DawnM ... if you don't mind my asking ...

[Luanne]

What was boarding school like for you?

 

I have often wished I had been sent to boarding school. I grew up as the youngest and pretty much was invisible both at home and at school. The only time my father even noticed I existed was to punish me for something when I didn't even know what I did. Most of the time he was at work (worked long hours). My mother felt that putting a roof over our heads, feeding us, and clothing us was all the was required of being a parent. My older brother pushed me around a lot as well.

 

I also didn't learn much at school. There wasn't a lot offered and no one seemed to care if I did my work or not. I really thrive on structure and have been trying to get structured even now, but seem to lack the skills necessary for such.

[jonesloonybin]

I always wanted to go to boarding school too. Just to escape the drama and responsibility that my parents forced on me.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I went to boarding school from age 11 to 17. (And then was in the dorm in college too). I'm sure that boarding schools vary just as non-boarding schools vary. In my case, the academic part of the school was an excellent college prep school.

 

The boarding part was not positive for me. The few positives were the one older girl who took me under her wing and helped me when I started my period without any help from my mother, and a couple of really nice girls that I met through the dorms. The negatives were my first room-mate who was mentally ill, older girls who started me drinking at age 11, waking up often enough on the fire escape (put there by the older girls who thought it was hilarious) so that I was afraid to go to sleep at night. Other negatives were dorm-parents who distrusted us so much that they bolted our windows shut (thank goodness there was never a fire), planted listening devices in our rooms (the dorm-parent who did that was reprimanded), and grounded us for "severe" infractions like forgetting to brush our teeth. We had piped in music to tell us when to wake up, bells to tell us when to go eat and sleep, enforced letter-writing to our parents that was censored so we couldn't say what we wanted to, 2 hours of study hall every night (this wasn't so bad) and really boring weekends. There was a lot of structure but not any love. (Actually we did have one relief dorm-parent who took over when the real dorm-parents were gone who was great - she really did love us and I cried when the real dorm-parents came back.)

[DawnM]

Oh my....I didn't see this thread before. I am so sorry I didn't respond. My guess is that this was actually written while I was at my 25th Reunion for my boarding school I graduated from! :lol:

 

Sorry about that. I will have to respond later as I need to head out the door for now, but there is the good, the bad, and the ugly with that kind of a loaded question!

 

Dawn

[DawnM]

That is a really loaded question and not one I can answer adequately on a message board probably.

 

Boarding school was different for different ones of us. I missed my parents a lot, especially when I was younger and away. Just like regular school, how well it goes is dependent on so many factors.....who your dormparents are that you, who your teachers are, etc....

 

They did provide us with a lot of structure and activities, but adolesence is hard no matter where you are.

 

Times I was really homesick and I should have been with parents:

 

We had to go to Nairobi by school bus for doctor's appointments, dental work, and even minor surgeries. Then after the proceedure the bus would pick us up and drop us off back at our dorms. These were times you really needed a mom to bring you some soup and rub your back. But there was no parent there. You had to suck it up.

 

When we were in sporting activities or got awards for an accomplishment, our parents weren't there to see it and congratulate us.

 

All major milestones in life, parents were not there with us.

 

The list goes on and there is an excellent book about it that I actually have a hard time reading because it triggers so many memories. It is called I Am Green.

 

Positive things:

 

We were all VERY close. I had no siblings so this was my family. I looked forward to heading back to school many times because it meant spending time with friends.

 

I graduated 25 years ago. The friends I made at age 8 at boarding school are still my best friends today. Most of them live in the USA now as it was an American boarding school so my closest friends and I talk at least once a week by phone, try to fly to visit each other at least once a year, even across the country, and are the first ones I call with exciting news or with a problem.

 

That kind of friendship is beyond amazing and I thank God every day for it.

 

I could write a volume about my experiences but is there anything in particular you wanted to know?

 

Dawn

 

 

What was boarding school like for you?

 

I have often wished I had been sent to boarding school. I grew up as the youngest and pretty much was invisible both at home and at school. The only time my father even noticed I existed was to punish me for something when I didn't even know what I did. Most of the time he was at work (worked long hours). My mother felt that putting a roof over our heads, feeding us, and clothing us was all the was required of being a parent. My older brother pushed me around a lot as well.

 

I also didn't learn much at school. There wasn't a lot offered and no one seemed to care if I did my work or not. I really thrive on structure and have been trying to get structured even now, but seem to lack the skills necessary for such.

[Scarlett]

 

I could write a volume about my experiences but is there anything in particular you wanted to know?

 

Dawn

 

Not Luanne, but I have a question for you and Jean....WHY would a parent send their kids to boarding school? I'm not being snarky...I'd just don't get it.

[Laura Corin]

Not Luanne or Dawn, but the boarding school tradition is strong in the UK. We would never send our children to one, but the reasons given by some people we know are:

 

- develop independence

- give more attention to children than busy parents can

- make friendships/contacts that will last a lifetime

- take advantage of school activities without the late nights/commutes of going home each night

- family tradition

 

Laura

[Katrina J]

I went boarding school from age 12 -17 for my secondary schooling. It is difficult to sum up the experiences in a short post as DawnM said, and I agree with Dawn's sentiment. Boarding school at 8 though - I find the thought of that heartbreaking. For me boarding school at 12 twelve was initially tough but by the time I was 15 I was very happy there and made the most of the experience.

 

Why send a child to boarding school?

 

I grew up on a farm and in Australia it is quite common for rural families to send their children to boarding school for high school. The local two-classroom country primary school was only about only 9 miles away from our house but the high school was at the nearest large town and that was 1 and 1/2 hours away by school bus each way. The other kids who didn't go to boarding school had no access to afterschool activities and felt left out of friendship groups because they always had to catch the bus.

 

Mum and Dad said they wanted us to have a good education and see how the 'other half lived' as they called it. The other half, being wealthy city people versus less well off and isolated country people.

 

Boarding school was good for me because I didn't get along with my Dad and I would have left home anyway. Being at an elite private girls' school was infinitely better for me than being a runaway teen!!

 

Would I send my own precious little children to boarding school? No, not a chance. When we extended our house a few years ago, I insisted we build them each a great big bedroom so they can live with us comfortably for as long as they like.

 

My sister lives in the country and she has booked her daughters into the same boarding school we attended.

[MommyRyan]

I attended boarding school in Massachusetts from ages 15-18. I was raised in Manhattan, and in my neighborhood most the academically challenging schools were EXTREMELY cut-throat, and the social life a disaster. A very high percentage of these girls ended up with eating disorders or drug problems (and I'm talking about well-to-do girls here.) But, being in New York City way before the charter schools became more popular, boarding school was much more viable option. I really enjoyed it. I met my husband there. But there were times (though this was the 80's) I thought student-teacher interaction was inappropriate. A large number of our teachers were alumni who had just graduated college, while we had post-grads (kids who received their diplomas from another school the year prior and returned to improve grade, get recruited for sports, whatever) who were literally TWO YEARS YOUNGER THAN THEM. There was sex, drugs, drinking, partying, etc. among students and teachers. Strange part was, though, the rest of the school was FAR too strict. I remember calculating through the disciplinary system: if you missed breakfast 20 times in one semester, you could be kicked out of school! :001_huh: That being said, the education I received was excellent, and most students were accepted into very elite colleges.

 

On a side now, DH and I are planning on sending all our kids to boarding school for a post-graduate year (age 18) within 2 hours of our home. We think it will make the adjustment to college much easier.

[Scarlett]

I attended boarding school in Massachusetts from ages 15-18. I was raised in Manhattan, and in my neighborhood most the academically challenging schools were EXTREMELY cut-throat, and the social life a disaster. A very high percentage of these girls ended up with eating disorders or drug problems (and I'm talking about well-to-do girls here.) But, being in New York City way before the charter schools became more popular, boarding school was much more viable option. I really enjoyed it. I met my husband there. But there were times (though this was the 80's) I thought student-teacher interaction was inappropriate. A large number of our teachers were alumni who had just graduated college, while we had post-grads (kids who received their diplomas from another school the year prior and returned to improve grade, get recruited for sports, whatever) who were literally TWO YEARS YOUNGER THAN THEM. There was sex, drugs, drinking, partying, etc. among students and teachers. Strange part was, though, the rest of the school was FAR too strict. I remember calculating through the disciplinary system: if you missed breakfast 20 times in one semester, you could be kicked out of school! :001_huh: That being said, the education I received was excellent, and most students were accepted into very elite colleges.

 

On a side now, DH and I are planning on sending all our kids to boarding school for a post-graduate year (age 18) within 2 hours of our home. We think it will make the adjustment to college much easier.

 

Interesting. The things I learn on this board!

 

I can see the post-graduate year at boarding school...if the choices were that or immediately going off to college away from home at age 18, I'd choose boarding school. 18 year olds aren't ready to be on their own----in most cases.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My parents were missionaries. We had a one-room schoolhouse available for the really young years but nothing for the older. My parents did not want to send us to boarding school. But they were literally told by the mission board that they had to choose between their calling as missionaries and their calling as parents. For my older siblings (who went to boarding school at a younger age than I did - 7 for them, 11 for me), my mom actually moved 250 miles away from my dad to live in a small apartment near the school to be with my 4 siblings. At 11, I was considered old enough to handle it.

 

Out of the 5 of us in our family:

 

1st sister - did "fine" at boarding school although she has confided in me that it was really difficult for her.

 

1st brother - was expelled when he was 16 and spent the next 2 years at my aunt and uncle's house in the U.S. (Yes, he could have been expelled even living at home but I don't think he would have been.)

 

2nd sister - did "fine" at boarding school although she too has confided in me that it was a really difficult time for her.

 

2nd brother - was expelled at 13. Spent 3 years doing correspondence courses at home. We didn't know that he was doing drugs already (even at home) and these 3 years were horrible. It made my mom swear off of "homeschooling".

 

Me - was put on probation at 11. Was introduced to alcohol at 11. Ran away twice at 11 and 12. Begged my parents to homeschool me or to put me into Japanese school. (It was a "no".) Got into some major trouble that I won't share on this board but it's a miracle I'm still alive. Got kicked out of the dorm at 15. Lived with my headmaster and his family for the next two years. Honestly - I would not have gotten into the trouble I got into if I had not been in the dorm. But God worked a lot in my life during that time and in many ways I am stronger for it.

[Scarlett]

My parents were missionaries. We had a one-room schoolhouse available for the really young years but nothing for the older. My parents did not want to send us to boarding school. But they were literally told by the mission board that they had to choose between their calling as missionaries and their calling as parents. For my older siblings (who went to boarding school at a younger age than I did - 7 for them, 11 for me), my mom actually moved 250 miles away from my dad to live in a small apartment near the school to be with my 4 siblings. At 11, I was considered old enough to handle it.

 

Out of the 5 of us in our family:

 

1st sister - did "fine" at boarding school although she has confided in me that it was really difficult for her.

 

1st brother - was expelled when he was 16 and spent the next 2 years at my aunt and uncle's house in the U.S. (Yes, he could have been expelled even living at home but I don't think he would have been.)

 

2nd sister - did "fine" at boarding school although she too has confided in me that it was a really difficult time for her.

 

2nd brother - was expelled at 13. Spent 3 years doing correspondence courses at home. We didn't know that he was doing drugs already (even at home) and these 3 years were horrible. It made my mom swear off of "homeschooling".

 

Me - was put on probation at 11. Was introduced to alcohol at 11. Ran away twice at 11 and 12. Begged my parents to homeschool me or to put me into Japanese school. (It was a "no".) Got into some major trouble that I won't share on this board but it's a miracle I'm still alive. Got kicked out of the dorm at 15. Lived with my headmaster and his family for the next two years. Honestly - I would not have gotten into the trouble I got into if I had not been in the dorm. But God worked a lot in my life during that time and in many ways I am stronger for it.

 

I know you are not looking for sympathy but your story makes me very sad for you on so many levels.

[DawnM]

I am also a missionary kid. When I was a kid it was just the thing to do. We lived in a very remote area of the country and there wasn't really a known idea of homeschooling back then. There was correspondence school, but only 2 curriculums that were really known then....Calvert and a Seventh Day Adventist program of some sort. Very few missionaries used it and none of the ones I grew up with did.

 

Our mission didn't say parents had to choose, but it also wasn't really questioned.

 

Dawn

[mktkcb]

My parents were missionaries as well, in West Africa, but fortunately their mission board didn't require them to send their kids to boarding school. Many mission boards did, and there was one. My mom was a teacher. I did Calvert from 5th - 8th grade (loved it, btw). At that point, we were literally in the middle of almost nowhere. We lived in Timbuktu (honest), with 1 other family. I was the youngest, my older sister had already gone down to boarding school, and the other family was going back to the states. By this time I *wanted* to go down to school. It was a great experience, and a wonderful school overall. Good teachers and houseparents. There were some there that got in trouble, but that happens everywhere. I made wonderful friends, had fabulous experiences, and got a decent education. I'm not the homesick type, though. It's sort of funny, because now my parents are retired, and live close to us, and I don't even want to think about moving.