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happysmileylady

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Everything posted by happysmileylady

  1. I think that intense emotions don't lend themselves to rationality. I also think that it takes work and maturity to bring a person to the point where they can be rational in spite of the intensity of the emotions. And many people don't get there, which to me says it's as much about the person as it is about their age. We are on a message board and removed from the situation so we can utilize more rationality than the OP. Plus, it doesn't sound like the OP actually reacted irrationally towards her son, but rather to a "third party" of anonymous means.....which can sometimes be the safest place to do so, even if people online react negatively, since those people aren't actually present in the day to day. When the person reacting in such a way is there, present in the day to day, it adds another dynamic to the irrationality.
  2. Also, aren't most banks actually open on a Saturday morning, for at least a few hours? Even without a checkbook or debit card, if there is an account, most folks can walk into a bank branch, withdraw any amount up to what they have in their account, with no ATM or checkbook required. Just an ID necessary (which, we should all presume he has since he works IN a bank.
  3. Yes I can get $1000 out of an ATM. If you can't, then your bank has different rules. I have. Obviously my bank has different rules than yours. She said she would be cancelling "that evening." This kid lives about 15 minutes away from his parents. If his bank has more strict rules about what he can get out of the ATM, I have a strong suspicion that if he had gone to the bank, taken like $500 out, went to his parents house and said "I totally forgot, this is all the bank let me take out of the ATM, I will get more on Monday" then this would have all been avoided. And that all presumes that there was no ability at ALL to do some sort of electronic transfer, which That sounds to me like he intended to do some sort of electronic transfer, he just never did it. I think most banks allow transfers of $1k right? The agreement and the bookings happened in May.
  4. Well, since he was the only adult going, it's not like he could have just decided not to go and have the other kids go without him. Which means he basically said, fine, I am not taking my siblings with me. Plane tickets or not, he decided that he was not taking his sisters on a trip he told them he was going to take them on.
  5. According to the OP So they messaged him on 8/23, which, according to the OP is about 3 months after the initial agreement (perhaps 2 if the agreement was the end of May) On the 29th, he was at their house, said he had the money, would go to the bank the next morning and take care of it. When he didn't do that on the the 30th, they sent him a message to tell him that if he didn't take care of it, they would be cancelling that evening (therefore, still giving him the whole day to at least hit an ATM). 17 day later, he messaged his parents that he went all by himself. (sorry, posted before I meant to) Me personally, I would have been hopping my kid down to the bank long before the end of August. Even living 2 hrs away, I see my kid probably 4 to 5 times in a 3 month period....she sees my mom weekly since they live about 15 minutes away. I don't get the impression that the OP and her son are so antagonistic to each other that they never spoke once between May and August 23rd. "Hey kiddo, I really gotta pay the CC, since we are already together having lunch, lets just swing by the bank over there and we can take care of this." BUT, that didn't happen, which other people have indicated they wouldn't have done anyway. And I don't feel like they totally up and threatened to cancel with no warning.
  6. Unless I am misreading, that's not what I understood to happen. He offered to take one sibling on a trip for her birthday. He and his parents discussed this (as should happen when he's bringing a sibling who is a minor and still living at home.) In course of discussing the birthday trip, plans fell through in May, so they discussed and set something up for September. Then, the son and parents discussed adding another sibling and costs were discussed. Here's one thing I will be honest about, I still don't understand who agreed to pay for what. But I am pretty sure that the son and parents did agree, back in May, about who was going on the trip, and who was paying for what regarding the trip. The parents book the whole thing on their CC and son says he will get the money to them. Then, continues to say he will get the money to them, with several gentle/not so gentle reminders, from his mom. Finally, she gets fed up and threatens to cancel the hotel room (air bbt? ) if he doesn't get her the money he promised. (that is the part I wouldn't have done.) He gets irked off and essentially says 'fine, if you want to cancel the room, we will just cancel the whole thing and no one goes.' Then, he texted his mom the day the trip was supposed to happen and said 'hey, guess what, I went anyway.'
  7. I don't think the OP's son is a terrible person overall. And, I don't think the OP does either. I do think the OP's son is acting terribly and I think she does as well and I think that her thinking that IS totally justified.
  8. He didn't just cancel the whole thing. He had no regard for the fact that he disappointed his siblings, AND THEN....he went on the trip all by himself anyway and texted his parents just to tell them he went by himself. THAT is the selfish behavior. Also, the money was money he had been promising to give them for 3 months. It's not like they blindsided him with a demand for money they knew he didn't have. He agreed to pay this money back in May, kept saying he was going to pay it, and when they finally did say "if you don't pay it we are cancelling" he got all passive aggressive about the whole thing. If he couldn't afford it, he had 3 months to act like an adult and say "hey, look, I just don't have this money, and I really don't feel comfortable taking two siblings on another trip after the huge trip last year." Even if he's "only" 22, he had 3 whole months to figure out how to act like an adult regarding this situation. A few months ago, my oldest had the opportunity to take a work trip. It would have been paid for, but in reimbursements. My kid doesn't have a CC (and wouldn't use one to book a work trip anyway because....who knows when accounting will *actually* pay reimbursement...) and although she had the cash in the bank, it was earmarked as an emergency fund. Which meant, to take the trip, she would have had to spend her emergency fund, then wait until she got reimbursed, which as I said, who knows when a company actually pays their reimbursements. So, after a couple of days of thought, she went to her boss and said "hey, this trip would be a great opportunity, and I would love to go, but I just can't." And, her boss didn't care. This kid had 3 months to say "I just can't" if that's really what the situation was, but he didn't.
  9. This, I have some agreement and some disagreement with. I said earlier, I probably would have just taken my kid to the bank after lunch, or stopped by her work while running errands to get the cash out before I threatened to cancel. I suspect that that one small thing would have avoided the son's freak out. But, I don't think it's the parent's "job" to ensure the adult son doesn't go crazy just because he's p!$$@d that mom wants the money he promised her. He didn't follow through on his promise and then didn't think about anyone else but himself when his not following through actually had consequences. That's immature selfish butthole behavior. Even from a 22yr old.
  10. Totally agree with that! I am very big on the person causing the disappointment being the person who informs the kids of what's going on. There are times its unavoidable. And it feels terrible. But yes, if the trip (or party or whatever event) is to be cancelled, the person doing the cancelling does the informing.
  11. Sure, but an adult sibling intentionally causing such disappointment in their younger siblings....it's a real butt nugget move.
  12. And, quoting myself, I would be BEYOND p!$$@d if my DD23 did that to one of my younger kids. Quite honestly, I would probably lose my 💩 on her over the phone.
  13. Again, when someone is really p!$$@d off and is justifibly so, they sometimes get a bit over the top.
  14. Well, no father "owes" their kid a birthday trip, any more than a sibling owes his siblings. But, when an adult sibling tells a young/minor sibling, that he/she is going to take the younger sib somewhere, then flakes out, and then goes on his/her own, yes, that really is a huge sting to the younger sibling. This isn't a situation where everyone is an adult here. The 16 yr old is coming close, but a 14 yr old is still very much a kid. A teen, yes, but a young one. And they absolutely feel that disappointment very keenly.
  15. I am curious what sorts of reactions people would expect if it was "I think my husband behaved selfishly when he cancelled our kid's birthday trip because he got irked off that I asked him to pay the CC bill....then he went on the trip all by himself and didn't tell our kid." Would we expect anyone to type a sentence like that? I think everyone would be ok with someone saying "my husband is being a selfish @$$hole because he cancelled our kids birthday trip when I asked him to pay the CC...........And then the SOB went all by himself!"
  16. I don't disagree, but I also think that sometimes, when people are really p!$$@d off, the words they use aren't really what they mean to express themselves properly. I mean, I don't know the OP, maybe she really does feel such things about her son overall as a person. But, maybe she's just using imprecise language due to the intensity of the emotion (an intensity which is justified.)
  17. I think perhaps one of the reasons that the OP was using such negative terminology is because she's really p!$$@d off at him about this, and justifiably so. If this had been a good friend, or a guy she was dating, I suspect most of us would have advised to dump that friend/SO. And, if this had been her DH, most posts probably would have been full of recommendations to see a marriage counselor. And terminology like disrespectful, selfish, and opportunistic would totally be used to describe any other adult who did this to her that was not her own offspring.
  18. Total side question... Is herbal teas ok? They don't contain any caffeine at all since they aren't technically made from actual tea leaves.
  19. Breakfast get everyone dressed wash dishes drop a load of laundry in Field Trip Switch laundryFlash CardsChoresSort learning aids (got it started yesterday, didn't get if finished)Ask ask more questions for social studies and science. We got lots of earth science type questions yesterday, I want to get some history questionswork on menu and school planning. We got to the hanger that the museum/exhibit is in. There was a small kindergarten class there and the guys that work there were giving them this little talk. The kids were *not* paying attention at all lol. We waited politely till the group was done so has not to infringe on their lesson. I did hear that the plan was going to fly on Thursday. We got our brochures stamped, then went out to lok at the plane, one of the guys that was giving the kindy talk seemed really excited to see more kids, so he gave us our own personal tour. He answered the kids questions, and they did have some. He let them touch the plane, try on the flight goggles and was really great. We are going to go back on Thursday in the morning because there will be a couple of actual flights, so the kids will get to see it prep and take off.
  20. Yeah, I would probably avoid the ceremony for a betazoid wedding also lol. I would probably go to the reception though provided the bride um.............................changed lol.
  21. Morning all! Today, I have down for a field trip. Should be a quick one, just visiting a replica plane set up in an older hanger and an older, but still working airport. This will give us our last stamp, so that later in the week, we can go get our Wilbears. Also, I have down to do state flash cards and the kids love flash carts, so I suppose I better print them off. In fact, as I typed that, I thought "just do it" so that's at the printer now. SO Breakfast get everyone dressed wash dishes drop a load of laundry in Field Trip Switch laundry Flash Cards Chores Sort learning aids (got it started yesterday, didn't get if finished) Ask ask more questions for social studies and science. We got lots of earth science type questions yesterday, I want to get some history questions work on menu and school planning.
  22. Truthfully, I think that unless there are other serious issues related to all that, i think really, it's probably a good thing for you DS2 to be working through it. It may be that he always has a preference for being comforted by male figures, and really, that's ok. But, this is also a situation where, as you can keep on keeping on, he can learn that you can be a safe female source of comfort as well. So I think, work to meet his needs, as well as the needs of the other kids, but take comfort in knowing that even though none of it is easy for anyone, you and your DH are doing your best and the kids will learn and grow from it. You are doing a good job dealing with it. Your DS2, and the other two kids, are in very good hands. They will come out of this ok, even if it's not a perfect journey.
  23. Well I am not sure that "hey, I am out running errands, I am gonna stop by your Wells Fargo branch (or whatever) so that you can get that cash out of your ATM so I can pay this CC bill." is so much more dramatic that what the OP actually has going on right now. But also, I already said a few posts ago that I am not talking about an "all the time" sort thing. Even with what else she has posted, I haven't gotten the impression that the OP's son is regularly stiffing his parents on money they have fronted him. If that's the case, that this thing is happening "all the time" then yes, I agree with you. And in general, just so that my position is clear, I do think her son is being an immature butt and he IS in the wrong.
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