I just wanted to thank you both for your responses to my need. My dd had attended one funeral prior to the calling hours tonight but never at a funeral home. I wish I had thought of doing a dry run (being able to go though the funeral home ahead of time when it was empty). What a brillant idea! But, since there wasn't time for that to happen prior to this event, I did do a lot of talking about what to expect. I gave her opportunity to ask questions and to role play. I assured her I would be right next to her (actually me going first through the line with her behind me) and that she didn't have to do anything other than shake people's hands. I chose to introduce us together when appropriate so that almost eliminated the need for her to say anything. She only knew one person in the receiving line so that worked out fine. We knew ahead of time that my dd's childhood friend was cremated so that eliminated what to do in front of the open casket issue. While I knew this was going to be hard for my dd, I felt it was important for her to do this, 1. because this was a friend, and 2. because I want her to not shy away from social situations that are an important part of life. Also, I believe that she is up to the task , that is provided she has the level of support she needs in those social situations. Personally, I think a lot of it is her lacking the confidence and a lack of awareness of the skills she already possesses. Ahead of time, I did say that she could wear whatever clothes she was comfortable in (meaning no need to wear a dress if she wasn't comfortable in that) and, as one of you shared,that however she ended up acting (laughing or whatever), it wouId be fine. She was absolutely superb. She rose to the occasion, acted normally and appropriately, even introduced herself to some of the relatives in the receiving line. Thank you for your help in this. I so appreciate it.

I home schooled my dd and was part of this forum for many years. She is now an adult. I'm not sure if she's on the spectrum (recently I posted something about that) but whether she is or isn't, she does have her struggles socially. When she's uncomfortable in social situations she laughs or smiles. She knows that's wrong but doesn't know how to correct it. This friend died tragically in a car accident a couple of days ago. My dd was not close to this friend but when they were little, they played together. On Friday, we are going to visiting hours at a local funeral home to pay our respects to this friend's family. My dd remarked to me today that she's afraid she will laugh or smile when seeing this friend's relatives. How can I help my dd in this situation and all the other uncomfortable situations that she will encounter in her life?

I have never heard of the Social Thinking site. I am assuming it's just what it sounds like? A place to help folks with social situations... I'll have to check it out.

Thanks, Rosie. I like those 3 things AND I especially like one of your quotes,""I believe in homeschooling because I don't think people should be mass produced." - Someone with a Great Mind" That's why I homeschooled my dd :-)

Yes, it is an interesting point -- that's it 's my question and not hers. I hadn't thought about it until you wrote the above. I have always had a need to understand about life, about what makes people tick, especially about myself. For my dd, when she and I started talking about autism and Asperger's, it's like the burden of life fell off of her. She no longer has to understand it all out or decipher why she's different than her friends or than the "normal" young person her age. I have told her numerous times, that we are in this together and we'll figure it out. Just knowing that she might be autistic or be an Aspie seems to be enough for her, for now.

Wow. So much information! Thank you for the thoroughness of your post. I especially appreciated the part about telling me that they would ask WHY? WHY does she want to know (at this point). In thinking this through, I'm not sure if she needs any confirmation, at least not official confirmation. When I first started to "see" some things, I talked with her about it. She was relieved to hear that there was something different about her. It was like she could relax for the first time, not having to try to be something she's not. She knew she was different all along but now she knows she is and it is freeing. :-)

Thank you, everyone for your thoughts and ideas. My dd loves art, animals and books. She has expressed interest in walking dogs at a local animal shelter so I think we'll start there. As to an evaluation, the resources I've read seem to indicate that there aren't any? tests for autism in adults and that most tests focus on boys and therefore many females fall through the cracks (also because they tend to watch and imitate social behaviors). Are there good tests for adult females that anyone knows of? I appreciate all your help!

I am so sorry. We know all about renal failure and having to put a kitty down. It's never ever easy. Lots of hugs to your whole family. :grouphug:

My dd is now 20 having been diagnosed at age 11 with dyslexia. At that time she was reading at the 2.9 level although she was in 6th grade according to my book. Having found a super teacher who would tutor her in Lindamood Bell methods, in one year she was reading at grade appropriate levels. My dd also had issues with skipping small words, misreading words, skipping lines or reading out of order. Many of these have resolved themselves in time, but most of them she has figured out how to work around or work with her issues. Reading more and more and writing (fiction for her) has helped her the most with many things. With that said, she still has issues with spelling (though she has learned many words through her novel writing) and sometimes wrestles with words as she reads. Will she always have these issues? Probably. Will she always wrestle with spelling and the mechanics of writing? Probably. But, she has progressed tremendously that most people wouldn't even know she has an issue. Be encouraged. Most things are not static. You just never know how things will work out. I'm always hoping and praying for the best.

It's hard to speak your mind and say no, especially to a relative (IMO). Good for you! :hurray:

Adding to all the thoughts and prayers that people are lifting up. Praying also for a miracle. Hugs and hugs to you all during this very difficult time.

I like this very much !!!!!!! :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: Food for thought!

I totally get this! My dh retired 2+ years ago and that's when our routine went out the window. Then I started working more and because of that although my dd has officially graduated (as of June) :party: we still have some work to finish up but I just can't get myself enough time to step back and reflect, see what my goals are, and come up with a plan and a schedule. I feel your pain. I agree wtih klmama, HELP!!!!!

We are about 2 - 2 1/2 hours from Worcester. Thank you for the information. I was hoping for something a bit closer.

This is a cross post -- My dd has been seeing someone for VT for 4 years!!!! I am considering seeing another COVD certified eye doctor. Are any of you from Western MA and know of some good doctors within an hour's drive of 01301 zip? Thanks so much! :001_cool: Here's the link to my other post if you want the background... http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/599799-please-tell-me-that-vision-therapy-isnt-for-life/?p=7051980

Hey folks, I appreciate all that you have written and I've been pondering what to do at this point. My attention has lately been with my elderly mother and some family health issues so I've lost some steam over this. But... I am considering seeing another COVD certified eye doctor. Are any of you from Western MA and know of some good doctors within an hour's drive of 01301 zip? I am going cross post this as well since I doubt loads of folks are part of this one. Thanks so much! :001_cool:

My dd would go in every week for weekly therapy and then have things to do at home every day between those weekly visits. Then after 3 months, she'd be re-tested to see how things were going. As to number of things she did at home - probably 2 or 3 things (can't remember it was a while ago now) and then she'd go in and they shift things around so that she'd be working on different things at home. When funds became tighter, that's when we shifted to one VT session (to learn new task), then do that for 3 months, come back in to be re-tested, learn a new task, then go home for 3 months, etc. Oh, OK about the OT piece. I think you mentioned that before. Nothing about OT was ever brought up and I never knew to bring it up.

OhElizabeth, each "unit" was 3 months. Are retained reflexes the piece that OT addresses?

Since I posted this, the VT Dr. wrote up a report (Good ocular health, significant myopia; now able to fixate and track a moving target with smoothness and accuracy; convergence insufficiency - strong tendency for her eyes to aim further than they should when doing a near-point task - and if a task is strenuous or extended or she's fatigued, one of her eyes turns out and aims at a different point in space). I had a chance to speak with the VT doctor. In the past four years, We have had 3 units of office based Optometric Vision Therapy. The rest of the time we've gone in for a VT session then my dd has done it at home for 3 months, then we go back to have a check up, do another VT session, go home and do the same thing. I shared with her my concerns - only doing it because a relative is helping financially (which may end), understanding that dd has to do this for life, and dd not improving. The Dr. said that dd's eyes are improving, it was just slower this past 3 months (not as dramatic or obvious); that she doesn't think dd needs VT for life, just perhaps until her body stops growing (done by 19 or 20) and had no tips on how to make this work better at home -- she said that much of what is done in the office VT visit is using a computer or special equipment that you can't duplicate at home AND that my dd is very diligent at doing the exercises at home so it's hard to improve on that. I'm not sure it's worth pursuing another dr. at this point -- the closest one is quite a distance away and there are many other things pressing on our time right now - an elderly mother needing care, etc. So that's where we stand for now.

To answer a few questions: Yes, This VT doctor is part of COVD. and Yes, this is for my high school senior. Time has just gone by (mostly because of issues with my mother's declining health and the energy we have put into helping my mother) that I didn't realize so much time has been spent on VT. I just got into a place of implicitly trusting that all was well with the VT doctor. And, we were making progress. That is, until this last visit and then I realized I need to ask some more questions and get some answers. Here are some notes from my dd's initial eval report that says the following: (from 4 years ago) -- Ocular Motility (tracking) - "On the well standarized Developmental Eye Movement test, she scored in the 20-25% percentile for her age." Binocularlity (eye teaming) - "Tests to assess her ability to integrate the information coming into her two eyes reveal a significant instability. She has a substantial Convergence Instability. That is, a there is a a strong tendency for her eyes to aim further than they should when engaged in a near-point tasks such as reading and writing. " Accommodation (visual focusing) - "Her ability to maintain visual focus on a near point target such as a book or page is poor. This is referred to as accommodative insuffiency. In addition her accommodative system is quite unstable, which is contributing to the intermittent blur at distance. Her ability to change focus from distance to near and back is also deficient, called accommodative infacility." Visual Processing and Integration - "Her ability to process and interpret incoming visual information was asses in several ways. On the non-motor Test of Visual Perception (TVPS) her score was in the 66th percentile overall. This is a demanding test with seven subsections. On the Motor Free Test of Visual Perceptual Skills (MVPT) her global score was in the 16th percentile. Sections that were hardest for her were visual memory and visual discrimination." In rereading this, it seems like my dd went into VT with lots of issues. I know she's made some good progress (her tracking is good now) but I don't have the specific numbers which is why I asked for a report of where she's been, where she is now, and what are we aiming for? In reading the above (for those who are familiar with VT), does it sound like she needs VT for life? What would OT do? Is it too late to have her evaluated?

My dd has been doing vision therapy (VT) for 4 years. Half of that time was spent going to the office every week, with a retest every 3 months. That was when we had "good" insurance that at least covered the 3 month retests. Now we don't have that insurance so my dd goes for a one time VT session to learn the "new" exercises to do at home and then we go back for the 3 month retests. The only way we've been able to do this is because a relative has offered to pay for those visits. I do know that my dd has improved, I was thinking that she was doing well and that we could move to going once every 6 months and then go to a yearly checkup. However, at her last 3 month recheck (last week), we were told that she might have to have VT for the rest of her life! I was shocked and thought how do people pay for this and is that a reasonable expectation that one would have VT for life???? I have had confidence in this doctor up until this point. She has said that she doesn't want my dd to just stop VT because she would regress. Every 3 month visit, the Dr. brings up how much better it would be if my dd could have VT at her office every week. And, every time we go, I tell her that we can't afford it. Being confused and stressed about all this, I asked the Dr. to write up where my dd was when she came to her office 4 years ago, where she currently is (in her progress) and what her goals are for my dd. I am concerned that there may come a time soon when our relative can no longer help us and we'll have to stop. I don't want to leave my dd at a disadvantage but if that's how things go then that will have to be that. Does anyone have any sense of how long someone has to do VT? Four years seems a long time to me. Is there any way just to do all of the VT at home? Thank you for your input. I am a bit baffled and confused and will appreciate whatever advice/wisdom you can share.

I loved using Bio 101 and Chemistry 101. Yes, they are Christian and the foundation of the videos and the company that makes them is Christian. Is it preachy? I don't think so but then I'm a Christian so that may be hard for me to evaluate. BTW, we supplemented Chemistry 101 with Tiner's book Exploring the World of Chemistry. Both the Biology 101 and the Chemistry worked very well with a non-science student. In the end, she ended up really enjoying science because of how he (Wes Olsen) explained things. I feel like he makes science less heady and more approachable. We also have Physics 101 which we haven't gotten to yet. Hope that helps.

Dear one, I feel your frustration and pain. When I began homeschooling, my dd had similar responses. Because I used to teach in ps, I expected to run homeschool the same way, and I expected my dd to act like a ps student. But given that she has dyslexia and most likely adhd (both of which I did not know at that time), she whined and complained and fussed and moaned. I realized soon on that she was unable to listen/pay attention for more than 5 minutes while sitting down. She is not a sitter. She is a visual and kinesthetic learner. It took me a few years to finally realize much of what ProfessorMom said above, especially the beginning part: " From my experience, it can be hard when you are in the trenches to realize that some things are more about behavior than homeschooling because they are so tightly intertwined. In fact, one thing I often tell people when they are just starting out and want advice on homeschooling is that it is really important to get the behavior, listening, attitude, etc. in order first. Or at least make it a priority. I know not everyone agrees but sometimes, "Suck it up" is a good life lesson. I know that I can allow my olders MUCH more latitude now because of the expectations set when they were young." I spent WAY too much time entering into my dd's arguments about why she didn't want to do something and/or why she was right about that. That is, until I realized that 1) I was the adult and in charge 2) I was the one to set the tone as to what was acceptable and what wasn't 3) I was the one to determine what was negotiable and what wasn't (I was always trying to logically reason with my child while she just wanted to do what she wanted to do when she wanted to do it). 4) I finally realized that I was not doing my dd any favors if my dd's attitude was not checked and dealt with early on. All academics were, in a sense, less important, than building character traits into my daughter. It took me a long time to get to that point, but once I started on the right track, things slowly got better. I am and was not perfect by any means, lots of stops and starts, Consistency wasn't my strength but I realized that I HAD to do this for her. I had to do the best I could to make our lives predictable or I was sending her somewhere else for schooling. WE just couldn't this insanity any longer. Once things began to fall into place, life slowly got better. Now that she is 18, I am so glad that I changed my focus from academics (and stressing over finishing curriculum and completing all school work) to character training, with academics along side of those important things. Looks like you've gotten some really good advice. Praying for you as you sort things out that will work for you and your family :001_smile: