I appreciate all of the advice. Much of it is very helpful. Today, I made a counseling appointment for myself. My dh assures me he is setting one up for our son. Yes, dh is also very manipulative, but not physically abusive. He is a very high functioning alcoholic who, currently, isn't drinking (sober for 1 year). I say high functioning because even when drinking he doesn't lose his job, etc... He has fell off the wagon 6-7 times in our marriage, each time lasted 1 week to 6 months. He is not a happy drunk (but, thankfully, never abusive to anyone, just verbally). Am I powerless? Yes. Am I happy about that? No. If I make any sort of waves, my dh doesn't hit anyone but he does get very, very angry (yes it's moronic and immature, I'm aware of that). So, I try never to make waves. Would divorce be a better option? I don't know. Who here knows for sure whether living under this roof together or somewhere else apart would have worse long-term effects on my children? I don't know. I've seen many marriages worse off than mine, so haven't thrown my hat over the fence. My sons are learning the tricks of the trade, but I feel like they are beyond saving at this point as they are 18yo, 14yo and 11yo. They've pretty much been imprinted by now, I feel. Again, it makes me very sad, but I tell myself I could've married a pedophile, or a serial philanderer, or a gambling addict. What marriage is perfect? Plus, despite his flaws, I do love my dh very much. For the most part, he is very generous and fun to hang out with. He is a hard worker and, generally, puts the kids first. The big problem is that he grew up in an abusive home with a horrible father, so is clueless about parenting. I've been to al-anon before, but the ones where I live at the time were filled with bitter divorced women who spent the entire time lambasting their ex husbands....but, that has been several years ago. I might look into them again.

Unfortunately in my state medical is legal (hence the reason he acquired the card). My biggest problem in dealing with my son, honestly, is my dh. I am powerless. My dh made the decision and that is that. I am so frustrated.

Thank you.

I'm not sure where to begin....I'd start at the beginning, but that would be too easy and predictable. So, let's start where I am at today... Today, my dh and I decided to take away my 18yo ds' car (that is in our name and we own). For quite a while he has been completely irresponsible and we'd reached our last straw over the weekend (the particulars are boring, suffice it to say it involved, again, him saying he'd do something, us making plans on that assumption and then him pulling the rug out at the last minute leaving us scrambling). So, we told him we'd be taking back the car and, instead, leaving him the older pick-up truck. We have another son coming up in driving age who could use the car anyway. Anyway, my son texted both of us to say he was going to commit suicide if we didn't change our minds about the car (!!). My first reaction (in my mind) was that I needed to call 9-1-1. If your son is threatening suicide, that is the corrrect route and he will get the help he needs. It isn't the first time he's talked about suicide. Just 2 weeks ago, he got drunk while away and threatened suicide to his friends over his breakup with his girlfriend (which was a year ago). When I found out I tried to get him to go to a counselor, but he refused. Anyway, my dh told him instead that he could have the car afterall as his life is more important than the car (which, of course, is the truth). I told him that I insisted that we go to a family counselor and my dh is saying no to all of us and maybe to just ds going. In our family dh is completely in charge, so pressing the issue will lead to great turmoil for all of us. (And, yes, I'm spineless, but divorce seems even worse, and, believe me, I've contemplated it at times). My ds is a lost soul right now...like a Jekyll and Hyde. To most adults and anyone first meeting him, he will blow you away. Cordial, charming, attractive, a great listener and very intelligent. All of his teachers in high school loved him, but they quickly became frustrated with him. He would nott get his work done or turn it in and always had a great excuse. He is very persuasive. This habit of his hasn't worked with employers, however, and he has lost 3 jobs so far. He'd make a fantastic lawyer, imho, but for the fact that he is also very addicted to weed. Yes, weed. No one in my family partakes, but my ds discovered it through a friend and now wants to make a living selling it. He acquired his medical marijuana card (without our consent, the moment he turned 18) and plans on becoming a millionaire someday. None of this is with our blessing, but we have become powerless. Another element is that my ds owes everyone he knows money. He has lost so many friends over this. And, the money we've loaned him (including the savings account my dh turned over to him when he turned 16, despite my protests) is all gone (I thought at the time he blew it on fast food, but have since then learned it was probably on weed). Anyway, when he turned 18 he got the credit card applications and now owes several thousand to creditors. All without a job. He has applied, but to no avail. Many times my ds acts like he realizes his life is heading down a wrong path, but he appears powerless to stop himself. My dh and I have had so many fights over this kid. I feel sick. I don't know if I'm overreacting and putting too much blame on my dh or if the problem is with me. I feel so powerless. We have 3 more kids get through the teen years. How do we change things before we get a repeat of this???

My problem is that I have no social skills. I feel like Sheldon from TBBT, but am not a genius, unfortunately. I just do NOT know how to make small talk with people. I so wish I could be interesting and interested, but I feel like I'm being such a fake. This is in spite of reading Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People more than once.....I can't even talk on these messageboards on a regular basis. I've been a lurkier for YEARS (back when it was the other type of board), but am still only a low level bee keeper due to the short number of times I've actually spoken on here. That's the story of my life. Thankfully, my line of work (researcher) doesn't require too much time talking. But, I do wish I had the ability.

My husband and I watched the same show and were equally inspired. We bought the juicer and books and our experiment lasted a total of one week!! I do think it was a good idea, but, perhaps, unsustainable for a family with 4 kids who have no interest in drinking juice rather than eating dinner.

Dear Lowe's- It is baffling that you sell extended warranties on lawn mowers if you have no intention of honoring them. Please give us our money back or pay for the repairs. Thank you.

As an English major taking several creative writing classes (which stressed the avoidance of cliches), I CRINGED every time I heard these words on the radio (and still do, actually): Every rose has its thorn Just like every night has its dawn Just like every cowboy sings his same sad old song Every rose has its thorn

I would never in a million years implement radical homeschooling/unparenting, but ever since someone on here mentioned Dayna Martin and I went to her website, I've been utterly fascinated that people actually live this way. So, basically she is saying that she has NO rules for her kids. If they want to jump on the trampoline at 2 a.m., that's fine. She never tells them they can't do something. They have no bed times or schedules. When her 12yo son wanted his septum pierced, that was fine by them (and they'd have allowed tattoos, if it were legal). If all four want different things for dinner, she makes four different meals, because "she trusts that their bodies are craving what they need." I don't mean to sound judgemental (I am sincerely curious), but I can not wrap my mind around this lifestyle...... What if her son's body decides to crave alcohol one day? Or cigarettes? Or his entire face tattooed? Does she ever take them to doctors? If so, how did she get them out of bed if they didn't want to get up? What if the kids never want to learn to read? What if her daughter, age 16, decides she wants to have a baby herself? How do they address sex education, I wonder? Basically, her kids never learn consequences, so how will they get along in a world full of them? I mean, you can't drive a car without following rules, or hold down a job. I don't know if anyone on this board would even know the answers to these questions, but I just had to share them out loud because they are driving me crazy.

And then the fact that many on the mission were killed in that helicopter "accident" shortly afterward.

That reminds me of one of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes: "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."

I have enjoyed reading all of your responses and will relay them to my son, though he has become awfully convinced of the Illuminati's existence lately (I guess if you google one thing, it leads to another, then to another, etc, etc....the "rabbit hole" was a great description). Personally, I've never trusted most government leaders to do anything that wasn't first and foremost self-serving to themselves or their friends. That's how I was brought up, plus recent world events in my lifetime have solidified my beliefs. So, I can see how such an attitude, mixed with a bit of conspiracy theory, can result in such a worldview. Plus, when my dh and I went to Cancun last year and were at Chitzen Itza, they explained all about the Mayan calendar and how for hundreds and hundreds of years the Mayan leaders would keep detailed track of the weather each and every day (like an ancient farmer's almanac). Before long, they began to see cycles (droughts every 10 years, hurricane season every so many years, etc....). Well, they would keep this knowledge they'd amassed hidden from the common people who would believe the leaders to have direct links to the Gods because they could "predict" these events. The leaders used this info to convince them to bring offerings of gold, etc... to "appease the Gods" to prevent, say, a drought, when, in fact, the leaders secretly knew no droughts were expected for another decade. So, basically, what I'm saying is that since the earliest civilizations until today, I belive that people with great money and power will do everything in their power to keep it. Even if it means deceiving and manipulating the masses to do so.

Okay, I'm an educated person that is not prone to superstitions, but I'm beginning to wonder about this whole Illuminati business. My ds who turns 18 tomorrow is fully convinced there is an Illuminati that controls world governments. They are a group of people behind the scenes that control as much as they can in the world with money due to the fact they have control of world currencies. They also spy on everyone (hence, the whole PRISM thing). They planned the Boston Marathon bombing, 9-11, etc... (I don't believe this last bit, but many of those who have this belief system do). Does anyone on here believe this stuff? And, if so, would you be courageous enough to admit to it? Like I said, I truly don't believe major world disasters are being controlled by these people but do sometimes wonder about the economic systems.

This article really opened my eyes to the atmosphere of the whole neighborhood during that time: Taken from: http://westvirginianews.blogspot.com/2012/04/finallyfactual-details-leading-up-to.html A Neighborhood In Fear By the summer of 2011, Twin Lakes was experiencing a rash of burglaries and break-ins. Previously a family-friendly, first-time homeowner community, it was devastated by the recession that hit the Florida housing market, and transient renters began to occupy some of the 263 town houses in the complex. Vandalism and occasional drug activity were reported, and home values plunged. One resident who bought his home in 2006 for $250,000 said it was worth $80,000 today. At least eight burglaries were reported within Twin Lakes in the 14 months prior to the Trayvon Martin shooting, according to the Sanford Police Department. Yet in a series of interviews, Twin Lakes residents said dozens of reports of attempted break-ins and would-be burglars casing homes had created an atmosphere of growing fear in the neighborhood. In several of the incidents, witnesses identified the suspects to police as young black men. Twin Lakes is about 50 percent white, with an African-American and Hispanic population of about 20 percent each, roughly similar to the surrounding city of Sanford, according to U.S. Census data. One morning in July 2011, a black teenager walked up to Zimmerman's front porch and stole a bicycle, neighbors told Reuters. A police report was taken, though the bicycle was not recovered. But it was the August incursion into the home of Olivia Bertalan that really troubled the neighborhood, particularly Zimmerman. Shellie was home most days, taking online courses towards certification as a registered nurse. On August 3, Bertalan was at home with her infant son while her husband, Michael, was at work. She watched from a downstairs window, she said, as two black men repeatedly rang her doorbell and then entered through a sliding door at the back of the house. She ran upstairs, locked herself inside the boy's bedroom, and called a police dispatcher, whispering frantically. "I said, 'What am I supposed to do? I hear them coming up the stairs!'" she told Reuters. Bertalan tried to coo her crying child into silence and armed herself with a pair of rusty scissors. Police arrived just as the burglars - who had been trying to disconnect the couple's television - fled out a back door. Shellie Zimmerman saw a black male teen running through her backyard and reported it to police. After police left Bertalan, George Zimmerman arrived at the front door in a shirt and tie, she said. He gave her his contact numbers on an index card and invited her to visit his wife if she ever felt unsafe. He returned later and gave her a stronger lock to bolster the sliding door that had been forced open. "He was so mellow and calm, very helpful and very, very sweet," she said last week. "We didn't really know George at first, but after the break-in we talked to him on a daily basis. People were freaked out. It wasn't just George calling police ... we were calling police at least once a week." In September, a group of neighbors including Zimmerman approached the homeowners association with their concerns, she said. Zimmerman was asked to head up a new neighborhood watch. He agreed. "Please Contact Our Captain" Police had advised Bertalan to get a dog. She and her husband decided to move out instead, and left two days before the shooting. Zimmerman took the advice. "He'd already had a mutt that he walked around the neighborhood every night - man, he loved that dog - but after that home invasion he also got a Rottweiler," said Jorge Rodriguez, a friend and neighbor of the Zimmermans. Around the same time, Zimmerman also gave Rodriguez and his wife, Audria, his contact information, so they could reach him day or night. Rodriguez showed the index card to Reuters. In neat cursive was a list of George and Shellie's home number and cell phones, as well as their emails. Less than two weeks later, another Twin Lakes home was burglarized, police reports show. Two weeks after that, a home under construction was vandalized. The Retreat at Twin Lakes e-newsletter for February 2012 noted: "The Sanford PD has announced an increased patrol within our neighborhood ... during peak crime hours. "If you've been a victim of a crime in the community, after calling police, please contact our captain, George Zimmerman." Emmanuel Burgess Setting The Stage On February 2, 2012, Zimmerman placed a call to Sanford police after spotting a young black man he recognized peering into the windows of a neighbor's empty home, according to several friends and neighbors. "I don't know what he's doing. I don't want to approach him, personally," Zimmerman said in the call, which was recorded. The dispatcher advised him that a patrol car was on the way. By the time police arrived, according to the dispatch report, the suspect had fled. On February 6, the home of another Twin Lakes resident, Tatiana Demeacis, was burglarized. Two roofers working directly across the street said they saw two African-American men lingering in the yard at the time of the break-in. A new laptop and some gold jewelry were stolen. One of the roofers called police the next day after spotting one of the suspects among a group of male teenagers, three black and one white, on bicycles. Police found Demeacis's laptop in the backpack of 18-year-old Emmanuel Burgess, police reports show, and charged him with dealing in stolen property. Burgess was the same man Zimmerman had spotted on February 2. Burgess had committed a series of burglaries on the other side of town in 2008 and 2009, pleaded guilty to several, and spent all of 2010 incarcerated in a juvenile facility, his attorney said. He is now in jail on parole violations. Three days after Burgess was arrested, Zimmerman's grandmother was hospitalized for an infection, and the following week his father was also admitted for a heart condition. Zimmerman spent a number of those nights on a hospital room couch. Ten days after his father was hospitalized, Zimmerman noticed another young man in the neighborhood, acting in a way he found familiar, so he made another call to police. "We've had some break-ins in my neighborhood, and there's a real suspicious guy," Zimmerman said, as Trayvon Martin returned home from the store. The last time Zimmerman had called police, to report Burgess, he followed protocol and waited for police to arrive. They were too late, and Burgess got away. This time, Zimmerman was not so patient, and he disregarded police advice against pursuing Martin." These assholes," he muttered in an aside, "they always get away." After the phone call ended, several minutes passed when the movements of Zimmerman and Martin remain a mystery. Moments later, Martin lay dead with a bullet in his chest...

When I was about 6-7 a neighbor girl had me convinced that her father had been killed the night before and the man at her house was his twin. I also used to believe that dogs could have puppies merely by "kissing." My paternal grandmother was sort of mean and once while at her house I touched the leaf of her houseplant. She immediately yelled and said that it would now die, but, instead, I thought she said I would die. I cried the rest of the day thinking I was about to die because I'd touched her poisonous plant. Apparently, I was a very gullible child....

Is it possible her only invitation was through facebook and she believes you were invited but now you are a no-show? I learned this the hard way recently when a good friend's daughter had her open house and I failed to check "events" in facebook and assumed I'd been snubbed. She later told me she had sent a blanket invitation via facebook and was shocked I hadn't come.

Most counties allow you to search all deeds registered on properties in that county. Often, this will tell you what they paid for the house, which might be helpful. Here is a great website: www.pulawski.net You can use this website to access the tax assessment website of any county in the nation.

When I went to college in England you could always tell which students were the Americans in the dining hall as they were the ones holding just a fork. Everyone else held a knife in their left hand and fork in their right (no matter what they were eating).

Also, if you go through Canada via New York, you could go to Niagara Falls on your way. Also, avoid Detroit and go into Michigan via Port Huron (less traffic).

One thing we always do is take the ferry to the island out of St. Ignace (north of the bridge). That way we can drive across the Mackinac Bridge, which is always a huge thrill for the kids. If you guys like swimming, continue north on US 2 that travels west from St. Ignace and follows along the Lake Michigan shoreline---all sugar sand beaches that go for miles. You just park along the side of the road. I lived on the island one summer while in college, working at the Island bookstore. It was a great experience.

I'm posting this with a legitimate question, not with the intention of starting arguments (perhaps I'm asking too much, but here goes....). My niece works for a district level mental health department (basically she's a state level employee). My niece is also very passionate in her political beliefs, but keeps that part of her life completely out of the workplace. I will not go into her politics, as it is irrelevant and, like I said, I don't want to start arguments on the board. Her problem is that recently her supervisor somehow found out that she has been attending meetings of a quasi-political group in her hometown in the evenings (never on work time). This supervisor doesn't agree with the positions taken by so-called group and has told my niece that if she doesn't sever her affiliation with the group she will be let go from her position. Is this legal? I've tried googling it but every word grouping I use invariably brings up stories about the IRS scandal, blah, blah, blah.... Also, just to set the record straight, the quasi-political group is not the KKK or anything like that. I really don't know what advice to give my niece. She feels like her rights are being discriminated against, but she is a fairly new state level employee (worked in private sector her whole life previously) so doesn't know if the rules are different in that case (I thought I knew, but am wondering now also).

The worst movies for me are ones made by people who, apparently, believe their audiences to be completely and utterly stupid. Case in point: Eagle Eye.

I have to agree with you on this one....such a completely contrived movie. The raining frogs were the icing on that cake of dung.

My dear, dear sister passed away last November. I'm still trying to come to grips with that, but she had been suffering for along time with arthritis, etc... She only had one son and 2 very, very young grandsons (age 2 years and 1 month). Obviously, her grandsons won't remember her, so I've been trying to come up with some way to commemorate their grandmother as a gift. I was thinking of making a post to Facebook asking for my Facebook friends (many of whom knew my sister) to post their best memories of her. Then, I'd paste the responses into a photo book I create about her. I figured I'd do so this for her upcoming birthday in June. However, since my nephew is a Facebook friend, I'm fearful it might offend him if done in such a public manner. What do you guys think?

My bad