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Excuse me, but your kids are rude....


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well, maybe not YOUR kids.

Anyone else notice how kids don't actually make eye contact when they talk "to you" anymore? Too busy texting. Don't actually TALK to people any more??

Went to friends house for dinner last night. 2 older boys (one a college grad, one a Sr. in h.s.) playing a computer game. We come in, they don't look up, acknowledge the 6 of us entering in ANY way. The parents are really friendly but the kids don't even act like we are there. We have our 18 yo with us. NO interaction with her AT ALL (she is a knock-out). They had their faces in their game. We ate dinner together- again, the kids didn't say "hi", didn't interact during dinner with our family at all except to say they likedthe kind of pie I brought.

One of the boys was texting throughout dinner. The kids didn't pass the food. Didn't say ONE WORD to my dd the entire evening.

Said "hi" to one of our pastor's wives as church. She said "hi" but didn't even look up- didn't even know who she was talking too becasue she was too busy texting on a Sun. morning. ACK.

Another friend sent her kids to p.s. last year for the first time and after 9 months her kids are communicating almost soley through texting. She said it's like there's never even any one else in the room. Her son won't have friends over because they don't have x-box or Wii and "hiking's boring" (they just moved to the Pike's Peak area) so he hangs out on the computer all.day.long.

Honestly, I feel like our kids are freaks becasue they aren't mainlined to electronics. And honestly, I feel like telling some of these people how.very.rude.they.are.

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I hear ya!! My nieces both received cell phones for their 10th birthdays from their parents. My daughter is upset that she won't be getting one. My nieces are always texting and constantly running to look at their phones while playing with my daughter. My sil is a very vain person and it shows in her children. I have had talks with my dh about the influences of my nieces on my kids.

 

I do not think that your kids are wierd...I think they are well loved and will command much more respect as young adults than their peers.

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You said it all so perfectly . I have repeatedly told my dd that what reveals your status is not a designer jean on your rear nor is it a status handbag. In fact none of those things signal anything but consumerism and a lack of intelligence about money. What is determinitive in regards to how others perceive you including admissions counselours, professors, and future employers is whether your posture measures up and a good firm handshake all based on a foundation of impeccable manners. I cannot thank my mother enough for smacking my shoulders back into a nice square, making me repeat what I was saying until it sounded just right to her ears, refusing to brook mumbling, grousing or refusing to acknowledge other persons upon entering a room. Those lessons have served me well. It is sad to go to a symphony and see people engage in all forms of rudeness stepping in front of others without an excuse me, texting while standing in line or talking on the phone while ordering a drink at intermission. They might have money but certainly no class . The slumpin posture, baseball cap flipped backward, the whipping a phone out and carrying on a conversation while in public are all tantamount to sending a message that the whole world exists and serves my wishes, demands and convenience. I actually tell clients to turn off the phone when we are having a discussion as it is imperative that all their attention is on the matter at hand.

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Absolutely agree! I sat at a softball game a few weeks ago and watched a 16 yog throw a temper tantrum on the field because her mother wouldn't go fetch her cell phone from the car so she could check her messages between plays! Unbelievable.

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My 14 year old has a cell phone, and my daughter can have our house cell as hers when she needs it. They don't text all the time while with me, and I read a lot of their texts. I think you can have manners and still text. Of course, it's really hard to have friendships when your face is in the phone.

Can you imagine when you were younger, if your family had company...being allowed to talk to someone else on the phone? Maybe we just need some old fashioned manners. Pay attention to the company at hand! Ignore the cell phone, they'll call you back later. (You're always available, anyway, right???)

I would never allow my children to be constantly texting while company was over. Maybe to say, "have to talk to you later, companies here", or something...that's it. After that....you can wait!

(You wouldn't have wanted them to talk too much to your "knock out" gorgeous daughter anyway, right??!!)

Carrie:-)

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That would drive me insane. My kids don't have cell phones so no texting, but both of my ds's are fairly anti social. It takes lots of prodding to make them say hello while they stare at their feet(ds10) or hide behind you (ds5) and then they are off to hide in another room. Ds10 is because of his anxiety disorder, ds5 is just very very shy. I get embarassed enough by them acting in that way. I would be even more so if they were texting though a meal and refusing to even acknowledge others in the home. There is no way I would have allowed that.

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Well, can you expect better from the kids when the adults do the same?

 

I'm atonished at the adults that sit in the karate dojo where ds takes lessons. They sit and text or play games the whole time even if someone is talking to them. Most of them do not greet you when you walk in. Basic common courtesy and manners are disappearing.

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The new line at the opera is:

 

"Please try to refrain from textmessaging during the performance."

 

TRY? TRY to refrain??!!??!!

 

What the heck do you NEED to text during an opera?

 

And guess what.....you see loads of glowing screens going during the performance. Makes me want to pack a bbgun under my pashmina. :glare:

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This is why my dd's phone stays on a shelf. She can only have it when she's actually going out, iow, only when there could be an emergency (remember when kids had those things for emergency use only?). Every night at least 75 text messages are deleted. She's told her friends not to text her (why do they have the number? Because - her answer). At some point, read a couple of these things, especially the ones that are forwarded. The misinformation/urban legend/junk that these kids send to eachother is disturbing.

 

I clean the phone out before giving it to her, ever since I read a story about a girl that ate her baby, so no one would know she'd been pregnant...

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Quote

Statistics can be used to inform or to mislead, and sometimes they can shock. See if this statistic isn't shocking: In the fourth quarter of 2008 American teenagers sent and received an average of 2,272 text messages per month. That, dear friends, is nothing to LOL about.

 

That statistic comes from The New York Times. In "Texting May Be Taking a Toll," reporter Katie Hafner offers a view into the lives of American teens. They are fanatical texters. As Hafner reports, "They do it late at night when their parents are asleep. They do it in restaurants and while crossing busy streets. They do it in the classroom with their hands behind their back. They do it so much their thumbs hurt."

 

Authorities now blame excessive texting for sleep deprivation, distraction in school, poor grades, and even repetitive stress injuries. These teens are texting while they should be sleeping, and they are sleeping with the cell phone set to vibrate so that they can respond to texts from friends without waking parents.

 

The world of text messaging is still largely the domain of the young. While adults increasingly use texting for communication, it is teenagers and college students who are the Olympian users of the technology. In the time it takes a parent to type "Did you do your homework?" on their phone's awkward keypad, their adolescent offspring can text a few friends and keep in touch with several peers. The new digital dialect of texting is largely an adolescent development. Now, college professors complain that incoming freshmen try to use the lingo of texting on school assignments.

 

As Hafner reports, some teenagers report symptoms such as painful cramping in thumbs. She cites Professor Peter W. Johnson of the University of Washington, who advised: "Based on our experiences with computer users, we know intensive repetitive use of the upper extremities can lead to musculoskeletal disorders, so we have some reason to be concerned that too much texting could lead to temporary or permanent damage to the thumbs.”

 

The kids are also finding ways to text during class, even though most schools forbid the use of cell phones in the classroom. One boy said he just pretended to be getting something out of his backpack.

 

Sherry Turkle, one of the most insightful analysts of digital culture, goes so far as to argue that texting is changing the way American adolescents develop. Instead of growing into independence and developing life skills, teenagers are texting mom several times a day, asking questions about decisions they should be learning to make.

 

On the other hand, texting also allows teens to be in almost constant and unbroken communication with peers, largely outside of parental control or knowledge. To be disconnected from the cell phone is to become a digital non-person for a period.

 

Of course, many parents enable this obsession by purchasing contracts that offer unlimited text messages. Many (perhaps most) of these same parents never monitor the messages or the amount of attention their adolescent is devoting to texting.

 

Christian parents bear the responsibility to monitor, supervise, and limit the digital exposure of their children. Something is seriously amiss when the average teenager is sending 2,272 text messages a month. There is no way that teens can be paying adequate attention to homework, to reading, to conversation with family members, and to the interior life of the soul while listening for the phone to vibrate with a new text message every few minutes.

 

Teens should not be allowed to sleep with cell phones in the bedroom, and parents need to set clear parameters for the use of phones for both voice calls and text messages. Commonsense rules will go a long way toward restoring sanity.

 

Who can doubt that this has something to do with the epidemic of distractedness that plagues us all? Cramping thumbs may be a leading physical phenomenon, but distracted minds and unquiet souls are the spiritual phenomena.

 

Let's be honest, we adults have plenty to answer for when it comes to our own digital obsessions, but most parents are not sneaking text messages while feigning activity in a backpack.

 

Remember that number -- 2,272 texts per month. That statistic is already out of date. The new average might be boosted by your teenager down the hall. Does someone you know have cramping thumbs?

 

From Albert Mohler's blog May 29, 2009

www.albertmohler.com

Edited by dmmosher
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Several people have talked about the book, Protecting the Gift, and after reading it I agree it is a must read for all parents.

 

With all this cell phone use and texting going on, I make very sure whoever babysits my children knows that they may NEVER use a cell phone while driving with my children in the car. I'm not really thrilled with texting/talking on phone while babysitthing, but I thinks it's okay for an occasional SHORT conversation. (My kids are old enough to give me a report about the evening when I return).

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We went to a friend's house yesterday. Every single adult had a cell phone and received at least 1 call during the several hours we were there. All of the children had cell phones except ours and 1 other child. Two of the adults (moms) sat and texted each other across the room. The teenage girls were constantly sending and receiving messages. When the food was cooked, one of the parents texted the children that it was time to eat. When the teenagers wanted permission to go somewhere they texted one of the parents. I only saw 1 other parent get up and go in the room where the children were to check on their child. Most of the parents never spoke to their children until the child came to them. Every single person in that house who had a phone either kept it next to them on a table or the arm of a chair or in their hand.

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Overuse of texting/talking drives me nuts. I've taken it away from my kids because of ongoing issues.

 

 

But I have to say that this

 

When the food was cooked, one of the parents texted the children that it was time to eat.

 

is exactly the type of thing that I think texting is useful for. It's much better than yelling for them or wandering around the house and neighborhood rounding people up.

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Wow. That's harsh.

You've seen the recent worst effects of technology on children. I am so glad I haven't.

I've seen a taste. A few years ago a 13yo dd of a friend got a cell phone.

Can I just say that my dd's friends will have to call my phone to get through me to her. I want to at least have some idea who my kid is talking to.

Think land lines when we were kids and our parents answered the phone. Or we called our friends and their parents answered.

 

I think it is sad.

I have seen it some when we go out.

Little kids on their computers. No time for socialization with whoever is actually there.

They can only "talk" to those other 13 yo kids that text. They have no idea how to communicate with any other age group.

 

I am a gestapo wanna be on that front.

I will tell my dd that she can not have her DS at dinner EVER, and NEVER at a restaurant, or in a building with a speaker or performers, and even parts of long road trips need to be technology free because what's wrong with being being bored and staring at the new passing landscapes before us?

 

Seriously. It's like those people who can never put their cell phone down.

Ewwwwww.

 

I want to socialize in real life, with real people; and my dd is going to know how to do it as well. In all honesty your post makes me sad. I feel that we have failed children. The world picked up speed (The Universe slowed down) and we had a surge in technology to rival no other time in history before us. We have children who know not of the clack of a type writer, nor the the whirr of an old phone as you dial the disc. To say nothing of the sound of an old phone actually ringing at home. And only at home.

 

What kind of world have we given our children?!

 

Does anyone think it's different with homeschooled kids?

Because they have the social interaction that is valued.

They don't take it for granted.

 

Maybe in a home schooled family they would have gladly interacted with your dd because they don't have all the other stimuli to distract them.

They also don't have an overwhelming amount of time with many kids their exact age.

I think homeschooled kids get influenced more by babies and the elderly.

 

Were they homeschooled and I am so stereotyping!?!

 

 

well, maybe not YOUR kids.

Anyone else notice how kids don't actually make eye contact when they talk "to you" anymore? Too busy texting. Don't actually TALK to people any more??

Went to friends house for dinner last night. 2 older boys (one a college grad, one a Sr. in h.s.) playing a computer game. We come in, they don't look up, acknowledge the 6 of us entering in ANY way. The parents are really friendly but the kids don't even act like we are there. We have our 18 yo with us. NO interaction with her AT ALL (she is a knock-out). They had their faces in their game. We ate dinner together- again, the kids didn't say "hi", didn't interact during dinner with our family at all except to say they likedthe kind of pie I brought.

One of the boys was texting throughout dinner. The kids didn't pass the food. Didn't say ONE WORD to my dd the entire evening.

Said "hi" to one of our pastor's wives as church. She said "hi" but didn't even look up- didn't even know who she was talking too becasue she was too busy texting on a Sun. morning. ACK.

Another friend sent her kids to p.s. last year for the first time and after 9 months her kids are communicating almost soley through texting. She said it's like there's never even any one else in the room. Her son won't have friends over because they don't have x-box or Wii and "hiking's boring" (they just moved to the Pike's Peak area) so he hangs out on the computer all.day.long.

Honestly, I feel like our kids are freaks becasue they aren't mainlined to electronics. And honestly, I feel like telling some of these people how.very.rude.they.are.

Edited by Karen sn
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You said it all so perfectly . I have repeatedly told my dd that what reveals your status is not a designer jean on your rear nor is it a status handbag. In fact none of those things signal anything but consumerism and a lack of intelligence about money. What is determinitive in regards to how others perceive you including admissions counselours, professors, and future employers is whether your posture measures up and a good firm handshake all based on a foundation of impeccable manners. I cannot thank my mother enough for smacking my shoulders back into a nice square, making me repeat what I was saying until it sounded just right to her ears, refusing to brook mumbling, grousing or refusing to acknowledge other persons upon entering a room. Those lessons have served me well. It is sad to go to a symphony and see people engage in all forms of rudeness stepping in front of others without an excuse me, texting while standing in line or talking on the phone while ordering a drink at intermission. They might have money but certainly no class . The slumpin posture, baseball cap flipped backward, the whipping a phone out and carrying on a conversation while in public are all tantamount to sending a message that the whole world exists and serves my wishes, demands and convenience. I actually tell clients to turn off the phone when we are having a discussion as it is imperative that all their attention is on the matter at hand.

 

What she said!

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Does anyone think it's different with homeschooled kids?

Because they have the social interaction that is valued.

They don't take it for granted.

 

Maybe in a home schooled family they would have gladly interacted with your dd because they don't have all the other stimuli to distract them.

They also don't have an overwhelming amount of time with many kids their exact age.

I think homeschooled kids get influenced more by babies and the elderly.

 

Were they homeschooled and I am so stereotyping!?!

 

I was just thinking, "So, is THIS the famous 'socializing' that my kids are missing out on by not being in school?".

My oldest has a cell phone for emergencies when she is away from home. It drives us nuts when she gets a text message from a stranger because the number she has used to belong to someone else. She doesn't text friends, but she e-mails and has message boards that she uses. My son loves video games, but not to the point of ignoring guests- people are MUCH more interesting for him. Of course, he'd LOVE to have every visitor play a game with him :lol:

Anyway, we are definitely not techno-phobes, but I had NO idea that so many kids/teens were so affected by texting. It really is sad.

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And guess what.....you see loads of glowing screens going during the performance. Makes me want to pack a bbgun under my pashmina. :glare:

 

Been on an airplane when it touched down lately??? I realize many people call loved ones to let them know they're safe, but almost EVERYONE turns on a phone and starts checking email, etc.

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Well, can you expect better from the kids when the adults do the same?

 

I'm atonished at the adults that sit in the karate dojo where ds takes lessons. They sit and text or play games the whole time even if someone is talking to them. Most of them do not greet you when you walk in. Basic common courtesy and manners are disappearing.

 

 

I experienced this for the first time last month at our indoor pool/water park. None of the moms were watching their little ones in the wading pool. There were several dozen moms sitting on the bench surrounding it and every single one of them were texting, or perhaps twittering. I found it rather strange, like I had just found myself in The Twilight Zone. All of these women together but not a single word escaped any of their lips. It was weird.

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No cell phone here, either - not even for the grownups!

 

There are definitely times when I wished I had them, but most of the time I'm glad we don't. The kids instant message plenty (the older ones) when they're on the computer, and I'm thinking of moving the computers into a more central place, but I draw the line at cell phones.

 

I think teaching our kids how to organize their time will be one of the best things we can do. Imagine all those kids/grownups and how much time they waste in the workplace. It's a skill to learn how to pace yourself - checking email once every few hours rather than once every few minutes, etc.

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I was just thinking, "So, is THIS the famous 'socializing' that my kids are missing out on by not being in school?".

My oldest has a cell phone for emergencies when she is away from home. It drives us nuts when she gets a text message from a stranger because the number she has used to belong to someone else. She doesn't text friends, but she e-mails and has message boards that she uses. My son loves video games, but not to the point of ignoring guests- people are MUCH more interesting for him. Of course, he'd LOVE to have every visitor play a game with him :lol:

Anyway, we are definitely not techno-phobes, but I had NO idea that so many kids/teens were so affected by texting. It really is sad.

This closely matches our experiences, as well. Perhaps it is just because I am cheap: DS19 and DD16 both have had cell phones for several years, but they have T-Mobile plans called Kid Connect: Unlimited calling to T-Mobile, but only 100 minutes per month otherwise. Text messages consume 1/4 minute each... Anyway, they almost never use their phones, even my son didn't when he was away at college. IMO, it's not a bad thing.

 

Perhaps there are benefits to being a cheap Dad! :D

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Reading all these posts, I must admit....

 

I usually read.

 

So, while everyone else is texting or twittering or whatever, I normally have my nose in a book...

 

Ummmmmmmmm

 

I guess that's even more antisocial?

 

Yes, but you're probably not reading at the dinner table, or stone-like on the couch when company's swirling around you, or staring into your book as people are saying hello to you in church, or sneaking into your purse when your kids aren't looking to read a few lines every few minutes. I'll admit, I don't get this whole texting/Twitter movement (sorry, I know some of you are Twitterers). I understand blogging, because there's often (not always!) actual content on blogs, but I do not get why anyone needs by-the-minute accounts of anyone else's life. It's been bugging me for awhile, and it gets worse every day. I know I'm in the teeny minority, though. After all, I'm NOT EVEN ON MYSPACE! :lol:

 

Anyway, yes, I think the kids were rude. That just totally stinks.

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It is more than the phones. It is tv, doors, conversations, etc. I am shocked at parents who do not feel they should teach children manners or other considerate behaviors. I think they believe it is just "absorbed" or (as some state) they are born with it.

 

It comes to the issue of respect. They do not have it for others. You have to start teaching it almost from birth. It is not natural b/c it requires that we do things "outside ourselves". It requires that we stop what we enjoy and do something for someone else (without praise or reward)... but because we SHOULD and MUST!

 

So many today aren't teaching this b/c they are fearful of hurting the development or individuality of the child.

 

Even businesses are suffering from this. I can't tell you the number of cashiers who don't even bother to look at you to hand when giving you change... much less say "Thank You" or (even to grunt... haha).

 

Very sad! I wish more adults would be parents!

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I have repeatedly told my dd that what reveals your status is not a designer jean on your rear nor is it a status handbag. In fact none of those things signal anything but consumerism and a lack of intelligence about money.

 

I agree that designer clothing and handbags have nothing to do with your worth as a person, but I don't agree that anyone who has those things has a lack of intelligence about money. If a person can afford to buy the things they like, I see no reason why they shouldn't have those things.

 

I don't judge people based on their clothing and possessions, and I would hope they wouldn't judge my family based on the things we have. My ds is always well-dressed (and yes, in "designer" clothing,") and he has all of the latest toys and games, but he's also a nice kid with excellent manners -- and he always looks people in the eye when he speaks with them, and people often comment about how polite and kind he is. It would be quite distressing if I heard someone say something mean about him, just because he is fortunate enough to have nice things.

 

I hope I don't sound harsh, Elizabeth -- I really didn't mean to come across that way. I just think it's possible to be a nice, decent, and sensible person, yet still spend money on so-called "status items." Just as you shouldn't be judged by the things you don't have, you shouldn't be judged by the things you do have.

 

Cat

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We have had to deal with the whole cell phone thing. We went to visit my sil a year ago. We were there for 5 days. My nephew, who is 13, did not stop texting the entire time we were there and every where we went he brought a friend. Even when we were just hanging out at sil's house he had a friend over and was texting. We have not seen my nephew in 4 years. He did not say more than 3 words to dh and I or our kids the entire time we were there. Sil let this happen. Sil and our nephew were texting each other at dinner at a NICE restaurant even. What the heck? :001_huh: I just could not believe we went all the way to see them and did not get to spend anytime with our nephew. Our dd12 got a cell phone for Christmas last year. She dances 4 days a week and we wanted her to be able to call us if she needed to or for us to be able to call her if we are running late to pick her up. She is not allowed to text or use her phone to call friends until after 7 when it is free minutes!!:) But it will never come out when we have company or at dinner!

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Yes, but you're probably not reading at the dinner table, or stone-like on the couch when company's swirling around you, or staring into your book as people are saying hello to you in church, or sneaking into your purse when your kids aren't looking to read a few lines every few minutes.

Uhhh (putting book down) no... I never do that.

 

(I am the one that said reading at graduation was fine, as long as you kept it on the d/l, lol)

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Texting in public bothers me too. I am always apologetic if my cell phone rings while in line or talking with someone. I will usually hit the ignore button or explain that I need to take this call because my husband has little opportunity to call during the day (he may have a 5 minute window all day), or my son is babysitting and I need to make sure everything is okay.

 

We have recently been told by several people how "different" our kids are. "They're, like...um....little adults." :001_huh: Thank you? I think?

 

On further investigation from these friends, I found out they think this because my kids *like* to be in conversation with adults when they come to visit. My kids will sit around and listen to the adults, ask questions, and generally engage with visitors, until I shoo them away---which I often do.:D My struggle is getting them to respect adult conversation and not contribute without thinking carefully and without interrupting. It is a never ending battle. :)

 

I can not imagine a person entering my home without being surrounded by the children. To the OP, I feel exactly the same as you do.

 

Jo

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I read too much and I'm online at least an hour a day (and my DH says, "Geez, it's like you're addicted to that computer!"). But I'm not generally anti-social (just a bit introverted). I do read when I'm brushing my teeth or eating breakfast (the newspaper) or am bored waiting for the water to boil. And I used to read under the desk at school.

 

But the cell phone thing really gets to me. The adults are almost as bad as the kids. My father has one from work (a Crackberry, no less -- and aptly named) and a personal one and he takes both with him everywhere. Sometimes they ring at the same time and he'll answer BOTH phones. Drives me nuts. And when he comes to visit us he has difficulty concentrating on what we're saying because he needs to "check his phone real quick". I could scream!

 

And at the playground you'll often see kids playing unsupervised because their moms are in the car on the cell phone. Even the preschoolers aren't being watched! A couple of times some poor kid has hurt himself and I've been reduced to leading the crying child on a search of "Where is my mommy's car?" The moms just drive up, kick the kids out of the car, and chat on the phone in the air conditioned vehicle. Eventually they roll down their window and scream, "Hey! It's time to go!". It's like letting their dog out.

 

My point is... it's not just the kids. I don't personally know any teenagers since my own children are so young, but I'm horrified by some of the parents.

 

And don't even get me started on the insanity of texting while driving...

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Reading all these posts, I must admit....

 

I usually read.

 

So, while everyone else is texting or twittering or whatever, I normally have my nose in a book...

 

Ummmmmmmmm

 

I guess that's even more antisocial?

 

You and me both, sister. And the only company I have is family and then only the ones that I chose and want to socialize with.

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I experienced this for the first time last month at our indoor pool/water park. None of the moms were watching their little ones in the wading pool. There were several dozen moms sitting on the bench surrounding it and every single one of them were texting, or perhaps twittering. I found it rather strange, like I had just found myself in The Twilight Zone. All of these women together but not a single word escaped any of their lips. It was weird.

 

Yes. I have seen this before in a car with teenagers.

They were all on the phone.

I made them hang up and *we* talked. It was enjoyable.

I think sometimes they just need a lesson (example) on how to really communicate.

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You and me both, sister. And the only company I have is family and then only the ones that I chose and want to socialize with.

It's making me feel a teensy tinsy bit guilty while I'm reading the text bashing... after all, it's hard for me to see much of a difference.

 

Well, no, there is a major difference... if you interrupt me at the wrong moment I'm much more likely to tear your head off. I will say, I haven't noticed too many people being angry for having someone butt in on their twitter time, lol. It's usually the one-second finger, whereas, with readers... you'll get the one-second finger and if you don't hush, you may lose a few fingers of your own, lol.

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I agree that designer clothing and handbags have nothing to do with your worth as a person, but I don't agree that anyone who has those things has a lack of intelligence about money. If a person can afford to buy the things they like, I see no reason why they shouldn't have those things.

 

I don't judge people based on their clothing and possessions, and I would hope they wouldn't judge my family based on the things we have. My ds is always well-dressed (and yes, in "designer" clothing,") and he has all of the latest toys and games, but he's also a nice kid with excellent manners -- and he always looks people in the eye when he speaks with them, and people often comment about how polite and kind he is. It would be quite distressing if I heard someone say something mean about him, just because he is fortunate enough to have nice things.

 

I hope I don't sound harsh, Elizabeth -- I really didn't mean to come across that way. I just think it's possible to be a nice, decent, and sensible person, yet still spend money on so-called "status items." Just as you shouldn't be judged by the things you don't have, you shouldn't be judged by the things you do have.

 

Cat

Point well taken. In our social circle , primarily other lawyers and their families there is an excessive amount of attention based on the newest, latest and greatest handbag, vehicle , jeans etc. with regard to the spouses and children. I do dress dd nicely but sternly admonish her that while she might look stylish it is utter nonsense to spend 100.00 on jeans when you can also buy Berkshire B instead or a fine book and have something to show for your expenditure. I absolutely do not believe that status items automatically signify that a person is not intelligent with decisions regarding financial choices . All too often I do see children who have all the latest gadgets, clean tidy outfits and see these things as extensions of themselves. Or even worse a definition of themselves. I am talking about an identity based on those things, not the ownership of the things in themselves. Rather it is the individual who seeks to be defined by those things that troubles me. Unfortunately teens especially are "branded," and defined by their peers according to the labels they wear far more often than by their passions and talents. When I see this fostered by well meaning parents it is disturbing. I certainly did not mean to imply judgment based solely on these outward signs but rather what my experience has been when I peeled back the veneers .Often I saw banal , empty women and their children trying to impress upon someone that they too have arrived. Being able to afford these items is not the point ,the point is needing external validation from others based on what you think the item tells others about you. It is admittedly a type of reverse snobbery hearkening back to an age where polite people did not ever reveal what they earned by owning status items that were seen out in public. You were very polite in trying not to offend me and I am sorry if my post was hurtful or callous . Certainly not my intent. I was less than clear regarding my meaning earlier and need to be more careful with my words. I do appreciate your honest and clear response.
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Point well taken. In our social circle , primarily other lawyers and their families there is an excessive amount of attention based on the newest, latest and greatest handbag, vehicle , jeans etc. with regard to the spouses and children. I do dress dd nicely but sternly admonish her that while she might look stylish it is utter nonsense to spend 100.00 on jeans when you can also buy Berkshire B instead or a fine book and have something to show for your expenditure. I absolutely do not believe that status items automatically signify that a person is not intelligent with decisions regarding financial choices . All too often I do see children who have all the latest gadgets, clean tidy outfits and see these things as extensions of themselves. Or even worse a definition of themselves. I am talking about an identity based on those things, not the ownership of the things in themselves. Rather it is the individual who seeks to be defined by those things that troubles me. Unfortunately teens especially are "branded," and defined by their peers according to the labels they wear far more often than by their passions and talents. When I see this fostered by well meaning parents it is disturbing. I certainly did not mean to imply judgment based solely on these outward signs but rather what my experience has been when I peeled back the veneers .Often I saw banal , empty women and their children trying to impress upon someone that they too have arrived. Being able to afford these items is not the point ,the point is needing external validation from others based on what you think the item tells others about you. It is admittedly a type of reverse snobbery hearkening back to an age where polite people did not ever reveal what they earned by owning status items that were seen out in public. You were very polite in trying not to offend me and I am sorry if my post was hurtful or callous . Certainly not my intent. I was less than clear regarding my meaning earlier and need to be more careful with my words. I do appreciate your honest and clear response.

 

Thanks so much for the clarification, Elizabeth -- now that I understand what you meant, I can wholeheartedly agree with you! (I think we live in the same environment with the same shallow acquaintances -- and I don't know if the women you know are this way, but I am constantly amazed by the amount of "cosmetic procedures" many of these women have -- and that they encourage their children to have, as soon as the girls are old enough! It's so sad, and kind of pathetic.)

 

Cat

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Uhhh (putting book down) no... I never do that.

 

(I am the one that said reading at graduation was fine, as long as you kept it on the d/l, lol)

 

:lol: I hear you! I bring a small book in my purse to boring parties, so I can hide out and read when I get bored. Yes I do!

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Dh said, if anyone found out how much reading I do in public... at functions, they would be shocked...

 

I used to read a lot in school, so I've learned how to listen and absorb, while really enjoying a book. Half the time I can parrot whatever happened for the past few minutes, and it's news to me when I hear myself, lol!

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It's not just kids, unfortunately - adults do it too. I think it's pretty darn rude to be out to a meal with someone and completely ignore them in favor of talking on the phone/texting/whatever.

 

And I was completely shocked yesterday at the mall to see a kid walking around the mall while playing a DS. I'm sorry, can't they put it away for long enough to walk the mall? I'm not anti-electronics (I have a DS myself), but sheesh. :glare:

 

 

I guess I do see a difference between electronic devices and reading. I can't truly read unless it's quiet and I can give myself entirely to the book though.

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I absolutely agree with the original poster's comments.

 

Our dd's are still in the grammar stage...and they make eye contact with the person they are speaking to or are listening to. And adults comment that it is rare among people, period. Not just children.

 

Sad really. But then I believe it has more to do with just being mainline-electronic devices...has more to do with relationship/interpersonal skills.

 

:iagree:

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It's been interesting to read all of the responses. The texting was distrubing, yes, but what also seemed so strange to me was the total disinterest these 2 young men had in my dd. Don't boys notice girls anymore? They went to play ping-pong together and didn't ask her to join them, did not look at her, did not talk to her. Boys don't show interest in the opposite sex anymore?? My dd is cute, fashionable, fun, engaging. What's the deal?

I read a lot too. But reading is totally different than texting. You actually have a plot going on-lol!!

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I feel like telling some of these people how.very.rude.they.are.

 

Well, unfortunately unless you tell them that by text they'll never hear you.

 

I watched the movie Wall-E last weekend and I have to say that I found the scenes with the people floating on those machines very disturbing. They were so out of touch with the world around them. And I can easily see a major portion of society becoming very similiar to this....and in my lifetime (and I'm old, lol....I remember rotary phones...still have one actually, lol).

 

ConnieB....proud to say my phone is set to ignore texts....they end up in cyberspace somewhere and I don't even know they exist.

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It's been interesting to read all of the responses. The texting was distrubing, yes, but what also seemed so strange to me was the total disinterest these 2 young men had in my dd. Don't boys notice girls anymore? They went to play ping-pong together and didn't ask her to join them, did not look at her, did not talk to her. Boys don't show interest in the opposite sex anymore?? My dd is cute, fashionable, fun, engaging. What's the deal?

I read a lot too. But reading is totally different than texting. You actually have a plot going on-lol!!

I agree with a pp, she was probably a little too great. That, and she actually knows how to coverse sans electronic gadget, they would have to TALK to her... not sure they could handle that.

 

Lol@ the reading/plot comment

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The misinformation/urban legend/junk that these kids send to eachother is disturbing.

 

I clean the phone out before giving it to her, ever since I read a story about a girl that ate her baby, so no one would know she'd been pregnant...

 

:eek: I never even thought about kids sending that stuff to each other! :eek:

 

I know adults who fall for that stuff!! :001_huh:

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