[My feelings are hurt]

I would also be hurt by the fact that they're going to be so close and didn't have the thought for seeing you guys at the same time. I find it strange.  I guess they're entitled to whatever they want with their time and money, however, and so try not to internalize it too much.

In our family it's the opposite: I live in the US and my whole family lives in England. We took my son to Germany on his graduation trip this summer (his choice of country) and we knew that we'd have to add in a few days beforehand (or after) to go to England to see them as we couldn't (and didn't want to) go that far without seeing them also.

I think it's probably a bigger disappointment that you thought the excuse was that it was just too far for them to travel for whatever reason and so you'd settled with that and then the goal posts got moved and it took you by surprise that it feels like a deliberate slight.

They are probably oblivious to how this feels. Did you ask them if you can visit them while they're there or if they can add on a couple of days to see you guys in Poland?

[Actors that grate on your nerves when they are acting (not their personal lives)]

On 12/17/2023 at 10:18 AM, Amethyst said:

Yes. Cillian Murphy. I don’t think ive seen anything he is in. Just the trailers are a turnoff

And this is interesting cuz all this time I thought it was Benedict Cumberbatxh (couldn’t think of his name last night). I don’t like him either!

I liked him in Peaky Blinders (currently only on early season 2, though). I could see how he'd be grating!

[Having a dryer delivered. Do I tip?]

I don't ever keep cash on hand. I probably should for situations like this. I'm having a dishwasher delivered in a few hours and didn't even think to tip and now I'm slightly stressing over it. I hate tip culture, it's so variable!

[Is anyone intermittent fasting?]

On 8/10/2023 at 2:58 PM, hshibley said:

Ladies who fast for long periods 20+ hour periods. Are you dizzy going that long without food? Do you do strenuous exercise ie long runs during your fasts? 

No, not at all! I actually have gotten to the point where my body has adapted and sometimes if I'm distracted I can forget that I haven't eaten in a long time because I feel so good. When I was first starting out, though, I did go through a stage of a couple of weeks where the fasting was HARD and I had headaches and felt dizzy. Once my body got used to fasting and my blood sugars lowered/regulated I didn't have any issues.

I'm not a runner and so can't answer that question from a personal standpoint. I have heard others say that they prefer to run and heavy lift while they're fasting even moreso than during their eating window, but I can't personally attest to that.

[Is anyone intermittent fasting?]

On 8/9/2023 at 6:49 PM, KidsHappen said:

Thanks. I originally read two of Dr. Fung's books before deciding to start this and I don't remember him saying how long to try a certain schedule before trying a different one. The two 24 hour fast seem to be the easiest for me and I am finally seeing a little bit of loss so I think that I will stay with that for awhile. I guess I was just comparing to how incredibly fast my dd lost weight.

Yeah, comparing to others' loss will always leave me disappointed! Definitely read Gin's book or listen to her podcasts if you're interested in more info on other people's experiences. They really run the gamut even with the exact same fasting regimen based on what's going on in our individual bodies. Super weird how that works. 

[Is anyone intermittent fasting?]

On 8/7/2023 at 7:23 PM, KidsHappen said:

About two week for the first two and going on two weeks for the last. Since I started the 2, 24 hour fasts I noticed that I have lost 3 lbs. so maybe that is the key. 

That's a really, really short amount of time. I would give it at least 3 months of trying each window before moving it. If you've got other things going on your body might be working on healing some other areas in your fast before you lose any weight. I really recommend Gin Stephens' book Fast Feast Repeat. She puts what Dr Jason Fung (and other fasting doctor/researchers) has to say into layman's terms and it's an easy read.

I'm editing to add that I just pulled 3 months out of thin air. I'd actually give it 6 months of consistent fasting in a consistent window before changing it up. Sometimes it takes our bodies a while to adjust. 

[Is anyone intermittent fasting?]

8 hours ago, KidsHappen said:

I just wanted to bump this as I posted my response kinda late and I was wondering if anyone had any opinions on my particular situation.

How long (time frame) did you do each type of fasting? How many weeks consistently for each type (12/14, then 16, then 24 hour fasts)?

 

[Is anyone intermittent fasting?]

Yes since January 1, 2022. I have lost 20 pounds (but have a large amount I could still lose). I haven't experienced the weight loss that I was hoping for but my sugars have decreased and ALL (yes, ALL) of my mental health issues have gone. I think that high blood sugar ( I was not diabetic but on my way there when I started) had affected my brain. I can also string sentences together, remember things easier, finish thoughts, and generally have a pretty capable mood. I will continue to fast for life for these benefits.

I look at what my week looks like and change up fasting to work with that. I feel best at a 4-6 hour eating window but have done a couple of ADF (Alternate Daily Fasts) over the years. 

My best advice is to read Fast, Feast, Repeat by Gin Stephens. I also like her Intermittent Fasting Stories podcast. I first heard about her from here (WTM) in December of 2021 and it has radically changed my mental health and my approach to eating (there's no guilt anymore). I'm not sure who that boardie was but I'm forever grateful to them.

[Missing Alabama woman]

1 hour ago, stephanier.1765 said:

A question about hoaxes - if someone does that, are they responsible for reimbursing the cost of the search and investigation?

I would hope there would be some sort of investigation and restitution. DH was a Coast Guard search and rescue pilot for many years. If they got launched for a search and rescue case and it turned out to be a hoax/prank call then I remember him saying that there were people that investigated that sort of thing and could be severe consequences. I would think this is something similar. Thankfully, in DH's case, those cases were few and far between.

[ugh - homeowners insurance won't renew]

We got the dreaded letter because our roof was original to the house (2001) and so we knew it was coming. Thankfully they came back to us with a renewal after we replaced it but I was half expecting them to come back and say they weren't renewing.

Insurance in FL is so complicated. I definitely feel you about moving out of state. We are moving in 4 years and currently trying to decide if we move to another area of FL or up North. I'd miss the bright sun (but not the heat), and keeping our income non-taxable. It's a hard decision so I get that side of things.

[How do I make punch? (nonalcoholic)]

I love equal parts peach white grape juice and ginger ale with frozen raspberries and peaches (to keep it colder instead of ice). Tastes yummy!

[Florida and real estate agent]

On 5/14/2023 at 12:21 PM, crazyforlatin said:

I was actually looking at that strip of land and didn't know that it's called a panhandle. If he goes over the border the homes are cheaper, but then it's not Florida. I think he's fine with a mobile home. Would those be easier to maintain?

I live in the Panhandle and I wouldn't get a mobile home unless I had to. Nothing to do with economic snobbery and everything to do with hurricanes and tornadoes. We've had 2 significant hurricanes that hit the Panhandle area in the last couple of years: Michael and Sally. Michael was obviously much more devastating, but Sally caused quite a lot of issues as well. No way would I want to be in a mobile home during those. That said, evacuating from here is a bit easier with more options than just 75 or 95.

If he decided to move closer to the AL border then he'd have to deal with more tornadoes. I live by the beach and we get lots of tornado warnings for my county (which extends north to the AL border). 95% of those tornado warnings are for north of I-10 up to the border. It's something to consider, especially if he's thinking of not getting insurance.

On 5/14/2023 at 11:31 PM, crazyforlatin said:

My friend will not want to live in a senior community especially if there are fees he needs to pay. And he has a pit bull that is completely attached to him. His dog didn't eat or drink when my friend visited FL last year. He had to fly back within a day and didn't even get to see any homes. This time, his dog will probably stop eating and drinking, but the vet told him that dogs will eatb and drink eventually. 

I'm going to focus on the panhandle for now as there's Georgia and Alabama to drive to. And if this area doesn't work out then move towards the center. He'll be there a week and plans to drive from the north to the south and back up again. I'll need to find an agent for those areas as well.

Are there benefits of living in FL that can't be found in Georgia or Alabama along the borders of FL? My impression is that those states are politically aligned with his. Homes seem to be cheaper there. 

 

If he moved to the panhandle he'd find a LOT of people who are likeminded/politically aligned with him. For an example, our local congressman is Matt Gaetz 🤮. It was ROUGH living in this area for me during a MAGA Trump presidency. He would probably have loved it (based on what you've said!)

One of my biggest struggles is the lack of diversity in the area (both culturally and racially/ethnically). If that's not an issue for him, though, and what he cares about more is politically conservative-ness then it's a "good" area.

I will say that in the area where I live home prices have doubled and I can't imagine he'd find a place that's around $100,000. Not sure where everyone is looking to see "dirt cheap" prices. We've been shocked by how much home prices have increased. Also, COL is pretty high here (IMO) but coming from CA he might not see much of a difference.

[What to do when you are fully convinced/disagree with family member?]

3 hours ago, sheryl said:

YES!  I absolutely agree!  Have been praying about it - for all people involved.   Biblically if we have ought against another we are to peaceable confront them and reason with them.  My hesitation is that this person will not get it as so many others have said.  However, I have been seeking the Lord on this and I did see B changed mind on a topic for the better.  B was going to do or say something to someone and she decided not to which is good.  It is such a messed up situation but God can take the ashes and create something beautiful.  In the present moment, there are other family relationships which are being altered because of B.

Biblical conflict resolution is important! Is this family member a believer? If not then Matthew 18 doesn't really apply, though speaking truth in love and gentleness can sometimes go down well. Praying like you're already doing is the best thing. When we're praying for the difficult people in our lives it serves two purposes: Petitioning with the Lord to change their hearts (and call them to Himself if they're not believers), and gives us a special kind of love for that person.

However, you can easily have boundaries and also be peaceable with them so you don't always have to say something or get yourself involved in a drawn out conflict (which it might be if you confront). Be praying for discernment. I think it's wise to not jump in and correct, like you've already been doing.

I would definitely say that it's helpful to see a biblical counselor if only to just get some tools to use. Difficult people are so hard. I have a couple of them in my life!

[Florida and real estate agent]

19 hours ago, crazyforlatin said:

Is the entire state of Florida facing a homeowners policy problem or only in certain parts?

In CA, earthquake insurance is optional and basically no one buys it. Is hurricane insurance part of homeowners insurance in FL? Can an owner buy insurance without the hurricane part if that is too expensive?

ETA: added a word and question

I live in the FL Panhandle and getting a homeowners policy up here is just as bad. Our insurance policy cost has doubled since we moved here in 2014. 

I am pretty sure that hurricane insurance is non-negotiable. Flood insurance in our area is through FEMA and if he's planning to live anywhere near the coast it's a good idea. We're not "technically" in a flood zone but we're essentially between two bodies of water so for us it's something that is a must have.

44 minutes ago, Halftime Hope said:

Could he go be a snowbird and rent a condo for 6 months out of the year, while retaining his property in CA? He could even hire a property management company to take the burden off him while he is away. It seems like facilitating his dream, albeit a slightly adjusted one, would be the best of both worlds. I'm just throwing out ideas, and it may be totally impractical, but property ownership in a new area seems like a huge burden to take on, when what he really might want is the freedom to downshift a bit, while enjoying "the good life" as he dreams it might be in FL. 

This is a great idea! He could do a snowbird condo in different areas if he wanted to see where he wanted to settle down before moving permanently. I would try to get him to do this (but understand that it's hard when someone has their mind set on a certain way of doing things!)

[March 2023: What are you reading?]

3 hours ago, Grace Hopper said:

I just finished The Last Thing He Told Me, in anticipation of the miniseries coming out with Jennifer Garner.

I thought it started off great, and then ended too soon. I feel like the author missed opportunities to take her characters to additional locations and have a little bit more thriller/adventure element to the story. She introduced characters and plot devices that struck me as significant but ended up having very little to do with the story. At heart I think it’s a stepmom/stepdaughter relationship story, but it’s really marketed as more of a mystery and so while I liked the relational components, I really didn’t feel like the author fleshed out the mystery as fully as she could have. It reminded me of a late-era John Grisham novel; I’ve found many of his books in recent years just kind of give up at the 3/4 mark and end the story with a short narrative to wrap it up. Not entirely satisfying. 
 

 

I absolutely agree with your assessment. It felt really rushed at the end and like the author phoned in the last quarter of the book.

[Am I overthinking this?]

I totally get where you're coming from based on what you've posted. I'm involved in a small church as well and have seen things like this play out before. I think your response that you posted (not confronting but being careful about sharing in the future) is a good idea. People likely know what this person is like and won't chalk up any "oversharing" or gossip to you. 

FWIW, it would really bother me and I'd have to work hard to overlook it, but living life with people is hard and that's what we're called to do for little things like this. Blah.

[Private Christian College recommendations?????]

On 1/28/2023 at 12:09 AM, Dianthus said:

Which Christian colleges are good for sciences? That seems more difficult as most are liberal arts programs. Grove City appeared to have more science programs when I was investigating, but any other recommendations? 

 

On 1/28/2023 at 11:21 PM, Dianthus said:

Dd has talked about med school, though I'm not super keen for her. I did see that grove city seems to have a successful premed program.

Ds is likely going engineering. Not many Christian colleges are abet accredited.

Just not many B.S. programs overall.

My DH went to Letourneau (which is abet accredited in Engineering). He had a fantastic experience.

[Lebanese stuffed grape leaves plus other stuff to stuff in leaves.]

12 hours ago, Amira said:

My family isn’t into dolmas, so I make them just for me in the instant pot.  You can use any filling you like and they’re really quick. Mine are always lemony because I’m sad when I bite into a stuffed grape leaf and it’s not lemony.  I cook bulgur- or freek-filled dolmas in 1/3 cup lemon juice and 1/3 water for 10 minutes.  

10 minutes on high? I have Freekeh in my pantry so would just need to get some grape leaves and a couple of other things but these sound lovely. I like tasting lemon as well.

[January 2023: What are you reading?]

Just finished State of Terror by HRC and Louise Penny. Got it from my library based on recommendations in this thread (so, thank you!) Really enjoyed it as it definitely kept my attention!

[January 2023: What are you reading?]

On 1/12/2023 at 10:16 PM, Forget-Me-Not said:

Ugh that one was painful. I stuck it out to the end in hopes of some kind of happy ending and . . . nope. 
 

On the flip side I got a view of the ugly underbelly of some CA history. I grew up there and I don’t remember being taught any of that in school. In fact there was a museum near my house that (among other things) celebrated “Okies” and crop pickers,  and there was zero mention of their abuse by state and local officials. 

Thanks for these reviews. I watched Ken Burns' documentary on The Dust Bowl a few years ago and it stuck with me. I'm not sure I could get through a book without some sort of redemptive storyline. 

[January 2023: What are you reading?]

On 1/4/2023 at 6:10 PM, ScoutTN said:

Got Persuasion and John Muir’s A Thousand Mile Walk to the Gulf from the library today.

A branch not far from me is hosting a Moby Dick read aloud/along. This is not the season for me to do that, but it sounds cool. 

Thanks for this! Added Muir's book to my list.

On 1/5/2023 at 7:06 PM, Laurel-in-CA said:

 

BTW, what did you-all get in terms of books for Christmas. I have two big paperbacks: The New Copernicans (about millenials), and The Righteous Mind (written by a liberal seeking to understand religious conservatives). They will be slower reads, because I am not so good with actual books anymore.

Over Christmas I got:
The Inconvenient Indian - A Curious Account of the Native People in North America 

Leave Only Footprints - My Acadia to Zion Journey Through Every National Park

A Year in Provence

I'll Try Anything Once (Autobiography of Prue Leith)

Food Journeys of A Lifetime

 

I guess my main themes were food and travel 😂

[It’s thanksgiving again with my mom]

Whatever you choose is going to come with repercussions. You just have to decide which ones you can live with and which ones make sense for you. It'll be hard but so is what you're currently dealing with.

Continuing in the same way year after year is also a choice.

However, you get to choose your hard based on your feelings and only your feelings. I'm so sorry that your mom is so stressful. You are a good daughter.

[It’s thanksgiving again with my mom]

Also, at the restaurant you're allowing her the opportunity to engage with you and your family in a way that's good for you. It's her choice to squander it by being petty. That's not on you.

[It’s thanksgiving again with my mom]

12 hours ago, saraha said:

I almost forgot about the last time I met her at a restaurant. I met her by myself at a Mexican restaurant she said she really liked on her town. She really liked their queso and ordered it to have with the chips and salsa they bring out. I tried it and didn’t really care for it. So I kept munching on chips and salsa. She kept insisting that I eat the queso, I kept saying no thank you. Finally she reached over slid the bowl of salsa over to her corner of the table and said stop eating that! Eat the queso, I am paying for it, the salsa is free! I said again, I don’t like it and pushed the chips away too since now I wasn’t allowed to eat the salsa. Then she tried to make me order fajitas. I said no thanks, I’m having enchiladas. She went on and on about fajitas until the waiter came and I ordered enchiladas. So she decided she was only going to get one taco with meat and lettuce. Not sure how that was punishing me, but 🤷🏼‍♀️. Then the fight began about taking home the extra queso. She kept at me until I picked up the queso container and dropped it into a trash can on the way out. She was LIVID. So I am afraid to go to a restaurant, but it would definitely put a time limit on being together.

Yeah, that's in line with what I've read through your original thanksgiving thread and this past one. Hugs to you. You don't have to accommodate her and she has the choice to act how she wants to. If going to a restaurant is better all around for you guys and you can have fun with each other whilst ignoring or not playing into your mother's shenanigans/narcissistic ego then that sounds like the best option to me. You get to make decisions too.

[It’s thanksgiving again with my mom]

On 12/30/2022 at 3:04 PM, saraha said:

 If having us over stresses her out so much, then she should quit insisting we come. We could meet halfway at a restaurant or something.

This won't happen because one of the biggest power trips for your mom is her use of dealing with food for control. At a restaurant you can't control what people eat, how long it takes them to eat, or what happens to that food after they've gotten full and finished eating.

All of that being said, I think going out to a restaurant is an excellent idea. 😉