I'm so sad that dd has to quit dance

[Only me]

My oldest dd (sophomore) has decided that she has to take a break from dance. She has been taking ballet for almost 12 years. She loves it. She has never wished to be in competitions, etc. but up until last year she was able to take dance several times a week and it was her "life". Last year she had to cut back when she started high school because of the work load.

 

The past couple of months have been very stressful for her. Her homework load is incredible and she also has to get ready for a piano recital. She barely ever has time to practice piano. Add to this that she has to have physical therapy 3 times a week for the next 6 weeks. It seems that she has had non stop doctor's appointments for the past 4 months. She has a connective tissue disorder which we have been slowly learning about after numerous doctor's appointments. Her dance recital is in June and the pressure to attend class has been enormous. She has had to miss several classes due to her homework, illness and the weather and it has added to her stress. The bottom line is that she can't do it all so she has decided to stop dance until summer. Even though she plans to, I doubt she will sign up again next fall.

 

I feel so sad because I feel so much has been taken away from her. I wish my dh would let me bring her home again. She is doing well at school and it will prepare her well for college but at what cost.

[jacqui in mo]

I'm sure this does feel very sad. Is she as bummed about it as you sound in your post? Your mention of her connective tissue disease makes me wonder If that would have impacted her ability to continue dance anyway. Even though you & she will miss it, it does sound like the right decision for right now. I hope things quiet down for her in the future.

Take care,

Jacqui

[Only me]

It was completely her decision though. She came to me about it. It's hard because she has been dancing for so long and it is part of who she is.

 

Right now the connective tissue disorder (we don't know which one) isn't causing her any pain. (thank goodness). We thought she had Marfan's which most likely she doesn't. She had a genetic test, which came back negative but there are false negatives about 10% of the time. We found out that she had scoliosis while screening for Marfan's so we had to go to an orthopedic surgeon. She was sent to physical therapy a few weeks ago and now they found out that she has problems with her shoulders (they keep on dislocating). Then she had to go to another orthopedic surgeon. He said that he was pretty sure she had a connective tissue disorder but since we were following up with the Marfan clinic next year and have several other followup appointments over the next several months (eye doctor, cardiologist, etc.) that we wouldn't have to worry too much about pinpointing it at this time. He ordered 6 more weeks of physical therapy.

 

I think you may be right though that the stress of dance on her joints, etc. probably isn't the best at this time anyway.

 

Tonight we are just trying to keep upbeat about the whole dance thing (IRL at least. I know I sounded pretty depressed in my post). We are focusing on some of the positives including the fact that she won't have to stay up until 11:00 or so doing homework on those nights she has to go to dance.

[Claire]

I wish my dh would let me bring her home again.

 

Have the three of you discussed the situation recently? It may be that your dh does not fully understand all the ramifications of your dd being in school.

 

Personally, after many years of experience, I have realized that my judgment in matters like this is superior to my dh's. Our family has done better when I have insisted we do what I see as "the right thing", and done worse when I have over-ridden my better judgment to follow dh's lead. In fact, looking back, he is realizing the same thing. We have differences in opinion about the best thing to do, but nowadays I am much more likely to persistently push and he is more likely to over-ride his better judgment to follow my lead.

 

In the circumstances you describe, I cannot imagine continuing with your dh's original idea unless your dd actually preferred to stay in school (and it sounds as if she would prefer to homeschool and continue dancing). Of course, every family is different.

[Antonia]

My dd has been dancing for 11 years, and every now and then she talks about quitting. It always takes my breath away a bit, even though her dad and I have told her it is always to be her decision. It feels like so much has been invested that will be thrown away, but I guess we have to think of what they have got out of it - their poise and bearing, their discipline and attention to detail, their love of the art... these things will last even if their own dancing does not. (( ))

[LG Gone Wild]

We can't do all that we want at the same time. It's actually a good lesson for your dd. There will many more choices like that to make later on. ;)

[magistramom]

It stinks when what we see, differs from their choices! I have sympathy for you. Here are some positives to focus on during your transition:

 

She is able to prioritize what is important to her at this time.

 

She realizes which talents she owns while being aware of those her family supports. She may finally have the courage to move beyond parent/family/mentor dreams and wishes by being able to assert her desire to take a different path - one that meets her current life interests.

 

Piano provides life-long self fulfilling and sharing opportunities; dance can be limiting later on, financially, and on her body.

 

She may still enjoy dance via other opportunities including: teaching, opening her own studio, or managing a dance company in the future. Giving her distance also gives her time to figure out how to move ahead in the field, but by going in a different direction.

[LadyR]

hpymomof3, I understand how you feel. My 14-year-old dd has been training in classical ballet about 8 years. Five days a week, three hours a day, and going away to train in the summer. Over a year ago she came down with a virus that left her with chronic fatigue and she had to completely stop dancing. She could barely lift her arms. It was completely devastating for her and for me. Ballet was her life and my heart was broken for her. Long story short: even though her body was weak, her faith and trust in God grew in amazing leaps and bounds. She says she is thankful for having to go through this difficult trial in her life because it changed her for the better and her priorities are in the right place now. I'm so proud of who she is.

 

It's amazing to see how her ballet training has prepared her for other things. She can get up and speak in church with no problem. After all, she has performed in front of a couple thousand. Right now she is helping to choreograph for our church's upcoming drama production. So even if she never went back to ballet, I know it was still worth all the hard work and investment. It will always be part of who she is and what she does.

 

I'm rambling on and on, but I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel and I know how difficult it is right now. A nice break and a good rest might be all your dd needs. And I believe that all your dd's hard work over the years has not been in vain, but will be beneficial to her in all her endeavors.

 

Best Wishes

[freethinkermom]

That is such a difficult decision. I had to make a similar one at her age. Can she find a less intense dance class or different style (jazz, swing, Latin, etc.) to participate in where she would be challenged but not at a high enough level for all the stress?

[Only me]

The biggest problem right now is that she doesn't have time for the classes. She has had so much homework. If she goes to class she ends up paying for it by having to stay up to 11 or 12 to finish her homework. Right now she also has to go to physical therapy 3 times a week and get ready for a piano recital. Even if she chose to drop piano instead she probably wouldn't be able to go to dance. She already cut down to just 2 days a week this year.

 

Also it is recital season and all of the classes are getting ready for the recital in June. This is for all classes. There is added pressure of not being able to miss a class or she'll be behind on the dance.