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What is it about boys and video games?


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Over the past 2 months this has just been in my face!! My ds is 11. We have a Wii and allow E games only. He seems left out and in the minority because of our video game rules. I am so tired of being the only parent who has rules!!

 

The first incident was one I posted about where a boy came to my home and took ds' friend to his house to play a video game and ds wasn't invited because they were going to go play an M game. It was beyond rude and ridiculous that these boys just abandoned my son like they did.

 

Two weeks ago at church a boy told my ds that it is wrong that we have restrictions on his games, that we basically have no right to do that to him and he can't believe ds has to put up with that. This is the same child whose parents want me to hs him because they are having problems with him!?!?!?!

 

Last night I drove for the church group and took a group of church boys with me. The ONLY topic in the car was video games, all games ds doesn't play, and it leaves him feeling left out. :( He just sat and kept his mouth shut as they discussed, for 30 minutes each way, Halo and Nazi Zombie and all these other games that are in the group ds doesn't play. It seems that if I won't allow him to waste his brain cells on nonsense like this then he won't have anything to talk to these kids about. I attempted subject changes but to no avail.

 

Now today a boy from down the street has come down. He is visiting his grandparents. Ds has a friend over and the friend has guitar hero, which I'm allowing them all to play here. This new boy and ds' friend have just entered into a non-stop gaming conversation about all of these off-limits games. The boy wants them to go down to his grandparents' home to play a bunch of games I don't allow...so once again, we are saying no.

 

The difficult part is that I know if I lowered our standards it would make it easier, but I know we can't...I don't want to adjust things to a worldly mindset. It's enough for me that we have even allowed a gaming system in the house. Between teen girls and the texting addiction I'm seeing and tween boys and their inability to have any type of intelligent conversation that doesn't involve video games, I'm ready to just throw in the towel and become a hermit family. ARGG!!! :rant: Rant over.

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DS and DH weigh in...

 

"It is the primal, male need to conquer and destroy."

 

and then DH adds in: "There are scientific analyses proving this to be so."

 

 

WHATEVER.

 

 

I just made a list for DS (literally, half an hour ago) that lists "activities to do that will earn computer/screw off time." Every activity is 1:1 (eg: one hour instrument practice = 1 hour computer game).

 

Grrr.

 

 

a

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We have 8 boys in this smallish neighborhood who are either 11 or 12 years old. 7 if them spend all their free time playing sports - basketball, soccer, baseball - or else playing in the woods exploring, building forts, and doing whatever boys do in the woods. The 8th boy is very into video games and the other kids can't seem to connect with him because he would rather be inside gaming even on a beautiful day and even if the other boys are out doing active boy stuff. They just have given up on him.

 

All these boys have video games except for mine, and even mine have little handheld DSs. We don't have any XBox or Wii type systems, and I don't think my boys really care that much. They never ask for gaming systems (though they have been saving for Ipods or MP3 players). They would rather play actively, and I would say that most the friends in the neighborhood agree. They seldom go inside anyone's house. On a yucky day they might, and they might play some games, but it's not obsessive.

 

It doesn't seem a bit odd to me that this group of boys is THAT into their video games. I don't notice my boys and their friends talking that way.

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You are not the only one withg limitations BUT that doesn't stop my son from talking non-stop about games, re-enacting them, dreaming about them, drawing about them etc. He has a DS and we have a Wii. Because his moods/behaviour change so dramatically for the worst when he plays them. He was playing Little pet shop game last week and was so cranky with the world. Anyway, they now only get the games if we borrow them from the library, typically once every 6 weeks, or in the case of their Ds's if it is really really terrible weather for a long stretch(like in the winter), or on long trips. Otherwise I do not allow them.

 

My son tends to latch onto things and become obsessive, which happens with video games, so he struggles to relate to others if they are not as into video games. SInce I put the veto on video games his attention has switched to the library and he currently takes off to the library everyday to pick up new books or videos, we have had days where he has done this 2-3 times in the day. Last summer we had issues of him latching on to a girl and I had to step in very quickly because he was getting stalkerish.

 

Anyway all that to say, we have limitations, but it may not seem it with the way that he is obsessed with the games. I do find though that even though he seldom can relate to other boys his age, when the talk turns to video games he is often able to be part of the conversation, which is good for him. THough the other boys don't want to act out the games like he does. I can see him being one of those guys in full costume one day at comicon.

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It's an issue, for sure.

I think it is a male, conquor and destroy thing, and I am not so convinced that it is completely bad- within moderation. It does seem to be addictive however. I see my job as trying to teach them to find some self discipline around the issue- and I teach that by providing boundaries.

I really wonder how future generations will handle it. It's such a new issue, really.

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I don't know, but we just ended up removing the wii to the garage for an unlimited amount of time. Even though he is only allowed to play e games like mario cart, his attitude still gets really bad when he plays too much. He actually screamed at me for beating him the other day. Major restriction time.

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It's an issue, for sure.

I think it is a male, conquor and destroy thing, and I am not so convinced that it is completely bad- within moderation. It does seem to be addictive however. I see my job as trying to teach them to find some self discipline around the issue- and I teach that by providing boundaries.

I really wonder how future generations will handle it. It's such a new issue, really.

 

Amen! That is really how I have handled video games and intend to handle the whole cell phone/texting thing. Rather than ban it completely, I plan to teach the self discipline. I will say that my ds doesn't have much self-discipline when it comes to this, so I have to manage him until he gets it. ;)

 

Swellmomma, your son and my son sound so much alike. Mine has a sort of obsessive nature and will latch onto things and talk non-stop about that topic, even when others don't share that interest. At times, he will get out his art supplies and draw, draw, draw addictively. He is an amazing artist in this way. He'll get sick of it and not do it again for a while. He also practices guitar in that same manner, though he doesn't drop it. He practices daily. Lately he has been very into 4-wheelers, researching them online and wanting to take mechanics classes, etc., almost to a fault. I pray about this quality a lot...I really see it could cause him problems in the future, the obsessiveness. I also see that, if handled correctly, it could be a gift to him also. I'm asking God to work it together for good. :)

 

When he gets on the video game kick, though, it is the main time when it comes out negatively. He gets lethargic, unable to focus, angry, etc., like momtwoblessings said. What is it about that screen time that does them that way?? If we combine it with junk food and soft drinks, it is just lethal for him!!

 

I guess I do see that my son does it some also, just not over the games that I consider inappropriate for boys his age. ;) I really think raising boys during the Mayberry era would have been simpler.

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;) I really think raising boys during the Mayberry era would have been simpler.

 

I agree! When he didn't have access to the video games all 3 kids were playig together nicely. They had taken the poles to our hockey net apart(it was a plastic snap together thing), and transformed them into tent shapes, added sheets and had a tent village on the front lawn. Each chose a job to help the tribe, and played like this for 8 hours a day everyday for a week. Then I let him take Madagascar wii game out of the library and suddenly he is shreiking at everyone, getting up in the middle of the night to play it, poor attitude with me, and basically a complete jekyll and hyde transformation. I really do think it would have been easier back in Mayberry era when he would just use his imagination.

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My boys are only 4 and 5, but they too love video games (the 5 year old especially). They love Star Wars and Indiana Jones, and it is mainly because they can blow things up and such. This is not ideally what I would like them to do, but after listening to my father and the trouble he got into as a child I am happy they are at least likely to keep their body parts if they play games. My dad used to put firecrackers under tin cans to see what would happen, they fought in the woods with sticks that could have done damage, each child needed more stitches than most entire families get these days. They would be a CPS case waiting to happen these days lol.

 

Maybe your son can find some new friends in the neighborhood to hang out with? At church or your social gathering of choice?

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No advice, I dont have any boys and my kids are still young, but stick to your guns. You wont regret that you raised your kids with high moral and intellectual standards.

 

I'm fine with families setting limits. But I think the implication that families that allow video games aren't raising children with high moral or intellectual standards is broad brushing just a tad. :) We limit video game (and all screen time) pretty strictly here, even though my husband is in the gaming industry and we have a couple of game systems. Maybe my dh is the rare guy who can play once in awhile and walk away or who grew up with very few limits on video games and managed to be a bright, curious, moral adult.

 

I find that 8 year old boys tend toward to be obsessed about most things, at least my son and his friends tend to get really narrowly focused on one thing at a time (Star Wars Lego, secret agents, knights, etc.), but most of ds's friends have Wiis or Nintendo Ds and manage to be pretty balanced kids.

 

My *girls* tend to have more trouble cheerfully stopping screen time when asked. :glare:

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It's an issue, for sure.

I think it is a male, conquor and destroy thing, and I am not so convinced that it is completely bad- within moderation. It does seem to be addictive however. I see my job as trying to teach them to find some self discipline around the issue- and I teach that by providing boundaries.

I really wonder how future generations will handle it. It's such a new issue, really.

 

I truly agree with this assessment. In this day, men are not out hunting our food, protecting our property, etc. so these video games seem to fill that void. My son is 15. He has really gotten into games in the past year although he has played plenty in the past. My husband is almost 50, and he has enjoyed video games for most of our marriage. Some of these games I would rather not have around. My son and husband play one game that is rate M. I don't care for it. I try to not have my littler girls around when they are playing. Other than that, most of the games they play are car racing games.

 

Ultimately, my goal is to teach self control. I ask my son to spend equal time playing and doing other things like reading and drawing. So, far he seems to get this.

 

Jennie

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