical code for "personality disorder") I get up full of plans and hopes for a great, productive day. By noon, I'm ready for a nap. By the time they go to bed, it's about all I can do to sit and stare at TV. I'm fried and there are always still piles of stuff that remains undone. I can't imagine adding other challenges. :grouphug:

 

The best days I have, really, are the days when I don't plan anything other than to be present in the moment. It seems like we get more done, with less discord, than when I have a ticking clock in my head.

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Right there with you.

 

We hadn't planned on having a 3rd child. We were happily moving towards teenagers and leaving all the craziness of young childhood behind. Then we found out that our niece was loosing her infant to the state. We didn't want her to go to foster care so we took her in. The baby has some issues due to her mom's drug use.

 

There were days, especially when she was about 2 years old, that we seriously were wondering if we were going to be able to keep her. She was very violent, especially towards dd10. She would throw crazy tantrums over the tiniest things that would leave her screaming bloody murder, slamming her head in to the ground, and flailing violently for 30 minutes or more....easily 10 times a day. My nerves were fried. Homeschooling wasn't happening even though we were into October.

 

She is a very, very strong baby and would rip safety gates out of the walls if you tried to contain her. She would rip off every stitch of clothes if you turned your back and laugh at you tring to put it back on. (She doesn't have sensory issues about her clothing-it was a game to her). Undressing was the first thing she would do if she got bored. There were times that I wouldn't even bother dressing her, and when we would leave the house I would just take clothes with me to dress her when I was at the destination.

 

She would dump anything she could find down the sink (my favorite was a new $30 bottle of hair product :glare: ). She loved to smear anything she could find on the walls, applesauce and poop were some of her favorites. We had to customize her pajamas so she couldn't wipe her diaper contents all over every, single, rail on her crib.

 

If she loves to catch you off guard and wipe everything on the floor. It could be her dinner, you dinner, or a stack of papers. Then if you pause to say "oh, my' she would jump up to put her feet in it, or if it was paper, she would start tearing it to shreds. Fast powerful hands do not belong on a toddler!

 

She could open all doors, including locked ones at one year old, and would escape if anyone gave her a chance. In the buff, into snow...it didn't matter.

 

She has a copious line between her butt cheeks so every time she would go the bath room it would shoot up over her diaper. Every, single, bm resulted in a clothing change. (hopefully she had them on or it was on the furniture, floor etc. She had to be in size 5 diapers at 1 year old, to help cover her 'shoot'.

 

She would walk up to total strangers and scratch them or kick them in the chins! I couldn't stop and say hello to a friend in the store unless her arms and legs were contained. She would go after anyone near enough to grab.

 

She screams, cries, whines, yells and other wise complained almost constantly. The only time she would stop was when dh walked in the door. He is a bit harsher with his corrections (absolutely not abusive, just rougher than me) and that was what she seemed to respond to. I had to buck it up and take a harder approach. I don't like to swat butts or be as firm as she requires..but we are all much happier when she is not as over the top. She is much happier too.

 

We started seeing a behavior specialist last fall and an OT for her auditory and tactile sensory issues (she didn't like anything plastic or slimy). It has made a huge difference for us. Both of her therapists say these are going to be lifelong issues for her, and that she will be in and out of therapy for the rest of her life. But for now, with therapy, she is doing better. She just can't get bored or watch out!

 

I had days where I had to put her in her play area and crank up the music, and drown out the cries. It wasn't a good place to be mentally, but those are the moments when I knew I couldn't be near her. We would both calm down, and then move on.

 

To me, looking back to those darkest days, was an overwhelming sadness, frustration, and desperateness to our relationship on both sides. I wanted to give her what she needed, but she made it so **** hard to do it. I would have given her anything, bought her anything, done anything to just have a day, a good day, a day of happiness, a day that wasn't miserable from the moment she woke up till well after she went to bed.

 

I still remember the feeling, when I felt therapy was starting to work. I remember writing on my report for therapy, that we had 1 good hour on one day. It was a milestone to be noted! Now we have about 1-3 bad hours a day and the rest are not horrible. I know this will ebb and flow, but to know there are good days...helps tremendously on the bad.

 

One of the hardest things for me still, is that feeling of letting my other kids down. I have to put them first sometimes though, so if she is having a bad day, it doesn't really matter. She gets scooped up and gets taken along for the ride with them. We just ignore what we can from her, and focus our energy on enjoying the moment they have created. Since most of our lives revolve around her, it is important for them to see that they are my priority too.

 

So, all this to say, yeah, your not alone. If you need to talk or vent, you can PM me.

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Thanks for the support. I have a hard time believing that. My faith keeps weakening too. :(

 

:grouphug: I have been facing this too. It is so hard to believe that we are only given what we can handle when you feel like your world is falling down around you. Once we get through the hurdle we are facing, and finally have one of those rare good days I see we did make it through and therefore it was not more than we could handle. But in the thick of it, I want to scream at God and ask why on earth He would think I could handle this if I feel like my head is going to explode, or that I am so beyond drained I can barely blink without it feeling like effort.

 

You are a wonderful mom, the proof is in the fact you wake up optomistic(I struggle on that one so I am really impressed), you keep on trying everyday even through all the screaming fits, and most importantly, you are taking the time to question yourself. The fact that you wake up optomistic each day you are proving that you are stronger than what you have faced the day before. That strength will carry you through the day and on it goes.

 

I know all too well the living like this. The melt downs (their's and mine), the stress, the exhaustion, the guilt over feeling like I was making everything worse, The desire to scream out to God "ENOUGH ALREADY! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH!"

 

I have no answers to help you, I face this daily like you, I just wanted to let you know you are a wonderful mom and you are strong enough to handle this all even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment. :grouphug:

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I have a 10 year old with profound MR, and I run the whole spectrum of emotions some days with her. I understand the strain and exhaustion. I also know the absolute joy and exhiliration of a new accomplishment, the pride of seeing her siblings help her without asking and seeing her as just another kid. Peaks and valleys.

 

I will keep you in my prayers. It's hard to see the big picture some days, but she's with you for a reason. You are the perfect mom for that child. Note, I did not say you ARE a perfect mom, Lord knows they don't exist. But you are matched with that child because you are who she needs. You may not feel that some days, but I believe God, in his infinite wisdom, does.

 

Bless you,

lisa

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We did a behavior therapist route, as well, and it really helped when I thought *nothing* would ever help. Slowly, but it helped. All of you, just the time you spend thinking and caring about your kids, are wonderful, wonderful parents. I admire you. :grouphug:

 

Sandy

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I can understand how you feel. I have 3 daughters and my oldest and youngest have mild special needs (one has ADD and "something else" going on, the other is globally delayed with sensory issues). Between all the therapies and behaviors lately I really am starting to feel like a failure. It's so hard!! :grouphug:

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I think I am just a very weak person. I will plan to get a ton done, and be optimistic and full of energy. We will start out the day great. Then she spills juice on her shirt. First screaming fit. Then she has to get dressed. Nothing feels right. Another screaming fit. Her mosquito bite itches and I try to help, but only make it worse... you guessed it screaming. After repeated screaming fits of 10-60 minutes each, I am done. I have no energy left and I end up sitting here all day.

 

Am I a horrible mom/person? How can I get out of this pattern?

 

Of course you're not a horrible mom! You give 110% everyday! Can you leave the kids with another responsible adult and then have them give you a blow by blow of the mayhem that ensues? I know that sounds weird, but it does help put your own childcare skills in perspective. I always felt more competent after I'd come home from 2 hours out to find dh in a heap, the house a mess and the kids going berserk.

 

It does get easier as they get older. Even sn kids do mature and start to be more responsible. It just takes longer and it can feel like an eternity. Then, one day, you realize it's been a long time since xyz happened and there's one less stressor in your life. Therapy has helped both of my boys mature and become more self-sufficient. It might take a while, but it does get better.

 

We had to work through a lot of tantrums when my hsed ds was younger. Tantrumming did not imply getting out of required schoolwork. I would sit with him at the table and wait for him to get control. If he refused his schoolwork, we worked on a compliance task (something extremely simple and preferably mind dumbingly boring) until he was ready to go back to his regularly scheduled programming. The idea is that kids must comply with school, it's their choice if that schoolwork is interesting or not. We also have a structured reward for good attention and effort. Ds uses a token board with his therapist and I use a more natural approach with a reminder that he can't play until he does his work or he won't get his weekly prize (a toy instead of money, but basically his allowance) if his schoolwork doesn't get done. As ds has matured, we've had fewer compliance issues and fewer tantrums. It's also a lot less stressful for me to follow a preset plan of action than it is to wing it with each tantrum.

 

On a more philosophical note, I don't ask "Why me?", I ask "Why not me?" Why shouldn't I have 2 autistic kids? Stuff happens, and some of it is going to happen to me. Nobody gets through life unscathed, and this is the problem that our family has to face. We do the best we can and we don't beat ourselves up over what goes wrong. Dh and I can usually come up with a solution to any problem and if we can't then we realize that it's probably insoluable and we just have to move on. We aren't aiming for perfection, we're striving for the best that we can do.

 

IMHO, I think it's easier to deal with life's rough patches if you don't believe in an omnipotent and benevolent being. You don't have the option of hoping for divine intervention and the anguish of not receiving it, you just do your best and keep going forward under your own steam. I don't have anyone to be angry at so I don't have to spend mental energy on asking why things happen. I can concentrate on how to live my life to the fullest and how to provide the best possible childhood to my kids given the challenges I have.

 

You're doing fine, Carmen, and it will get easier in time. Just keeping going forward and one day you realize how far you've come.

Edited by chiguirre
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You are not a bad mom. You are exhausted. You need some respite, some outside support, some help of some kind. Do you have family or a church family you can call on? Are you involved with therapies or support networks of any kind? You NEED this. It is not a sign of weakness to be unable to manage every little thing, or even all the big things.

 

Without care and kindness we devolve into a blubbering mess. It is nigh unto impossible to make sure that we have opportunities for care and kindness when we're all about making sure that the very dependent ones in our care remain alive and safe. Those bottom lines, alive and safe, are well below what families full of neurotypical kids have has their bottom lines. And dang, is it demoralizing to think about.

 

I would strongly encourage you to seek some help for yourself in the form of meds, counseling, a support group, or coffee **ALONE** once a week. Identify what you need and if you can't, get someone to help you. Then get that thing or things that will help you feel less wiped out. Your punkins need you, yes they do. Most of all they need you healthy and whole, not merely physically present. SN kiddos are a special kind of exhausting.

 

I would also strongly encourage you to find out what services your child and family are eligible for. There are a gazillion well trained, smart people out there working their tails off for SN punkins. OT, PT, Speech Path folks have awesome ideas and connections. Start there. You are one person, one awesome mama who is giving everything she has. Still, you are one person and you need not to be daily depleted to the point of tears/despair/any level of hopelessness, even temporarily.

 

PM me if you like, we can chat more.

 

:grouphug:

Edited by Mama Bear
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I know all too well the living like this. The melt downs (their's and mine), the stress, the exhaustion, the guilt over feeling like I was making everything worse, The desire to scream out to God "ENOUGH ALREADY! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH!"

:grouphug: Me too.

 

We did a behavior therapist route, as well, and it really helped when I thought *nothing* would ever help. Slowly, but it helped. All of you, just the time you spend thinking and caring about your kids, are wonderful, wonderful parents. I admire you. :grouphug:

 

Sandy

She goes into a fit when I talk about a doctor. We have had her on different remedies prescribed by the ND. One was aromatherapy. Screaming fit. One was fish oil. It really seemed to help with her ADHD, but then it started hurting her stomach. Gaba-- ditto. I can't get her to consistently stick with anything. I have been tempted to take her in, but DH doesn't think it is necessary/would help and we have no insurance.
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On a more philosophical note, I don't ask "Why me?", I ask "Why not me?"

 

 

When my dd was in NCIU after she was born I initially asked my self "Why me?" and the answer came screaming into my mind, "Why not you?" And believe it or not that gave me the strength to pull myself together and get through it. I have never heard anyone else express this thought.

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:grouphug: Me too.

 

She goes into a fit when I talk about a doctor. We have had her on different remedies prescribed by the ND. One was aromatherapy. Screaming fit. One was fish oil. It really seemed to help with her ADHD, but then it started hurting her stomach. Gaba-- ditto. I can't get her to consistently stick with anything. I have been tempted to take her in, but DH doesn't think it is necessary/would help and we have no insurance.

 

An OT who specializes in SPD can make a huge difference in a child's ability to cope with sensory input. It does cost a lot of money, but you may be able to get coverage through a state children's insurance program. Depending on your state and your dd's formal dxes, she may qualify for a Medicaid waiver program. I hope you can find a way to get her OT targetted to her specific issues. Both of you will have a much easier time if you can help her deal with her sensory issues.

 

Good luck!

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An OT who specializes in SPD can make a huge difference in a child's ability to cope with sensory input. It does cost a lot of money, but you may be able to get coverage through a state children's insurance program. Depending on your state and your dd's formal dxes, she may qualify for a Medicaid waiver program. I hope you can find a way to get her OT targetted to her specific issues. Both of you will have a much easier time if you can help her deal with her sensory issues.

 

Good luck!

 

Amen and amen. It may seem far away from where you are, but having some answers and ideas when you find yourself near the end of your rope is akin to popping your head above water, gasping for air, just before you start to black out.

 

Really.

 

:grouphug:

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You are not a horrible mom and you are not weak! These kids are VERY exhausting! I know!!!! My husband is military and has been away for the past two years, leaving me to raise 4 kids with Asperger's (plus various other disorders) by myself. I get drained REALLY easily. I have learned to recognize what drains me.. For example.. I am very sensitive to sound and I have realized that when I get to the point of sensory overload it triggers mood swings for me. I end up lying in bed trying to recover from sensory overload, wasting the day away. So my husband got me some noise-reducing headphones. Anytime I feel sensory overload coming on (usually on a daily basis), I put my headphones on and I can usually last a couple more hours. If your daughter screams a lot, I would highly recommend them.

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Carmen, you are certainly not "weak." :grouphug: You're doing great to wake up optimistic and ready to face the day. Sometimes that's the best that can be done - try to relax at the end of the day and recharge for the next one. I'm sorry I can't give any more helpful advice, but I didn't want to read and not post.

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Yes, but define "handle it." I feel the same way as the OP many days (I have a son with sensory issues) ... I get frustrated by the "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" line because I feel I'm not handling it WELL, kwim? So is He up there judging me because He gave me this challenge He thinks I can handle, and I'm just sitting on the computer all day trying to avoid it because I'm so tired?

 

Are we not called to excellence? I feel my situation is preventing me from achieving excellence in anything. My kid is a screaming wreck half the time, I'm at the end of my rope, the house is trashed, and my career is swirling down the toilet. Yet I am totally exhausted. I know I work harder than many other moms just due to the nature of the child God gave me, yet I have very little to show for it. My youngest shows no signs of the sensory stuff and he is so EASY. I just wonder why it has to be so hard, and to what level of success God is calling me considering the major limitation He has placed on us in the form of a "different" child. I love him to bits and pieces, but I have to admit I'm frustrated beyond belief and often wish he'd just act normal, already. I know how awful this must sound, but it's been a really hard week. He's doing great today, though, so I'm thankful for that and have been trying to be more productive.

 

 

I don't know anywhere in the Bible that says that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. It does say that God will not let you be tempted beyond what you are able to resist, but will provide a way of escape. I don't think it's the same thing as not being given more than you can handle. In fact, many people have more than they can handle. That's where the body of Christ is supposed to come in. "Everyone should carry his own load" ("your load" is the part you can handle) but "Bear one another's burdens." (That's when someone has something that is too heavy for them to carry alone.) When Moses had more than he could handle, he was guided to delegate some of it because the load was too big and he was ready to call it quits.

 

Nor do I see anywhere in the Bible where we are called to excellence. We are called to faithfulness. "He who is faithful in the little things is faithful also in much." It looks like you can only do "little things", insignificant in the world's eyes, but what does God see you doing? If you get done His to-do list, you've been faithful, and his "burden is light."

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I'm glad you posted this. Wow! by the end of the day I feel like a failure. I feel like I have done nothing right with my dd. I blow it. Some days I just cry. I can't help it.

I do have a new friend. I met her almost a year ago. She has a child with special needs very much more than my dd. She just called me and she always lifts my spirits.

We have a dr. appt. in July and I actually can't wait. It can't get here soon enough.

Thank you for posting this.

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You are not a horrible mom and you are not weak! These kids are VERY exhausting! I know!!!! My husband is military and has been away for the past two years, leaving me to raise 4 kids with Asperger's (plus various other disorders) by myself. I get drained REALLY easily. I have learned to recognize what drains me.. For example.. I am very sensitive to sound and I have realized that when I get to the point of sensory overload it triggers mood swings for me. I end up lying in bed trying to recover from sensory overload, wasting the day away. So my husband got me some noise-reducing headphones. Anytime I feel sensory overload coming on (usually on a daily basis), I put my headphones on and I can usually last a couple more hours. If your daughter screams a lot, I would highly recommend them.
YES! I have sensory disorder too. I am getting those. Thanks!

 

I don't know anywhere in the Bible that says that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. It does say that God will not let you be tempted beyond what you are able to resist, but will provide a way of escape. I don't think it's the same thing as not being given more than you can handle. In fact, many people have more than they can handle. That's where the body of Christ is supposed to come in. "Everyone should carry his own load" ("your load" is the part you can handle) but "Bear one another's burdens." (That's when someone has something that is too heavy for them to carry alone.) When Moses had more than he could handle, he was guided to delegate some of it because the load was too big and he was ready to call it quits.

 

Nor do I see anywhere in the Bible where we are called to excellence. We are called to faithfulness. "He who is faithful in the little things is faithful also in much." It looks like you can only do "little things", insignificant in the world's eyes, but what does God see you doing? If you get done His to-do list, you've been faithful, and his "burden is light."

You have a point. Job sat in a pit rubbing his sores, he wasn't excelling at anything.
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I'm glad you posted this. Wow! by the end of the day I feel like a failure. I feel like I have done nothing right with my dd. I blow it. Some days I just cry. I can't help it.

I do have a new friend. I met her almost a year ago. She has a child with special needs very much more than my dd. She just called me and she always lifts my spirits.

We have a dr. appt. in July and I actually can't wait. It can't get here soon enough.

Thank you for posting this.

I am glad to see that I did something worthwhile today.:tongue_smilie:
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First, you are not weak. Just exhausted. I wish I could come and give you a break. :grouphug:

 

Now, I know you don't have insurance. But getting some sort of diagnosis could help you very much. If you are low income, you may be able to get her on medicaid and that will pay for evaluations. For my son, our personal insurance wouldn't pay for evaluations, but once we received a diagnosis and recommendations for therapy (spscifically OT) he qualified for the type of medicaid that pays for all of his therapies. Yes, I have mixed feeling about receiving medicaid, butI am also thankful because without it my son (and now my dd) would not be able to have multiple therapies each week and they would not be making the gains they have made.

 

I know you have heard verses and sermons and all that. When Iwas really struggling with some things in my life, I went back to Philippians 4:13 and it jumped out at me that I can do all things - but I am expected to do them THRU Christ. Not on my own. I also remembered that I had not been asking for help, and tht I had refused help when offered because I didn't want to burden someone or let someone now just how exhausted I was (or how bad things really were). A friend then took me aside and asked me why I was refusing to let her be God's servant in my life. I was confused and dhe reminded me of this verse:

Galatians 6:2 (New King James Version)2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

 

 

By not sharing my burden, I was not giving her the chance to help bear my burden and fullfil her responsibility as a Christian. Stepping out and asking for help was awful for me. I was taught to not do that. But it is also what saved me from a total breakdown at the time.

 

The other verses I look to are:

 

 

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Philippians 4:13 (King James Version) 13I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

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I have to agree with the respite prescription! Do you have anyone that can regularly spell you off? If not, ask around, there must be some university student looking to add some hand-on work to their portfolio of experience.

 

I had Super-Mom complex a few years ago, when we started toilet training my son with severe autism. The psychologist and behavior analyst ended up putting him on a 15 minute schedule. For six freakin months I lived by the timer. It went off every freakin' 15 minutes. Did you know that if a child has a bm, there are over 25 steps when you break it down? I had to do almost everything hand-over-hand. We'd finally step out of the bathroom just in time for *surprise!* the timer to ding again. :cursing: I was literally going insane. I couldn't cook dinner. I couldn't answer my dd's questions. I couldn't do jack. I ended up burning out and on anti-depresants for a while. THEN, once I was already a timebomb, I hired a cleaning lady to come in once a week for 4 hours, and hired 2 respite workers. One took him out every Saturday for community outtings, the other took him out for 4 hours mid-week. It took me a long time recover, but I know that it saved my sanity and my family! I've been a huge advocate for respite ever since, and my attitude has changed regarding Super-Mom. I can't do it all by myself. (That was quite the revelation for me!) I know that we want to do all this by ourselves, they're OUR children. I know that it's hard to find someone, but not impossible. And I know that the best cure for burn-out is a preventative plan. Please seek somebody out, and schedule regular breaks BEFORE you burn out... it's much easier to prevent than once you're already in a deep pit of despair. What you're describing are red flags of exhaustion darlin, and I'd hop on that respite wagon darn quick, otherwise you may be facing an even harder time recovering. Climbing out of the pit is harder work than avoiding the pit altogether. :grouphug: Hang in there... and lean on Him. :grouphug:

 

P.S.: you most certainly are NOT a failure... you are recognizing signs before you completely de-rail. I think that's great! And optimism is one of the best ingredients in a successful parent!

 

ETA: I'm a much better parent after a good break! ;o) I feel good, and ready to conquer! OK, maybe not conquer lol, but you know what I mean! I feel I can do a better job once I have a break.

Edited by specialmama
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:grouphug:

 

That was a tough age for us around here. I would say that the last 9-12 months have finally been smoother. I"ve learned when to recognize when she is on the brink and just stop, and i worked really hard with HER to work thru her "rages". She now doesn't go in the bedroom screaming and kicking the walls, she has chosen my bathroom as her "little garage" (she seriously called it this yesterday?!). But she can work thru them in 10-30 minutes now, and it really is way easier that she can see she is needing some alone time.

 

I've had to do it without therapy or outside help too (and really, not much inside help). I feel like right now i'm the ONLY one that can read her - although her big sister is getting better at it. It's hard. She is at a sleepover with a friend tonight. I stayed for awhile when i dropped her off - i averted 3 crisis' while i was there.... i just hope she makes it till bedtime.

 

Sending you lots of :grouphug: , i hope you can get some you time.

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I can totally relate. DS#3 has Sensory integrative disorder and there are times when I feel like the worst Mom in the world. I feels so frustrated when he's upset and I try to comfort him and he pushes me away or just cries harder!!

 

When he is having a bad day, the whole house is having a bad day. When all he seems to do is scream or cry or runs and hides in the curtains b/c he is upset, it's all I can do not to cry right there with him. It can get really exhausting trying to foresee and prevent every crisis!

 

I love him more than I can say, and I would never ask God to change him, but sometimes I wonder if I'm good enough/strong enough/etc. etc., to handle the challenges that he presents. But when he runs to me and gives me a great big hug or bats his huge brown eyes at me, I'm a goner! :D Through him, we are learning to love every person exactly the way that God made them and to really appreciate how his so called "disability" makes him very intuitive, sensitive, impathetic and very musically inclined. So what he "doesn't have" in one area, he more than makes up for in another. We try to focus on all the positive things about him (which is not an easy task when he's screaming that his shirt is wet or "Get it off me" when you wipe his face or hands!)

 

:grouphug: Big hugs to you Mama!!

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You have pages of responses so I'm probably not much help after all that.

 

I just want you to know you're not alone.

 

First, it just IS exhausting to have a challenging kiddo with special needs. Even the healthiest of parents have difficulty with just average kids sometimes. When you truly do have a tougher kiddo, of course you struggle! THEN add that YOU have your own less than normal stresses going on too? Woman, cut yourself some slack!

 

But it isn't easy by ANY stretch. And it won't become so either.

 

Two thoughts. First, it really shows what a great mom you are that you wake up with optimism, that you try so hard, AND that you're worried about how well you're doing. Second, you really have to get to a place that though something twinges your consciousness about better or ideal, that you simply acknowledge where you're at and then find the pearl in the sand. A lot of times, that means thinking long term.

 

One gift I wish I could give moms of challenging kiddos is that it does get better. It might be by the time she's 10. It could be when she's 17 (don't count on that one though). Or maybe it won't be til she's 26 or 46. But at some point, if you keep plugging along, it WILL get better, at least for you. And it will be better for her than had you not tried SO hard. In fact, it could be CONSIDERABLY better than had you SETTLED. I KNOW that what all I did when my son was young made a HUGE impact on his life. You're making that same impact for your kiddo. It's just MUCH harder to see when your kids are young. I wish I could give moms the view from "up here."

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Does your dd go to occupational therapy? My daughter was nearly impossible to deal with (every sound or sensation made her miserable) until she went through a year of OT. Now she is much happier and less prone to being miserable/making everyone else miserable.

 

Tara

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