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About MommyMegan

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    Hive Mind Larvae
  1. Thank you all for these great stories and insights! I've read each and every one. :-)
  2. Now that you're an adult, can you look back and give me some insight on what it was like having a mother >40 years older than you? How do you feel it affected your childhood both negatively and positively? and, fwiw, do you know if you were an ooopsy baby or a planned-for baby? Also, now that you're an adult, what's it like having a parent that much older than you? (i.e. do you feel like your kids missed out on an active grandparent? Did caring for an elderly parent hit you at a season in your life where you were schmack dab in the middle of having little babies of your own? etc.). I'd love to hear your perspective. (My mom was 25 years older than I, so I didn't have this experience) Thanks!
  3. Wow! and more Wow! You all have been tremendous! So much meaty-ness for me to go back and read and re-read and digest. Thank you!
  4. We're at that "crossroads" ourselves and lots of "angles" are being considered. We're both age 41 (I'll turn 41 in July). We have one son who turns 11 end of this month. When our son was four and about the time we were planning to try for another baby ourselves, my husband's sister and her husband were killed in a car accident when the husband rear-ended a stopped 18 wheeler going over 60 mph. Thankfully their twin daughters were not in the car. We were awarded full custody of our nieces and raised them from ages 13 to 18; they are now juniors in college and are doing very well; we miss them and are very proud of them. For the five years they were living with us (my son was 9 when they left for college), I had NO thoughts of having another baby as I felt plenty busy with a child and 2 teenagers, especially the first two years when they (and we all) were so bereaved/getting adjusted. They were easy teens and never gave us a shred of trouble. So it wasn't the STRESS of having them that kept me from having another baby, it was just the sheer busy-ness. They were actually quite helpful and made caring for my son much easier. He misses them terribly and they miss him. Now that they are gone, my husband and I are JUST NOW having this conversation (whether to be permanently done with having children)! I feel, at my "advanced maternal age" that I should get on with this decision as if I'm going to have another baby, I need to get on with it! but a thousand angles bombard me. My husband is more neutral about it; he said he'll be happy either way and that it's my decision. He said if we had a baby of course he'd love him/her and be a devoted father as he's always been. And he is a fabulous daddy. There's the part of me that LOVES being at home and has NO desire to return to work when I'm empty-nested who thinks, "Why not have another precious love nugget to pal around the farm with me? (we have many cows) There's the part of me that wishes my son wasn't the only child in the house (we homeschool); he misses his older sisters; yet I know a new baby with such an age gap isn't remotely going to be like their relationship. Sure, he'd LOVE the child, but it wouldn't be to try to repeat/recapture/mimic the other. There's the part of me that thinks(knows) we don't have the energy we once had and that it'd be a disservice to a baby. There's the part of me that lays in the bed on a Saturday morning (the one morning I get to sleep in until 8:00 as my son goes with my husband for breakfast and errands) and I think, "I couldn't DO THIS if I had a baby!" There's the part of me that watches young mothers run after toddlers and I think, "Thank Heaven I'm out of THAT phase". But then I look out at my husband and son playing in the yard and I think, " I am really going to miss seeing that when he goes in just 7 more years?" I think how nice it'd be to just be husband and wife with no distractions. I think about how I'll likely move more and more into elder care as our parents age and having a child will complicate that. I think, "What if the child has disabilities from my having him/her so old?" I think about how much joy my children have given me over the years and how could I go wrong with adding another little person to our family and lives. I think there's no way my son will have much of a relationship with a child 12 years younger...... SO MANY THOUGHTS from both sides, so I'm torn. I know I've never heard anyone say, "I sure wish I hadn't have had THAT child". No one ever seems to regret adding another little child to their life, but that's not a reason to add a child, I don't think. I had a friend tell me, You're overthinking this". Yes I am as, IMO, it's a big deal to "start over" at 42 years old! It gives me pause to think about having an 18 year old at age 60!!! I can't help but really really THINK about it. I'd love to hear from you all and hear what factors went into your decision on this matter. What was your choice? And please provide some background like what were your and your spouse's and kids' ages then? How'd it turn out? Regrets? What was great? What wasn't? Whatever you wish to share on this would be greatly appreciated by this curious newbie who finally joined to ask this crazy question.
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