So, I might have done something stupid

[paulcindy]

I had posted a while back about advoce for my friend who has an 11 yo son who wants to return to school. She gave in, and he is going to be going to a charter school.

 

My daughter, who is 10, also hates homeschooling. But, she tried Grade 3 at the public school and didn't last. We took her out 3/4 of the year.

 

So for the past year, she has begged and pleaded for us to send her back to school. My DH and I talked about it and he said that he would stand behind any decision I made.

 

While I was out one day at a Dr's appt, we happened to pass a small Catholic School that I have heard wonderful things about. I had my 10 yo dd with me, and we stopped in. I expected to just pick up some paperwork. But the Principal was there and she ended up giving us a whole tour of the school. It is K-8, with about 10 kids per grade. One class per grade.

 

I actually liked the school myself.

 

My daughter now really, really wants to go. And I told her that I would sit down with the Principal this week and talk it over and it looks like we would return her to school.

 

Now I am having second thoughts. I think I gave in to quickly. I am a sucker and a waffler.

 

So how do you un-do something like this? How do you tell a child who is now all excited that I have changed my mind?(Possibly)

 

Her issue is she has no friends. She really doesn't. She does attend youth group on Wednesdays(all homeschoolers), HS Gymnastics, every other week. But to her, she is not seeing these friends "every day".

 

No matter what I do with her here, she balks, doesn't want to do anything, says she does not want to school alone, and wants to be in a class(we do not have any homeschool classes here). She mopes, says being home all day is boring.

 

Okay, so go ahead and let me have it. I have made a huge mess :-(

[elise1mds]

No advice, just :grouphug:

[swimnactmom]

why not try the new school and see how it goes. A small private school like that may offer a very different experience as opposed to a public school.

 

You could also keep home schooling, but you will have to be more aggresive about offering her regular social opportunities so she could build friendships.

 

Some kids, like mine, thrive on social interaction. Without lots of connections to people, they feel lonely.

[iwka]

I would have to see the academics, curriculum, teachers etc. before I could decide...

[paulcindy]

The academics are your typical textbooks. They use Harcourt Brace for Math, and Scott Foresman Reading. HOughtin Mufflin English. They use a Creation Science, and a History program that is not watered down. They start Spanish in Grade 5, the grade my daughter would enter. And of course Catholic Religion.

 

We are not Catholic though. We are born again Christians. I did grow up Catholic though. You do not have to be Catholic to attend, but you do learn the religion. You do not have to make first communionm but you cannot receive communion

 

They offer band, chorus, art, computers, Science labs and Gym .

 

For other things, they offer Bell Choir, Children of Mary, Spanish Club, Scrapbooking.

 

They wear uniforms.

 

One class per grade. About 8-10 kids per grade. Regular teachers but with Nuns assisting.

 

Very close knit.

 

Tuition is $2800.00 per year.

 

Met all the teachers for every grade. Teachers even came out of class to say hello. Teachers had the class stand up and greet my daughter.

 

She knows two kids who attend.

 

The school is 20 minutes from here. School day from 8:10 am until 2:20 pm with after school care(extra) if needed. Which I do not.

 

Grades 5-8 change classes to specialized teachers, but stay with their own class.

 

I have never heard one bad thing about it.

 

sigh...................

[Jean in Newcastle]

Why did you homeschool to begin with? Are those reasons still valid? Only you and your dh can decide that.

[Night Elf]

Wow, only $2800 a year?? That's great! The cheapest private school I've found in my local area is $7500. My dd11 feels the very same way your dd does. In fact, we put her back in public school at the beginning of this year because she was crying every day. She was so lonely and bored at home no matter how many activities we tried to do with her. She wasn't making friends at any of them.

 

Unfortunately, public school did not work out, again. She had a few friends in school but there were some kids who made her school day very unpleasant. Top that with the unchallenging academics and it was just not a good fit for her anymore.

 

However, if I had the opportunity to send her to a private school, especially a small one like you have, I'd send her back to school in a heart beat. My DH won't allow her to attend a Christian school though and that was the cheapest we found. The secular private schools start at $15,000 a year.

[SnowWhite]

I would let her go to school.

[elegantlion]

Why did you homeschool to begin with? Are those reasons still valid? Only you and your dh can decide that.

 

 

:iagree: We initially started homeschooling because we couldn't afford private school tuition anymore. We committed to 3 years of homeschooling hoping to save up for private school again. After 3 years we decided that homeschooling fit into our lifestyle better and would give my ds a better education (personal choice for us). So we continue to homeschool because it is the best choice for our family.

 

Whatever your goals are for you family, if the Catholic school fulfills them, then give it a try. We live in a pretty affordable part of the country and private schools are way more than $2800, that's a great price.

[Ria]

You've told your child that you'd probably let her go; not only that, you took her to the school and let her have the tour, meet people, etc. To change your mind now, especially given her feelings about staying home, would not be prudent. In fact, I think it would be emotionally damaging to your child at this point.

 

I firmly believe that a child's feelings are important. Now, not all kids are going to wake up every morning and skip happily into the schoolroom, lol, but most will do their work and be happy homeschooling. There are kids, however, who will not be happy homeschooling, and I think we as parents need to pay attention to those signs.

 

I had a similar child, and we pushed through. He was miserable. Our lives were a battle, off and on, for about 6 years, from age 9 to 15. He wanted to go to school. There's no doubt that he's the most social of all my kiddos (we have 6; he's #3; his siblings were all happy homeschooling), but I figured he had his siblings to play with and it would be enough.

 

Fast forward to age 15; we had joined a co-op, which was a total academic disaster (the group claimed to be "college-prep" and "advanced"...it was a joke. He was bored silly.) After Christmas that year he came to me and dh in tears and asked us to please listen to his request to go to school. So, finally, we listened. His reasons were valid. We had some stipulations (we would still monitor his education, we would expect a certain level of work, etc), and he agreed. And off he went.

 

The changes in this boy were nothing short of miraculous. He was (and still is, a year later) happier, he does his schoolwork without complaining, he cheerfully interacts with the family, he's respectful...you name it. The sullen, miserable child is long gone. My only regret is that I didn't listen to that child earlier. I saw the signs, but I wanted him to fit *my* schooling desires. I only ended up causing him and the rest of the family strife and unhappiness for years because I refused to admit that he wasn't happy here at home.

 

I'm a huge fan of homeschooling, and for most kids it's a fantastic opportunity. For some kids, though, it isn't always the best choice. Good luck with your decision.

 

Ria

[WishboneDawn]

Honestly, it sounds like you really like this school and it would be a good fit with your daughter's wishes. Nevermind the amazing tuition!

 

Homeschooling is a wonderfulg thing but in the end it's just a means to an education or lifestyle and if you can find another option that meets your goals and appeals to you don't let the fact that it's not homeschooling get in the way. Don't make homeschooling into an idol that you'll sacrifice to.

[Chris in VA]

The only thing that would give me pause would be the fact that you are not Catholic. She will be excluded from the Eucharist. Perhaps that would not be a big deal to you, but it would be for me. I would not want my child to feel that way, week after week. She may say she's fine with that, but deep down, she may feel rejected or not good enough--she will be getting fed that message, however subtly or unintentionally.

 

OTOH, if she is mature enough in her own faith to let others do their thing while she does hers, I probably would let her go. She would need to be able to see that it's not so much that she's not good enough, it's just that she's not Catholic, and that's a huge difference, of course.

 

I'd also be thinking ahead--what about high school? Would you put her in public school for that? If she makes good, solid friends now, she'll have a group going into high school, and that can help with the carp that goes on there.

 

One more thing--hopefully, the kids are open to having someone join them. With so small a group, cliques may have already formed that are hard to break into.

 

ETA: Check if there's the possibility of partial enrollment. Could be a nice way to get your feet wet, or to give her a social outlet.

 

Good luck.

[JFSinIL]

I am sending my youngest, lony here beyond belief, back tio school next year for the same reason.

 

Our local Catholic school accepts anyone - your dd would not be the only kid not taking the Host during Mass. No big deal. And think of the discussions you can have on the differences between born again and RC!

[Maria/ME]

You've told your child that you'd probably let her go; not only that, you took her to the school and let her have the tour, meet people, etc. To change your mind now, especially given her feelings about staying home, would not be prudent. In fact, I think it would be emotionally damaging to your child at this point.

 

I firmly believe that a child's feelings are important. Now, not all kids are going to wake up every morning and skip happily into the schoolroom, lol, but most will do their work and be happy homeschooling. There are kids, however, who will not be happy homeschooling, and I think we as parents need to pay attention to those signs.

 

I had a similar child, and we pushed through. He was miserable. Our lives were a battle, off and on, for about 6 years, from age 9 to 15. He wanted to go to school. There's no doubt that he's the most social of all my kiddos (we have 6; he's #3; his siblings were all happy homeschooling), but I figured he had his siblings to play with and it would be enough.

 

Fast forward to age 15; we had joined a co-op, which was a total academic disaster (the group claimed to be "college-prep" and "advanced"...it was a joke. He was bored silly.) After Christmas that year he came to me and dh in tears and asked us to please listen to his request to go to school. So, finally, we listened. His reasons were valid. We had some stipulations (we would still monitor his education, we would expect a certain level of work, etc), and he agreed. And off he went.

 

The changes in this boy were nothing short of miraculous. He was (and still is, a year later) happier, he does his schoolwork without complaining, he cheerfully interacts with the family, he's respectful...you name it. The sullen, miserable child is long gone. My only regret is that I didn't listen to that child earlier. I saw the signs, but I wanted him to fit *my* schooling desires. I only ended up causing him and the rest of the family strife and unhappiness for years because I refused to admit that he wasn't happy here at home.

 

I'm a huge fan of homeschooling, and for most kids it's a fantastic opportunity. For some kids, though, it isn't always the best choice. Good luck with your decision.

 

Ria

 

 

I have no advice to offer the OP, because I have no experience. But wow. This is the nicest thing I have every heard in terms of listening to your child, honoring your child and making a compromise when it's the opposite of what you want.

[SquirrellyMama]

I just have a few things for you. I went to Catholic school from 2nd grade - 5th grade. The academics are usually great. I don't think it will be a problem for your daughter to miss out on communion. I had a kid in my class who was Baptist and couldn't take communion with the class. He was fine since he would have been taking it at his own church.

 

Make sure you are involved in the school. I've found that parents will often just dump their kids into Catholic school thinking they'll be safe there. I learned soooo much stuff on the playground in Catholic school. Way too much stuff that was not academic. In the upper grades of 7th and 8th grade the kids were getting into drugs and the High School in the area was known as "Drug Heaven". It had the worst drug reputation out of all the schools.

 

I would also talk to the priest. We had one priest who was sent away for issues.

 

I'm not trying to scare you. I'm sure most Catholic Schools are great. I think I got one that wasn't the best. Academically great but socially poor.

[calandalsmom]

I dont think you can make any generalization about catholic schools. Not even academics are usually great.

 

If you had a good feeling about this school then why not.

 

I agree with RIA

[WishboneDawn]

The only thing that would give me pause would be the fact that you are not Catholic. She will be excluded from the Eucharist. Perhaps that would not be a big deal to you, but it would be for me. I would not want my child to feel that way, week after week. She may say she's fine with that, but deep down, she may feel rejected or not good enough--she will be getting fed that message, however subtly or unintentionally.

 

I think I might look into what the Catholic Eucharist means and have a talk with her about that so she understands that by accepting it in the Catholic church there are belief implications she may not want to engage in or that might make it disrespectful to the Catholic tradition if she did accept it. Just so that she understands it's not a means of exclusion but rather a rite that implies shared beliefs she may not hold.

 

On a personal note I think it would be a really neat experience to get an inside view on a denomination you don't subscribe to and would be a great benefit to a child.

[paulcindy]

Thank you ALL so much for not shooting me in the foot over this. You are all so kind and helpful with your responses.

 

To answer some of your concerns and questions, who have brought them up.

 

In receiving communion. She is still allowed to go up to the Priest. But instead of receiving communion, she can cross her arms over her heart, and the Priest will Bless her.

 

Since this is a Catholic School, the tuition is much cheaper then a private Christian School. The Christian school here is very expensive as well. Elementary is $7100.00 a year!! Catholic K-8 Schools are around $2500.00-$3500.00 per year.

Catholic High Schools are around $6500.00 per year.

 

They have a PTO which I will be joining. I would want to be as involved as possible in the school. Since she is my youngest, I no longer have to worry about a baby at home.

 

As far as cliques, although we were only there for an hour, that is not the feeling I got.

 

Many of the students were coming out to go to lunch, and the principal just introduced her to the kids, and quite a few girls came up to her and just started talking with her, and asking her if she is coming to the school, and it would be great because they would love to have her there. One girl wanted her to go to lunch with her.

 

One of the teacher's is a mom of a student. Her daughter would be in my daughter's class, and she said that a new student started this past year, and it was like she had been there all along.

 

When my 10 yo went to Grade 3, she hated it because the kids were really bad. And they were. She was also bored. Because it was a public school, they had inclusion classes, where students on IEP's would be in with her, and the teacher had to pay most of her attention to the students who needed extra help. Most of the kids in the class were disruptive. And she had 30 kids in her class.

 

I also have an older daughter who did not flourish during homeschooling. She begged to go back to school for high school. I almost didn't send her. But like Ria(I think that is who stated this), her turn around was miraculous. She loves high school, does all of her work and is doing great. My 16 yo attends a public vocational school.

 

After reading these responses, and now typing my reply back, I am now feeling much better, and believe that sending her here is the right decision.

 

And, if it doesn't work, I always have the option of once again bringing her home. Right?

 

Thanks ladies!!

[SquirrellyMama]

I dont think you can make any generalization about catholic schools. Not even academics are usually great.

 

 

 

I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to generalize. In my experience and the experience my dad and others I've know who went to Catholic school, the academics were better than PS.

 

The other problems I had were also not meant to mean all Catholic schools. But... If I've had a huge problem with something and someone else is thinking about using/doing/buying the same thing then I'm going to let them know of my experience. I want others to do the same for me.

 

Again, I'm not trying to say all Catholic Schools are the same.

[Mom0012]

I love homeschooling, but I have to say that school sounds great. If there were something like that close to us, I would be tempted. If your daughter is so unhappy being at home, maybe you should let her try it and see how it goes?

 

Lisa

[wisegal]

I think that you will make the right decision for you and your daughter. My kids have those days when they don't want to be hs anymore;but when I ask them if they want me to send them to ps, they shout NO! So if your dd really wants to go,maybe it will be a good thing.

[Tree House Academy]

You ALWAYS have the option to bring her home again. :)

 

When I started homeschooling, I knew that I always had the option of sending my kids to school (be it public or otherwise). Knowing I had that option made me feel much better going forward...and now, I don't even entertain the option anymore.

 

I would think that homeschooling an only child or a "youngest" child when the older is in school would have to be LONELY. My boys play and enjoy each other...but we got to the park in the spring and fall several days a week. We always have something going on...and even when we don't, I find reasons to go places...even it it is just to McDonalds. LOL The kids need to get out of the house or we might ALL go crazy!

[coralloyd]

I haven't read all the posts. So here's my opinion.

 

As a mom you need to go with your gut, but here are some things to concider:

 

1. Don't just think academicly, but of your dds whole well being. What things she really needs most right now to be who God wants her to be.

 

2. I was hsed and I also went to Catholic school (as a Protestant), from 4th-6th grade. This really helped me to stand up for what I believe. You WILL have to make a stand on certain things. For example, I had to opt out of saying the rosary, instead I sat quietly in my seat and memorized Scipture that my mom wrote on 3x5 cards for me. There were a few things like this. Going to Catholic school was a good training ground for me. Because Catholics and Protestant believe many of the same things and love Jesus I didn't feel completely alone, yet it gave me boldness to know what I believe and stand up for it.

[beezus]

I would lean towards letting her try it, if you afford the cost. She's excited about it and that means a lot. Maybe in a small school environment she will thrive. If she doesn't like it and wants to come back home for school, then she won't later be resentful that you never let her try.

 

If you aren't Catholic I would ask to take a close look at exactly what they are learning in the religion classes and be sure you are comfortable with that. I went to Catholic school and there were non-Catholics going there too. There they didn't have to take our religion classes, but had some other general ethics/morality based instruction instead. If she's going to be in the basic religion classes, just make sure there isn't some dogma being presented you are going to object to, or if there is something that is perhaps questionable for you, work out a plan of how to address that with your daughter when it comes up.

 

You might also want to check and see if you can get any of the tuition refunded if your child hates it and wants to drop out before the school year is over. Ask to look at their tuition contract ahead of time so you know what the requirements are.

[Night Elf]

Since this is a Catholic School, the tuition is much cheaper then a private Christian School. The Christian school here is very expensive as well. Elementary is $7100.00 a year!! Catholic K-8 Schools are around $2500.00-$3500.00 per year.

Catholic High Schools are around $6500.00 per year.

 

If I could send my dd11 to a private school, I'd do so in a heartbeat. I went to Catholic School from grades K through 6th. I have only fond memories of the school and the program. I don't have fond memories of the boy named Richard who punched me in the stomach because he wanted to cut in front of me when we were in line for communion. :001_huh:

 

So since you listed the tuition for your Catholic school, I thought I'd recheck our local Catholic School. For grades 6-8, the tuition is $11,115. It's even more than I thought! There are some non-Catholic but still religious schools that are lower. I think the lowest I've found is $6700. You know it's bad when all the school websites have a link for 3rd party tuition loans. Do people really go into debt for middle/high school education? My DH won't even discuss it!