((hugs))
My dd5 has significant special needs. Right now I am using a mix of Oak Meadow Preschool, Wynstone's Kindergarten Series, and A Child's Seasonal Treasury with her: circle time, lots of singing, movement verses, some arts and crafts-lots of fun stuff. I will do these things with her for at least two more years before moving to Oak Meadow Kindergarten. Right now pushing academics with her would be a disaster. Also, we have a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly rhythm that we try to follow. That way dd5 knows when I'll be working with her and when I'll be working with her older siblings. She also knows when I'll be cooking, or doing laundry, or cleaning, etc. and when I'll be taking her outside, to the store, or park and what day we'll have co-op. We try to eat meals and snacks around the same time each day and *try* to stick to a bedtime routine. I say *try* with bedtime b/c my dd5 has sleep issues. Sometimes just knowing what to expect can help our special needs children so much- actually all of our children and ourselves. :)
Find some fun learning activities that both children can do. Cuddle on the couch and read great books together. Get outside and play and take nature walks. Just relax and enjoy each other's company.
And please don't feel that you are whining or complaining. You are looking for help and support, which we all need sometimes.