Can y'all stand another question from me?

[Brigitte]

Sylvan pays about $10/hr. I can't justify that.

 

 

 

I do have 2 degrees, but they're liberal arts, not practical skills or business. An entry-level job would require more hrs than school, & so unless it paid well enough to cover childcare expenses, I couldn't do it.

 

I don't mean to sound argumentative, but I'm trying to see my res from an employer's eyes--don't you think I'd come across as overqualified for entry-level?/QUOTE]

 

Aubrey,

 

$10 an hour is probably what you are going to find most places doing just about anything. If you are going to have to pay for childcare, you and your dh will need to work alternate schedules or something to minimize the amount of childcare you need.

 

As for being over qualified, my dh has a PhD in Classics and got a job waiting tables and then as a banquet captain after he QUIT teaching. These days employers are very happy to hire over qualified people, if they know you are serious about the job and not planning on jumping ship in a month. Good workers are hard to find (dh can write volumes about that), particularly at "entry" level jobs.

 

Finally, most private schools do not require a teaching certification. Perhaps you should look into teaching at a boarding school. You living expenses are paid, which makes living on one income much easier. The problem you might encounter with teaching is finding an open position. Most schools (private, at least) do their hiring in March or so.

 

Best of luck to you,

 

Brigitte

[TraceyS/FL]

No, $10/hr IS $0/hr, unless dh keeps the kids.

 

But that is what i'm thinking - that he'd be looking for something - anything - that is in the 6am-3pm range, then you could do Sylvan from 3-whenever.

 

Work WITH it, and it is better than both of you doing nothing right now right??

 

And can I live on it? Actually, yes i could/can live on $400/wk. BUT, my house is paid for....

 

I think what we are all trying to say is that there is no ideal at the moment, it's not going to be the "pretty ever after" job and career choices. It's food on the table - even if it means supplementing with food stamps for a few months. It's a MAJOR step OUT of your comfort zone time of living.

 

Because those people with the MBA's? they are going to your competition in retail jobs too.

 

I could only see going back to school as an option if your DH had something in the works.... but otherwise, right now, it's not what i'd be considering at all. The added debt isn't worth it.

 

You have a potential cash cow with the writing tutoring.....

[Impish]

From what I understand, Sylvan hours would be evenings and wknds, so the kids would be with your dh...which means that $10/hr would go in your pocket.

 

School might give you insurance, but still no food or clothing.

 

I mean no offence, Aubrey, but it seems no matter what suggestion is offered, you're quick to shoot it down and determine it won't work. Seems like your mind is pretty made up about school, really. Like the other posters, I agree that now isn't the time to be considering re-education, but searching for employment.

 

My dh and I have taken jobs that we were 'too educated' for. He's got his Business Administration from college, I'm a Certified Health Care Aide (aka Nursing Attendant). He's worked as a delivery driver, door to door sales, when the company he was working for laid him off. Because he had a family to support. I worked as a cashier at the grocery store, making $6.80 an hour until I could find a full time job. You just do what needs doing, regardless of if you like it or not, because there are kids to feed.

 

I guess the other thing that confuses me is why your dh left the seminary and you're considering going back to school. Wouldn't it make more sense to have him return to his studies, rather than you embark on a whole new path?

 

I truly do wish you well, and I really do hope that things improve for your family quickly. My dh and I have made living on the ragged edge of broke an art form because we've been there so often, with one thing or another happening. I know how frightening and stressful it is. :grouphug:

[Aubrey]

If I were worried about feeding my children, the fact that I am an adult and I need to move in with my ils would absolutely not be an issue. Both my dh's siblings have moved back in with his parents at one time or another (both were waiting for their houses to finish being built after having moved out of their previous homes). Sil moved in with five children! It was not a financial issue, but just the same, they didn't feel it was beneath them just because they were older than 30. Families are there to help. That's what they're for. I would not hesitate for one second to move in with my ils if my children would go hungry otherwise.

 

Aubrey, you know I'm on your team, right? All of us care a lot about you. You need to put your pride in your pocket (so does your dh) and you need to be willing to do whatever is BEST FOR THE CHILDREN. Honestly, I see this as moving in with family so you do not have to work. Aubrey, those children need YOU - you are their mother - they really, really need YOU.

 

It is you dh's responsibility to provide for your family. He needs to figure it out and he never will if you jump in and rescue him.

 

Also, forget about school right now. Your job, your career is your kids. You don't have the option to be thinking about your own future career goals right now. Your obligation is towards your children - they should be yours and your dh's only consideration right now.

 

Sorry if I'm being blunt and in your face. If I were there with you I'd be hugging you in between all the blunt comments.:)

 

My ils are the kindest, sweetest people in the world. They're not really into hs'ing or the woman staying home, but they mostly don't say anything, kwim? Other than suggesting lots of fake work-from-home stuff. (Dh gets his optimism from somewhere!)

 

We already lived w/ them for 5 yrs when something like this happened before. That was only 4 yrs ago. If we absolutely have to live w/ someone, it needs to be my mom. Dh is too comfortable w/ his parents. Because they *are* really, really nice. I'm more comfortable w/ them, too! LOL

 

But, really, I think we can still make it on our own if we'll quit daydreaming about hs'ing, etc. for now, at least. I mean, getting a teaching job might be harder, but surely I could still get one at a really bad school if nec. I just got tired of the nightmares about bomb threats & the lack of police support for the violence in the classrooms. I was hoping to go to a *better* sch district IF I had to return. Since I have 3 mos before school opens back up anyway, I want to at least *try* to do something else.

 

But I won't move back in w/ my ils unless dh dies or there are truly no other options. We can stay in seminary housing thr Aug, so I have until then at least.

[yvonne]

Are there any big companies that have customer service jobs, like banks or credit card companies or hospitals and such? Those jobs are generally close to entry-level, but you get full benefits, and you can often have a 2nd or 3rd shift, which might make it possible to share childcare with your husband instead of having to pay for it. You may have to take a job you don't want or like in the short-term. You may be surprised at what the opportunities are like once you get a foot in the door somewhere.

 

This is exactly what my brother did. He'd just come out of a relationship he had thought would lead to marriage, moved, and took the first job he found just to tide him over financially---customer service at a large tech firm. Entry level, but decent pay and good benefits. He had had no previous experience at all in high tech, but he's smart & a great people person. From there, he moved laterally and up within that company and at other tech companies. Now he's a VP at a large company. No MBA, but he was smart, hard working, and built up a portfolio of experience in a variety of departments that demonstrated his ability to manage people, projects and budgets.

 

ETA: All that to say that the pp's suggestion of an entry level position at a large company might be a great idea, if it's at all possible for your husband where you're living now. Maybe even in high tech. There are a lot of large companies in D/FW, aren't there?

 

yvonne

Edited May 18, 2009 by yvonne

[stripe]

Get a truck drivers' license. These jobs aren't going anywhere. You can do local work. Just a thought.

[Aubrey]

From what I understand, Sylvan hours would be evenings and wknds, so the kids would be with your dh...which means that $10/hr would go in your pocket.

 

School might give you insurance, but still no food or clothing.

 

I mean no offence, Aubrey, but it seems no matter what suggestion is offered, you're quick to shoot it down and determine it won't work. Seems like your mind is pretty made up about school, really. Like the other posters, I agree that now isn't the time to be considering re-education, but searching for employment.

 

My dh and I have taken jobs that we were 'too educated' for. He's got his Business Administration from college, I'm a Certified Health Care Aide (aka Nursing Attendant). He's worked as a delivery driver, door to door sales, when the company he was working for laid him off. Because he had a family to support. I worked as a cashier at the grocery store, making $6.80 an hour until I could find a full time job. You just do what needs doing, regardless of if you like it or not, because there are kids to feed.

 

I guess the other thing that confuses me is why your dh left the seminary and you're considering going back to school. Wouldn't it make more sense to have him return to his studies, rather than you embark on a whole new path?

 

I truly do wish you well, and I really do hope that things improve for your family quickly. My dh and I have made living on the ragged edge of broke an art form because we've been there so often, with one thing or another happening. I know how frightening and stressful it is. :grouphug:

 

 

I'm sorry I have come across like a snob. I didn't mean that I was too good to work a job I didn't like or that didn't pay well. It's just that getting *any* job is going against the advice & wisdom of everyone I know. And if it paid less than childcare would cost, we'd end up further in the hole.

 

I just want to be smart about what I do, & that means that I need to talk it through w/ someone. Since I can't talk to my mom, my sis, or my dh, I don't know who to go to. Everyone around here is very pro-women in the home. Which is good, to a point.

 

I come across as argumentative irl when I don't mean to, too. I'm really just thinking things through.

 

As far as dh leaving seminary vs me going to school, seminary is a private thing--there are no grants or loans to help. I'd be going to a public university. Seminary leads to pastoring, which requires a family to be intact & ready for some intense living. We've done all the intense living we can handle for now.

[Paz]

I haven't read this thread that closely so I am not sure if this would work or not. You said you have tutored before. I don't know what the climate for starting your own tutoring business is like where you live, but in our area people pay from $35 to $65 an hour for academic tutoring. If you started your own business you could work around your hours. It may take a while to get up a running but may be worth looking into.

[sunflowerlady]

:grouphug:

 

If your dh is not working, and won't be in school, you won't need to pay for child care, correct? I am not really familiar with other posts you may have made regarding your situation, so I might be missing something.

 

You are considering working because he is unable to find work, so then if you are working because he isn't, he will be there to care for the children.

 

Honestly, I would put a lot of this practical time and effort you are putting into this into helping your dh find work of any sort. Along with a lot of prayer, your efforts could help your family by helping your dh to be able to provide.

[Carol in Cal.]

I wonder what your sister isn't telling you? It sounds almost like there is some clue there. Do you think you could figure it out if you meditated on it for a while? It must be something that is difficult to say, something about the past or about personalities or something like that. I have a feeling that it's important to figuring out what to do in this situation.

[Stacie]

Everyone around here is very pro-women in the home. Which is good, to a point.

 

 

Aubrey, we've done every iteration of parenting I can come up with. We've both worked outside the home, dh has been a sahd while I worked, I've stayed home while he worked, I've worked while he went to school, we've both stayed home, and we've done a pseudo-single parent routine when dh worked out of the state. We even had a time where we lived with my parents in between houses.

 

All it boils down to is doing what works for your family. Pursuit of your long-term goals for your kids will not be derailed by a near term crisis if you still work with those goals in mind. You are good parents and smart individuals who know that putting the family first is the main priority. If that means you work, he works, both work, or whatever combination suits your purpose, you are both still parents and the kids still love you. You will never cease being their mother. No matter what. Bringing other people into their lives as caregivers with your supervision and oversight can enrich them as people. Be kind to yourself and each other as you wade through this rough patch, and function today but keep your eyes focused on the future. God bless your family!

[iwka]

Private tutoring? Advertise in local homeschooling groups, libraries, websites, friends, church etc?

[Jan in SC]

This would be an idea more for your husband (interest in engineering?)- AT&T seems to be hiring nationally right now. They have all types of jobs and hours and provide good benefits. My dad does testing for hiring, which is the only reason I know about the jobs! I know it is easy to move up in the company once you are hired.

 

Anyway- just an idea!

 

Good luck!

Edited May 18, 2009 by Jan in SC
word order-incorrect

[newbie]

I am a big believer in follow your heart.

 

For quick bucks, tutor, hint , hint.:001_smile:

[lgm]

I'm with Yvonne on the jobs; know a few people in the last 2 years who took the entry level position in grocery, retail, and entertainment and moved right up into a management position commensurate with their degrees. It's the situation where the opening wasn't immediately available, but it opened within a year. In the meantime, the people had benefits, were able to get familiar with the corporate culture, show their skills, and start building a network.

 

I'm fuzzy on the constraints here -

 

no family childcare available, so job must pay enough to cover 4 in daycare?? How much would the job need to pay? What shift would the job have to be on? (most daycares here are 6 am to 6 pm)

 

 

An immediate idea if the food/ins needs are a priority: paraprofessional in the district..gets you back in the loop professionally and you'll be able to see those internal job postings, especially the short term quick extras. Perhaps it will lead to finding a homebound teaching position.

 

Also consider seasonal and waitressing if cash is needed quickly.

[Renee in NC]

Is there a reason why your Dh can not keep the kids if you get a job?

 

He's going to school full time and working 2 jobs?

 

Is it possible, Audrey, that your husband feels that you shoot all his ideas down, too? It seems that he has said that homeschooling and having you home with the kids is most important to him and you have said that your refusal to accept aid or live with relatives is more important.

 

I am not trying to be harsh. I am coming to you as someone who has been exactly where you are. On this message board. With an almost exact same post. I realize I chose a path that you don't want - fine. But I refuse to believe that your dh doesn't care. Obviously he does.

 

If your dh leaves seminary, you have to move. Your rent will go up, your other expenses will go up. If you both work, you will need two cars.

 

If you want to go back to school because you feel that you need the mental stimulation - then go. If you feel you need a job because you don't like your standard of living, don't want to live with his parents, and/or don't want to take charity from anyone, then go back to work. But don't push all the blame on your husband when it is really about more than that.

[brehon]

I wonder what your sister isn't telling you? It sounds almost like there is some clue there. Do you think you could figure it out if you meditated on it for a while? It must be something that is difficult to say, something about the past or about personalities or something like that. I have a feeling that it's important to figuring out what to do in this situation.

 

I agree. I wonder if your sister isn't saying what some of us have been saying. I don't think you're being argumentative or a "work snob", just that you're in an extremely difficult place and are having difficulty seeing through that. That's a very hard place to be.

 

<said very gently and with great trepidation> I think the daydreaming you mentioned in previous post has more to do with what you'd like to do or are more comfortable doing v. what you need to do right now to help your family. (I'm really not trying to be a royal jerk, I promise :)) Right now I think taking on additional student debt (at grad student rates) without a guarantee of a good paying job isn't what you should think about doing. Even if you're accepted into an MBA or other type program and secure funding help (grants, loans, whatever), will this *really* help you with food/bills/rent/etc? Almost all of the grad students I've known (and that's quite a lot of people) have had significant problems living, financially -- even with no family to worry about.

 

You've mentioned needing 100 hours for your teaching recert. I'm unfamiliar how teachers do this; as a paramedic I can get most (or even all) of my required CE hours on-line. Is this an option? Also, there are scads of private schools in the DFW area (at least there were when I lived there). Have you called any of them to check on requirements?

 

The last I heard there were several companies hiring all sorts of positions near DFW airport and in the smaller cities around there. Have you/dh checked there?

 

I think Kendra had wonderful advice about professional contacts. Maybe you/your dh would have better luck using some of those sources Kendra listed. I think a tutoring/test prep job would play to your strengths and help alleviate some of the stress you're feeling right now, especially if your dh watches the kids.

[whitestavern]

If I were in your position, I would work on finding any work that would get money coming into the home. Once you've built up a little bit of savings, the pressure will subside a little and you can focus on figuring out exactly what it is that you want to do and how you can go about getting to that place.

 

What about a school bus driver? Two of my friends of mine did this and for the hours they put in they got paid pretty well. Maybe this is something both you and DH could do, even in addition to something else either of you could find. A nice perk: both of my friends took their kids on the route with them.

 

I know they train over the summer (paid), so if you are interested, check into it now. They always need bus drivers!!

[sunshine]

Aubrey, I just got a job, full time, full benefits offered at very low premium at the hospital in town. I have never worked in a hospital and I dropped out of college in my junior year but they hired me as a Emergency Room Registrar with a starting salary of almost 14 an hour. Full family major medical would be 155 a month. we live in georgia so your hospital may pay more but here that is pretty good with someone who hasn't worked in 12 years and was a real estate agent before that.

 

I will be working the 11pm to 7am shift. If your Dh is home during these hours then you would not have childcare expense since they will be sleeping while you are gone and then you can sleep when you get home and get an hour here and there during the day. You could also apply for 2 or 3 12 hour shifts so that you are home more. I have a divorced girlfriend who works 2 12 hour shifts a week as a Unit Secretary. She has older kids who can watch the little ones at night. She was a homeschooling mother for 14 years and no experience except typing. Unfortunately for me I am probably fired today because I didn't have childcare for my 2 girls, and with the 18 yr old going to college and no dh anymore, there goes the babysitter! so go online and look at the hospital websites job vacancies.:grouphug: you!

[Chris in VA]

Hi Aubrey

:grouphug::grouphug:

(wanted to start that way!)

 

How close are you to Plano? I have a former co-teacher friend of mine who teaches K at Prestonwood Christian Academy. They are looking for an English teacher. Great school, you get 50% off two youngest kids' tuition, and bennies. I know you don't want to teach. I understand (boy, do I, after this year) how doing what you loathe (on some level) just sucks the life out of you. But--let God work. He might have a surprise or two up his mighty sleeve! ("Mighty sleeve!" Ok, that was rather stupid...)

 

If you are close enough to Dallas, I have contacts at Highland Pk United Methodist's childcare program (used to work there). They are an excellent daycare/preschool. I was paid about $15 an hour, and I know they offer bennies and tuition breaks. They are also right at the edge of SMU campus, and there are folks there who offer child care, if HPUMC CDP is too expensive. Yes, it's a step down from teaching older kids, but it's also a place that's full of joy, and has great resources. I have contacts for places to live slightly east of there, in a great neighborhood.

 

Also--I know there are some online writing companies that are hiring. I will pm you the names when I can look them up.

 

I know you need benefits, and are looking for a "real" job, but can't your hubby do that, and you do the supplementing? I think someone's Walmart idea is very smart. You could definitely offer tutoring to people that homeschool, and it's not Sylvan (I find them slimy because they overcharge their customers but underpay their tutors).

 

You could also offer your homeschooling community a class or two that would meet in your home. Even a summer enrichment (maybe using Time Travelers CD or something like that) would bring in a few hundred or even a thousand $ or so. I once offered a camp to 4 kids for four days--I charged $25 a day for 5 hours. If I had offered all summer, kids would have been there--there's a great need for childcare in the summer. I know DFW area pretty well--you could charge $250 a week, take in 2 kids, and make $350 a week after taxes. At least for the summer--it would give you breathing room.

 

Another idea--does your husband HAVE to attend the same seminary that he did? Perkins on the SMU campus is pretty good--perhaps a bit liberal for you. There are certainly scholarships available. Baylor is good, too, and I know there are scholarships there. We went to seminary in VA and dh got pretty much a free ride. We had to pay for books and housing (subsidized), but they said that, once we were in, they'd make sure we could stay. Perhaps he needs to find a seminary that has that sort of pov. (Dh also taught at Perkins and received his Ph.D from there, so I know it's a good school, but as I said, probably too liberal--it was, even for us.)

 

Just some ideas for you. Again, :grouphug::grouphug:

[Aubrey]

He's going to school full time and working 2 jobs?

 

Is it possible, Audrey, that your husband feels that you shoot all his ideas down, too? It seems that he has said that homeschooling and having you home with the kids is most important to him and you have said that your refusal to accept aid or live with relatives is more important.

 

I am not trying to be harsh. I am coming to you as someone who has been exactly where you are. On this message board. With an almost exact same post. I realize I chose a path that you don't want - fine. But I refuse to believe that your dh doesn't care. Obviously he does.

 

If your dh leaves seminary, you have to move. Your rent will go up, your other expenses will go up. If you both work, you will need two cars.

 

If you want to go back to school because you feel that you need the mental stimulation - then go. If you feel you need a job because you don't like your standard of living, don't want to live with his parents, and/or don't want to take charity from anyone, then go back to work. But don't push all the blame on your husband when it is really about more than that.

 

Dh took 2 classes this semester & didn't do anything for either class because he was trying to transition out of seminary into a FT job so we could leave. BUT he didn't look for a job. Yes, he was working 2 jobs for a little while, but almost never over 40 hrs together. Right now, he does not have a job at all.

 

We have been on gov't aid for most of the last 2 yrs w/out improvement. We have lived w/ his parents before. We have not made $20,000/yr at any time in the last 2 yrs. My standard of living is not too high; his hopes never materialize. And it's not that I'm too proud to accept aid, it's that I refuse to take food out of a poor person's mouth because I want to stay home w/ my children.

 

I was really trying to make this thread about ME not dh, because I don't want to talk about blame. I have tried to be very careful about sidestepping those questions. You're right about him caring, he absolutely does. I never meant to imply that he doesn't.

 

I am *considering* returning to school. That's all. I have realized in the past few months that staying home is not practical for our family at this time. I don't need a couple of dollars a month to make ends meet; I need a career that I can depend on so that whatever happens in other areas of my life, my kids will eat. I'm trying to cheerfully take responsibility for the situation. Well...I may not be that cheerful right now, but I'm working on it. :D

[Aubrey]

Hi Aubrey

:grouphug::grouphug:

(wanted to start that way!)

 

How close are you to Plano? I have a former co-teacher friend of mine who teaches K at Prestonwood Christian Academy. They are looking for an English teacher. Great school, you get 50% off two youngest kids' tuition, and bennies. I know you don't want to teach. I understand (boy, do I, after this year) how doing what you loathe (on some level) just sucks the life out of you. But--let God work. He might have a surprise or two up his mighty sleeve! ("Mighty sleeve!" Ok, that was rather stupid...)

 

If you are close enough to Dallas, I have contacts at Highland Pk United Methodist's childcare program (used to work there). They are an excellent daycare/preschool. I was paid about $15 an hour, and I know they offer bennies and tuition breaks. They are also right at the edge of SMU campus, and there are folks there who offer child care, if HPUMC CDP is too expensive. Yes, it's a step down from teaching older kids, but it's also a place that's full of joy, and has great resources. I have contacts for places to live slightly east of there, in a great neighborhood.

 

Also--I know there are some online writing companies that are hiring. I will pm you the names when I can look them up.

 

I know you need benefits, and are looking for a "real" job, but can't your hubby do that, and you do the supplementing? I think someone's Walmart idea is very smart. You could definitely offer tutoring to people that homeschool, and it's not Sylvan (I find them slimy because they overcharge their customers but underpay their tutors).

 

You could also offer your homeschooling community a class or two that would meet in your home. Even a summer enrichment (maybe using Time Travelers CD or something like that) would bring in a few hundred or even a thousand $ or so. I once offered a camp to 4 kids for four days--I charged $25 a day for 5 hours. If I had offered all summer, kids would have been there--there's a great need for childcare in the summer. I know DFW area pretty well--you could charge $250 a week, take in 2 kids, and make $350 a week after taxes. At least for the summer--it would give you breathing room.

 

Another idea--does your husband HAVE to attend the same seminary that he did? Perkins on the SMU campus is pretty good--perhaps a bit liberal for you. There are certainly scholarships available. Baylor is good, too, and I know there are scholarships there. We went to seminary in VA and dh got pretty much a free ride. We had to pay for books and housing (subsidized), but they said that, once we were in, they'd make sure we could stay. Perhaps he needs to find a seminary that has that sort of pov. (Dh also taught at Perkins and received his Ph.D from there, so I know it's a good school, but as I said, probably too liberal--it was, even for us.)

 

Just some ideas for you. Again, :grouphug::grouphug:

 

Thanks, Chris, I'll look at some of those ideas. A private school may really be a good idea...it's just so...full of people, lol.

 

Dh doesn't have to go to this seminary; he could have taken online classes yrs ago, but he thought it was important to develop relationships w/ his profs, etc. You know, be a part of things.

 

But seminary isn't the issue any more. He's just looking for a job. I think he's finally realized that it's been too stressful for both him & us. Getting shingles & some other recent events have gotten his attention.

[homeschoolin'mygirls]

FW private classical school? I don't know if it's too far from you or even of they're hiring but it only takes a phone call to find out----:grouphug:

I know it must be a fairly good school because I think SWB was a speaking guest there once. ;)

 

http://www.covenantfw.org/

[Renee in NC]

I apologize then. My impression from your posts (this one and others in the past) was that you refused gov't aid because you thought it was wrong, that your dh was working multiple jobs (because he was never home), and he was going to school to be a pastor. My assumptions were incorrect.

 

I still don't think this is about money, it's about trust. Does the seminary have counselors you can go speak to about this with your dh? Some counseling and a mediator might get you a lot further than a job.

[Chris in VA]

Aubrey--

 

I was just visiting your blogs--

 

MY GOD, GIRL! You can WRITE! You can SEW! Your words, your works, your kids are GORGEOUS!

:hurray::hurray::hurray::hurray:

 

Just some encouragement.

[Pink Fairy]

There's no health insurance for this, but my mom used to be a housekeeper, making around $75 per house, which is great money considering she could finish a house in about 2 1/2 hours. The hours are flexible, and a good housekeeper is worth her weight in gold. So 2 houses per day, 5 days a week, and it's not a bad living.

[sunshine]

Frame your chalk pastels and take them to a local coffee shop. Ask them to display them for 2 weeks with prices from 75$ to 200$ and offer the coffee shop 10-15% commission. We have a locally owned coffee shop that displays local artists work. It is a win win situation.

 

Another thing. through your homeschool group, local school, newspaper offer beginnner art lessons in pastels for 20$ an hour and have them come to your house. No sitter fee, and sit at the kitchen table, give the baby a cookie and the others can veg in front of the boob tube for an hour or two a day. Or give a group lesson for 20 each. As many as you can handle and voila cash! Look at the public health insurance coverage. We were on Peachcare for 5 years. It was great, I am trying to get on it again.

[Aubrey]

:grouphug:

 

If your dh is not working, and won't be in school, you won't need to pay for child care, correct? I am not really familiar with other posts you may have made regarding your situation, so I might be missing something.

 

You are considering working because he is unable to find work, so then if you are working because he isn't, he will be there to care for the children.

 

Honestly, I would put a lot of this practical time and effort you are putting into this into helping your dh find work of any sort. Along with a lot of prayer, your efforts could help your family by helping your dh to be able to provide.

 

I'm not counting on him to watch the kids because I'm hoping he *will* find something.

 

I've been helping him w/ his resumes, applying for jobs on his behalf during the day, & making contacts/networking for him.

 

I've been thinking about developing a website w/ examples of his work, articles about his past experience & skills, etc. I figured it was creative, outside-the-box, & if nothing else, it might boost *his* confidence to give him that extra energy he needs to get a job.

 

But nobody will tell me if it's a good idea. I think he's embarrassed at the thought, sis is...surprised? at it. Her job is close enough to a pr type thing that I thought she'd be able to tell if it's a good idea or not, but she's sort-of coy sometimes. She doesn't mean to be, but there are so many fires to put out right now, I don't want to put the time & $ into a website if it's a silly idea. I just figured the one thing I could do is write, & maybe somehow I could use that to help dh.

 

So I really don't know. I am trying to make a lot of different things work. I've been editing essays for students here on campus for the past 6mos, but I think I've made $20 in that time. I did ironing for a lady, but again, it worked out to less than min wage.

 

My thoughts w/ the MBA/Communications were mainly just for the software training & contacts, but school isn't all I've thought about. I've been researching ad agencies here in my area & contacting them to let them know what my skills are (writing & design work), to see if I can somehow benefit their company while learning their industry. But I phrased it better than that.

 

It's like spaghetti right now. I just need another set of eyeballs to help me see what sticks.

 

You guys seem to pretty universally think school is a bad idea, & that's really ok. Maybe it's dumb that I can't see that clearly on my own, but right now, I really can't. I'm applying for jobs for myself & dh until my mind is numb w/ dc screaming in the background. It's hard to think.

[Aubrey]

Frame your chalk pastels and take them to a local coffee shop. Ask them to display them for 2 weeks with prices from 75$ to 200$ and offer the coffee shop 10-15% commission. We have a locally owned coffee shop that displays local artists work. It is a win win situation.

 

Another thing. through your homeschool group, local school, newspaper offer beginnner art lessons in pastels for 20$ an hour and have them come to your house. No sitter fee, and sit at the kitchen table, give the baby a cookie and the others can veg in front of the boob tube for an hour or two a day. Or give a group lesson for 20 each. As many as you can handle and voila cash! Look at the public health insurance coverage. We were on Peachcare for 5 years. It was great, I am trying to get on it again.

 

Oh my goodness. That would be a dream life! I've never done anything w/ art because I come from a family of artists. Sis went to school on an art scholarship, & I have an uncle who's got his work hanging...oh, I forget where. Somewhere big. We only really see ea other at funerals these days, though.

 

Anyway, I'm the one who can't draw. But I do like to make a mess w/ chalk!

[Blueridge]

Aubrey :grouphug:, I am so sorry. I've been through things similar, but not in your shoes, either. Is one of the issues...that you are too kind and respectful to say out loud...that your dh is having trouble finding the kind of job that suits him? Is he too picky, or does he have commitment issues, or that working isn't all that enjoyable for him? Maybe he believes (subconsciously) that you are SO capable that he can count on you to keep things together? That is a mighty tall order for any hubby to expect. You are trying so hard to do the right thing. We all want to help. There is strength in numbers. Hubby can work nights stocking or customer service jobs. Not glamorous, but they would pay rent. You could take a class during the day, perhaps. But do continue to place your faith and confidence in the Lord, and not in your dh or yourself. He will make things plain.

Ginger

[Kathleen in VA]

:grouphug:Aubrey:grouphug: Well, after reading your reply to my post and those since mine I feel like I am really too removed from your situation and all the dynamics of it to really be able to offer any really great advice. I understand your hesitation on the moving in with the in-laws idea and I also understand your not wanting to take a low-paying job just for the immediate cash, besides that it might not actually help financially in the long run. All in all, I just hurt for you and wish I could fix it all. I know we all feel like that.

 

You know I've been praying and I will continue to pray. I will pray that God makes His will very plain and that your situation will improve quickly.

[Nestof3]

But I'm not talking about lit prof. I'm talking about a few business classes, working toward an MBA.

 

But, if you cannot afford to feed your family, I just don't think it is wise to take on more debt. If you are going to work, I would say find something with less pay that offers benefits.

[Renee in NC]

Another thought - dh may think that a night stocking job would be just fine but figures that if you can't live on $20K while living in subsidized housing you can't live on $20K (or less) when you don't have the housing anymore. ($10 an hour is $20,800 per year.)

 

I made the mistake of "thinking out loud" too much about how we couldn't live on $10 an hour and made my dh feel terrible because all the jobs he was qualified for paid $10 an hour.:blushing: It never dawned on me that I was making the situation feel more hopeless than it was!

[Susan in KY]

I don't know what the climate for starting your own tutoring business is like where you live, but in our area people pay from $35 to $65 an hour for academic tutoring. If you started your own business you could work around your hours. It may take a while to get up a running but may be worth looking into.

 

:iagree: Tutoring means you set your own hours and so forth. Much more flexible than a day job. Other ideas: freelance copy writing/editing, freelance articles, etc. I think you could work and still honor dh's wishes not to give up staying at home.:001_smile:

[JudoMom]

Okay, Aubrey, I've been thinking. Know this is all said gently, and know that I think you're great :001_smile:, but I'm going to be honest. I realize I've never met you in person, and I don't know all the details, but here goes:

 

I really, really, really think you need to listen to your husband. You said he's heartbroken at the thought of you going back to work. You tried seminary for 2 years and it didn't work. While reading your posts in this thread, even though I can tell you love your dh deeply, it seems that you have little to no confidence in your dh, and if this is the case this is going to come across to him and he's going to lose confidence and not interview as well.

 

I understand that you're almost 30 and you don't want to move in with your ILs. You want to take care of yourself. Sometimes we need help, though, and it's such a blessing that you have ILs that are willing to give you a helping hand.

 

I think you should consider moving in with the ILs for 6-9 months, with the goal of your dh having a job by the end of that time. If he wants you home, he needs to get a steady job that will support y'all. I would sit down with your dh and tell him how much you love and adore him. I would tell him that you'll postpone getting a full time job until the 6-9 months are up, and tell him that you so fully believe in his abilities to get a job that you working will be a non-issue. For this 6-9 months, you can get a Sylvan job or some other job that has been mentioned so you don't have to put your kids in childcare or school, and he can work part time jobs, etc as well while he is hunting.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to you, Aubrey.

[Mrs Mungo]

I know you sew, selling items on etsy might be another option. I know tons of women who buy aprons, little girl dresses, baby blankets, purses, cloth diapers, etc on there.

[Aubrey]

Okay, Aubrey, I've been thinking. Know this is all said gently, and know that I think you're great :001_smile:, but I'm going to be honest. I realize I've never met you in person, and I don't know all the details, but here goes:

 

I really, really, really think you need to listen to your husband. You said he's heartbroken at the thought of you going back to work. You tried seminary for 2 years and it didn't work. While reading your posts in this thread, even though I can tell you love your dh deeply, it seems that you have little to no confidence in your dh, and if this is the case this is going to come across to him and he's going to lose confidence and not interview as well.

 

I understand that you're almost 30 and you don't want to move in with your ILs. You want to take care of yourself. Sometimes we need help, though, and it's such a blessing that you have ILs that are willing to give you a helping hand.

 

I think you should consider moving in with the ILs for 6-9 months, with the goal of your dh having a job by the end of that time. If he wants you home, he needs to get a steady job that will support y'all. I would sit down with your dh and tell him how much you love and adore him. I would tell him that you'll postpone getting a full time job until the 6-9 months are up, and tell him that you so fully believe in his abilities to get a job that you working will be a non-issue. For this 6-9 months, you can get a Sylvan job or some other job that has been mentioned so you don't have to put your kids in childcare or school, and he can work part time jobs, etc as well while he is hunting.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to you, Aubrey.

 

I could do something like this. (That's what we've been doing, but I keep pushing that 6-9 mos back further & further, & he keeps taking jobs that we can "make work.")

 

Really, if it came to it, living w/ ils would be fine. I am a MUCH better person for the time we lived there before. Any gentleness or kindness (or cooking skills) I have, I have from them.

 

Weird uncle would have to move, though, & while everyone else involved has said that would be fine if we ever needed it, he just lost a leg to heart disease, & I really don't want to be the person to dislodge him from his happy home.

 

He has smoked in his part of the house, so we would need to extensively clean it, & I know ils would feel like they needed to help.

 

I'm not saying it's impossible, I just don't want to be such a burden to other people. If me teaching would prevent all this (& if someone would still hire me), I don't want to be too picky or too attached to hs'ing to make sacrifices.

 

And--I don't know if this is relevant, but--ils have been so excited to see dh in seminary, I'm going to have a hard time looking them in the eye when we leave, wherever we go. It's not my fault, but guilt is my forte.

[JudoMom]

I could do something like this. (That's what we've been doing, but I keep pushing that 6-9 mos back further & further, & he keeps taking jobs that we can "make work.")

 

Really, if it came to it, living w/ ils would be fine. I am a MUCH better person for the time we lived there before. Any gentleness or kindness (or cooking skills) I have, I have from them.

 

Weird uncle would have to move, though, & while everyone else involved has said that would be fine if we ever needed it, he just lost a leg to heart disease, & I really don't want to be the person to dislodge him from his happy home.

 

He has smoked in his part of the house, so we would need to extensively clean it, & I know ils would feel like they needed to help.

 

I'm not saying it's impossible, I just don't want to be such a burden to other people. If me teaching would prevent all this (& if someone would still hire me), I don't want to be too picky or too attached to hs'ing to make sacrifices.

 

And--I don't know if this is relevant, but--ils have been so excited to see dh in seminary, I'm going to have a hard time looking them in the eye when we leave, wherever we go. It's not my fault, but guilt is my forte.

 

Knock the guilt out. It is what it is. You guys tried something, and it didn't work out. There should be no guilt, especially not on your part. So stop it (from Newhart, if you haven't seen the YouTube clip it's hilarious, but I digress :001_smile:).

 

If your dh were 100% on board with you teaching/getting a full time job, I wouldn't argue with you. But the fact he is so heartbroken about it is what makes me think you really shouldn't get a full time career at this time if you can avoid it. I'm placing myself and my dh in y'all's shoes, and I know what a shot of disrespect/blow to his self-confidence it would be if I went to work. I understand you need to feed your kids and that requires income, but if there is any way for this to occur without hurting your dh, then I'd look for that route.

 

Oh, yeah. Stop viewing yourself as a potential burden to your ILs. Let them help you. The fact they want to help you says a lot about both of you (as in you're all kind and loving people). Sometimes to get a leg up on life we need a helping hand for a period of time, and that is okay. That isn't mooching; that isn't being a burden. Let them love you and help you and your kids.

[Aubrey]

Knock the guilt out. It is what it is. You guys tried something, and it didn't work out. There should be no guilt, especially not on your part. So stop it (from Newhart, if you haven't seen the YouTube clip it's hilarious, but I digress :001_smile:).

 

If your dh were 100% on board with you teaching/getting a full time job, I wouldn't argue with you. But the fact he is so heartbroken about it is what makes me think you really shouldn't get a full time career at this time if you can avoid it. I'm placing myself and my dh in y'all's shoes, and I know what a shot of disrespect/blow to his self-confidence it would be if I went to work. I understand you need to feed your kids and that requires income, but if there is any way for this to occur without hurting your dh, then I'd look for that route.

 

Oh, yeah. Stop viewing yourself as a potential burden to your ILs. Let them help you. The fact they want to help you says a lot about both of you (as in you're all kind and loving people). Sometimes to get a leg up on life we need a helping hand for a period of time, and that is okay. That isn't mooching; that isn't being a burden. Let them love you and help you and your kids.

 

So many of y'all's posts have brought me nearly to tears today (in a good way). Thank you so much (all of you) for listening & understanding.

 

I filled dh's info in w/ the temp agency someone linked, & I contacted several of the private schools (here & online) about teaching, but...

 

you might be right. More patience, more faith, more cheerfulness & hopefulness.

 

Thank you. Whatever happens, thank you all!

[Terabith]

My husband and I lived with my in laws for about 18 months. Bought our house in October. It actually worked out really well for everyone, to be honest. Yeah, we were both 31 when we did it, but really, it was the best decision. I originally was afraid that we weren't being "adult," but my mother in law said told us that throughout history and around the world, the norm is several generations living together, and financial reasons are part of that.

 

We did have a storage unit for some of our stuff, and we slept together in one (large) room in the basement. But it was really nice for them to have two other adults to share the chores with. And it was nice for them to really get to know the grandchildren very well. We saved on rent and mother in law kept the girls while I worked (part time).

 

If you did that, and then looked for a job at either a private (maybe classical?) school that would accept your two oldest or a preschool where you could take your younger two, or someplace like Sylvan, would that work? I worked for several years at a wonderful private school in San Antonio, even without certification. And it was a fabulous school, that used Spalding and while not fully classical, embodied most of the classical ideals.

 

And I don't think you should feel at ALL badly about taking food stamps or (especially) Medicaid, especially short term. It's there for situations like that.

Edited May 19, 2009 by Terabith

[Mandamom]

Your post was my life 2 years ago except my B.S. degrees were in different fields and I never had any interest in teaching. It became obvious 2 years ago that I to find work and started applying for a bunch of jobs and couldn't find anything.

 

Fast foward a few months and dh ended up losing his job. We had 0 income and I had been looking for work and couldn't find anything. My mom mentioned the possibility of teaching in the school that she co-founded and she thought that I was qualified even though I had no teaching credentials and no M.S. degrees. After interviewing I did get the job (without her input) and I'm teaching in a position that isn't like classroom teaching but more like homeschooling.

 

At the same time, I started tutoring. Between the two jobs I was almost full-time. BTW, I will never be a classroom teaching, have no interest in doing it and turned own several opportunities to do it. I thought that I shouldn't be an education major because I had no interest in the classroom but I'm finding that a lot of schools are considering more alternate positions that allow you to work in small groups. So, soon I'm going to be going for my M.S. in education.

 

BTW, 14 months after dh lost his job he finally got a new one. It doesn't pay what we need but with my salary and only needing part-time daycare since he's working nights (and the kids are in school) we might just make it.

 

I share my story because I had expectations that teaching/education wasn't a good fit for me but I find that I absolutely love my job and I'm thrilled that I was given this opportunity.

 

All that to say, that keep your mind open (not saying that you aren't :) ) and that I'm hoping that your dh or you find the right positions for you and your family.

[Stacy in NJ]

Even so, teaching is the most direct route to financial stability. Look for charter, private and alternative schools to teach at. Look at substitue teaching or part time. You may not need all the credentials the ps requires.

 

Once you've been "out there" for awhile, reassess.

[Erica in PA]

I wonder what your sister isn't telling you? It sounds almost like there is some clue there. Do you think you could figure it out if you meditated on it for a while? It must be something that is difficult to say, something about the past or about personalities or something like that. I have a feeling that it's important to figuring out what to do in this situation.

 

I thought exactly the same thing when I read your post, Aubrey. The fact that the two people closest to you have major reservations about your plans, that is significant!! I would talk to both of them and ask them for their honest assessment, and then I would

give careful consideration to what they've said.

 

I also do not think that you should take another step forward without your husband's full agreement. If you cannot agree, then I would recommend getting into counseling asap. As far as needing to feed the children immediately, your plans will not accomplish that. You are working on long-term goals while expressing the dire need for short-term change. I'm saying this very, very gently, but based on all your posts over the past few months, I'm concerned about you, and am wondering if you are truly thinking clearly. Please talk to people IRL about these things, especially your husband and your sister. Also, I don't recall you mentioning talking to a pastor about this, which I think could be very beneficial. Seek wise advice from those who know you best. Online suggestions can only go so far, but your true friends and family can really be the ones to give you the best guidance.

[OrganicAnn]

Honestly, unless you have the money in the bank to pay for additional education and another source of income including health insurance etc. I would not recommend additional education especially in a new field. You have no guarantee that you will get a job or like the job once you get the degree. And if you take out loans you will be in the hole.

 

Your best options are taking your current experience and education and try to make the most of them. Have you thought about corporate trainer or something similar. Adult education? Teaching non credit courses. Teaching English as a Second Language? Designing educational programs for business. Even if you have to get additional education to do these, you are building on what you already have instead of starting over.

 

Some colleges provide career counseling to alumni who have long since graduated.

 

Make sure you really explore any area before you go off on a tangent. I had a friend who worked in the medical area (she wore scrubs and hospital shoes at work) and had been working towards getting her degree in accounting and wanted to sit for the CPA and work in an accounting firm. When I asked her if she would miss the comfortable clothes/shoes and the paid overtime, she was shocked. She hadn't thought about those things.

 

The grass will always be greener on the other side of the fence and that is the lure you are falling for. When you get out of school and land the job and realize you just can't stand it .... the cubicle, the coworkers, the hours, the bureaucracy or whatever it is... and then you've wasted more money and time. Be careful of colleges painting a rosy outlook if only you have this degree or that course of study.

 

ETA: A few courses towards an on-line MBA will not get you much. Same entry level opportunities that any college degree would allow you. The financial/business area has been hit hard by the economy and there are probably people with degrees from good business schools with good work experience looking for jobs.

 

Just my opinion.

Edited May 19, 2009 by OrganicAnn

[1bassoon]

Aubrey -

 

I have no opinions, but in some ways your post hits close to home.

 

:grouphug:

 

The only thing that's helping me right now is to focus on the character of God.

 

Sorry I'm not more helpful. Here's another one of these.

 

:grouphug:

[LibraryLover]

I re- read your post. I realize I was getting side-tracked by the young ages of your children. You weren't asking about any of that, and I'm sorry I misunderstood.

 

It seems to me that you are looking for a career you love & care about, and that can support your family. I think that is a dream worth pursuing.

 

If going to school can help you realize these dreams and needs, I think it is worth pursuing. You are so young; not even 30! You will have about a gazillion years after you get your degree to pay it all back.

[theodwyn]

My dh teaches at a private school in TX and does not have a teaching certificate. Just need to have a degree in what you teach or close to it.

[Audrey]

Let me get this straight... you are having a tough time right now financially, and the general economy is in the toilet with you and you think it would be a good idea to add MORE DEBT on top of that????

 

Aubrey... are you nuts, or do you have this money to pay for more school just sitting around in an account somewhere?

 

A PP said you're quick to shoot down ideas, but you also seem to be quick to undersell your skills before you even apply for jobs. You even shot down your appearance. You're saying your education won't do this, won't do that, won't get you this kind of job or that kind of job. Have you tried? Have you just marched out there, shown them your skills and creds and said, "I'm the best gal for your job!"

 

You need to think outside the little boxes on your degree and assess what your real SKILLS are. English degree? Then you have writing ability, comprehension abilities, probably great attention to detail. Sell it!!!

 

Because really... until you get out there and try you don't really know what kind of job you could get. People are hiring, but maybe not who you thought they'd hire. Your skills might just speak to the employer in ways you could never have anticipated. But, if you walk in there having already pre-shot yourself in the foot with low confidence, no one is going to bother.

 

So, buck up, girlie! You're better than what you're saying here. You need to sell yourself better. You've got the know how, and you can probably do just about any job.

 

I don't say all of this to be mean, Aubrey, but you really are selling yourself short. Plus the idea of adding debt to a struggling household just makes me cringe. You do not want (or need) to go there.

[SnowWhite]

Sure, they've said there's always a place there for us w/ them. I love them like crazy, but I'd sooner drive off a bridge. Not because there's ANYTHING wrong w/ them, but because I'm going to be 30 this summer. I'm an adult. I'm going to take care of myself.

 

But see, driving off a bridge goes against Bible teaching. Living with in-laws while in financial need is supported by Bible teaching.

[SnowWhite]

Oh my goodness. That would be a dream life! I've never done anything w/ art because I come from a family of artists. Sis went to school on an art scholarship, & I have an uncle who's got his work hanging...oh, I forget where. Somewhere big. We only really see ea other at funerals these days, though.

 

Anyway, I'm the one who can't draw. But I do like to make a mess w/ chalk!

 

Change *art* to classical education and offer a Latin class. Or a literature class, or an IEW class....