It's hard to talk about my kids

[Mommy22alyns]

I know I'm not the only one with this problem. :(

 

It's sad and kind of lonely. Aside from DH and my mom and dad, these boards are the closest I have to a safe place. I'm feeling alienated from a whole group of moms I've known for years. They were there when I was pregnant with Becca, when I was hospitalized with Sylvia... they were there to cheer first words, steps, and potty training successes. But not now.

 

I keep typing more and then erasing it. We should be able to be proud of our kids too - no matter what level they're at.

 

I don't want to be a downer. It's just been bothering me lately.

[Kfamily]

:grouphug:

 

 

Your kids sound wonderful. You can and should be proud.:001_smile:

[JenneinCA]

I understand. I hope you are able to find a place you can talk about your kids. It can be lonely.

 

I hope it gets better for you soon.

[Donna]

:grouphug:

 

I don't have any advice, really.

 

I am having a hard time with this as well. I gave up on talking academics with "friends" long ago when my boys were little but things are very exciting for us with our kids' music right now, especially my youngest, and except for my parents and an internet friend, I have no one else to tell without sounding braggy when in reality I am a little happy, a little proud, and a whole lot scared.

 

I hope things get easier for you.

[musicianmom]

I understand. :grouphug:

 

I have my husband and my parents, and 2 homeschooling friends whom I can talk to about academics, so I feel fortunate. But it's hard to remember NOT to mention it when I'm talking to anyone else.

[JeanM]

I totally understand too. I can't even talk to some of my own family about my kids' academics. It can be very lonely.

 

Jean

[RJH]

Safe place to brag.....and great info too: http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ :001_smile:

[Mommy22alyns]

Safe place to brag.....and great info too: http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ :001_smile:

 

 

I'm going to check it out. I've popped on the preschooler board and I'm already nodding my head in agreement! Thanks! :001_smile:

[homemomandnild]

I'm new to the group and will probably just observe most of the time. I 've this problem often also. My sister's kids have LD issues, so I have to be very careful when discussing anything academic. It's great have a place where others understand.

 

Kathy in WV

[Catwoman]

Sorry you're feeling alienated, Amber. :grouphug:

 

You can always talk about your kids and their achievements here!

 

Cat

[joannqn]

Yes! Talk about them here!

 

We'd love to cheer you and your kids.

[Jen in PA]

I know exactly what you mean.... I avoid discussing my kids' academic progress because I always get the sense that people think I am bragging or assume that I push them very hard. It is especially hard for me because I have nieces and nephews near my children's ages, and I really want to avoid making comparisons. I thought we had it all figured out last year when dd started 1st grade (we did K at age 4, so she is a year "ahead" of where she would be in ps). Her best friend is a year older, and I figured it would be great that the girls would be in the same grade (although the friend goes to ps). And then, her parents decided to have her repeat K.... which left my daughter a year younger and a grade ahead, and me feeling like I always have to be very careful about commenting on dd's accomplishments.

 

I try as often as possible to steer conversations toward things that don't involve academics, but now all dd wants to discuss is what she is reading, so the issue gets brought up anyway. It's complicated, but I figure that as the kids get older we will drift towards other families with similar situations, and things should get easier as time goes by.

[joannqn]

I try as often as possible to steer conversations toward things that don't involve academics, but now all dd wants to discuss is what she is reading, so the issue gets brought up anyway. It's complicated, but I figure that as the kids get older we will drift towards other families with similar situations, and things should get easier as time goes by.

 

Within minutes of meeting any adult, my son will begin talking about math, what he's learning, what level he's on, and how he can't wait to start x level next. He's very proud of his accomplishments (having come for a severe learning delay to being way ahead) and likes to tell every adult he comes in contact with. How do you tell a 7 year old that he shouldn't talk about school and how well he's doing?

 

Both of my kids currently like pretending Lord of the Rings so their reading level comes up a lot, too.

[AnitaMcC]

I understand. :grouphug:

 

I have my husband and my parents, and 2 homeschooling friends whom I can talk to about academics, so I feel fortunate. But it's hard to remember NOT to mention it when I'm talking to anyone else.

 

 

I relate very much to watching what I say to most people. I have gifted and special needs children (14yr Ds gifted/Asperger Syndrome, 14yr Dd bright and talented in music and sports, 10yr Ds bright/ADHD, 8yr Ds gifted in math/autism spectrum disorder/ADHD.

 

Some people are critical to how my boys behave (more like not behave) in public when they get stressed out in crowds and all the stimuli around them. And when older Ds gets to talking to they are blown away because he is so knowledgeable about sciences.

 

Thankfully I have a few friends who care deeply about my kids and they often ask how my kids are doing and are excited about us homeschooling the twins for high school. So I have some support and encouragement. At the same time none of our friends can truly understand what it is like with our kids. And in the back of my mind I feel like I need to watch what I say so I don't always talk about my kids. When I commented to one of my friends that I felt bad that it seems like every time I see her we end up talking about my kids, she comments I have so many kids that it is hard to not talk about at least one of them and that she loves to hear about them. So at least with her I can relax.

 

Anita

[SunshineMom]

I don't talk much about we are doing either just because most of our homeschool friends are unschoolers. Is it unusual for my almost 6yr (k) to be reading MagicTreehouse books, doing 2A Singapore/MEP 2, SOTW, and Science4RealKids Chemistry? I guess I just don't know what is expected for a Kindergartener these days. Today she announced that for her 7th birthday party (this year she will have a rocket bday party for her 6th) she would like to make an Egyptian hieroglyph (rather than a pictograph,petroglyph, or cuneiform) birthday card so her friends could decode the invite. Is that odd for a Kindergartener? Right now we are dealing with the responsibility of having an allowance. I have decided that she can have $3 a week ($1 for savings, $1 for giving, $1 for spending) she chose to give $1 to help endangered animals (especially Blue whales). She did however want me to go online and find out how much money a skateboard costs, I did, $20. Well she got very upset and told me she would like to take her guitar and play by the mailboxes so people will give her money. No......this kid is into everything, I am a little nervous what she will be like when she is 12! She also wants an email account to write to her friends (they don't write notes yet). She wants a microscope for her 6th birthday, and a new bike. Is she odd or just a normal almost 6yr?

[LisaKinVA]

I so hear you... although, what I've been struggling with of late is not feeling like there is anyone to commiserate with, when one of them seems to be struggling, and you're trying to figure out if it's a maturity thing, an attitude thing... or something else.

 

I mean, what's the big deal? They are working 1-3 grade levels ahead? Or you get the "all-knowing smirk..." (hidden meaning... I knew her kids must not be all that smart, and see? He can't do X). Or you're filled with self doubt, thinking you THOUGHT you knew your child, maybe you've been wrong.

 

Of course, in my heart, I know it's a temporary thing and we'll get past it (like we do every. single. time.) But, when you're in the middle of it, and the kid doesn't even want to try, because he's SURE he can't do it :banghead: . I know I need to be patient, that it will happen. But, in the meantime, it's just soooo frustrating.

 

And, then I look at the younger ones and just keep the pace as light as I can.... and then the 5yo says, "But Ma-ommm, we didn't do grammar today, why did we skip grammar? Buttt Ma-ommm, I can do dd7's math. I KNOW I can.

[musicianmom]

I so hear you... although, what I've been struggling with of late is not feeling like there is anyone to commiserate with, when one of them seems to be struggling, and you're trying to figure out if it's a maturity thing, an attitude thing... or something else.

 

Oh yeah. Forget asking anyone for advice when you hit a roadblock.

[homemomandnild]

"Ditto!"

[Amber in AUS]

I know how you are feeling. I can only chat with my DH and my best friend, even my family look at me sideways and don't get me started with my inlaws. I think perfect strangers who see my DD reading or say something incredibly strange take it better than most people that i actually know. Sad isn't it when people just can't be accepting.

[HeatherInWI]

I know what you mean. I'm only safe discussing my dc's achievements with childless friends or one friend who has older, even more gifted dc. Even the frustrations that can come with gt children are seen as bragging by most.

 

For social things, I just refer to my children by their chronological ages and have taught them to do the same. Since they don't brag, when something comes out about what they've been doing (such as when another boy in hs group asked ds what math he was using), the other kids seem to just accept it and go on. Much nicer than other moms!

[Mommy22alyns]

Well she got very upset and told me she would like to take her guitar and play by the mailboxes so people will give her money.

 

 

That is SO cute! I love it! She sounds a lot like Becca. :)

 

 

And yes, roadblocks and struggles with our kids are twice as difficult.

[AuntieM]

Glad to know I am in good company. First I realized that my oldest was way ahead of his peers by these conversations (I had little experience with preschoolers at the time he was one, I just thought he was doing what any preschooler would do... surprise!). By the time my 4th rolled around, I wondered if they would even believe me if I told them my 2 yr old could read. In fact, I think a couple of people think I have a big imagination. So I stopped talking about it, and just let them notice for themselves. Pediatrician was astounded when she came into the exam room to find dd reading aloud to me. She had her read some more to her. Quite funny, actually.

 

But it is sad I cannot really share those "brag" moments with grandparents, 'cause they use less discretion when passing info along. I have a very competitive sister-in-law with above average kids, and I think she finds it discouraging that they are *still* not progressing like a couple of mine, no matter how hard they work. Yet they are great kids.

 

Anyway, I understand how you feel, about sharing their achievements and asking for help with roadblocks.

[joannqn]

First I realized that my oldest was way ahead of his peers by these conversations (I had little experience with preschoolers at the time he was one, I just thought he was doing what any preschooler would do... surprise!).

 

That was my assumption, too! I thought all preschoolers knew their letters, numbers to 100, colors, etc. It wasn't until my son was in special ed preschool did I realize my daughter was ahead. The school sent home their monthly newsletter which included little articles telling what each grade was working on. It was reading these that I realized my 4/5 year old daughter was doing K and 1st grade level skills even though she wasn't in kindergarten yet. Even then, it didn't dawn on me that she might be "gifted"; I thought that the school was just way behind. In my mind, I didn't understand why they were teaching kindergartners things that kids learn at age 3. I'm kind of slow in figuring things out sometimes.

[SunshineMom]

I find it also hard to explain that we do school for 2 1/2-3hrs a day to homeschool moms for they will say that my k should not be doing that much school. What? Also, reading to her for 1-2hrs is way too much. What? This kid has a mind of her own, she wanted to learn how to play chess and she requested to join a chess club at 3yrs, to play the violin at 4yrs, learn to swim at 4yrs (we had to gain special permission for some levels of swimming for she had to be 6yrs), learn chemistry at 5yrs and now joining a library book club. We started her in the chess club at 4yrs, she was the youngest participant. She is still wanting to learn violin and has already taken 2yrs of piano. We have started/stopped chemistry (my fault in not getting organized enough) and she will be attending her first book club in two weeks (she had to be 6yrs to join). Her latest request is to be in a play because she wants to be on stage (she has already been in several tap/ballet performances) and act/sing. How do you explain to people that it is your kid leading the way? Most people get it when they meet her not because she is showy but because she is just a strong individual. How do I keep up with her?

[budeb]

"We should be able to be proud of our kids too - no matter what level they're at."

 

I agree.

 

Deb

[FlockOfSillies]

I mean, what's the big deal? They are working 1-3 grade levels ahead? Or you get the "all-knowing smirk..." (hidden meaning... I knew her kids must not be all that smart, and see? He can't do X). Or you're filled with self doubt, thinking you THOUGHT you knew your child, maybe you've been wrong.

 

AAAAHHHHHH!! This is exactly why I came to the AL board today -- to post about problems I'm having with my oldest. I'm in exactly the same boat -- can't discuss it with family, friends are busy/jealous/unable to help... :glare:

 

And then there's the "she's so young, you have plenty of time, don't push." Push? I'm being dragged along!

[VanessaS]

That was my assumption, too! I thought all preschoolers knew their letters, numbers to 100, colors, etc. It wasn't until my son was in special ed preschool did I realize my daughter was ahead... In my mind, I didn't understand why they were teaching kindergartners things that kids learn at age 3. I'm kind of slow in figuring things out sometimes.

 

I struggle with this as well. My daughter had a cognitive and speech evaluation last month and they were amazed by her and rated her in the 3 yo category (the maximum) for everything except speech, and even there she wasn't really delayed. I was shocked that they were shocked. She's my "slow-learner".

Due to the dichotomy in her abilities, she still qualifies for speech therapy.

And my oldest is going to attend a part-time pre-K next year and we were underwhelmed by what they will be learning there. Oh, well. It's just for fun.

 

And I understand about the alienation. My kids are both in sports and even there they excel so far that we get funny looks. Last time another parent asked me if DD was going to start k next year and I was like, "Um... She's just 2." It's even stranger for me because my children are late-talkers and have behavioral problems but people still seem to notice their intelligence. I try not to mention anything academic but it's hard because it's such a big part of our lives. I made the mistake once of mentioning that my DS had written a letter to Grandma because he misses her so much. :tongue_smilie: The looks I get...

Edited May 26, 2009 by VanessaS

[Desert Rat]

Yup! I find it particularly frustrating that other parents can brag about physical achievements but I couldn't brag about educational ones. FWIW, it's gotten easier as the kids have gotten older. It also helps that I do have a supportive spouse and parents. Sometimes I call up my dh just to say, "Guess what Huck just said?"

You're not alone. Brag here. It's safe and we'll all pat you on the back and congratulate you for having such a bright little one.

[VanessaS]

I find it particularly frustrating that other parents can brag about physical achievements but I couldn't brag about educational ones.

Actually, I've found it best not to mention their physical or artistic achievements, either. Any achievements beyond a certain mark are considered bad. Maybe 30% advanced?

I brag to my blog.

[MariaT]

I think it rubs parents of age-peers harder than others.

 

The last year has been tough in this regard--my oldest joined a boy scout troop, along with about 16 other boys his age. Right away my son stuck out because of his advanced vocabulary, strong sense of self, leadership skills, and ambition. He also brings books to read at meetings and campouts. Like "Assassination Vacation." He also works hard on earning merit badges. (The merit badges are actually pretty cool and sometimes we work them into his curriculum.)

Most of the boys his age, who are all in ps or private school, are too busy to do merit badges.

We get loads of support from the parents whose boys are older. But it is the parents of his age-peers who look askance at us. When my son reached 1st class in a year--a very quick advancement for this troop, one dad pointedly told me out of the blue that he did not believe a boy could be 13 and an Eagle Scout. Never had I suggested that my son was TRYING to get to Eagle so quickly--and my son would be freaked out to think someone thought that of him.

We are the only hsers, so that has been a hurdle for them as well. I have given up trying to make friends of my own with these people because the competition among the parents blocks everything. As time goes on, there will be other parents whose sons are younger, so it won't be an issue for them. Fortunately, my son is well-liked in the troop, so the politics aren't interfering with his advancement. So far.

 

Maria

[kpupg]

Speaking of scouts ... I need to tell you this story ...

 

... so my son (then "7th grade" and studying high school geometry) was on a campout, and they were all sitting around the Coleman lantern (no fires allowed out here in the dry West), and the scoutmaster asked what was their favorite subject in school ... most of the boys said PE or suchlike ... then ds said he loved math, especially doing proofs, and gave a quick example of something he had done recently ...

 

... and the crickets chirped ...

 

... and the scoutmaster turned to the next boy and said "and what about you?"

 

Ya gotta laugh. Thank you for understanding :)

Karen

[BellaMama]

:grouphug:We're in the same boat. My parents have been fabulous once they picked their jaw off the floor! It helps to have at least someone understand.

These children are in such a minority.

Edited May 28, 2009 by BellaMama

[Desert Rat]

That's true. Maybe I just have never had any physical achievement to brag about! LOL We're under the 30% advanced mark here on the physical activity chart. I like the percentage, BTW. It sounds like a good number to me.

[VanessaS]

It sounds like a good number to me.

It is a good number but I can't take credit for it. 100 IQ points is considered average, over 130 is considered gifted, therefore 30%<gifted.

 

I think it rubs parents of age-peers harder than others.

Oh, definitely. Once their kids are past that stage they usually even have trouble noticing advancement at all. And they don't really care anymore.

 

Karen, I had to giggle at that story.

I had a similar experience in high school (and before, and after, alas). For the TAAS (Texas school-leaving exam) we had to write an essay about our favorite school subject. Most other children wrote about PE, homeroom, lunch, sports, etc. I wrote that I thought that the humanities was my favorite subject. I had taken it as a separate class a few years before and was fascinated by the juxtaposition of the arts, religion, and history. I got so excited writing about it that I needed extra paper.

Well, when our results came back I was the only one in my GT English class who didn't get an A (I got a B). And the only one who wrote about a real subject. The comment written across the top was: "Excellent writing skills but did not address the essay topic." Huh? My teacher read the essay and said it was by far the best one she'd seen and then she paused and said, "But maybe the reviewer didn't know what the humanities are... They probably were stumped that you didn't pick lunch."

And my DH always says that one of the best things about me is that I get his jokes. "How is Becky like Schroedinger's cat? When you put her to bed she is both asleep and awake. You have to open the door to determine the state." or "Reviewing Calculus again? When you get to the integral of e to the x power, come get me." LOL!

Did I just out us as couple of nerds?...

At a recent party we got into a heated discussion about the failings of the decimal system and how duodecimal (me -- I deal a lot with statistics and 12 has more divisors than 10) or hexadecimal (him -- software engineer looking for binary shorthand) would be better. It took us a moment to realize that everyone had wandered off.

[skaterbabs]

And then there's the "she's so young, you have plenty of time, don't push." Push? I'm being dragged along!

 

 

Gah. I get that a lot with Dot. I'm not pushing her. She threw a fit the other day because we went to the library and her brothers had written work to do and she didn't. :glare: I made the mistake of mentioning to a church aquaintance (a retiring K teacher) that we'd decided to HS her since she wasn't accepted at a certain prestidgeous private college-prep (girls' only) school that would have been ideal for her, but that we honestly couldn't have afforded anyway. She asked me why, and I explained that she's reading on a mid-third grade level (with phonetics, not sight words, and without formal reading instruction at all.) The response was that she couldn't possibly be RETAINING or understanding what she's reading. Never mind that twenty minutes later I had to explain to the Sunday School teacher that she was playing bakery during nursery because we'd just read and abridged version of "A Little Princess" and was fascinated with the scene in which Sarah gives her rolls to the little beggar girl. :tongue_smilie:

[kpupg]

Oh, that really stinks that you were marked down because your thinking is bigger, broader, and just plain superior and the highly-qualified reviewer couldn't recognize that :( I know my son will do less well on standardized tests because his mind is just bigger than what they want to see demonstrated -- we are already beginning some test prep to try to ameliorate that "problem."

 

I am trying to do a "humanities" approach for Jr.-Sr. high school for my kids. For the first time, I am trying to integrate history (including Church history), geography, literature, and art. I'm beginning to pre-read and select the literature, both fiction and non-fiction, and it is getting me all excited ... I love it when everything comes together, everything is connected ... I can see that it is going to be too big, and I will have to pare it down, but oh, this part is so much fun :)

 

Wish we lived next door to your family ... all the science and math talk would just put us into orbit LOL :)

 

Karen

[Kuovonne]

... I brag to my blog.

 

Sigh. I found out that some of the other moms in my homeschool group who have kids the same age as DD5 read my blog, and now I don't even feel safe bragging there very often.

Edited May 30, 2009 by Kuovonne

[Ravin]

A friend of mine has a little boy who I babysit. I'm on the verge of sitting down with him and testing his reading skills, because I avoided buying him a book at his birthday because she'd been so vague about his reading level. I didn't want to get him something that would be too easy and bore him. I think I begin to understand why, maybe?

 

My DD is right on grade level. That's fine. Friends DS is definitely accelerated in that area, probably others, too. He's bright. It doesn't mean he doesn't still act like a 6 yo., he's got his strengths and weaknesses like any other. It doesn't mean I'm going to compare him to DD and like him less because he's smarter! After all I WAS that bright kid at his age.

 

I'm glad you can at least come on here, where you don't have to downplay either your children's abilities, or their struggles.

 

Talk away!

[VanessaS]

Sigh. I found out that some of the other moms in my homeschool group who have kids the same age as DD5 read my blog, and now I don't even feel safe bragging there very often.

Ugh. I know what you mean. I had to move to a more anonymous address after I found out that my neighbor was reading it.

 

I know my son will do less well on standardized tests because his mind is just bigger than what they want to see demonstrated

My DH has this problem with multiple-choice questions. He can see how multiple answers could be correct. I have to keep telling him not to read too much into it.

[Mommy22alyns]

I have to keep telling him not to read too much into it.

 

 

That makes me think of Becca the other day - we were talking about why you count by fives when you're counting minutes around a clock, and she started to really overthink it - "Well, they just wanted to make it that way," trying to go to the origins of the sixty-minute hour when the answer was actually very simple. She's my child, poor girl. :001_huh: