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About PeppermintPattie

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    Hive Mind Level 2 Worker: Nurse Bee

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  1. Just remember that it won't seem strange to the bf when your dh gets involved at some point. This is completely expected in India, and expressing his expectations for how he wants your dd to be treated in the marriage will be respected. The fact that your dd might not meet the in-laws until the wedding won't seem strange to them or even to the bf - I know many Indians who didn't even meet their fiance until the day of the wedding! So the bf may not understand why this matters to your dd. I'm glad I didn't know how hard this stage of parenting would be when my kids were little. It is complicated!!
  2. Maybe this is your answer then - a dad to boyfriend chat about it all. He can ask the hard questions, and I'm betting the boyfriend won't even find it strange that the dad is so involved, being from a country with arranged marriages. In India, parents are expected to stay involved in the marriages of their children, offering advice and laying down the law when necessary, long after the wedding is over, which makes me think that this discussion with your dh is even more crucial - It's not like the in-laws' disapproval will go away once they're married. It could go on and on. The thing is, now that he has a master's degree, as soon as he has a healthy bank account, they'll be finding him a wife, so it's going to have to be dealt with soon, and it would be more honoring to his parents to be upfront about it all, to say nothing of the respect it would show your dd. Your dh should be able to get to the bottom of it all with some good questions. (Let us know if you want our help in formulating those. 🙂 ) There's a movie about a similar situation with an Indian man and an American woman called The Patels, or something like that.
  3. I'd do this - set it up as anything but a bedroom for your next open house.
  4. Did he watch the kids when you took your mom to lunch? If so, maybe that's why he thinks he did enough. (I don't think that's enough, btw!) My first MD was horrible. My dh refused to wish me a happy MD because I wasn't his mom. I remember an elderly man at church did, and I've always been grateful for that happy memory. This year, I reminded my dh of that first MD, and I could see how sorry he was, so just because your dh doesn't get it now, there is hope for improvement! One time at a mom's group another mother talked about her birthday and how her family ignored it, and I was so relieved to hear that this wasn't unusual. I had felt a lot of shame that our marriage was so bad that he couldn't go out of his way to show appreciation to me on a special day, so it helped to know that I wasn't alone and that we weren't doomed to divorce. I think you should talk it over with him, maybe when you discuss FD plans, and offer him the same day you had. And definitely feel him out ahead of time next year, and if it seems that no plans are being made for MD on his part, then make your own. You can even tell him that. "I don't want to feel sad on MD. I can make plans for myself to have nice day, or you can. Either way is fine with me, just tell me a week ahead." Then do it! An overnight alone in a hotel, a salon visit, trips to stores you don't normally get to go to... whatever will make you enjoy your day.
  5. We flew from San Francisco, but I don't remember what we paid. My experience is that the earlier you can book, the better price you'll get. Also, check flights in October, if you can go then as they'll be even less. Good luck!
  6. Awhile back we found better prices by flying into Munich than Frankfurt on Lufthansa, so that is something to consider. I use a Rick Steves guide book for trips to Germany, and I'm always happy with his hotel suggestions.
  7. I love this one:
  8. I have a policy of not eating at gas stations 🙂, but the ones in London that we went to actually had grocery stores inside with good food for picnicking. So don't rule out gas stations!
  9. Our Costco Visa card charges no international transaction fees.
  10. Your plans sound good to me! I would study (if you haven't already) the Rick Steves' website and buy his books for everywhere you're going. They are an invaluable resource that will help you capitalize on sightseeing opportunities. In London, I've used a cross body purse where I keep the cash I'll need for that day. I put everything else in an around-the-neck-under-the-shirt pouch. But I wouldn't use a purse at all in Rome, so maybe a money belt would be better? See what people recommend on the RS website, and read all the stories about safety while travelling. When I have traveled with just a carry-on sized bag, I pack a super lightweight bag that I can check so that I can still shop. 🙂 Also, I save up old underwear for trips like this so that I can throw as I go. It only helps a little, but it helps.
  11. Don't allow them to come inside your home again. Call HSLDA and follow their advice.
  12. Can I give you my dh' phone number so you can explain this to him?
  13. I got my first and only dog when I was 10. My parents went out of town for the weekend, my sister found the ad in the paper, and my grandma sat in the passenger seat while my newly permitted sister drove us to the house where the dog was. She was a beagle, and we fell in love with her instantly. I think every pre-teen/ young teenager should have their own dog! She was so loving, especially when I was down, and she got me out of the house to play catch regularly. I'm excited for your dd and hope you find the perfect dog!
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