Guilt - every mom's constant companion?

[laurad1125]

As I complete K for my youngest, I am not-quite-consumed with guilt. My younger son's K was so much more than the older one's. I had grand plans for the older son but never seemed to get them done. I had reasons - newly SAHM, new homeschooler, new baby, newly WAHM, etc. But I still can't help but compare their experiences.

 

Anyone else have that issue? How do you talk yourself down? I know I did the best I could. I know older ds is educationally fine. I know that lack of science and history in K-2 isn't going to permanently scar him. Still, I wish it could have been different, KWIM?

 

Any advice?

[OnTheBrink]

You can only do what you can do, and beating yourself up over it won't help. :)

 

I didn't start homeschooling my son until he reached high school. Talk about guilt! LOL Overall, I think that if your child's education stays a priority, even if you can't do all the "stuff" you want to do at the time, they won't suffer. Education isn't always books and papers. They can learn a lot of valuable lessons from real life.

[Rosie_0801]

Kids are not entitled to a perfect life any more than we are, only a good life and you provided that.

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

[joannqn]

Yes, I think most of us (if not all) deal with those types of feelings. I know I have many of them that plague me constantly.

[kalanamak]

As a friend who got off welfare, went to college, and ended up managing a huge office, a beloved pillar of the community said "When I was about 30, I decided there was not one blasted thing I could do about the past, but plenty I could do about the future".

 

She'd had a very dysfunctional family when growing up, and a guilt-raking mother.

 

I tell myself this when I start over-mulling the past.

[momo9]

I wish I could tell you how many times I have started the year or even a curriculum with all these great plans, how everybody was going to be perfect and amazing, and how everybody was going to learn all this stuff....and of course I was NEVER going to get burned out. :confused:

 

The point? Do what you can do, let go of the rest and remember your best is all you can do...Pressing yourself beyond that.....sets you up for extreme frustration because you think over and over about your failures or what you didn't do.

 

NEVER EVER compare yourself to other moms who will do this, that, and the other thing in their programs....that WILL lead to dissapointment. A fellow HSing mom called me last week and invited us to go birdwatching, and you know EVERYBODY was going.........there was no way I could go, not with everything on our plates that day and it was short notice...but still I felt AWFUL. You have to take your limitations into account....we do alot with our HSing group, but there is alot we have to opt out of......

 

It works the same way with other things. Take your limitations into account and remember that sometimes less is more.

 

Good luck.

[Nestof3]

I often feel guilty about choices on a day to day basis -- those are usually the things I think and pray through while I'm going to sleep.

 

But, I can relate to your specific situation too. I was married and became a mom to an 8 year old at the same time. When I began homeschooling him in the fourth grade, I was two months shy of giving birth to my first biological son. I changed our curricula numerous times, and parenting-wise, I was a pretty pathetic, green mom with way to much zeal for getting that ship turned around. I often think back with guilt but I have to remind myself of my forgiveness and move on -- forgetting what is behind and pressing on.

[Peela]

Be genuinely as kind to yourself as you would be to your dearest friend who came to you with the same guilt.

I think we think unconsciously that feeling guilty will help somehow, but it really doesn't.

[Brindee]

I've thought that my poor oldest was a guinea pig for an un-tained mom! Poor kid! But, he's a great student, he loves his family, he's proud of his parents (he tells his friends neat stuff (his words) his parents said or did! :D), and is kind and respectful (most of the time;) ).

 

I found out it won't do anyone any good to feel guilty about something they can't change. You can, of course, initially feel bad for how it was, but then move on! You did the best you could under the circumstances, so how can you fault yourself for that??? I KNOW your son is not permanently scarred from the experiences! :)

 

Be easy on yourself, move on, do your best now, it's not worth stressing over!

[sunshine]

Kids are not entitled to a perfect life any more than we are, only a good life and you provided that.

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

 

:iagree:

[KrissiK]

Someone told me once that if I were too perfect, I'd make life really miserable for my future daughters-in-law, because no woman would then measure up to Mom in my sons' eyes. I comfort myself with the fact that my future dils will be very happy! lol.