SquirrellyMama Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Sometimes I have my kids pick up the messes they have made. Sometimes I have them pick up messes regardless of whether they have made them. So my question is: 1. Is it unfair to make them clean up other's messes sometimes while other times I don't? I personally don't think it's unfair but my kids certainly do (especially my oldest) and I'm afraid I'm going to get grief from my mother if my oldest should complain. I know she isn't the mom here but when they visit I get a lot of grief from my mom and dad when my oldest is unhappy. She happens to be the oldest girl grandchild. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Unfair? Heck no. If my kids were to complain that they have to clean up a mess they didn't make I would just say with a big smile, "Now you know how I feel all the time." There are times when we just chip in and do whatever needs to be done regardless of how the mess got there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gretchen in NJ Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I get that from my mother too.:glare: I had to put a stop to it. She was "bonding" with my daughter since according to her I was not. Strange, but my relation with my daughter became better after I spoke with my mother and my daughter. I do have my children clean up after each other. I have tried to keep if balanced. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 That used to happen here. I was SO sick of it. Now, if they complain about not making the mess, they get to do another chore. Usually it's the bathroom. I sat them down and we talked a lot about how much work there was in a household. How I do a lot of things around the house even though I don't make the messes - laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc. (Not that I'm the only one who does these things - the kids do help - but just making a point!) We do occasionally still get complaints, but it's quickly followed by the next chore for the offender! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loupelou Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 That used to happen here. I was SO sick of it. Now, if they complain about not making the mess, they get to do another chore. Usually it's the bathroom. I sat them down and we talked a lot about how much work there was in a household. How I do a lot of things around the house even though I don't make the messes - laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc. (Not that I'm the only one who does these things - the kids do help - but just making a point!) We do occasionally still get complaints, but it's quickly followed by the next chore for the offender! :iagree: My kids generally don't grumble much anymore because this is exactly what happens to them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LND1218 Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I do think it's unfair to have to do things for other people. :tongue_smilie: I mean shoot ~ it's unfair I have to cook dinner for everyone and wash everyone's laundry. Etc. (okay so I really don't think it's unfair...And that is a mom's job.) Our rule is simply if mom and dad have to do it then the kids have to too. If they don't want to clean up after someone else, then I don't have to do things for them. We are family and that is what we do. I do think it's good to teach our kids to serve and bless others sometimes that involved cleaning up after someone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I think it depends on what you consider cleaning up after someone else. I don't consider laundry, dishes, vacuuming.....cleaning up after someone. However if someone ate at the table and got a bunch of crumbs on it....well that same person would be the one cleaning it up. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 I think it depends on what you consider cleaning up after someone else. I don't consider laundry, dishes, vacuuming.....cleaning up after someone. However if someone ate at the table and got a bunch of crumbs on it....well that same person would be the one cleaning it up. . When they are cleaning their room (all 3 share a room) they have to clean up what I tell them to clean. I get grumbles from the oldest about how her brother got out the legos or her sister took that book off the shelf, etc... If I know for a fact that my son trashed the living room then he cleans it up but if they are doing group cleaning or I don't know who made the mess then I assign a kid to it. Yes, there are some times that I know who made the mess but a different kid cleans it but they all get to clean up those messes. We do occasionally still get complaints, but it's quickly followed by the next chore for the offender! I used to make the complainer clean the mess alone while everyone else sat and watched. That worked really well. I usually made them clean for 5 - 10 minutes alone and then we'd all join in again. I need to start doing that again. I'm sure my mom would freak out all over me if my oldest had to do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarleneW Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 My response is generally, "I didn't ask who made it, I asked you to clean it up" as I continue on with what I was doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 My response is generally, "I didn't ask who made it, I asked you to clean it up" as I continue on with what I was doing. Exactly what I do! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I believe it would depend on the type of mess you are referring to. If the mess was clearly made entirely by one person, such as a kid pulling out a bunch of blocks, then I don't think it would be fair that a sibling should have to clean it up. The messy child needs to learn to take responsibility for said mess. If the child is too young to clean up the mess, then the child was given too much to play with, and a method such as a clothes basket to hold the toys would be the way I'd handle it. If the mess is due to an activity where more than one person was involved, I would have them clean together. The only exception would be if one child needs to clean something else family related such as vacuuming or dusting the living room or cleaning the kitchen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 "Well, I didn't make the mess either and I didn't ask you who did. I said you clean up the mess. What part of that did you not understand?" If they give me lip I ask them to tell me what I told them to do and then ask them if they understand. Then I explain that if I have to repeat myself again the consequences will be __________. And there would be consequences to the dd for complaining to gm and to gm for siding with the dc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 "In our family, we help each other." Repeat, repeat, repeat. Sometimes it does help to say, "I know you didn't make this mess, but I would appreciate your help getting it tidied." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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