Thanks, everyone. My family is just like what everyone else has said here. My parents have 20+ grandkids of all sorts. When I married DH, they gained a grandchild in my DSD. Period. She is their grandchild. She gets the same amount of presents and time and attention as everyone else (cirumstances providing). My husbands parents (he has two sets) are not the same, and it's just so troublesome to me. They'll come to visit and leave my house to take DSD shopping, while my own daughter that's about the same age is home. For Christmas they sent each of my kids $25 gift cards, and $200 to DSD. The other set of (DH's father and step-mother) sent individual gifts to me, to DH, to DSD, and then one "family" gift card to a restaurant. Nothing with my bio kids' names on them. I don't understand this mindset. It's completely foreign to me. I realize not everyone's family is the same, but can they not see how that could be hurtful to my kids? It's not about the amount, but the thought and the effort. It's particularly bad for the 13 year old when her stepsister (she just calls her her sister, by the way) is 12, and they're very close. If DSD is seeing her grandparents over the course of the year, my kids are there, too. They don't live close. It's hurtful to me. DH doesn't understand my POV, and there's nothing we can do about it anyway. I'm thinking of asking DH to ask them to send gifts to DSD's mother's house and not here in the future.

We love Cards Against Humanity, but then we're horrible people. I'll second Trivial Pursuit. Balderdash Pictionary Quelf Taboo

At first I thought Rey was Han and Leia's, which I still think could be the case. Then I thought Luke's, which of course I still think could be the case, but I still lean more toward Han and Leia if she's one of those. What Luke and Leia have another sibling, and Rey is his/hers? Hmmm....

I'm an INTP/J. I say P/J because I'm nearly equally P and J. Typically when I take the test I come out with 1 - 2% on the P side or the J side, so....equal. Ok, so to answer the question, I homeschooled because my child needed me to. It was the best option for her. We did not do co-ops, play groups, group field trips, or any of those things. I simply wasn't willing to, partly because I also worked full-time, albeit from home so, I could have squeezed some of those things in if I'd really tried. I did have DD involved in some activities, like homeschool music, art, drama, living history. All of those things were primarily with one group, which she really enjoyed, but I was really the one who drove her there and the one who paid for things. We did field trips on our own. My child has ASD, so it could be a bit different for her, but this arrangement worked very well for her.

If you have (or are) a stepchild, how does gift giving work in your family? Let's say you have bio or adopted kids, and you also happen to have a stepchild or stepchildren. In your family, would the grandparents (or other relatives, if applicable) send gifts just for the bio/adopted kids but not the stepkids? If they send to both, would it be the same thing or general amount, or would the bio/adopted kids naturally get something more or bigger because, well, they're bio/adopted and the grandparents have known them longer? Let's also assume that none of the kids/stepkids see the grandparents very often (maybe once or twice a year), in case that makes a difference. Finally, do your own parents/family have the same approach or a different approach than your spouse's parents/family?

You're right about her being whatever and A student or C student or whatever it is she's doing, but I think you understand the spirit of what I'm getting at. If she were giving it the ol' college try, or, frankly, giving it any try at all, she would be an A student. Her individual grades (other than the zeros, obviously) prove that. That's what is frustrating me so much! I need to figure out what she needs, and I've been unsuccessful to date, so I'm just going to have to keep trying until I figure it out. I won't just give up and say "oh, well...it's her life and she has to figure it out." Not yet. She's still a kid. It's my job as her mother to help her and support her and go down every possible avenue I can to see if we can find what works for her, all the way until she's on her own. We may never find it (to your point), but I won't stop trying.

See my bolded responses, above.

I hear you, 100%. She really is not putting forth any effort, by her own admission. Still, it would be easier for her to do it if her EF skills were better developed, so I'm going to help her there, and see about an eval for ADD or something else that may be going on.

Thanks for taking the time to respond. The thing is, she is not a C student. My issue is with her not doing the work, or doing it and not turning it in. Everything she has turned in (with the exception of math, which should be a B had she turned in all of her work) has been an A, usually 100%. Every. Single. Thing. Meaning, she isn't purtting forth the effort at all.

It has never occurred to me, until this very thread, that this may be an issue. So of course I've gone and scoured the interweb about it and I think all of you may very well be on to something. It may not be, but it's ringing enough bells that it's worth an evalutation. So then I went on to figure out how to request the evalutation and....there's nothing. Honestly, the stupid school district hides it from you, I swear. It tells you your list of rights and responsibilities with regard to a 504, and it tells you to contact the district 504 coordinator, but then zero information about who that person is. Nothing on the school's website, either. It's all coming back to me now why I pulled DD19 out of school and brought her home at the end of her 7th grade year. She is on the autism spectrum, and even with a diagnosis made outside of school I had one hell of a time getting any assistance for her, and just gave up. I'll be in that school, face to face, as soon as the staff is back from break. Here we go again...

I do think the electronics need to go for a bit, as soon as school starts again. I'll speak with her about how she can get them back. I don't know how much good it will do, though. She loves the devices, but is perfectly content to hang out in a room daydreaming. Sigh.

That's a thought. I'll see if they'll go for that.

I just made blue cheese and almond stuffed, bacon wrapped dates this weekend. About 19 minutes at 375. I elimintated having to turn them while baking for putting them on a wire rack over a cookie sheet. Easy, peasy.

It's actually very simillar, I think, although I don't think it's intentional. We just had a long discussion, and this is certainly part of the equation.

Sorry, I wasn't clear. Math is the only subject that she isn't getting all A's on when she does the work. That's the one where she does need some help. But now that you put it that way, it does make sense for the other classes for sure. I hadn't thought of it that way.

Cross-posting here from the chat board, per another board member's suggestion. There have been quite a few responses there about executive function issues (yes, she has them, and we're working on those both formally at school and informally at home). I don't know if this is a dx issue, or a laziness issue. In a nutshell: DD13 is gifted, and in all accelerated classes in her public school. She has always been primarily a straight A student. She is not doing well this year, and it's not for lack of ability. The decline actually started last year, but has gotten to the point of being unacceptable. Her grades at the end of this semester are one A (band), 2 C's, and the rest B's. With one exception, these grades should all be A's. Math is a C currently and should be at least a B. I say "should", because as I look at the online grade book, she has A's on every single quiz or test she has taken, and every single assignment she has bothered to turn in. That's the issue...there are an awful lot of ZEROs in there. Meaning, she just doesn't turn in the work at all. I don't know how to manage this. The school will not send home her assignments to me every day, nor should they have to. She's in 7th grade, not 1st, and she is in gifted classes. I can't follow up to be sure she's doing her work if she doesn't write it down, so when she tells me she has no homework that day, I have no way of knowing if she actually did have homework and just didn't document it. Same if she doesn't do the work in class. I don't know about it until it shows up as a zero in the grade book. I'm not a particulary punitive parent, but the natural consequence for this behavior is a failure that I don't want her to have to endure. Meaning, there is a STEM magnet high school that she very much wants to attend, and there is no way she'll get in if she keeps this up. I can take away her phone and video games (the family is getting a new system for Christmas) until I see that her grades are where they need to be, but is that the right course of action here? I honestly don't know what else to do, so I'd love some suggestions. This is not something I've had to deal with before. Well, I sort of did, but my eldest is not neurotypical and there were other issues at play. That is not the case with this one. Oh, and the lying. I confronted her about this, and she admits that she sometimes knows she has homework and just tells me she doesn't. I do not deal with liars. At all. Thoughts?

She's not bored in that the work is not too easy for her. She does have pressure to perform to her own skill level. Like I said, she gets no slack from me when a particular grade is not great if she did the work. We talk about it and try to figure out specifically where/why that grade wasn't the best, and figure out how to make it better. On the other hand, she definitely does get grief from me for the zeros. Just not turning something in at all is not ok. I'm afraid of the "you're so smart" thing. I used to get that, too, and it can be a lot to handle when suddenly you realize you're stuggling with something. I used to feel like a complete fraud, as in "everyone thinks I'm so smart but I'm really not, or else I wouldn't be having a hard time with X." I suspect this is a problem for her, too, and that is why she doesn't ask for help. However, we identified this when she was quite young and have made every effort to assure her she is no fraud if she asks for help. We encourage it. As for down time? Plenty. More than enough. Her outside activities are quite limited.

This is what I fear it is, although I'm definitely not discounting the other suggestions. Sigh.

She also has the issue with doing the work and not turning it in. I cannot understand that! The math is actually not too easy for her. That one is an actual struggle. We're looking into tutoring beginning the minute school starts back for her in January. We have spoken extensively, and she doesn't know what the issue is beyond what I've already said, which is that she doesn't feel like doing the work, and she forgets to turn things in when she does do it. That last part, in my opinion, is the EF deficit at work.

I haven't heard that term. I need to look it up.

Highlighted the part that I think you're spot on about. She has always been in school, yes. My eldest was in school, then at home, then back at school. I hadn't considered that she has ADD/ADHD. Ever. Something else to think about for sure.

She does have EF deficits, and we're addressing those (or, trying to address those) at school. That is the one thing they are helping with, or at least attempting to help with. I share those issues with her, so I understand how frustrating it can be! I just have learned to figure it out in my 40+ years on earth. She doesn't yet have the luxury of longevity. Fortunately, she is quite teachable, and open to learning skills to help her deal with this issue. With anything, really. My eldest was the stubborn one for me. I've felt your pain there! The last issue you brought up is a big one. I think you're 100% right about that. I'm going to look into some additional things. Thanks of the thoughts.

Thank you for this! My thoughts, below. 1. This is probably the biggest thing. I need to remember that. 2. You're right, of course. 3. I do know her friends. It's a small group. Things are fine there. She spends basically no time on social media, and I do pay attention to texts and things on her phone. 4. I've asked. They wont' do it. 5. That really is the biggest issue for me right now, and she knows it. I just don't know how to check up on her if I don't know something exists at all, kwim? 6. We spend a lot of time together! I mean, really together. We talk a lot, even when I'm not home, and do a lot of activites together. Our relationship is strong. That's why the lying thing is making me mad. She admitted it fully, and said basically it's because she doesn't feel like doing the work and doesn't want to hear about it because she knows I won't just let her not do it if I know about it.

All very good questions. We have discussed extensively. 1. She is happy and fine, and loves her school. She does have some executive function issues, which are common among gifted kids. She has assistance in school with that. She often chooses not to use the skills (per her own assessment) 2. I do not care if she goes to the magnet school or not. I didn't even know about it, actually. She introduced it to me. She'll go to that same school whether or not she's part of the magnet program, because it's housed in the local high school. She is convinced of what she wants to do for a living, and thinks that being part of that program will help her. 3. We have talked about it. She really doesn't think it's ok, particularly knowing that there's a certain university she wants to go to that will require a scholarship. Again, this is not me, this is her. In fact, I'm the one who encourages her to keep her options open, but if that's what she wants to do, she has to do what needs to be done to get there. She's not miserable in school. She quite enjoys it. In my estimation, the lying, and the underperformance, are both about laziness. It's easier for her to just not do it than to do it. If she were doing her best and getting these grades, then that would be that. I'd be looking for tutoring help for her. That's just not the case here. Ugh.

In a nutshell: DD13 is gifted, and in all accelerated classes in her public school. She has always been primarily a straight A student. She is not doing well this year, and it's not for lack of ability. The decline actually started last year, but has gotten to the point of being unacceptable. Her grades at the end of this semester are one A (band), 2 C's, and the rest B's. With one exception, these grades should all be A's. Math is a C currently and should be at least a B. I say "should", because as I look at the online grade book, she has A's on every single quiz or test she has taken, and every single assignment she has bothered to turn in. That's the issue...there are an awful lot of ZEROs in there. Meaning, she just doesn't turn in the work at all. I don't know how to manage this. The school will not send home her assignments to me every day, nor should they have to. She's in 7th grade, not 1st, and she is in gifted classes. I can't follow up to be sure she's doing her work if she doesn't write it down, so when she tells me she has no homework that day, I have no way of knowing if she actually did have homework and just didn't document it. Same if she doesn't do the work in class. I don't know about it until it shows up as a zero in the grade book. I'm not a particulary punitive parent, but the natural consequence for this behavior is a failure that I don't want her to have to endure. Meaning, there is a STEM magnet high school that she very much wants to attend, and there is no way she'll get in if she keeps this up. I can take away her phone and video games (the family is getting a new system for Christmas) until I see that her grades are where they need to be, but is that the right course of action here? I honestly don't know what else to do, so I'd love some suggestions. This is not something I've had to deal with before. Well, I sort of did, but my eldest is not neurotypical and there were other issues at play. That is not the case with this one. Oh, and the lying. I confronted her about this, and she admits that she sometimes knows she has homework and just tells me she doesn't. I do not deal with liars. At all. Thoughts?