Well, I have been the inviting family. Yet I don't take anything that's been said here personally because she's given enough details that it doesn't apply to me. And frankly, I doubt it applies to you either.

And you're entitled to your opinion about Quill. I just don't think it's a fair assessment.

This is lovely.

I'm not Quill but since I fully see her POV I'll chime in. I don't think this is a fair assessment. We are all products of our life experiences. Quill has acknowledged that some of this is jealousy. Beyond that, I can say that it isn't me being judgmental, it's learning from my history. There have been some posts which sound really lovely - justasque in particular. I don't know anyone like that IRL. IME people aren't this nice. I started off my parenthood assuming that they were and got burned. Several times. If I did know people who were truly like justasque, I'd be more likely to be able to view this experience as a positive.

I think it works well for playdates or short local trips. Not for trips out of the country. I don't think Quill is miffed simply that they asked this one time - it's that they ask all the time as if they are unable to do anything without her child as entertainment.

Well, I *would* assume those things. But I was responding to a post where other reasons were given.

These are pretty big negatives for me. I wouldn't want my kid to go on a trip with his friend to entertain him so the parents could be alone. Neither would I want my kid to be the example of someone who "lives differently". What does that mean? Someone who can't afford nice trips? (We do take nice trips so this isn't personal.) That doesn't sound very nice.

Yup. There are a lot of things to consider. I think that many people who hear about these opportunities think "Yay - Windfall!!" as if it's ALL ONLY GRAVY and the only appropriate response is gratitude and acceptance.

I don't know where the line is and I have no desire to define it for the world. In my life, I have seen the minimum standard raised quite high and I'm not comfortable with it. I am fully aware of the fact that my personal standard is higher than most of the world's. I'm a product of my environment just like everyone else and the reality is that once the standard is raised, lowering it is nigh on impossible. It's like that blog post that was going viral a couple years ago about changing your perspectacles. If I don't like the perspectacles my kids get from spending time with certain people, I'll be limiting the time they spend with them. (I'm not saying that a family that invites my kids on trips automatically has the wrong perspectacles. This particular topic is a tangent.)

1) Nope, I didn't say this means the kid shouldn't go. But it's something to consider and sometimes it's not worth it, other times it might be. 2) I believe this was your experience. It wasn't mine.

1) No, that isn't what I mean. It's like any relationship. It changes based on experiences and quality time spent together. It's not quantifiable. When you have one family member who is also somewhat part of another family (this isn't just one or two things, but many experiences ranging from the mundane to a pretty significant trip) then it can change the actual family dynamics. 2) There are always strings. AND I think the act of allowing kids to join other family's trips is not appreciated.

Yes - I've seen this a lot too. We don't have many of those things and I'm not envious of people that do. I'm irritated by the minimum standard rising so high because I think it's wasteful and unhealthy.

A couple reasons that are easier to articulate: 1) It usually has a cost to my family in some way. It isn't just that one child gets something really cool, but it changes the relationships/dynamic of my family. Sometimes this is OK, mostly it isn't. That's not a risk I take lightly. 2) IME it is never a gift without strings. Asking family considers it a one-way gift, not appreciating that I'm gifting my child to them for a time - which frankly, is more valuable than any trip or experience. There is always an expectation of being forever grateful which isn't reciprocated. These are purely from my experience - I understand that this isn't everyone's experience.

I don't like the invite a friend to everything thing. I'm not opposed to it once in a while. But when it becomes an invitation for ev.ry.thing. I get really irritated. I understand that some people always think the more the merrier. I understand that some families work better with another child in the mix. I don't think people who are of this mindset ever IME think about other families that don't work this way. I don't want my kids to be part of another family when they are 12. I think that it can get to a point where there are so many experiences with another family that it significantly affects their actual family and that's not usually in a good way. It would be nice if this was understood by the inviting family.

Don't send anything. Don't make any effort to communicate with her. Do not allow anyone (DH) to pressure your kids to communicate with her. If she attempts to communicate, respond if you have the time to spare, otherwise ignore her. Take deep breaths whenever you are tempted to try again. Practice good self care and give yourself both the space and permission to be upset about it, without giving in to the temptation.

I seriously dream about this.

Oh, for sure that's a thing, too. I think that it depends on the size. I wear a bra so they don't flop around to my waist - they would upset my equilibrium, seriously. So not wearing one would draw attention to them in the worst way, it would seem as if I wanted them to be noticed.

Yes, and some people will think you are trying to be sexual if you don't wear a bra.

I agree with Jean. I also think you need to talk to your DH about it - he cannot lay this in your lap to make better. That isn't right or fair. If he's uncomfortable with the lack of relationship that his mother has with his children, that's not really anything you can fix. But you do need to start the journey to letting this go (I do know that this is hard) so you can have peace, yourself. That will help your kids, too.

Honestly, I think "need" is tricky. Do you just don't want them so obvious under clothes? Then a camisole/undershirt might work just fine. I would not push it if she doesn't want to wear one. (My encyclopedias require b00kshelves, so I understand need. I just don't think it's necessary so early.)

following. I have a love/hate relationship with dish drainers in general. I have a collapsible plastic one now that's tolerable.

Yes - try the oatmeal with chocolate chips instead of raisins. THat's one of my favorites. Also, you might try a whipped shortbread, Like shortbread, but creamier tasting. Also a favorite. I'll post my recipe if I can find it. (eta: this is the recipe I use http://www.foodnetwork.ca/recipe/light-as-air-whipped-shortbread-cookies/14040/) (BTW, I just wanted to let you know that I love reading your posts. I don't always comment, but they make me happy. And your smiley avatar is very uplifting. :001_smile: ) ETA: Not for cookies that need whipping, but I agree with the PP who said to mix by hand - I can taste chocolate chip cookies that were mixed by hand vs a beater, and they taste much better to me.

I was going to say what a bonehead move. But if it was for a wedding, that makes more sense. Here's hoping it's back to normal next week.

Oh, you mean people actually do the thing that I don't understand why people do? And they like to do the thing that I don't understand why people do? Oh, OK. Glad we cleared that up.

Eh. I don't like how thanksgiving has become a Day of Gluttony. I host Thanksgiving, some guests bring some sides but I do the bulk of it. I specifically try to not have leftovers but we always do. Not copious amounts though. Sounds like the plate could have had more food on it. It's silly to disparage the GF or the host when we don't have any idea what really happened. Teddy has ridiculous ideas about plating food to take home before the meal. That's bizarre. They both sound really immature and I can't fathom why this is such a big deal.