Karen sn Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Hypothetical question (yeah, right!): Soooooo, say two people have a baby together in Florida. Then move to Tennessee where it SUCKS. So the mom wants to go back home and the dad wants to stay in dreary Tennessee where they have no family and no friends, but he has work. Â Can the mom just take the kids and leave? Or can the dad fight and make them stay in h*ll? Â Anyone know off the top of their head? Where would I (I mean she) look it up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Okay, now...you must just live in the wrong part of TN. LOL I live in the Mountains and it is just wonderful (FWIW, I am not a beach, damp air, need gills to breathe type person, so this may be some of the issue). Â Now...to your original question: Â Are the mom and dad married? If not, I am not sure what the "rights" are, but I know that when 2 people get a divorce, dad/mom can definitely FIGHT and make the other parent stay in "h*ll"...or move without the kids... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkInTheBlue Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 The only thing I "know" was from years ago and pertaining to a divorce. So, I admit it isn't going to be much help. TN use to be a state that required the parent with primary custody not to move more than "x" number of miles from the non-custodian parent without consent. How that would pertain to a couple that is unmarried, I don't know. It's worth learning before moving because the lady I knew was forced to move back to TN by the courts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pooh bear Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 I found this for you Tennessee Child Custody Laws  Here is a quote from the website  Custody generally goes to the mother if the parents are unmarried. As a matter of fact, under Tennessee Child Custody Laws, an unwed father will get custody for his child only if he goes to court for it. And in most cases he will have to prove that the mother is somehow unfit.  Hope this helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 When my husband and I married I had never lived anywhere but in my home town. Our first duty station was Ft. Irwin, California. I cried the whole way there practically. Now, if you don't know where that is-Barstow, California is a really small town half-way between LA and Vegas; you get off the highway in Barstow, drive an hour into the desert and that is where you will find Ft. Irwin. There were weeks in the summer where it stayed over 120 degrees every day. It was an hour to get to a restaurant or Wal-Mart (and Wal-Mart was about all there was in Barstow back then). BUT it was only 2 hours to Vegas, 2 hours to get to Big Bear in the mountains, 2 hours or so to LA. We just got used to driving. We were out of there every weekend to go to something fun. But many people didn't do that and they *hated* it there. Â When we lived in Germany the gloom could really get to a person. So could living on a tiny post that had a high school social atmosphere. Again, we learned to drive and go see something cool every weekend that we could. We could get on the train and go anywhere in Europe for the weekend for 30 Deutschmarks each. BUT we knew tons of people who *hated* Germany, who never left post except maybe to go to a bigger post. Â I know *lots* of spouses who hate living here in Hawaii. They don't hike, they don't go to the beach, they don't socialize with the other spouses, they don't find a new church or social group, they make up their mind that they are miserable and they stay cooped up in their houses. Â In my 15+ years as an Army wife I have found there are two types of people: those who can say "this is my life and I need to find a way to make the best out of it" and those who can't. Â Now as to your question, I found this on a a Tennessee divorce site http://www.memphisdivorce.com/child_custody_faq.html : "If a custodial parent wants to move out of state with the child, will this be permitted? Â Yes, if the move is not motivated by vindictiveness and is in the best interest of the child. However, a new law requires timely notice be given. Consulting a family law attorney well in advance of moving is advised. A parent seeking to prevent the move may petition for a change of custody."Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 No advice for you, Karen -- just a :grouphug: Â I hope things work out for you. Â Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 Are the mom and dad married? If not, I am not sure what the "rights" are, but I know that when 2 people get a divorce, dad/mom can definitely FIGHT and make the other parent stay in "h*ll"...or move without the kids... Â Â We are NOT married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 I found this for you Tennessee Child Custody Laws Here is a quote from the website    Hope this helps.  Good to know. Thanks. And since we've only been here 5 months - I can't see how Tennessee could say I had to stay! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 It's worth learning before moving because the lady I knew was forced to move back to TN by the courts. Â I would go INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 (edited) wrong place Edited May 16, 2009 by Karen sn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 Â (btw, you can make new friends) Â Â Â Actually - I have been here 5 months and NO FRIENDS. People here have their friends and family already and don't need anymore. Â This is NOT the first time I have ever lived away from home. The farthest I ever lived from Florida was Alaska for 2 years. And in the first month of living in Alaska I had friends. People were friendly. I loved it even though I missed home sometimes. Â In this part of Tennessee if you ain't a Bible thumping Christian and belong to the same church as your mama's mama's mama - no one cares to talk to you. I am seriously not stupid and know how to make friends. People here are not friendly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 We just got used to driving. We were out of there every weekend to go to something fun. But many people didn't do that and they *hated* it there. When we lived in Germany the gloom could really get to a person. So could living on a tiny post that had a high school social atmosphere. Again, we learned to drive and go see something cool every weekend that we could. We could get on the train and go anywhere in Europe for the weekend for 30 Deutschmarks each. BUT we knew tons of people who *hated* Germany, who never left post except maybe to go to a bigger post.    I suppose if money were no issue I could find things to do. There is a huge difference between having and not having. If I am going to be broke I need to live in a place where fun is free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 No advice for you, Karen -- just a :grouphug: I hope things work out for you.  Cat  Thanks for the hug and not being preachy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 I suppose if money were no issue I could find things to do.There is a huge difference between having and not having. If I am going to be broke I need to live in a place where fun is free. Â But maybe there are fun, free things to do and you haven't figured out what they are yet. It's not the beach (I *love* the beach so I know how you feel) but maybe there are some other things. Â Do you knit, scrapbook or have some other crafty hobby where you could get a group of ladies together at your house for a fun afternoon or evening in? The first time my hubby was deployed and we were in North Carolina I invited lots of ladies over for scrapbooking one afternoon a week. We also rotated and had a potluck meal at someone's house once a week. There might even be a group that already meets at a local craft store, many times these groups have no cost or they are very low cost. Â How about hiking trails? Fun, free and good exercise. For an extra you all could take inexpensive sketch diaries to draw flowers, trees, etc you see on the trail. Â I'm not trying to be argumentative, I can read the frustration in your posts. I've been there, I know what it is to struggle with a new home and lifestyle. Some moves have been harder than others. I think this past year has been one of the loneliest I've had in a really long time. It's not always easy but I know there are ways to make it easier to bear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 The real issue isn't whether Mom can leave. In most states she can, and she can take the child with her - just like Dad can leave and take the child to Alaska. In the absence of a court order, both parents are fine to travel with their children. Â However, if Dad gets wind that Mom might leave, Dad can try to get an emergency custody order preventing it. He may or may not be successful. A local attorney can tell you what the laws are in your state and what judges are likely to do under a particular set of facts. Â And if Mom leaves and Tennessee is the court with jurisdiction over the child, then Dad is going to file a motion for custody in Tennessee, and Mom will be forced to answer and litigate all issues in Tennessee. She will have to hire a Tennessee lawyer and make appearances in Tennessee courts. The Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Act will determine which court has jurisdiction, but if she lived in Tennessee for 6 months before moving, chances are that Tennessee will remain the court of jurisdiction (even if she goes to Florida and stays there for a year). So this does give Dad a major advantage. Again, talk to an attorney. Â So what is likely to happen is that Mom leaves but that Dad goes to court in Tennessee and asks a judge to determine who should have primary physical custody and who should have visitation. There is a good chance that if Mom has been the primary caregiver, she's going to be allowed to live in Florida, but a lot of Moms forget that even small children are going to end up living with Dad for months out of the year, hundreds of miles away from her and with almost no input from her as to what the rules should be. And if she's made it hard for Dad to see the child when she's in Florida, she will usually pay a price for that because judges can be a bit suspicious if a parent leaves with kids, and it makes it much worse if that parent doesn't make a lot of effort to get the child home to Dad from time to time. Â It can be a major hassle and expense to litigate a custody dispute in another state. Â Your friend might want to see an attorney first and just talk about whether it would be better to just take the child and leave and then litigate from a distance, or to go ahead and move out but stay in Tennessee until all the legal issues are determined. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 and that you aren't married. Â Tennessee might still be the state of jurisdiction under the UCCJA - I'm not sure, though. You really want to talk to a professional about that. Â Also, your marital status should not be a major factor since the Dad (I'm presuming?) has been living in the house and the child is likely bonded to him. Â I know you must be really stressed ((((((Karen)))))) Aren't you a nurse? Are you licensed in TN? OR just in FL? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Actually - I have been here 5 months and NO FRIENDS.People here have their friends and family already and don't need anymore. Â This is NOT the first time I have ever lived away from home. The farthest I ever lived from Florida was Alaska for 2 years. And in the first month of living in Alaska I had friends. People were friendly. I loved it even though I missed home sometimes. Â In this part of Tennessee if you ain't a Bible thumping Christian and belong to the same church as your mama's mama's mama - no one cares to talk to you. I am seriously not stupid and know how to make friends. People here are not friendly. Â Sorry, I missed this post when I made my second post. Â There are a lot of places people aren't friendly. *Some* of the people here in Hawaii are downright hostile. Some of the military homeschoolers are extremely conservative. It is just not as easy to make friends in some places as it is others. Like I said, the first year we lived here is one *even my husband* (who isn't *nearly* as social as I am) recently described as lonely. We are now in a place where we have some close friends but it has felt like an arduous journey to get here. I wasn't meaning to insult your intelligence or experience. I know exactly how it is to feel isolated in your community. I've been there, I've done that, we eventually got through it. Â If your relationship problems are broader and more complicated than the difficulties dealing with your new home, that's another matter entirely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Highereducation Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Karen, Â I don't have any advice or insight - but - Â I'm sorry to hear of your situation and I truly hope it works out for you. Â Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avila Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 I have no legal advice and I am sorry you are unhappy. Â This is not directed at you but just kind of a general statement for anyone who might ever have to move to Tennessee for any reason. It's not that bad really. I have lived since I was 19 and it took a good 10 years to stop being an outsider, but now I love Tennessee except in August. In August I think I would love Alaska. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohdanigirl Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Karen  First off :grouphug:, I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. Please don't thimk that people are being preachy. I think people are sincerly trying to help. When I was first arried we were very poor and young. This comnbnation can really kill a marriage. It took us awhile to realize that home was where our family was. You may not feel that way in your case, it may be truely horrible, and there may be more to it that we know. I think the best thing would be to sit down and first consider where you think the relationship is going.  If you were still in Florida would things be ok? Is there still love? Do you want to continue being a family? Do you have the same long term goals? (without Tenn. being a factor)  If the answers are yes, then could you bear it for awhile? Does he want to liive there til he dies, or just now because he has a job. Would he easily get a job if you went back to Fl.? Would you be better off in general? Worse off? Struggling to feed you children? Living off of others?  All these things should be considered. You may be miserable, but maybe he is being realistic. Or maybe he is a selfish @$$. Only you know.  If you choose to stay, focus on you and the children. To hell with everyone else. Make-up games, try to make it work. Research what other people do. Make you house your sanctuary. Discuss with you boyfriend you feelings, come up with a plan together. aybe when the economy picks up he will be willing to move again.  If you choose to go, get some legal advice. Find out if you will in violationa of any laws by taking your child out of state. In some places the fact that you are not married may put the law on your side and make it pssible for you to move without any legal orders. But do not run off before you check, there are some judges who will see it as kidnapping. I doubt that is the case, but best be careful. I hope that if you are an otherwise happy family you will consider staying and not uprooting the children. There must be compromise on both sides for a relationship to work. Again, :grouphug: I hope you find a solution.  Danielle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohdanigirl Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Actually - I have been here 5 months and NO FRIENDS.People here have their friends and family already and don't need anymore.  This is NOT the first time I have ever lived away from home. The farthest I ever lived from Florida was Alaska for 2 years. And in the first month of living in Alaska I had friends. People were friendly. I loved it even though I missed home sometimes.   Just want to add, I have been in Mexico 6 years and I am barely making friends. We just started learning about local activities in the past year. Both dh and I hated it the first year and a half. then it got easier, and now I some how got used to it. I will never fit in completely, because I am very Aerican in my ways.....Funny when I am in the states I now feell I have become very Mexican in any ways.  In this part of Tennessee if you ain't a Bible thumping Christian and belong to the same church as your mama's mama's mama - no one cares to talk to you.I am seriously not stupid and know how to make friends. People here are not friendly.  This might show when people meet you....just a thought. If I were "a Bible thumping Christian and belonged to the same church as my mama's mama's mama" I might think you were hostile towards me and wouldn't want my friendship. Remember that when circles are already formed, it ay take a little extra effort to get in.  Danielle  Danielle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Yeah. Isolation sucks. We moved from our home town to a conservative Catholic place which is extremely hard to crack into if you're not a church going Catholic. For the first 6 months, I was commuting back to uni. The next 9 months I spent on the couch. Then we found a playgroup, which closed down at the end of the year. Then we found another and I managed to keep attending through most of my second pregnancy. But that closed down at the end of the year too. Now I have a grand total of one friend in town. We are starting to get out and about a bit more now though, finally. We're attending a multicultural playgroup, giving three of the Karen mums English lessons and starting an SCA group. Yep, I would have been far happier socially, if we'd stayed home. However, this is where dh was paid to be, so here we came. Rather than disrupting your child's life by heading home, and your partner's life (assuming he still is,) why not spend efforts in finding him a job back in Florida? That would be a positive way of getting what you want. You never know, you might even find him a better paid job! In the meantime, get out as much as you can, even if that's walking around the block to see the changes in everyone's gardens. Â Rosie- Not preaching. Too much personal experience of her own... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 In this part of Tennessee if you ain't a Bible thumping Christian and belong to the same church as your mama's mama's mama - no one cares to talk to you.I am seriously not stupid and know how to make friends. People here are not friendly. Â That's harsh! You are an hour from me. I am not a Bible Thumpin whatever you said. :( I have been here 3 years, but grew up in another part of TN. You remind me of my dh when we were living in GA. It really didn't matter what GOOD happened there...he hated it and wanted to leave and there was no changing his mind at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 So sorry to hear what you're going thru! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy in TN Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 In this part of Tennessee if you ain't a Bible thumping Christian and belong to the same church as your mama's mama's mama - no one cares to talk to you.I am seriously not stupid and know how to make friends. People here are not friendly. I live in TN. I can't possibly be a Bible thumping Christian, because I'm married to a Muslim. I live over 200miles from my mama, so I obviously don't attend her church. I find plenty of people to talk to. Â Where in TN are you? I ask, because The Eclectic Homeschoolers of Middle TN is a huge group. Â If you care about this man at all, you really could explore more options in TN. HTH- Mandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy in TN Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 https://home.comcast.net/~learninghappens/ Eclectic Homeschoolers of Middle Tennessee  Formed in 1990 we openly embrace racial, ethnic, spiritual, political, culinary, environmental, philosophical, pedagogical, epistemological, gender identification, sexual orientation and lifestyle & family composition diversity.  Eclectic Homeschoolers of Middle Tennessee is the oldest and largest eclectic group in the area, but it is by no means the only one.  Music City Homeschoolers, Williamson County Inclusive Group, and The Farm School are some others that come to mind.  HTH- Mandy   Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Atl Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 :grouphug: Sorry things did not turn out as you had hoped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 :grouphug: I found the first year in TN to be pretty rough. The next three years were only a little better. The last two years have been great though and this really feels like home now. I still don't have friends but I am not really a social person. It is beautiful here though and there are lots of things to do. And I don't know where you live but I am an hour south of Nashville, Pam is in east TN and Kellie in west TN. I know there are lots of other open minded boardies here as well. Letting us know where you are might help a little. Then we can give more ideas for resources if there partnership is worth saving and staying is a possibility. In any case, I hope you find a resolution quickly and easily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 (edited) I've done a couple of inter-state moves, and in neither case did I have friends by 5 months. Â This thread has been haunting me all day. I can't find a tactful way to say this, although I dearly wish I could. But it won't leave me alone either, so here goes: Â Before you take your precious baby away from his (?) father, you should consider how you'll feel when you have to explain your decision to your son when he's five or ten or fifteen. Maybe there are huge issues in your relationship with his father. Maybe leaving is absolutely the best thing to do. I don't know. I only know what you've posted here. And based on that, it seems you are considering separating a father and son because you don't like living where the father found work. Â If I were the child in that scenario, I would find that hard to forgive. Â Again, this might not be what you are talking about. Â But in case it is, I thought this needed to be said. Edited May 16, 2009 by Melinda in VT typo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paintedlady Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 I think that the question of whether or not you could leave should be replaced with the question of whether or not you should leave. Being homesick doesn't seem like the best reason to tear apart a family and seperate your kid(s) from their dad. Unless there are other super-serious reasons (like being in danger), I would work hard to make a life where you're all together, married or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 In FL, you can't file for divorce unless you have lived here for 6 months, otherwise i guess the prior place has control? Â I think it also pertained to the custody papers too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 She is an hour from me and there is a big homeschool group where she is...and an even bigger one about 30 minutes from her. We are in East TN. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepy Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 This thread has been haunting me all day. I can't find a tactful way to say this, although I dearly wish I could. But it won't leave me alone either, so here goes: Â Before you take your precious baby away from his (?) father, you should consider how you'll feel when you have to explain your decision to your son when he's five or ten or fifteen. Maybe there are huge issues in your relationship with his father. Maybe leaving is absolutely the best thing to do. I don't know. I only know what you've posted here. And based on that, it seems you are considering separating a father and son because you don't like living where the father found work. Â If I were the child in that scenario, I would find that hard to forgive. Â Â Â I agree. I'm sure there's more to your story that we don't know, and I'm so sorry that you're hurting, Karen. :grouphug: But please think long and hard before making any drastic decisions. A father is of immeasurable importance in a child's life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Â In my 15+ years as an Army wife I have found there are two types of people: those who can say "this is my life and I need to find a way to make the best out of it" and those who can't. Â :iagree: You totally rock. I'm glad you're back here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 . And I don't know where you live but I am an hour south of Nashville, Pam is in east TN and Kellie in west TN. I. Â No, she is not near here. She is on the pretty side of the state. I'm over here on the.....well......not quite so pretty side! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepy Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 :iagree: You totally rock. I'm glad you're back here. Â :iagree: It's good to see you around again, Mrs. Mungo :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 No, she is not near here. She is on the pretty side of the state. I'm over here on the.....well......not quite so pretty side! Â Â :iagree: My side. :) I was in her city just yesterday. My dh works there and makes the 1 hour drive each day...just so we can live here. LOL Isn't it funny how some people HATE what other people LOVE. My dh was miserable in NW GA and was dying to get back here (we have a large farm, lots of land, and a house that he had started building before we were married that we finished when we moved back). I think of it as my little piece of heaven. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 :grouphug: And I don't know where you live but I am an hour south of Nashville, Pam is in east TN and Kellie in west TN. I know there are lots of other open minded boardies here as well. Letting us know where you are might help a little. Then we can give more ideas for resources if there partnership is worth saving and staying is a possibility. In any case, I hope you find a resolution quickly and easily. Â While I am in Va., half our city is in TN. So, count me in as NE Tenn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Come on guys. Sometimes when you want to escape a place, it isn't really about the place. Well, maybe that's your point. But I have felt that desperation to get out, to run away, and it stinks. And when I felt that way, the emotional and mental flailing made it hard for me to think straight about what the real reasons were, and what I could do to stop the pain. I just wanted it to stop. If the OP really wants out, I would think that the feeling, the desperation is the important thing to focus on. Â Karen, you're smart. I know you'll sort something out. I'm sorry that you're going through this, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherInWI Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Hopefully, you've thought through the reasons that you wanted to make a baby with this man and then to move to TN with him -- and hopefully, they are still strong enough reasons to stay with him and raise the baby with him, too -- even if it's in an area you don't enjoy living in. Â I'm sorry that you're miserable there, but, very often, our misery is of our own making (I know that's been true in my own life) -- and if we try hard enough, and pray sincerely enough, and concentrate on others rather than ourselves, we can turn it into joy. Â If, however, you're in an unsafe/abusive/dangerous sort of situation, it sounds like getting out before the six month of residency mark would be in order. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 I agree. I'm sure there's more to your story that we don't know, and I'm so sorry that you're hurting, Karen. :grouphug: But please think long and hard before making any drastic decisions. A father is of immeasurable importance in a child's life. Â I agree. But we fight more than we get along and no child needs to be around that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 She is an hour from me and there is a big homeschool group where she is...and an even bigger one about 30 minutes from her. We are in East TN. Â Yes. The tri-cities group which just got ahold of me after trying to get in touch with them FOREVER. And this other one which seems a little more organized and I am actually meeting them next week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Sometimes when you want to escape a place, it isn't really about the place. Well, maybe that's your point. But I have felt that desperation to get out, to run away, and it stinks. Â Yeah. I know that feeling. A one day holiday helps me put the lid back on. I jump in the car and drive... I can drive further and faster than I can run :) Â Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConnieB Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 What is the legal status of dad? Is he named on the birth certificate? Has there been paternity tests to determine him to be the legal father? (And that's not a judgment thing against your faithfulness...it's a legal question) Â Reasons for asking...most states consider unwed mothers to be the sole custodial parent until paternity is proven. Some states consider dad's name on the birth certificate as mom's admission that he's the father....other states won't accept it for unmarried parents and require paternity even if he's on the birth certificate and signed it agreeing. If he's not on the birth certificate, then paternity test is required for him to stake a legal claim. Â So...if you are the only legal parent, then yeah, you can do what you want with your child, live where you want. That said, though, if he objects to that it's a matter of filing for paternity determination and then requesting custody....so then it gets messy. There could also be a jurisdiction fight....if he files first in TN, they could claim jurisdiction, especially if you haven't met Florida's residency requirements, even though you lived in TN a short time, you may have broken your residency ties to Florida. blah blah. Â In other words....it can get really messy. Better to try to work things out before you leave so that you don't find yourself in a world of complications once you return to Florida. Â Best advice I would give you......go see an attorney in TN and ask all these questions. Most of them will offer a free consultation (call the TN state bar to ask for a referral to one that does, and one that specializes in family law). Then call an attorney in Florida (in the County you intend to move to) and ask the same questions. Then you'll have some idea what the laws of those two states say and how much conflict the two laws may create in your situation. Â Good luck. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepy Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I agree.But we fight more than we get along and no child needs to be around that. Â oh sweetie... I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I agree.But we fight more than we get along and no child needs to be around that. Â I would just say that many of us have been where you are if this is the case. The fighting is not healthy for the children, that is true. But if there is anything there, between the two of you, that is worth saving, it can be worth the effort to stay. The first 7-8 years of my marriage were more fighting than getting along. There usually seemed like there was nothing worth staying for except a sense of obligation. But now, all these years later, I am glad we persisted. Â I hope there is a little bit of what brought you two together still left, that can be enough to build on. It really can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohdanigirl Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I agree.But we fight more than we get along and no child needs to be around that. Â Â :iagree:This info changes everything. If it is something that cannot be resolved than it is not good for the children. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Â Hope you find a solution soon. Â :grouphug: Danielle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohdanigirl Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I would just say that many of us have been where you are if this is the case. The fighting is not healthy for the children, that is true. But if there is anything there, between the two of you, that is worth saving, it can be worth the effort to stay. The first 7-8 years of my marriage were more fighting than getting along. There usually seemed like there was nothing worth staying for except a sense of obligation. But now, all these years later, I am glad we persisted. Â I hope there is a little bit of what brought you two together still left, that can be enough to build on. It really can. Â Â Wise words. Dh and I had a rocky start as well. Living together in a new place, new life, new baby can really stress a relationship. I m so glad now that I didn't walk out when I was tempted. Somewhere along the way we grew up and learned to better deal with stress, issues and disagreements. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Wise words. Dh and I had a rocky start as well. Living together in a new place, new life, new baby can really stress a relationship. I m so glad now that I didn't walk out when I was tempted. Somewhere along the way we grew up and learned to better deal with stress, issues and disagreements. Â :iagree: Â The first two years of my marriage were terrible and we almost didn't stay together. I am so glad we stuck it out! I love him and the 5 additional children we've had since then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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