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  1. I don't volunteer anymore because when we started home schooling 9 years ago, I worked twenty hours a week and had two younger kids. I volunteered to teach at the co-op, organized activities, and field trips. I volunteered to help new parents with the regs and volunteered for panels to discuss homeschooling and working. Now, I work 32-40 hours a week on night shift, I'm homeschooling two kids, foster another, and I'm a single mother. I volunteer at a free clinic providing healthcare for uninsured patients and for a political organization. I severely limit any other commitments. My kids are active in 4 H and one other activity, I'm very upfront about about my inability to help out beyond paying dues, attending meetings, and being with my kids when we volunteer as a family. Luckily, other parents are able to step because I simply have no more time or energy.
  2. Some children, my oldest son comes to mind, progress at their own rates. My mom use to tell me not to compare him to others that he was on his own trajectory. I kept detailed journals so I could look back and cheer him on with how much progress he had made. He walked early, but talked late, potty trained late, had trouble learning to read, was hyperactive, and on and on....... It often seemed he took one step backward for every step forward. He finally started sleeping through the night and seemed to forget he was toilet trained. He'd learn to zip his coat and suddenly couldn't remember how to velcro his shoes. He didn't tie his shoes until he was almost ten. He is the reason I started to home school so I could constantly readjust his schooling. We did everything possible to maximize his independence and encourage him to socialize and learn critical thinking skills. It was often hard and discouraging. So many times I called my mom crying...... But and this is a huge but... He is a teenager with a wide range of opinions, interests, and friends. He on track academically, except for writing, the child hates to write. He has plans for his future (maybe not the one I envisioned when he was a baby). He wants to be a vet tech, learn to drive a car, rent an apartment with his best friend and raise snakes. He falls in love every other week, lives to play RPGs with his friends, and regularly argues with his dad and I about all teen age things. He volunteers at an animal shelter, has good relationships with his family, and plans to marry and kids some day. I never imagined at 3 or 5 or even 8, his future would be this bright. He may never obtain a 4 year degree or make lots of money but this is light years beyond the future a doctor once gave us where he would never be able to live independently, drive, make friends, or even read at a 5th grade level.
  3. My ex husband's anxiety often manifested as borderline obsessive behaviors. It was incredibly hard for him because he understood logically his behavior was unreasonable, but he wasn't necessarily able to control it. The behavior worsened his anxiety which worsened his behavior etc. It was brutal for all of us. Therapy and CBT helped when he was compliant. I hope therapy helps your husband. It is really tough for everyone.
  4. No, and consider ear plugs or headphones. My teenage son wears ear plugs to movies and to play laser tag. He has SPD, and has never seen a movie without ear plugs. Ear plugs enabled him to attend age apporiate activities (movies, concerts, loud resurants, parties) by helping him to interact socially in loud settings
  5. My oldest son played rough at that age. It took constant redirection and micromanaging on my part to help him learn to play well (not rough) until he was almost five. He has SPD and ADHD. Occupational therapy to help with the sensory seeking behavior and speech therapy to help with his expressive delays and well as social skills classes made my life but more importantly his life easier. While I knew his behavior was "different", I didn't realize the extent of his issues until a friend gently pointed it out. It was a difficult conversation, and I'm not proud of how I responded (I was defensive and hurt). Afterwards, when discussing the conversation with a sister who had older sons, she pointed out my son had similar behaviors to her son with ADHD and a cousin's child with ASD. We did get him am evaluation and services. Sensory seeking behavior doesn't necessarily mean autism, ADHD, or SPD. Rough play doesn't always equal sensory seeking behavior. I can completely relate to the mother's fear of her son not being able to make and keep friends. On a happier note, my son is a teenager with minor sensory issues (he occasionally wears ear plugs at movies), pretty severe ADHD, a wide variety of interests, a few very close friends, a large number of friends and acquaintances he loves to hang out with. He does still engage in sensory seeking behaviors, he just make sure he does it in a socially acceptable like going to the trampoline park, snow boarding, rock climbing, swimming, wrestling team, and martial arts. Because of his social and academic struggles, he is a very kind and empathetic child.
  6. My parents were two perfectly reasonable, intelligent, kind people capable of happy long term relationships, unless they were married to each other. My siblings and I prayed for years for them to divorce. They did, yes I had to live in two homes. Two peaceful, stress free homes, with happy parents who went on to have happy stable relationships with my beloved step parents. My parents modeled how to treat your former spouse with respect, even if you were no longer married. They successfully co parented six kids to adulthood. I was well into adulthood before I realized it wasn't an amicable divorce.
  7. My grandmother was adamant that all of her granddaughters (she only had sons) should get a college education, a career, and financial independence before getting married and having kids. She wasn't able to finish 7th grade because of her family needed her to go to work and she spent 25 years married to a man who abused her and their sons. She wanted to make sure we didn't have to suffer the way she and her kids did. If you didn't know her story, she seemed opinionated and interfering, but she was a tough woman who had learned not to show her emotions. By encouraging us to go to school, giving financial advice, and putting money away for our education, she was able to show her love for her granddaughters. Especially considering the financial sacrifices (reusing tea bag, never buying new clothes, etc) to buy us saving bonds for college. My son always said he wants to be a dad when asked what he wants to be when he grows up. He stopped telling people that when he was seven or eight because people would be so negative a boy expressing parenthood as a life goal.
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