I need a tougher skin or a glass of wine

[Alicia64]

Hi Everyone,

 

Having a down day. I took my boys to a birthday party today and I think word is getting around that I hs. My friends tend to be very mainstream do-as-the-crowd-does moms. For the most part.

 

Anyway, I was asking -- really asking, not being critical at all -- about how a couple of the moms' kids did in soccer w/ the practices being at 5 in the afternoon in August.

 

Where I live that means it's about 102 to 104 degrees. I didn't bad mouth it to my son, but I did prep him that it would be hot, but we'd bring water, cold towels etc. My son, who is six, said, "maybe next year."

 

So I was wondering how these moms' kids handled it and they said it was fine and one of them said, "I think we'll need to buy you a couple of bubbles."

 

Meaning I'm so overprotective that my twins will need to be bubbled like the "boy in the plastic bubble." A movie from the 70's.

 

Hurt my feelings. Quick background: I was given the Most Valuable Player award in softball in sixth grade. I know how to play sports and what's involved. At the same time, I wasn't running around in the heat of the day at the age of 6. I didn't even start playing until 11 and I was good from the start. (Plus my dad worked with me -- one of the keys.)

 

So I'm not ignorant about sports. I just wonder if our culture isn't pushing kids into these sports a little too early.

 

But honestly, if the moms had said, "oh, I was concerned about the heat too but my boy begs for more soccer!" I would have taken notice!!

 

Thanks for listening. I still haven't made a lot of friends in the hs community and I think I'm getting a little lonely.

 

Alicia

[unsinkable]

Alicia,

 

That comment would have bothered me, too. :grouphug:

 

I actually started a thread about hurtful comments and got some great advice! I'll try to find it.

 

Kids are starting sports earlier & earlier these days. Many times, you can work with your kids to give them the skills so they don't have to start too young. I think it is true with baseball/softball, esp.

 

You're right to be concerned about the heat. I'd be worried, too.

[Remudamom]

What a nasty remark to make to you. Now this is easy for me to say, because I don't like most people, but I'd shake the dust off and look for another set of friends. Maybe you can find a homeschool group?

[Starr]

I'm sorry. Yes I agree sports are getting pushy very early and 100 degrees is hard on little ones. It's so annoying when you are trying to be nice and you are trashed in reply. My dc are now young teens and finally a young lady at church announced to her mother that a homeschooled young man she's friends with has a mother that's worse (more protective) than I am. lol It'a only funny because we've struggled through this for many years and I don't care as much. Keep looking there is a friend out there for you.

[Tree House Academy]

How rude!!! Kids DIE every year in ridiculous heat like that at sports practices. You hear about it at least once a year - especially with college football players. I think it is insane!

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt. I get those kind of comments too. But I've realized over the years that I'm glad that I parent intentionally. The choices we make (schooling, sports, activities in general) are all thought out carefully in light of our families' values and dynamics and then decided on. I have had to remind myself that many people in my neighborhood do not do that - they put their kids in the local public school, sign up for many of the regular sports and activities just because it is "what you do". Of course that doesn't mean that I might not intentionally make some of the very same choices that they are making or that they never make any intentional choices. But in general, when I ask questions, I find out that I am unique in our neighborhood for the types of thought that go into our choices. You are trying to make a choice in light of your child's health and well-being - not just because it is "what you do" to sign your child up for soccer in the heat of the day. Good job - and I hope that you can make up your mind intentionally.

[Alicia64]

Thanks everyone, your support really helps. I'm not an introvert. I've been hitting the pavement looking for hs friends.

 

But as you know many are already busy with their own lives (karate, 4H etc. etc. etc.) and I hadn't gone that route yet so it's been harder to find a) people I like and b) people who have time! :)

 

But in Aug. we're starting karate (a/c'd and indoors!!), 4H, and a homeschool fencing class. So I think structured activity might help.

 

I'd love more comments. I feel better already -- I was getting concerned that I'm raising wimps. But 104 degrees at 6?? Just sounds like too much to me.

 

Isn't the goal that they like the sport?

 

Alicia

[Snickerdoodle]

Soccer at 5pm in August in Sac o' Tomatoes? Please.

[newlifemom]

Thanks everyone, your support really helps. I'm not an introvert. I've been hitting the pavement looking for hs friends.

 

But as you know many are already busy with their own lives (karate, 4H etc. etc. etc.) and I hadn't gone that route yet so it's been harder to find a) people I like and b) people who have time! :)

 

But in Aug. we're starting karate (a/c'd and indoors!!), 4H, and a homeschool fencing class. So I think structured activity might help.

 

I'd love more comments. I feel better already -- I was getting concerned that I'm raising wimps. But 104 degrees at 6?? Just sounds like too much to me.

 

Isn't the goal that they like the sport?

 

Alicia

 

 

Alicia

 

You do not have to answer for anyone else's child. Only your own. KWIM? I wouldn't let my 7 yr old ds play soccer in that heat. He overheats at 20 degrees cooler than that! Just remember, they are your children. I'd like to think that time will bear out your style of parenting.

[Hedgehogs4]

thicker skin? nah.

glass of wine? definitely!

new friends? perhaps...it's hard to keep one foot on solid ground and one foot in the rushing current they call the mainstream, at least that's what i've found.

[Spy Car]

I think we'll need to buy you a couple of bottles of bubbly :D

 

*POP*

 

You're scaring me though, because we have the wee-one signed up to start a casual soccer thing in a few weeks and it gets hot here too. Hmm.

 

Here, I think it's it the morning? I hope. Now, I'm worried. :001_huh:

 

Bill (who's feeling your pain. Waiter! )

[Ravin]

DD wants to do soccer in an August league with a friend's kids this year. I've promised her she can. It will probably be at least that hot. But if we stayed inside until the temperature dropped out of the triple digits, we'd be something in between vampires and total recluses all summer!

 

That said, if we do a practice or two and DD is completely miserable in the heat, or we get close to time and she realizes how hot it will be and doesn't want to do it, I'm not going to make her.

 

I'm the opposite of overprotective. I have neighbors give me dirty looks because I let her ride her bike up and down the sidewalk outside our house without hovering right there. She's even allowed to stay home short periods by herself--generally when she's sleeping or requests to.

 

I do enourage her learning to use her own judgement.

[Alicia64]

Seriously, without sounding totally cheesy: thank you so, so much. I was feeling like a loser. I do need to make new friends. It's apparently too much of a shift to do hs with the ps crowd.

 

Isn't that a bummer? I wish hs could be just another option on the menu like Waldorf or Montessori or open school.

 

Really good news: I seriously did a double-take tonight to see that our parks and rec is offering. . . no, I'm not kidding. . . a chess/soccer class for homeschoolers. The teacher loves both chess and soccer so spends the first hour on chess and the second hour on. . . you get the idea.

 

By the description it looks like he and his wife homeschool!!

 

So again, thank you for shoring me up. I seriously needed it.

 

Alicia

[Brooketopia]

That was an incredibly rude thing to say to you. I'm sorry.

 

There is no way I'd let my children play in that sort of heat, but that's mostly due to the fact that they get severe heat exhaustion once the temp reaches mid '80's. (And it's not pretty--puking and nose bleeds!) No warm climates for us? :glare: Utah's summers get rather old after a bit with having to stay close to the A/C...I hope the "condition" dies out as they get older.

 

It's getting out that we hs as well, and it seems to generally bring out the worst in people re: comments. I'm working on developing a thicker skin myself. Keep at it, it's all worth it--finding some hs friends has helped tremendously for me...but it took a while to find them.

[gardening momma]

Really good news: I seriously did a double-take tonight to see that our parks and rec is offering. . . no, I'm not kidding. . . a chess/soccer class for homeschoolers. The teacher loves both chess and soccer so spends the first hour on chess and the second hour on. . . you get the idea.

That sounds great! I can play chess, but I taught a friend and she beat me on our first game :glare: :seeya:(waving in case she's on the forums and reads this)

[LunaLee]

Hey Alicia,

 

Everyone here is right, and of you course you know you're right- it is too hot for the littles and it was a very nasty remark. :glare:

 

It's been my experience that the ps school moms will start distancing themselves from you or making it difficult for you to remain friends with. I've come to the conclusion that when you make the decision to homeschool, and remove your kids from the public school system your friends whose kids are still there, well they think maybe you think you are too good for them. As in "these schools are good enough for my kids why aren't they good enough for yours?"

 

And I'm really sorry you haven't made any friends in the homeschool groups around here, sometimes they are hard to find. Our kids are not close in age, but if you ever want to chat feel free to pm me and maybe we can meet up somewhere.

 

Also, did you know that one of the local roller rinks has a homeschool skate day on Wednesday mornings and that one of the bowling alleys has a homeschool Monday? Maybe you could take the boys there sometime and meet some of the moms. Me personally, I'm very introverted and tend to spend my time in the corner with my books... they tend not to be so judgmental.:001_smile: But it's a thought.

[flyingmommy]

Well, I'm sure this is a nasty response, but I'd have been tempted to say "Better a bubble than a coffin."

 

Ok, I know that's an extreme remark, but you were asking very valid questions. I live in the South and the heat and humidity claims lives every single summer here. The elderly and the very young are the main victims.

 

I hope you make some hs friends soon. I have many different friends of differing backgrounds. But I think my hs friends are my best support. Common ground is a beautiful thing!

 

Good luck.

 

jeannie

[ElizabethB]

That makes me thankful for my military friends. People who move so often don't judge people's schooling decisions for the most part--when you see so many different school systems and are not tied to one, you gain some perspective on the issue.

 

Also, our friends at church are very supportive, although one denomination we were in was not so much, overall they are. (We've "been" several different denominations.)

[Rosie_0801]

It's not your fault if other people say things that deserve to be ignored...

 

Rosie- having a mean day

[Kate in Arabia]

Well, my kids play soccer here even in the heat. This week was the first they moved it to a gym, last week they played in 107 degrees in the full sun. Lots of water breaks and less intensive play. Our coaches are professional trainers, I trust them to know what they're doing. I do think they are more serious in their training for the littlers here. My oldest was in a soccer camp in the States when he was 4, but it was more like play than sport kwim?

 

About the comment, you know some people just can't seem to hold things in, kwim? There was a woman here (at a soccer practice, in fact) who was asking about the meaning behind my kids' names, and when I talked about my dd her rather loud response was "I can't believe you named her that!" It's like some people are missing that gate in your mind that stops your immediate thought from popping out, lol. Try to let it go (I know it can be hard) and I wouldn't write off the whole group -- maybe it was just that one person who has "issues", or was having a bad day, kwim?

[Alexandra]

her poor social skills. What shall I pour for you...Merlot or Malbec? ;)

[mom4him]

Hi Everyone,

 

Having a down day. I took my boys to a birthday party today and I think word is getting around that I hs. My friends tend to be very mainstream do-as-the-crowd-does moms. For the most part.

 

Anyway, I was asking -- really asking, not being critical at all -- about how a couple of the moms' kids did in soccer w/ the practices being at 5 in the afternoon in August.

 

Where I live that means it's about 102 to 104 degrees. I didn't bad mouth it to my son, but I did prep him that it would be hot, but we'd bring water, cold towels etc. My son, who is six, said, "maybe next year."

 

So I was wondering how these moms' kids handled it and they said it was fine and one of them said, "I think we'll need to buy you a couple of bubbles."

 

Meaning I'm so overprotective that my twins will need to be bubbled like the "boy in the plastic bubble." A movie from the 70's.

 

Hurt my feelings. Quick background: I was given the Most Valuable Player award in softball in sixth grade. I know how to play sports and what's involved. At the same time, I wasn't running around in the heat of the day at the age of 6. I didn't even start playing until 11 and I was good from the start. (Plus my dad worked with me -- one of the keys.)

 

So I'm not ignorant about sports. I just wonder if our culture isn't pushing kids into these sports a little too early.

 

But honestly, if the moms had said, "oh, I was concerned about the heat too but my boy begs for more soccer!" I would have taken notice!!

 

Thanks for listening. I still haven't made a lot of friends in the hs community and I think I'm getting a little lonely.

 

Alicia

I have learned that people are many times intimidated by what they don't understand. I believe this is true with many, many people concerning hsing.

You are doing what is best for your child. Let them think and say what ever they want. You are probably right in that you do need different friend.:tongue_smilie:

I totally agree that kids are pushed way to soon and to hard in sports. In our town the 5,6 7 yr olds can end up in 'out of town' games early in the day on week ends, Sundays included. We don't do the sports thing for several reasons but this is a biggy.

[Marie in Oh]

I used to live in Davis and have lots of neat homeschool friends there. YOu would fit right in. Let me know if that would work.

[Spy Car]

her poor social skills. What shall I pour for you...Merlot or Malbec? ;)

 

Ooh, if you have an amusing bottle cracked, I'd take a splash of the Malbec please :D

 

Bill (*hic*)

[WTMindy]

I VERY RARELY get negative comments like that, but when I do, I just turn it back on them. "Really? You let your kids do that? I guess I'm just really old fashioned and protective of my kids." That turns it around and puts them on the defensive because it sounds like they are the ones who have issues. :-)

[Jlynn]

Didn't read the other replies, but I would have simply said, or thought to myself : ) "As long as our bubbles are air conditioned!" I hate the hot time of year...it drags us down if we're outside too much. I can't even imagine you being an overprotective mom just because you're concerned about those kinds of temps. But, we're not die hard sports people around here. My son swam on a team for 3yrs when we lived close enough to a pool but we're limited now because of distance...and that hasn't bothered him one bit : )

[freeindeed]

:grouphug: Try not to let those comments bother you. You're doing what you believe is best for your family, and that's all that matters.