Five year old boys and potty talk...

[Kay in Cal]

OK. I'm ready for this "phase" to be done.

 

My 5 year old has spent about the last 6 months obsessing about potty talk. Poop. Pee. Butts. Farts. He loves to get his older brother upset by saying things like "I'm going to poop on you!" Or bending over, dropping his pants, and mooning the room. I swear he never saw anyone do this IRL... but he instinctively invented mooning. Ugh.

 

Both my dh and I are sick of it. Not to mention 7yo, who is really really done. At first we thought it was a phase, would redirect and move on. It continued. We've done "go to your room", he has even been spanked (not a common thing in our home). It has continued. He'll stop for a while, then it starts again in a few hours or days.

 

He didn't pick it up from other kids, "on the playground", or from his brother... he just likes to talk about scatology. What to do? Anyone BTDT? When will it end?????

[kaylk in tx]

but bathroom humor is still very much appreciated by my boys (7, 7, and 8)

 

:ack2:

[Perry]

but bathroom humor is still very much appreciated by my boys (7, 7, and 8)

 

:ack2:

 

 

And my 11 year old. :(

[Kay in Cal]

It's not just the humor... its sort of... hmmm... potty verbal aggression--- "I'm going to pee on you!" "Smell my butt!" He also has farted in people's general direction, and sort of tried to wave the smell over. It's bad. Not the smell, the behavior.

[Leah]

And unfortunately, even though they know how to behave in public, I know too many guys in their 20's and 30's who STILL think it is hilarious (some even related to me!!)...I think sometimes it never goes away, they just learn to keep it in check!

[Mommy22alyns]

Well... I just have girls, but we sometimes get victimized by potty talk too. I make them go in the bathroom and get it all out in there. Not in the dark, not as a punishment, but just "these are bathroom words and they belong in the bathroom - nowhere else." Of course, that means that (logically) we sometimes have to put up with bathroom words during a bath or shower. And sometimes you pass by a bathroom and hear a little voice merrily reciting, "Poop! Poop! Butt!" :lol: But it usually just takes a reminder to cut it out outside of the bathroom.

 

Just a suggestion, the best I can offer!

[Heather in Neverland]

but bathroom humor is still very much appreciated by my boys (7, 7, and 8)

 

:ack2:

 

Heck, my husband still laughs! I, too, am over it.

[Kay in Cal]

That was what we thought at first. We just ignored it. But he simply escalates until he gets a reaction. This morning (what prompted me to write), he said to me "Mommy, I'm going to pee on you! Pee on your head... pee on your butt..." Ummmm... excuse me? Maybe it seems MORE inappropriate to me because I'm an adult, but I feel like I can't just ignore some things, especially because he will continue in public too.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

I'm having the exact same problem right now. But my 5yo chooses to excercise this new found sense of humor it on the neighbor's kids. Sigh.

I was informed that he happily exclaimed he was going to pee on their ball, yesterday. Of course he got squeals and yells in response and was very happy to try to think up more ways to amuse them. :-P

I've given him warning that the priveledge of playing with friends will be taken away for a while if it happens again. I fully expect it to happen again and I will do just as I said. He will get tired of it after a while.

 

My now 15yo is mortified when anyone reminds him that he mooned the cars going by the front of our house when he was that age.

[mama2cntrykids]

I am SOOO thankful it's not just my 6 y/o ds. He is equally as bad about it. It really get's tiring (and gross). The question is, what to do about it? We've talked about how that kind of talk isn't acceptable. But how to stop it is my question.

[Mabeline]

Yup, I do the same except I have boys. They get to go stand in the bathroom for potty talk. For really bad or rude talk they get spanked. They know the rules but for some reason potty talk has such a draw. It has improved a little but I think we are still aways away from a potty talk free home. HTH

[Danestress]

You have an obedience problem, so my advice to you would not be "how to handle potty language" but more figuring out how to get your child to do what you want him to do and not do what you don't want him to do. Some of that is winning him with love, some of it is discipline.

 

A lot of people will tell you all boys are this way. It's nonsense. Almost every boy and man understand that rules of conduct are somewhat situational. There are things men might say alone that they will not say when ladies are present. I don't really care if my kids want to talk between themselves about farts - but they understand that's not something they are going to do in public. If your children comply with your rules in other ways, then they are choosing this as an area of noncompliance. If your children don't generally listen to you and follow your rules, you have a wider, larger problem.

 

Edited to clarify: I don't really think potty talk is that big of a deal. I just think that if you are telling your children to stop a behavior and they continue it, THAT is a problem. We make the occasional "toot" joke around here, and if you wanted to make my 95 year old Grandma laugh, that was your one sure bet. So I'm not saying that all potty talk is unacceptable - just that if Mom tells you to knock it off and you don't, now it is unacceptable.

Edited May 20, 2009 by Danestress

[Impish]

...but I can't. My dh and kids still giggle like mad over farts. Diva and Daddy have a lovely running game of 'fart and run' where one will fart near the other and take off. :blink:

 

Tazzie is 4 and talks about butts and farting. He actually DID pee on Diva once. On purpose. She was teasing the daylights out of him when he was about 3 and he got extremely frustrated, standing far enough back from her that she couldn't reach him, whipped down his pants and whizzed on her leg.

 

It was the first time I'd ever seen the term 'p***ed off' acted out. She was howling, "Look what your son did!" while I stood there, admonishing Tazzie, popped him into his room, went to my room, and laughed hysterically until I cried into my pillow :blushing:

[Emmy]

I'm surprised your 7yo doesn't join in - good for him! The problem I've had is that the boys never grow out of it cause there's always another little boy just coming online with the joy of potty humor....It's subsided a lot at our house - I think they are kind of over it.

 

I do agree with Danestress that at this point it's an obedience issue and you need to establish a consequence and then administer it without fail.

[Brindee]

I agree it's an obedience problem. I think I'd have a family meeting about obedience. Explain the rules, explain the consequences (you can have THEM make the consequences for disobedience, or at least some of them. Then they can't complain when you use that discipline---it was their idea!), have everyone agree, and sign a "contract". Now that everyone knows the rules, you need to follow through with the consequences. Don't show anger or frustration, just calmly say, Remember the rule about this? You have chosen not to follow it so this is the consequence. NO reaction except for calmly following through with the consequence, isn't as fun as getting someone ruffled and/or upset!

 

Best wishes!

[Ellie]

That was what we thought at first. We just ignored it. But he simply escalates until he gets a reaction. This morning (what prompted me to write), he said to me "Mommy, I'm going to pee on you! Pee on your head... pee on your butt..." Ummmm... excuse me? Maybe it seems MORE inappropriate to me because I'm an adult, but I feel like I can't just ignore some things, especially because he will continue in public too.

I don't care what gender or age a child is; such behavior is not appropriate and should not be tolerated. Were he in my house I'd be all over him. I have daughters, not sons, but I have brothers, and boy cousins who were as close as brothers, and all of them would have been snatched baldheaded if they'd tried something like that.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I personally would just send him to the bathroom every single time without fail. I MIGHT even go so far as to require him to stay there X minutes (sometimes I feel more punitive). You may need to keep him close in order to deter the behavior and catch it when he does it until it's not such a habit any longer.

 

NOT fun!

 

BTW, I might have ignored the first couple times, but I agree it needs to be handled now.

 

ETA: not sure about the obedience issue if this is the only problem. Sometimes things just become SUCH bad habits that it's beyond the scope of obedience. Regardless, the answer is the same. The consequence is swift and consistent.

Edited May 20, 2009 by 2J5M9K

[MamaT]

And my 11 year old. :(

 

and my 15yo.

[Desert Rat]

Sorry but my 9 and 6 yo (and even my hubby at times) love potty humor. I just teach them not in public and close my ears at home or tell them to take in the other room. :o

[Jami]

What's his dad's reaction, Kay? My husband is one of those males that does not do potty humor. Never has. Maybe because *his* dad didn't? However MY dad did, and my brother does to some extent, though my mom had a good deal of influence over my brother, my dad was that way when she got him. ;)

 

Anyway, I agree that you have an obedience problem and that has to be addressed. But my husband would be the one all over my son finding something that *hurt* (loss of video games, Legos, whatever) until the behavior/language stopped.

 

We're pretty much a no-tolerance family for that kind of talk. Perhaps spending several hours a day in the bathroom where potty talk is okay (though certainly not the aggressive talk) would cure him?

[Amy in NH]

At my house potty talk is considered to be "dirty" and requires having it washed out with soap. It only takes a couple of times and they never do it again. Sounds like your ds might have a bad habit formed if he has been doing it for so long, so it may take longer to cure.

 

I've known people to use hot sauce, but I like the logic of washing the dirty words out of the mouth.

[Tree House Academy]

I could have written your post myself. I tell my son at least 95 times a day to stop taking about his butt, farts, poop, etc. My older son went through this phase between ages 3-4. My younger is almost 6 and no signs of stopping. :( And it is always lovely when my almost 10 year old joins in! :(

 

Yesterday, they were texting the word "poop" back and forth on their Nintendo DS'!

[JenneinCA]

Is it possible he is doing this to get attention? As I remember your oldest is very extreme, could the little guy have decided that any attention is better than no attention.

 

I would take a look at when he gets your full attention during the day other than the potty talk. If that is low or zero I think you might have found your problem.

 

I hope you don't find this suggestion offensive. I hope you find a solution.

[Alice]

My 5 yr old and 2 yr old are really into the potty talk right now. The 2 yr old is potty-training which has made it even worse as he's obsessed with the peeing and pooping. They think it's hilarious to stick their butts in each other's faces, pretend to pee on things, etc. For Mother's Day I got a card with a picture of a person peeing drawn by the 2 yr old (that was pretty funny and in a way priceless...).

 

What has worked the most for us is to have the rule to go into the bathroom to say the words. The first few times the 5 yr old thought this was hilarious and I'd hear all the words being shouted "Pee, Poop, Fart, But" over and over again. Then when he came out I'd just say nothing about it. Pretty quickly it has lost it's appeal and I've noticed the language has decreased in other times too.

 

For the other behaviors I treat it like any other disobedience. It's just not allowed, even if they both find it funny.

[Guest janainaz]

Mine do the same thing. I hope it ends, but even my dh still jokes with them from time-to-time. It just starts to get old after a while and it's just not funny. I'm hoping they will grow out of it soon.

[Stacie]

At my house potty talk is considered to be "dirty" and requires having it washed out with soap. It only takes a couple of times and they never do it again. Sounds like your ds might have a bad habit formed if he has been doing it for so long, so it may take longer to cure.

 

I've known people to use hot sauce, but I like the logic of washing the dirty words out of the mouth.

 

This is what we do also. I don't get too extreme, but will not tolerate talk of performing potty acts on others and such. The dirty talk makes your mouth dirty, and dirty parts of the body get cleaned with soap. A tiny, tiny bit makes a big impression. And conditioning is a good thing. I've used the soap about four or five times, by then if I have to do it again a wet paper towel and pretend soap gets the same response!

[Jen500]

This is what we do also. I don't get too extreme, but will not tolerate talk of performing potty acts on others and such. The dirty talk makes your mouth dirty, and dirty parts of the body get cleaned with soap. A tiny, tiny bit makes a big impression. And conditioning is a good thing. I've used the soap about four or five times, by then if I have to do it again a wet paper towel and pretend soap gets the same response!

 

Yikes. Putting soap or other cleaning products in someone's mouth seems cruel.

[SnowWhite]

Dh is being VERY supportive in this area right now. The 4.5yo does NOT like potty talk, but the 8yo is VERY into it. The last consequence Dh tried (which seemed to at least make a big impression) was to fine 8yo ds a hard earned dollar for the infraction. Down side to that is that ds wound up 4 dollars in debt to me (which makes that fine ineffective). I agree that it's an obedience issue, but some boys seem to have more trouble with impulse control than others. Joshua tends toward the impulsive side more so than Andrew does.

[Impish]

Dh is being VERY supportive in this area right now. The 4.5yo does NOT like potty talk, but the 8yo is VERY into it. The last consequence Dh tried (which seemed to at least make a big impression) was to fine 8yo ds a hard earned dollar for the infraction. Down side to that is that ds wound up 4 dollars in debt to me (which makes that fine ineffective). I agree that it's an obedience issue, but some boys seem to have more trouble with impulse control than others. Joshua tends toward the impulsive side more so than Andrew does.

Not if you make him do chores to work off the $4 ;)

[SnowWhite]

Not if you make him do chores to work off the $4 ;)

 

Oh, he's definitely done that! I just meant that, like a credit card user (who finds himself so far in debt that he feels he will never get out) often gets discouraged and just borrows as much as he possibly can get away with borrowing, for Joshua the "sting" of handing over a dollar works much better than just hearing Mom say, "You owe me another dollar." I was very thankful that I had EXTRA groceries for him to carry in this week so that I could call us "even" and he could be back in the "black"... thus able to actually pay the dollars if I need to fine him.

[katilac]

If my kid talked that way in front of his friends, he wouldn't be playing with his friends for a long time.

 

Our rule is that you have to behave at home before you are allowed the chance to behave in public, so, for starters, potty-boy would not be playing with his friends, he would not be going to the park, he would not be going to the movies, he would not be going out for dinner or ice cream.

 

I get what others are saying about lots of kids finding potty talk funny, but this goes beyond normal potty talk, imo. He is persistently annoying people who don't want to hear it (you, his brother), and he doesn't seem to have a sense of when it might be okay to indulge (perhaps when you're alone with one or two other friends who also think it's hilarious, but not in a mixed group of neighbor kids). Also, the aggresive factors would not be acceptable to me.

 

And, of course, you as the parent get to decide if potty talk, normal or not, is allowed!

 

This is so persistent that you're going to have to be very persistent in your own right, and very aggresive. I'd send him to potty-talk boot camp: for three days, keep him at home and watch him like a hawk for the slightest traces of inappropriate talk/behavior. Rain down hammers when it occurs.

 

Let him know what you're going to do, and let him know what is at stake (maybe even write out the rules and consequences on posterboard).

 

Then, let the games begin. React calmly, no yelling, just let him make his choices.

 

"I'm going to pee on you!"

 

"That's potty talk. You just lost all screen time for the day."

 

"Butt-head!"

 

"That's potty talk. You just lost dessert as well."

 

And so on, using whatever consequences that will catch his attention. When the three days are over, move into phase two. Make sure you have lots of fun things planned for the next several days - - trips to the ice cream parlor, the park, whatever floats his boat. Don't present them as rewards for behaving, but just as fun family events that are coming up.

 

Of course, he will be aware of the rule that only children who can be trusted to behave in public will be brought into public places. If he still doesn't relent, you can just shake your head sorrowfully, "I'm sorry you chose potty talk over an ice-cream sundae. Your brother and I are leaving now, we'll see you later."

[abbeyej]

I think each and *every* time one of these things comes up, he needs to have a time out in the bathroom, alone. No negotiation, no discussion, "Clearly you need to be in the bathroom till you are finished talking about/demonstrating functions that we reserve for the bathroom."

 

When he is allowed out (five minutes without stomping, arguing, rudeness, or mooning), I would have him apologize, "I'm sorry that I was inappropriate and made the people around me uncomfortable" or some such.

 

But it has to be immediate, each and every time. (And I know there are times when that could be inconvenient...)

 

I do understand what others are saying about *some* level of potty talk / humor being common to nearly all boys. But it's also vitally important that kids learn that this is only acceptable in very particular circumstances, and never when it is aggressive (as you've described) or meant to upset and distress the people around him. If boys want to be silly and gross each other out on occasion, when just playing, that's one thing. But using it to be obnoxious or hold family members hostage? Totally unacceptable.

[Sophia]

Well... I just have girls, but we sometimes get victimized by potty talk too. I make them go in the bathroom and get it all out in there. Not in the dark, not as a punishment, but just "these are bathroom words and they belong in the bathroom - nowhere else." Of course, that means that (logically) we sometimes have to put up with bathroom words during a bath or shower. And sometimes you pass by a bathroom and hear a little voice merrily reciting, "Poop! Poop! Butt!" :lol: But it usually just takes a reminder to cut it out outside of the bathroom.

 

Just a suggestion, the best I can offer!

 

Yep, I've done the same thing.

[RoughCollie]

BTDT. My boys have outgrown this. I estimate that it has been a few years, maybe longer. It was annoying while it lasted, and nothing I tried made it stop.

 

Now I annoy them with my potty talk, which I learned from them. They really hated it when I asked them if they had drained their lizards during our recent car trip to PA. Since they hated it so much, I didn't stop using the phrase. Payback time. :D

[runninmommy]

My 9 year old makes comics about a super-hero that farts. His name is...wait for it.....Mr Bean.

 

These super-farts blast people far away or make them pass out. Oh geez. That sounds very refined for a classically-educated child.

 

My 6 year old can not stop talking about poop, and spit and farts.

 

I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

I do put limits on it though...Like, no talking about any of that stuff outside the home. If they do, the wii, computer, t.v, gameboy, etc....gets taken away. Or they have to do yard work. (yes, even the 6 year old)

 

We do a lot of talking about the right time and place for certain things. I just keep telling myself that it is a phase. It could be worse. They could be obsessing about girls and stand in front of the mirror all day. They could be taller than me. They could be all grown up.

 

I'll take em'. Potty talk and all.

:lol:

[Kay in Cal]

Thank you for all the thoughts and opinions...

 

It is helpful to know that many kids do similar things. At least some. :glare:

 

I think there is also a level of truth in the consistency issues. We do try to enforce obedience--but I think when things get stressed out (and we get stressed, and the kids get stressed) our follow up isn't as good as usual. We are in the midst of moving for the 2nd time in a year, and tempers are short. Hence my post. I think dh and I both need a brush-up on effective responses, and ds is probably acting out more due to the turmoil.

 

I also suspect that he is finally discovering how being the one in trouble gets more attention. He is my cuddly one (still climbs in bed with me most mornings) and tends to be very sensitive, but generally is not disobedient. Except about this.

 

Thanks for all the responses. Its been a long day.

[abbeyej]

I think there is also a level of truth in the consistency issues. We do try to enforce obedience--but I think when things get stressed out (and we get stressed, and the kids get stressed) our follow up isn't as good as usual. We are in the midst of moving for the 2nd time in a year, and tempers are short. Hence my post. I think dh and I both need a brush-up on effective responses, and ds is probably acting out more due to the turmoil.

 

Oh, Kay! I think we *all* have times when our ability to be consistent is put to the test. I hope you didn't think I was suggesting that you *weren't* disciplining him... I just know that for me, too, consistency is something that falls to the side when I'm stressed (and, of course, once it does, then the behaviors escalate and add to the stress and exhaustion and it's a vicious circle), and it's something that *I* need to be reminded of in the moment -- so I tend to bring it up with others as well.

 

And you guys *have* had a really stressful year. You especially. It's no wonder if a little bit of consistency has been lost, or that he's acting out a bit.

 

I know he's not a bad kid, and you're not a flaky mom. ;) ... But I also think, if there's a particular behavior that needs to be curtailed, consistency is key (even when it's a royal pain in the ... well, lol, I bet you can guess where I was going with that)... :)