Thanks for the feedback

Big hugs to you (and your dad and brother...all of you). This marks a transition point, which is so hard but also ok. Praying peace over all of you.

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Moving dd in and she packed about 2x as much stuff as ds. By the time I saw it all, it was too late. So whatever your dd needs, just have her contact my dd because she probably packed extras.

Good luck!

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To a certain degree, teaching driving was when I was my harshest parenting self, especially with my know-it-all. I nagged hard from the passenger seat. We had one memorable moment when he almost put us in a ditch because he was ignoring me so I kicked him out of the drivers seat. Two of my three drivers got in fender benders in their first 6 months. That took them down a few notches. We GPSd their cars until they were graduated. We would get a notification if they sped, took turns at a high speed, or brakes hard. I think that helped keep some guard rails on their driving at the beginning.

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Yes, this. I am also losing a lot of my support people. My able-bodied kids are a tremendous safety net with ds. They can sign his nurse out and often stay with him for a few hours at a time. We're losing all of our 2nd string players. I don't think I realized until now just how much I've grown to depend on this being a family affair. Add to that that dh is starting a new position and I am also working full time out of the house...it's all a very thin operation.

This is my dream

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My best suggestion is to go to a children’s hospital lab.

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A little story about how we dropped an activity that didn't work for our family: I had both kids in swim team. They loved swim, I loved swim. The problem was twofold. First, ds had a competing sport that was his priority (he's still doing it in college). When he was younger we could balance both, but around 11/12 it became a problem. At that same point, my special needs guy became harder to drag out to swim events. We could have let dd continue swim and ds stop, however, the volunteer requirements for swim were so heavy, and special needs ds so tricky to balance, that we decided that we really couldn't make it work anymore. Dd's other activity was dance so we sweetened the pot and increased her dance involvement and stopped swim. We were all bummed that we couldn't make swim work anymore. In theory, if we had not had a special needs guy to consider, we could have made both work. Was it entirely fair to dd that she could no longer swim because of her brothers? No, that's a bummer. Was it best for the family (including the parents who are trying to meet everyone's needs while not killing ourselves)? Yes. Sometimes you just have to pull the plug on an activity and realize that it will be ok. They will be happy, well-adjusted humans even without that activity.

Definitely quit. This is not worth it at all.

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I would let this go. It really doesn't have anything to do with you. I would not call your mom out for anything- that would be an escalation. I would not mention it to your sister. I would do nothing. Come Thanksgiving, assuming you are right, your sister can decide to stay in pet friendly accommodations or not come or get a pet sitter. She has options. You can choose to host or travel for the holiday or something else. You have options. None of this requires you to stress out and future forecast now.

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