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8circles

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Everything posted by 8circles

  1. My kids knew from the get-go that Santa is pretend. We also do Sv. Mikulas on the 6th so they also know all about where Santa came from. My kids have been told repeatedly to not talk about Santa being pretend with other kids - to my knowledge they never have. I can't say that I'd be able to get that worked up about it if it ever happened. Not my kid's job to keep up the charade of other families. I'm a grown adult and sometimes I forget that Santa is so important to some people - can't expect my kids to remember better than I do.
  2. Acadie said what I wanted to. {{{{{hornblower}}}}} I'll be thinking and praying and sending all the love I can for your healing.
  3. But this is forgetting that when someone has been raped, it messes with their mind. (A couple people have even explained how from their own situation in this thread.) Which, in part, speaks to the deeply ingrained attitudes we have about sex and the role of women in sex. When we ask questions, we need to 1) first ask ourselves what affect our questions have on this attitude regarding women and sex and maybe not ask it or ask it in a different way and 2) when we are given answers, especially highly personal ones, we need to sit quietly with those answers for a while to ponder - even if we don't yet understand.
  4. Because the police were able to help you when someone verbally threatened you, you cannot then translate that into "Of course they'll be equally helpful now that I've been raped".
  5. I'm not advocating NOT going to the police. But it's not as if they're some magical beings who make everything better. It's traumatizing and sometimes pointless. Especially in light of the recent big news stories about corrupt police - including police raping girls in their squad cars - this admonishment because everyone doesn't go to the police is a bit tone deaf.
  6. People don't report because they are traumatized again through people questioning their every move - including when they reported and to whom - and ultimately they are mostly not believed. At some point you have to at least try to understand that the constant barrage of why this & why that directed towards the victim is not helpful - it's actually harmful. Please, try to find your empathy.
  7. I'm sorry, I didn't mean this to be a slam on anyone. I don't have a problem with your post. It was just an observation.
  8. I think it's interesting how some people are answering *for themselves* and other people are describing other people.
  9. But the fact that *I* think it's not a synonym doesn't mean that's not how it's used. If we're going to accept the fact that middle schoolers are hormonal and drama queens then I think it's dumb to act like they don't use the word bitch to mean being a jerk. I would fault my kid for using the word, but not for expressing the sentiment and certainly not use it to excuse the physical violence. We still don't know how this played out. Did the OP's DD call the girl a bitch to her face or did she tell someone else that the girl was a bitch and it got back to her? If she said it right there to her face right before getting slapped, I can understand the ISS. Otherwise, no. Was it on school property? What behavior prompted the DD to call this girl a bitch?
  10. I didn't say it was appropriate to call a kid a bitch - I said it wasn't. What I tried to say is that if my kid thinks another kid is unkind, I wouldn't fault him for saying that to a friend. Saying that isn't bullying, neither is it "talking behind their back". It doesn't justify my kid getting physically assaulted. I think that we can assume that the term "bitch" was meant as that girl is "mean". That's how I hear it being used. I'm not condoning the vocabulary, but I think I'm understanding the meaning.
  11. They may think they are 2 against many but it really isn't relevant. Did many get slapped? Are many being verbally accosted in the locker room? Sitting down with a counselor sounds great - that doesn't mean it isn't actual bullying. The slapping was already basically dismissed by the school. I would not have any faith in them handling any of this fairly. Regarding the "bitch" comment... What if twin1 is a bitch? I would not condone my kids using that word, but I think it's fair to say that some middle schoolers are pretty unkind and it isn't wrong to say so. Apparently the OP's DD said so to the wrong girl and now she's showing that it might have been a true assessment, given the slap and the sister badgering her.
  12. Yeah, I'm confused by those comments as well. I think this thread has well moved on.
  13. There are already 2 girls against one. How many more are needed to fit your criteria for bullying?
  14. I think of the question you (I think it was you) asked about the Hunger Games, why was it immoral, because it was in front of people who were starving? I don't know that that is the right question. I don't think it helps anyone/anything to draw a line when morality ends and immorality begins. I actually don't think it's possible. It's nebulous. My thoughts are unorganized here so I'll just put them out there, in no particular order. I think it's about maintaining awareness (either real or perceived) about the reality of one's wealth, both in your world and the world as a whole. I don't think there's anything I can personally do (beyond charitable giving, voting for people that work to improve the situation of those less fortunate). But I can slow down the acceleration of the gap by making choices that are more modest (gosh, I hate that word but I'm getting the kids off to school and in a rush). I understand how this affects our capitalist society but I don't think that bolstering that is helpful in the big picture so I don't feel any guilt about it. Capitalism is not the best we can do. I have lived as very poor and also as very wealthy. I am unable to accept that as a wealthy person it was/is my role to spend way more than necessary just because I can, enjoying it as if I hadn't a care in the world, just to keep the economy moving. I'm too haunted by the reality of the differences to do that. None of this is making a virtue of deprivation. I was raised by a very strict Calvinist - I know what that's like.
  15. I don't know your daughter, but this sounds like classic girl-bullying to me. Pick a girl who is quiet (Your DD), spread rumors about her talking shit about someone else, badger her relentlessly about it, even slapping her if needed. Making your daughter take up even less space to protect herself. I'm sorry, it sounds awful. I would call your VP Principal friend if I were you because I would feel like I had to try. Prepare to be disappointed. ETA: Not more, less space.
  16. I'm going to say this is absolutely bullying. She is being intimidated. As far as the slap being justified because of the "bitch" comment - was it said to her face & the slap came right after? Was it something said earlier? IDK. None of this behavior should be tolerated in schools. If the sister of the girl who slapped me was badgering me verbally in the middle school locker room, I certainly would not have felt safe.
  17. But she was referring to marbel's post which does.
  18. There is no rephrasing necessary because Marbel's comment was that "it can be uncomfortable".
  19. Seriously, this has become comical. This isn't about finances. It isn't about generosity. It isn't about depriving her son of this friendship. She knows the family & sees something negative that bothers her. Many people either don't understand or have somehow taken it personally or apparently don't believe that people exist who might have less-than-positive motivations. Nobody else needs to understand the exact details of why Quill isn't cool about all these invitations. I think she's been around long enough for people to take her word for it. My favorite: I can't imagine vacationing without my kids. You can't imagine your kids vacationing without you. Interesting. :lol: :lol: :lol:
  20. Really well-expressed, Doodlebug. I would not have been able to explain this, but this is part of how I feel as well.
  21. Oh, good grief. It IS possible to value both. Quill has expressed concern that MAYBE BOTH WON'T BE VALUED. I think that's a valid concern.
  22. You haven't seen it because Quill hasn't accused them of those things. Theoretically you could relate to being on the receiving end of lots of invitations from one family. It doesn't appear that you can. Which is fine. But now you're demonizing Quill - as if that's somehow noble - because you think she has demonized someone else. Which she hasn't, IMO. As I said before, it isn't so simple to have a child invited places (what seems like) all the time.
  23. OK then. It appears that you cannot relate to Quill's situation at all and have probably never experienced what she has described. I've been on both sides and I understand her point of view. Quill is venting about a situation IRL which bothers her - which people do here all.the.time. It makes me think there's something behind your defense of these people besides just that they aren't here. I think it's incredibly unkind of you to say these things about her. But clearly you don't so continue if you must.
  24. And that's great. My comment was very clearly how *I* felt about it.
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