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Happymomof1

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About Happymomof1

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    LostHope

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  1. Praying for God to keep you and your family safe!
  2. We are doing ok because hubby is retired. We had a lot in cash, not stocks, so we are ok. We are frugal. However, his old practice and actually every doc we know is not doing well. They have had to layoff office personnel. They are applying for the government loans because they are not seeing enough patients to pay even a fraction of the overhead. They are working one day a week and even that isn't full since everyone is afraid to go out and/or all elective surgeries are cancelled. Our oldest is doing well ( computer programmer) and his manager said he would get a raise at his review a few weeks ago. Hard to believe in this climate. He is helping other programmers by teaching on conference calls and videos as well as doing his own stuff. Middle one lost his coffee shop job on campus when it closed down. Glad he is here rather than at seminary in New Orleans. Doing it from home, but he had planned to withdraw at the end of this semester and find a "real" job. He has a history major, so.... Now, I have no clue nor how to advise him on getting a job when this is all over. Daughter is graduating and going far away to major in musical theater... Again, I look at her poor community theater and all theater jobs and don't know what that will look like. Don't know if she will be able to go to college in the fall. Praying the college doesn't fold because of all of this... Our poor town. It is built on oil, so many of those jobs are gone. Not sure how our community college will survive. We had a really big international student base. The rest local and with the current economy, I wonder how locals will even afford to go to community college. We have a huge Shakespeare Festival every summer. that also brought in money for the college. That is gone. I just don't know what our town will look like when this is all over.
  3. I'm so sorry mommyoffive... Praying we both feel better tomorrow.
  4. I wonder if she had the same thing on her phone as was on mine yesterday afternoon and this morning. CNN had a person from the Trump administration saying DO NOT leave your house for the next two weeks, not even to go to the grocery store of pharmacy. She said to stay inside and don't leave. It came up on my phone. I'm betting that is where she got it from. Someone from the Trump administration said it.
  5. Maybe I will do that if I ever get let out of this cage. 🙂 Our seminary offers free counseling. I could easily see someone there, providing we ever get to go back. I pray I do. Being on campus was so wonderful for me. I may have even tried for my PHD just to be able to keep going to classes. 🙂
  6. True, in one of my classes last semester we talked a lot about how the modern church has lost the art of lament. Good idea. Perhaps I will write my own lament psalm. Thank you.
  7. When you saw your dad throw your mom down the stairs, no not so much. The few times I got mad at my children when they were little...no, not helpful at all. I am like the Hulk. Not going there. EVER.
  8. Yeah, I don't do angry. I don't do conflict. Heck people on here have been mad at me much more than people in my real life. I saw my dad get angry and it was scary. There is no way that beast will EVER be let out. EVER.
  9. I am so sorry, Dawn. I saw that this morning on the Disboards. I know that is really disappointing, especially that they just cancelled them all instead of just moving them.
  10. Ok, part of why I post here is to think through things. I am an external processor and have no one to talk through this hard stuff with. You said getting more time to focus on the things you pushed to the back burner. See, that is what I was finally doing. I pushed ME to the backburner to concentrate on the kids. I was focusing on those things I had pushed to the backburner. I had reorganized my life to do what WAS important to me. I LIKED the way my life was. Now I feel like I am forced back into the way it was 5 years ago when I had to do what I could to take care of everyone else... If it would quit raining, maybe i could walk again. I can't cry. Wish i could. Right now, yeah, I'm more angry than sad anyway. Wish I could throw every single dish we owned against a wall.
  11. Yes, I am working on my seminary degree, which is now like why bother? 5 years ago I felt completely, claustrophobic and trapped. I got out of the house, got a job and LOVED being around people. It was fun. I was happy. Hubby and I got so incredibly close and instead of our world revolving around his career, he helped me figure out mine. I started this degree and have LOVED LOVED LOVED it. I loved being on campus, interacting with people who were so much smarter than I am. I loved figuring out that I am actually pretty good at writing. I was starting to investigate what that might mean for me long term. It was scary, but oh, so exciting and now.... I am getting older, running out of time.... If this continues for years, then I have lost my time to figure it out. I don't have school schedules or chore lists. All of my children are adults, but instead of looking forward to the adventure of my husband with the empty nest and traveling doing our missions and also just traveling together for fun, I have all three "children"at home and I am trapped here, again. I don't know when we will be able to resume our missions. Completely unable to even predict with any reasonable sense... When I hugged our pastor friend and his wife goodbye at the beginning of March, I wondered ( only thanks to this board...everyone around here thought it wouldn't affect the Us, it was overblown, etc.) if I would ever get to see him in person or be in his beautiful country again. We just took over this non-profit and now...the meaningful work is at an end there. Not sure what it looks like to help our community. Whenever we are able to leave, I know we will try to help others financially and otherwise. And traveling... I'm going to be thrilled when we can take our RV to the lake. I'm a ticking time bomb. It is time for me to get my yearly mammogram. That can't happen. My mom had it twice, the first time when she was my age. My grandmother had it when she was my age as well. Hence, I have been so regular about this. Now, I just wait, praying a monster isn't growing inside of me. Same thing for hubby. They found a mass in his lung in early January, probably fungal, but they don't know. Was supposed to get it rechecked next week, but that is probably off. If things do get horrible around here, I could very easily see him volunteering to go back to the hospital with with his asthma and whatever this thing in his lung is, yeah...probably not a good outcome. So how do I plan for our future around here? My daughter is musical theater. Will her college even open up in the fall? He pile of stuff for her dorm mocks me. Middle one had already decided to drop out of grad school at the end of this semester before Covid. And how does a history major with a religion minor find a meaningful job?? How do I help him look when the semester is over? How do I plan? My class of 2020 that I was guiding. Now they can't even take their trip or have a ceremony. Right now planning means checking in with them, sending encouraging posts. But what the hell does their future look like? Half of what they planned probably won't happen AGAIN and they were already pivoting from last summer. They get to PIVOT AGAIN. The truth is I can control absolutely nothing. I can plan for absolutely nothing...well other than to get my schoolwork done for my own classes. Once they end at the end of this month, that's it. I have no more plans. No more classes. May even just withdraw from my program. I mean really, why am I getting a master's anyway? Jobs will be totally gone, and I would only be taking one from someone who truly needs one instead of a stupid old woman who just wants to feel like she has a purpose. Yeah, I'm sure it would be if I could cry, but I cannot. The last time I cried was probably 5 years ago. It would be really nice, but I am just way too numb. More angry than sad. I was so happy and now, I am back here, in my house, trapped. Hubby has a sore throat again, so staying away from me. I can't even get hugs. Need to go put on my game face and sit down to work on my project or text my 2020 kids to encourage them. Something.
  12. So I just saw him post we have 6 more positive cases.. He is disappointed in our social distancing. But given how few tests are being given AND how long it is taking to get those test results back. Those test results are from behavior at least a week old if not more, right??? ( Not saying our area couldn't improve social distancing. I haven't been out in 3 weeks other than to drop off recycling once. So I really don't know because I have been trapped in my house.)
  13. Yeah, ours are pretty empty right now. They are just waiting. But then, they will be overrun. It just feels like, we aren't doing what might prevent them from being over-run, like more testing. I mean right now, if they open it back up, there is a big spike of cases. If we had things in place like testing everyone, quarantining, following contact, etc. This might be helpful. But if feels like we are wasting the sheltering in place.
  14. Appreciate it but I'm ok. IRL I'm all smiles, sending encouraging texts, being the cheerleader on ZOOM, etc. Here is where I ask hard questions and the questions I have in the middle of the night. I didn't but in on Artic Mom's thread because she wanted everyone to say it is ok to be numb or be ok. That's fine. I will continue to pretend to be fine in real life. It would sure be nice to hear people say it is ok to be really, really frustrated rather than putting on our happy faces and quoting scripture.
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