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sassenach last won the day on November 8 2013

sassenach had the most liked content!

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About sassenach

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    Disappointing Bill like it's my job

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  1. That’s the same # I ended up with. Though my iPhone also says I only climbed 3 floors and I can tell you it was more like 10+ so who really knows. Today is barre class. Ate poorly yesterday, but today is a new day. I’m noticing that when I eat crap, I feel like crap. Seems intuitive, but for my body and life, this is a new and welcome revelation. It’s making the junk less and less appealing.
  2. Muscle relaxers. That’s the only thing that got me over the hump and moving again.
  3. OK, dishes in rooms is one of my I will DIE ON THIS HILL things. Like, you will be punished. Which is not helpful for your current situation, but I just want you to know that I feel rage on your behalf over that.
  4. I lean toward the method that works in my house, but I realize it won't work for everyone. I would say, dog walking is his job. If he can't get it done on a given day, then he needs to trade you for something you usually do. I would give him all trash chores, picking up after his stuff, and laundry. And maybe choose one more thing that's all his. Then I would say, and some days I'm going to feel like crap and I'll ask you to do something that's not usually your job, and I need you to be willing to step up and help out. But that would be it. I would do my best to not add to that stack except the occasional ask and not care if he gets it done quickly. I have paid my 17yo to clean the gutters since he was 12. It's a once a year job here. Is it just you two? After today, you might want to sit down with him and say, here is everything that needs to get done. We need a plan that works for both of us, let's figure it out.
  5. Hi, mom of a 17yo boy here. First, (((HUGS))). Second, I think you're being too vague. List out, explicitly, exactly what he needs to accomplish in order for you to grant him his weekend freedom. I think a big part of the frustration is that it's unclear how much is "enough." For us, school-wise our standard is no missing assignments. That's it. I do not micromanage how or when he studies and completes his work. We just had a discussion yesterday about SAT study and my expectations on that, but I won't be forcing it for this round. We'll see how he does in November and go from there. For our household, my expectation for all of my kids is that they will do their laundry, keep up with their room (my standards aren't super high), and keep their crap out of family spaces. Ds has trash duties, dd recycling. They rotate dog doo pick up. My only other standard is that if I ask you to do something, you do it. So most of the time I do the dishes, but if I say, "hey DS, I need you to unload the dishwasher before you go to bed" or "DD, can you please straighten the bathroom today?" then I expect it to get done. This is all very clear. There are no surprises. I think saying 1 hour a day is just too arbitrary. Give him a list. If it takes 15 min to accomplish, yay for him. And when he says, "what can I do?" give him a list. Are you done with your homework? Take the trash out and vacuum downstairs. Done. Hot tip- when ds has something he really wants to do, he doesn't even blink if I add something extra on to the to-do list. All he wants to do is go. Godspeed to you!
  6. sassenach


    I have a very justice oriented kid who sometimes takes really hard lines over things he feels strongly about. What I've learned is that sometimes he needs me to acknowledge the underlying goodness in his POV before he will give an inch and let something go. For example, we disagreed about what an appropriate punishment would be for someone who harms another person (in a specific way, but I'm not going to get that specific). He was taking a VERY hard line and would not give an inch. But then I realized that what he needed was for me to acknowledge that there was an underlying goodness and rightness in how he felt. That at its core, I appreciated his moral standards and loved that about him. The minute I said that, he completely relaxed and we were able to end the conversation on more common ground. Maybe your son is looking for validation? IDK, this may not be helpful, but it's just a thought. ETA: This thread reminded me- Julie Bogart, of Bravewriter, did a series of videos a few years ago and they were so perfectly timed for me. Her kids all ranged from early to late 20's at the time and she talked a bit about this stage of parenting a young adult. The shock when something that they are deeply convicted about doesn't result in the same action they choose- even with the same information! I think her example was of her daughter becoming a vegan and how she kind of threw a fit that everyone else wasn't joining her. Those videos were a real comfort.
  7. sassenach


    I think the hardest part about the wedding example is that it's viewed by many people, including myself, as a religious ceremony. A covenant ceremony. That elevates it above just an interpersonal/relational decision.
  8. It could have been worse. My BF just sent me this. Sound on. Dying 😂
  9. sassenach


    That stinks. Young adults can be total jerks. I recall an incident with my grandparents where I was a huge, giant, out of control a-hole. We later reconciled and had a wonderful relationship, but I still regret all of it. ((((HUGS))) give it some time and space.
  10. Had a good week food wise. Made it to the gym 3x, did at home pilates one day. Lost zero weight. Not even a tenth of a pound. But that's ok. I'm used to plateaus and I'm getting closer to my goal weight, so that's to be expected. This week I've been thinking about my flat butt. I've lost a bunch of weight from my rear and it's gone from round to saggy and flat. I think my next focus is going to be to build that muscle up. Any suggestions?
  11. I loathe jean shopping. I have become a huge fan of Stitch Fix for this reason. They send me a variety of jeans, I try them out at home, and keep the ones that fit. I've been so pleased at how often the jeans they send fit like a glove. The brands that they've sent that work for me are Liverpool, STS Blue, Studio Blue, Cosmic Blue Love....just realizing how many brands have Blue in them, lol.
  12. Ooh, maybe that was a bad word choice on my part above? It’s easy to throw that word around when thinking of myself but it certainly sounds ugly when applied to anyone else!
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