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Found 8 results

  1. Can someone please explain group dynamics to me? I just feel like we never fit in. We are always the new ones. Kids might initially be friendly, but then quickly dissolve back into their established friend zones. I've had long periods were we stop trying. I pray about it. I think this is an idol in my heart for sure. I want my kids to find sweet friends. The look on their faces when other kids show them interest, makes me so happy for them. It just seems like we can't ever find the sweet new kids looking for friends too. Everyone has got their people. I just would love some shared experiences. Grown homeschool kids.. How did they turn out? Maybe God just wants them to be close friends with their siblings? I have two girls and a boy. This is totally rambling, but it's a tired subject for me. We are normal! And fun! Why is it soo hard? I was an 80's public school kid, and I swear I never felt that making friends was this hard. Thanks for listening.
  2. Let me first say that I feel a little bit juvenile in even coming to anyone with this but I'm feeling a bit of an identity crisis and just hoped that maybe some of you have been here and have some jewels of wisdom to share.... I have been involved with a community of women, 4 of which have been the "core" of the group for about 3 years. We meet weekly for organized Bible study, meet up at least monthly for a planned mom's night out, have scheduled and impromptu playdates and other meet ups and sometimes just hang out at each other's house after kids are off to bed and hubbies are home. I call them my girls. Our kids are all around the same age (we met at MOPS) and so it was very compatible. Two years ago, my hub and I decided to homeschool our kids. The first year was not a big deal as my kids were not much older than the other preschoolers at Bible study and at our meet ups. Last year, I started having issues as they hated those times when I met up with my friends because of the widening age gap. Over the summer, I would get text invites for various meet ups but most often, would have to decline because we are working on our lessons year round (a decision based largely on the fact that I'm attending Bible study with them weekly and another day of primary learning missed for weekly co-op). At the same time, I've missed opportunities to build relationships with other homeschooling moms because I was committed first to my already established group of girls. This past week, our local schools started back and the other 3 ladies met for coffee. This is the first time they've made plans without me....as far as I know. It really hurt to have been left out but I absolutely understand. I think it's a symptom of the problem (not the problem itself), that we are loosing our points of connection due to the divergence of our lifestyles. But it still hurt. So basically, I feel like I've been straddling between the worlds of stay at home mom and homeschooling mom. So, what do you think? Am I being silly to let homeschooling drive a wedge between me and social group/community or to even think that it is? Am I naïve to think that I can maintain community with these ladies? Should I just accept that I'm unable to participate and therefore expect not to be included to extent I have in the past but continue to be present when I can and not get my feelings hurt as I'm included less often? I have to believe that some of you have been in a similar situation so I'd love to hear your advice. Thanks!
  3. Hi there, I'm currently homeschooling my two oldest boys, who are about to turn 7 and 9. We go to a co-op that meets for a few hours once a week, and we go to Sunday school and church every week. That's where my boys get the majority of their social time. I'm wondering if this is enough. There's one boy who lives a couple doors down who comes over occasionally, but he doesn't get home until after 4pm so it's hard to find the time. I don't know of any other kids their age in the neighborhood. My oldest son does gymnastics, but he hasn't made any friends through it yet. My second son goes to karate, but he also doesn't have friends there. They both did little league for the first time this past spring, but I don't know if they're going to have any friendships come out of that. It seems like the kids who did little league all knew each other already, and I don't know if we're going to get any playdates out of it. I'm particularly concerned for my oldest son because all 3 of his friends that were his age at church have moved, so now he doesn't have any friends there. He has one good friend at co-op, but I'm wondering if that's enough. How much social time is enough? How many friends is enough? How do you know? I must confess that my husband and I both carry baggage from our childhoods when it comes to lack of friends and not fitting in, and I'm concerned for my kids. I don't want them to conform, but I do want them to feel ok with who they are and to feel that they are wanted as friends. Does that make sense? I don't know if I'm being paranoid. I'd appreciate any thoughts on the matter. Erin
  4. I've gotten frustrated with suburbia. This is probably more of a vent than anything else, since I can't think of one constructive way to broach the issue and I can't even vent to my friends, since they are the offenders. I have 3 kids and we decided before they were old enough to participate in any "extras" that we would allow each child 2 days/nights of extracurriculars. If the chosen activity required a practice and a game schedule, that would count as their 2 day allotment. Each of my children are in scouts and gymnastics. These 3 scheduled events take up somewhere between 1.5 -2.5 hours of our Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays including drive time. Except for Monday nights, all the activities are scheduled before public school kids even get out. Our afternoon/evening schedule is clear on Tuesday-Sunday by design. I'm so thankful that we only have 3 time commitments a week for our 3 kids, as they participate together in gymnastics. I don't think I could handle another day of rushing to this or that. We don't participate in coops because it's too stressful to have another scheduled day. Every other Sunday evening we participate as a family with a church group. We adults have other, less frequent commitments, but mainly, we make time for family, friends, and my sanity. Recently, my sister-in-law called to say her kids really want to see their cousins and to ask when could we get together? (they live 40 minutes away). Her kids go to a university model school on MWF, have soccer practice 3 nights a week, karate another night, soccer games all day on Saturdays, and a church activity every Sunday evening. Well...it doesn't sound like they have much time for us. (Their Wednesday night soccer practice was rained out, so we saw them then because we were available.) My kids wanted to play with the next door public school friends, but they are only available on Mondays for 1 hour (dinner hour) between activities. Our homeschooling neighbors organize their day differently (school in the afternoon, while my kids are playing) and have activities every night too. Even some people in our church group are not participating on Sunday nights because they are playing chauffeur for their teens activities on Sunday evenings. These are just a few examples of recent interactions that prevent my kids from forming and maintaining relationships. Though we have made a point not to over-schedule ourselves, others have not and my kids are suffering. Friends met in scouts and gymnastics are too busy to be friends outside of that scheduled time. Even our own cousins are so over-booked that we can't find an evening or weekend to spend together. Unfortunately, we also school year round, so my kids aren't available for some summer events, though we do our best to be flexible. I bend over backwards in the summer to make my kids available for friends and still get our school work done. I live and grew up in the Bible Belt. Sundays have always been family days, church days, and days of rest. I just don't understand the scheduling of so many activities on Sunday and it adds to the hurt that I'm feeling for my kids. My kids have many acquaintances, but no deep friendships. Fortunately, they are close in age and love to play together, but I need my daughter to have a girl friend. Even her female cousins are 4 years younger and too busy. Are most children suffering from this lack of friends like mine? If their acquaintances are too busy going from one organized activity to another, are they even building actual friendships? How do we meet children who actually have time to be friends?
  5. Ok I am feeling down right now and need to vent. I really am regretting homeschooling my kids. I have always homeschool our 2 youngest and our oldest from 4th grade. I see that the socialization is a big problem for my boys. My dd is doing fine, but my boys on the other hand are/have really struggled in this area. I have done everything I can possibly think of: church, sports, get together with other homeschoolers and non homeschoolers, clubs, co-ops, etc. Our youngest ds is 16 and does nothing during the week. He goes to church Wednesday and Sunday that's it. I do try my best to get a few of their homeschooled friends--who live a good ways away from us--together once or twice a month. I found out tonight that the church that my kids go to, which is a huge church, no one there has anything to do with my ds. On Sunday's he said he goes to class, goes to the main service and then outside to wait on me. On Wednesday's same thing happens. He does not talk to anyone and no one talks to him! Even though I have LOVED having my kids with me and teaching them, I regret everything about their social life and I don't know how to fix it. I am so hurt right now that I don't even know what to do. I can not put them in the local school system--it is an awful school. We have enrolled them in a cyber school. My son will be dual enrolled in our local Community College this yr and will go twice a week. How many kids his age will be there and in his class..no idea What have you done in this situation?
  6. Does this serve any purpose? I mena, it's nice to get friend requests. "Ooh, look! So and so wants to be my friend!" It seems the forum equivalent of a warm fuzzy, but does it do anything else? I'm feeling clueless. At least I understand it better than Facebook and MySpace friend requests from people I don't know. Now that is weird. Oh, and thank you to the two people who did send me friend requests. I'm not knockin' it; I just don't get it. Speak to me slowly and in simple terms.
  7. Do you, like me, feel the need to introduce yourself in some way. I mean, it just seems weird to send this request out of the blue. I am thinking "What if they don't know me?" And the thing is, they probably don't. So for all of you who get an invitation from me, this is who I am, okay? Just Me - Michelle from central NC, three kids, dh in ministry, overworked, underpaid, and avoiding some very important task (like toilet cleaning or yardwork) by being here on the boards. So now you know...won't you please be my friend? :D
  8. We're like kids at Christmas. Oooooh...a new feature. I'm ridiculously happy to click, "Add friend." But at some point it ocurred to me...wait...I think these were my friends anyway. Right? But *grin* now it's so...official. I'm embarrassed to say...I'm having fun. I mean...I always do have fun here. I've been shirking school & house & kids for a long time here, so this is really nothing new, but..:D
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