Jump to content

Menu

Is this just a southern thing??


Recommended Posts

We have been visiting various churches in the area, trying to find a church home.

 

Three of the pastors from various churches have come to our house unannounced. We have only been to each church once or twice. We live WAAAAY out in the country. Down a long drive on several acres. With no trespassing signs all over. We are very private people and do not like unannounced visitors at all. I could understand if we were members and needed something or if they arranged a visit but just show up like that? It is very off-putting. Enough to make us not want to go to that church b/c it is very pushy.

 

A pastor came last night at 8:00 at night, unannounced. I met him in our front drive b/c our dogs were trying to jump in his car and lick him to death. He started walking toward the house like he was just going to walk in.:001_huh:

 

I stopped in the yard and when he realized I was not walking toward the door he finally stopped. Said he just wanted to stop and say hi. We were in the middle of fixing a water line I broke earlier in the day and really had no time to chat. We were not rude to him but he got the message we were involved in repairs and left.

 

We have stopped leaving visitor information at the churches we visit because of this. How normal is this? I have never had it happen before.

 

Should I put a no soliciting/no church visit sign up? The beware of dogs and No trespassing signs don't seem to be working.:D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Three of the pastors from various churches have come to our house unannounced. We have only been to each church once or twice. We live WAAAAY out in the country. Down a long drive on several acres. With no trespassing signs all over. We are very private people and do not like unannounced visitors at all. I could understand if we were members and needed something or if they arranged a visit but just show up like that? It is very off-putting. Enough to make us not want to go to that church b/c it is very pushy.

 

My husband is from the rural midwest and this practice is common and expected. For the pastor not do so would be considered very rude. It's a cultural thing. Think of it as being asked to take off your shoes in a Japanese home. It's just their way.

 

I'll admit though that it took me a long time to get used to such ways. But, I'm glad I did. Private person that I am, it's really nice to be part of a community.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's happened to me a few times, and I'm in Michigan. I don't think it's a southern thing only.

 

Our church used to do that too, but stopped a few years back.

 

I find it annoying because when it has happened to me it's been after I've visited a friend's church for an event. I'm not looking for a church, and don't need to be converted. It's a waste of time for someone to come and visit me (unannounced, of course).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In general, I think it is a "Southern" thing to visit unannounced. I don't think you should read the visit as "pushy" unless something they said made you feel that way. If you don't want visits, skipping the visitor information cards is a good idea, and also, just tell the person who visits.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lucky you don't live in rural Australia. People drop in at all times of the day and night almost always unannounced. People would think you were weird if you called in advance!

 

I can understand your concern though and maybe you should just skip the visitor cards or write on there please call before visiting.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't like unannounced visitors either. We are in the south and when we moved here we started one church and they said "Don't worry we won't stop by if you fill out the visitor card." I thought the comment was unusual, but I guess the practice was not common where we used to live in the midwest. At our church in the mid-west they brought a plate of chocolate chip cookies and left them on the front porch without knocking, which I thought was nice.

 

We're trying a new church this week so thanks for the tip, I may not fill out the visitor card. :001_huh:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

...in the larger churches -- those who actually have visitors fill out a card, and whose pastors are generally too busy to visit everybody -- there is a space on the card for people to indicate whether they want a visit from the pastor or other church staff.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm at a Baptist church in GA. I think all church's do things differently, you only get a phone call at our church. However, I have been known to get word from the assis. pastor (who does the calling) that a visitor lives in my neighborhood. I'll take them some muffins or cookies or something and introduce myself, welcoming them to church. One of them is now one of my best friends.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I remember going visiting a few times with my parents. It was the expected thing back then, but I think they only visited those who said they were interested in visits/contacts from the church. I'm not sure about that, though. I know of very few churches who do it now.

 

About the "no trespassing" - I wouldn't expect that to apply to me if I was stopping by for a visit, invited or not. Maybe that's a southern thing. Maybe you should post a "no uninvited guests" sign. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had a serious disagreement with a pastor over this. I am not Christian but I do let my children go to church with their friends to learn about different religions and churches so that they can make a decision in this regard when they are older. When we lived in WI, my two middle kids had been going to the church on a regular basis with one of their friends. So the pastor stopped by unannounced to have a chat with me. I don't like this but I was polite enough until he started talking about how my children had been going there awhile and he thought it was time for them to accept Christ as their saviour and to be babtised. Oh, and I really needed to consider doing the same "for the children". This was after I had already told him that we were not Christian and had no interest in converting. Then he began to argue that I should at least let me children do this. I explained to him that they were 7 & 8 at the time and really not old enough to make that kind of decision. Then he told me that's why you need to do it for them. The conversation devolved from there and ended with me asking him to leave and not letting my children go back to that church. I really don't like it when anyone shows up uninvited to my home and then proceeds to argue with me. :glare:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I was growing up, it was very common with smaller churches and Baptist churches, regardless where we lived. I even went on visitation with my husband's grandmother a couple of times as a teen. The church would get information from the city on who moved in and someone would pay a personal welcoming call...it's a matter of being friendly, not pushy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it's rather rude to drop in on people (I would never do it) but I would not mind if someone dropped in on me and I would be gracious to them. I was raised in the midwest so people were way more friendly. Now California is a different story. It is quite difficult going to a new church and it takes a couple of years to feel like home. People will say hello and introduce themselves and not even look at you the next Sunday. It would be nice to find a happy medium .

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've filled out cards, I've written in the friendship book (or other term), and yet never seem to get much more than a form letter in the mail. I would LOVE some sort of contact from a local church that I have attended, recognizing that they acknowledge that we are new, and are glad we chose to attend their church ON MULTIPLE occassions.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Joyful Mama,

Give it time. Like I said in my post it's hard starting a new church. Now if the church seems unfriendly overall I wouldn't go there. You just have to watch how they treat each other. If they're nice to each other, they'll be nice to you, once you're there for a while. People are insecure so don't take it personally. We just started a new church a couple of months ago after searching for 3 months. I feel like it is a friendly church but it is hard to connect with people. My daughter and I are attending a summer women's Bible study there and are in a small group. That has been helpful and the women are very nice in the small group but are from different churches. I figured that's ok because God has us at the Bible study for a good reason, to know Him better, and if I form a few relationships with other believers I don't really care if it happens to be at the church I attend. It is pretty neat that there are 5 different churches at the Bible study and so far so good.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not just southern thing. I'm originally from Kenosha, WI and I've had several churches do the same to me if I left a visitors card. I think it's more a Baptist thing then southern, but I could be wrong. There may be other denominations who do that too. I just don't fill out the cards anymore. The non-denominational church we go to now just sends a welcome letter. People should get with the times. I really don't think this is appreciated anymore like maybe it was 30 years ago.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This happened to me when I visited a Baptist church in NJ. I was not happy about being visited by two strange men when I was trying to put my son to bed. Really, is early evening when you would drop in on a mom? I would have been much more receptive to being visited by a woman during the day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My husband is from the rural midwest and this practice is common and expected. For the pastor not do so would be considered very rude.

 

Odd. I'm from the rural Midwest and I find people I don't know EXTREMELY well (and even when I do) just dropping by unexpectedly without a phone call VERY rude.

 

I do not drop by my best friend's house without a call as I would expect her to call me first as well. You're put on the spot, and what if the house is messy? Goodness, I don't like my parents to stop by without a 20 minute heads' up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would have been much more receptive to being visited by a woman during the day.

 

I will say that I would expect them (if they MUST) to drop by when they would expect my DH to be home and after supper. So I guess about 7:00 or so. I'd be very offput by strange men showing up during regular work day hours when my husband would not be home..........

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I will say that I would expect them (if they MUST) to drop by when they would expect my DH to be home and after supper. So I guess about 7:00 or so. I'd be very offput by strange men showing up during regular work day hours when my husband would not be home..........

And see, I'd be put off by ANY man that showed up at that time, since my husband works nights and is home only in the morning and early afternoon.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I will say that I would expect them (if they MUST) to drop by when they would expect my DH to be home and after supper. So I guess about 7:00 or so. I'd be very offput by strange men showing up during regular work day hours when my husband would not be home..........

 

 

Definitely!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Born and raised in the south and we never called. Phones were for emergencies only. I remember (and I am only 34) not having a phone growing up. I married a guy in the military and have been dragged all around the world. Our Italian neighbors always showed up without calling (but they may have been due to the fact we could not understand each other on the phone), in Maine people sent invitations, and in Ohio they show up and seem to move in. So unfortunately I am no help!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just write a note on the card that you don't want a visit, but calls and letters are welcome. OR, just don't give your addy on the card.

 

It's just a common thing, and many consider it rude NOT to visit. If the church knows your preference though, I'm sure they will respect that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hmm...this is a different perspective. It would be considered rude not to visit around here. I guess it just does not bother me, but I can see where some may not like that. Having people just drop by is not a big deal for me, but I do have friends that are bothered by that.

 

I agree with the poster who said just write please do not visit on the card or don't give your addy if you don't want someone to come by.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a question:

 

How are they getting your address?

 

If it's b/c you fill out an attendance slip (which we have at our church) you could put on there something like "we prefer a call or card, not a visit" and/or don't give yur address

 

We usually send a post card wishing them well, inviting them to return, thanking them for visiting...

 

This might be a repeat - I didn't read the others.

 

Good luck.

~S

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Born and raised in the south and we never called. Phones were for emergencies only. I remember (and I am only 34) not having a phone growing up. I married a guy in the military and have been dragged all around the world. Our Italian neighbors always showed up without calling (but they may have been due to the fact we could not understand each other on the phone), in Maine people sent invitations, and in Ohio they show up and seem to move in. So unfortunately I am no help!

 

This is the way I was raised and have lived....friends and family don't need an invite. Visitors come in and join in with whatever is going on. If my husband and I had been the visitors to the OP home, we would have joined in the work...and been a good help since we've done that sort of thing before.

 

We've been a part of a churches that took a visitor's goodie bag or a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies to visitor homes. Most often we had a quick porch chat and left...with some we came in and became friends.

 

How is a church to show interest and offer fellowship these days? Offering to be friends on Facebook?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We found that the info cards for our kids required our address. Before that we would never put it on there.

 

We STRONGLY dislike being dropped in on. In fact, when we would visit a new church.....we made a point of not being home on visitation nights. We did find that visiting churches a year ago didn't bring them out like when we last visited churches...11-12? years ago. I think more and more people DON'T like it.

 

How is a church to show interest and offer fellowship these days? Offering to be friends on Facebook?

 

What we did appreciate was

 

1. A phone call to see if we had any questions/found everything ok.

 

2. Several churches dropped little packages off on our door. Usually an info package and maybe a treat. A few had a theme going on (1 was a bag of microwave popcorn and something about doing life as a church family. I'm not creative and can't remember or think what it might be, but it was cute.)

 

3. A visitor card that gives you the option to tell them your comfort level.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

1. A phone call to see if we had any questions/found everything ok.

 

2. Several churches dropped little packages off on our door. Usually an info package and maybe a treat. A few had a theme going on (1 was a bag of microwave popcorn and something about doing life as a church family. I'm not creative and can't remember or think what it might be, but it was cute.)

 

3. A visitor card that gives you the option to tell them your comfort level.

 

Isn't this interesting? I hate for my phone to ring. Hate it. I don't mind a drop in visitor, but I would hate a phone call. Seems impersonal to me. We are all wired differently.

 

I like the popcorn/family idea. I may use that in the near future.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is the way I was raised and have lived....friends and family don't need an invite. Visitors come in and join in with whatever is going on. If my husband and I had been the visitors to the OP home, we would have joined in the work...and been a good help since we've done that sort of thing before.

 

We've been a part of a churches that took a visitor's goodie bag or a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies to visitor homes. Most often we had a quick porch chat and left...with some we came in and became friends.

 

How is a church to show interest and offer fellowship these days? Offering to be friends on Facebook?

 

:lol: Facebook. Now, that's funny. No, I don't expect that at all. The churches we have visited before had lots of potlucks, kids activities Womens groups, Youth groups, and missions that we could join in on. We had a wonderful time with fellowship when we chose to participate.

 

We had a choice though. Coming to my home is a bit of an invasion to me. It is not that we are not friendly, just really do not like unexpected guests.

 

 

I am beginning to think this could be a Southern Baptist thing.

 

The strange thing is, we had a visit on a Saturday morning at 9:00, Wednesday at 8:00 and yet another Saturday afternoon visit. I thought those times were a little strange. We go to bed at 8-8:30 most evenings. I really do not like visitors while I'm in my pajamas.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...