I've offered to teach a children's Sunday School class. It will be for grades 3,4 and 5. I've never taught SS before and have no idea what I should use for curriculum. Any suggestions? I've seen a few that I like, but I thought I might find some new resources on here. :) You ladies always give me something to think about!;) It would need to be very user friendly, open and go (b/c I homeschool :D) It's for a Protestant denomination. I am hoping to find something fun, with reading, crafts, and scripture memorization. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated!:bigear:

I'd pay off all the debt. You should be able to save quick enough, and you should be able to find an affordable house in this market.

I don't think you are crazy, but personally, I would stay in Alabama! :001_smile: I don't think I could ever move to CA. I don't even want to go there on vacation! My husband keeps trying to get me interested, but I'm just not. Good luck with your decision...just not some place that I would want to live. I also wouldn't want to be that far from ALL of my family!:grouphug:

It could be as simple as the boy is competitive. Maybe he really likes the idea of homeschooling and says things like that to your son b/c he is really jealous. It's just another perspective...but, I certainly wouldn't put too much energy into worry about it. IMO, I would talk with my son about the situation and make sure he understands that he is NOT behind or dumb. I would make sure he understands why children might say things like that and that in fact, it is not kind and nice. Then, the next time you see the child, I would take the opportunity to let him know that his words are hurtful and unkind and he needs to be more respectful of ppl's feelings if he wants to have friends. I wouldn't make a BIG deal about it, but I would handle it nicely and openly with the attitude of intolerance to that type of unkind behaviour. I would also make sure my child understood that he wouldn't want to be friends with someone that said things like that to other ppl. He needs to be aware that, that is just not a good friend if he is saying mean things to him. I've had to do things like this with my children over the years and they seem to understand. Of course, they are boys and have each other to play with if need be. So, that might make things easier for me (them). :grouphug: to your little one

I think ebay is a good option, and of course, the verizon store will be happy to sell a used one but it will be expensive. I ran over my other phone and i"ve been using an old phone that is driving me crazzzzzy! I haven't found an inexpensive alternative yet. I have another yr on my contract. You can google and find sites that sell used phones. Also, check with friends that keep phones. I had several ppl offer to loan me their old blackberry phones, but I don't have the data package on my plan.

i would enjoy your children being young and adjust your schedule to later in the day. If dad wants to help out, fine, but if not, I would start a bit later and enjoy the flexibility. Don't feel bad. Enjoy your husband and allow the kids to do the same. Later, pull everyone together for school, but it doesn't have to be a long miserable thing. Do what needs to be done and let the rest go....as time passes, you might find that you adjust to this and can add more things.

I'm strictly being inquisitive here, but I wonder how many verbal abusers are of the above avg income bracket? It seems that appearances play a large part in their controlling behaviours. I know that in my situation, with my friend, her husband is making six figures and everyone in the world thinks he's the nicest guy- ever! He never says NO to anyone outside his home. But, at home, he complains about work, ppl, and is just not the 'nice' about things. He is very stern with their children. He also gets comments at church about the children being so well behaved, but the truth is the 2 yr old is scared to move! Have you ever seen a two yr old sit in church service without a peep? :confused:

I think that's the most confusing part for men or women that are emotional/verbal abusers b/c they've 'learned' that from their father or mother. So, therefore, they think it is ok to be that way. It makes it all the more difficult for the person in the relationship that has NOT been exposed to it to make boundaries with this person. I have found that, THAT is the biggest obstacle b/c they claim YOU are over reacting and YOU are the problem, YOUR behaviour is the reason they lose their temper and yell, scream, hit, throw. I think when you aren't use to the bahaviour it's pretty easy to be convinced it must be YOU b/c why else would someone behave in such a way?

I just have to say that if you are having a difficult time with you dh then, a house project might only make this situation all the more difficult. It's a lot of stress and work and I just think that's a LOT to put on a marriage that is already hurting. I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but I just can't imagine tackling those types of issues under your circumstances. I would definitely try to do it on my OWN...especially since it's YOUR dad helping. :D

:iagree: I tend to think that verbal abusers are almost more manipulative b/c they know how to stay in the 'gray area'. Plus, there are other types of things besides verbal abuse- punching holes in walls, damaging things and screaming in someone's face. Watching a man lose his temper and control is an extremely scary thing. I'm not sure if anyone can relate to that but it's not pretty. I think just b/c someone doesn't actually 'hit' you doesn't mean that you aren't waiting for them to do it at some point. And, verbal abuse is just as progressive as physical...it just gets worse.

Hi Tazzie! Welcome!:001_smile: I definitely think home schooling is less chaotic, but i'm not sure if it's less stressful. I think it depends on your personality and your family's. It's a big step and a huge change for everyone. For my family, it's been a tremendous blessing and definitely worth the stress on me. I can't imagine having them do anything differently. However, I don't think you can make this sort of decision based on how other's feel about it. It's really going to depend on your family. Home schooling is such a blessing. It really is. I think if you are really committed to making the change you will not regret it. :) Good luck!:grouphug:

I'm sorry for your pain. It sounds like a very difficult and painful journey to go through. I hope that you find peace and comfort in your counseling! I completely agree. I certainly would not give her any advice that I didn't feel was founded. I appreciate the trust and compassion that I am hearing from the responses on this thread. Sharing a painful decision is very hard- I imagine. I know that we live in a society that doesn't feel comfortable being truthful and open. We like to keep a perfect image. I'm very thankful for the real responses I'm getting to a very, very difficult situation.

There are tons of places arount Raleigh to live. My SIL lives in Wake Forest and her husband is a realtor. He's a really good guy. If you want someone to give 150%, he's the man. He lives in Wake Forest and could probably find something like you want- land. I do understand what you are saying. We have five acres and a pond. We are NOT subdivision ppl.;) If you think you need anymore help, just let me know and I can put you in touch with him. Good luck!

I would encourage your son to take care of the situation. If he is truly bothered by the looks, I would have him talk with the teacher about the looks from her daughter. Give him words he can use to explain how he feels. All he needs to do is simply explain that the other girl in the class is making faces at him that he's not comfortable with. I'm sure the 'teacher' will talk with her daughter about it. It shouldn't be a big deal at all. Now, I think it would be a much bigger deal if you are brought into it. That shows that a lot of effort has been put into the 'situation' and I bet she 'teacher' would feel very defensive. I just think making light of the situation and addressing it honestly and upfront is the best thing. Having your son talk with the teacher *when it happens*, would be a great idea. Let that be the end of it.

I know! Life has a way of keeping us real, doesn't it? I had a ton of great ideas about marriage and how 'I' would do this or that...yeah...that changed! I've talked with lots of friends over the years about marriage issues and it's been amazing what we have all learned to live with and let go of for various reasons. But, mostly, we do what we do to keep our familiy's intact and make the best decisions for them. However, there does come a time when you can be pushed too far, and you can't keep being the 'good guy' or constantly do the right thing. I hope your husband finds some answers and realizes that he is going to hurt a LOT of ppl if he doesn't figure out some things. I will be praying for your family and peace for all of you! :grouphug:

This is great Michelle. It sounds to me like you took a situation that could have easily crippled someone and made them feel completely powerless, and you owned it and took control of everything! You have done so much for yourself and children. I hope that you realize how strong you are!!! I pray that you continue to find peace and happiness as you pursue your career and care for your children. I also pray that your husband manages to get his addiction under control and value you for the woman that you truly ARE. I will be praying for you and your family and I hope you will keep me updated on your situation! :grouphug:

Wow- you are amazing! What is EMD? What type of counseling should she get? Marriage/ abuse/ Christian? Yikes, where to begin!? It's amazing at how much you have done and yet stayed with him. How do you avoid being resentful? Do you work and homeschool? I'm just trying to wrap my brain around how you are doing ALL of that!

Thank you so very much. I feel so much better giving her some tools to use. I don't know what her ultimat decision will be, but I sure hope that she can find the strength to *begin* finding herself again....gaining her power back. Joanne, since you've got experience with this type of relationship, do you think there is any hope for the relationship? It really doesn't seem like he will ever grasp his problems...I'm guessing that will always make it difficult for them. I will definitely get her the books. I love having something that I can do to encourage and provide comfort (even if just a little). You've been very helpful and thank you so much for offering your advice and support. It's been extremely helpful!!

Yes, I suppose so... Another issue for her has been her self confidence. With the panic attacks, I don't think she feels strong enough to do anything on her own. I think she feels very weak and incapable of even holding down a job, much less trying to support herself,the kids, and deal with her husband. Seems so hopeless and sad.:confused:

Well, she is seeing someone for the panic attacks, but I'm not sure that they discuss her marriage. She does have access to money. That is another issue for her. Her husband makes a very good living- six figures and they have a very nice home. Leaving would mean such a huge change for everyone, on every level.

OMG, this just makes me want to cry! I've never heard this before. I've never understood the connection between abuse and mental illness. I mean..i've gathered there might be low self esteem, but never a true, legitimate, connection to something like PTSD. Ugh!!! How aweful..and sad! If the rages are subsiding but the problem is becoming more of a complete disconnect,lack of regard, do you think she can stay? I mean...will this just ultimately end bad no matter what? He will never go to counseling. As a matter of fact, he throws her therapy/meds in her face at times. When she first had a break down, he told her, 'he wished he had time to have a break down.' He's just difficult.

A few yrs ago. As far as I know, that was the last bad episode. Her children are all still young enough to be at home with her. None of them are of legal age yet. So, she still has her hands full. But, the episodes have lessoned to a degree b/c I think he sees that his children are capable of judging him. It's not just him trying to tell her that she's crazy as much as it is now the children can see him for what he is too. I think b/c he can't lose his temper so much with her/them he is taking it to a different level of 'mental manipulation'. He is just pulling away and not being helpful and in some cases just difficult to live with...or maybe it would be called 'moody'. I don't know. The anger seems to have gotten much, much better since the kids are older. He's very careful how ppl view him. He does not at ALL acknowledge any anger issues within himself...or addiction or anything for that matter. It's always been blamed on her...one way or another. I just feel like if the anger goes away, maybe she can live with him in peace. I don't know...will it rear it's ugly head later?

I understand what you are saying. But, that is not the situation I am referring to. This situation is nothing like a 'hot mom' trying to overcome being a victim. This person has been emotionally shut off by her husband. They've been married for a long time and together for over 20yrs. Unfortunately, some men (not all by any means), realize that they have a large amount of control after children come on the scene and they abuse that power. Would you think it ok for a man to lose his temper while driving a minivan and act like he was going to drive off the road and wreck the car while having his foot down all the way on the gas? In the car was a three wk old baby, wife and other grown children begging him to stop. Hmmmm...what about his violent episodes where he called his wife a 'fat *****' out loud where his kids could hear? I think that this started when they were young and she just didn't know how to handle it. It's since progressed into something entirely different. She has been having panic attacks for over six yrs. At first, I didn't think there was a connection (duh). Now, I'm starting to see that there is so much more to it. However, you just don't take divorce lightly. So, in an effort to try not to react emotionally and give solid advice, I am here asking for some truth about what her life *could* be like. Goodness knows, I would not want anything to get any worse for her. KWIM?

No, I didn't delete anything, and I appreciate you understanding my position. I felt that a couple of posters thought I was being a little insensitive to the topic. I never meant to do that. I guess I assumed that since I was asking for advice it was clear that I was open to either side of the situation, hoping to form a logical outcome. I've learned that when it comes to emotionally charged circumstances, you probably can't find a logical outcome though. It's not that easy. Thanks for your kind words and for your advice. :001_smile:

This is great advice. And, you are right. I think often being proactive is the hardest part- doing something. As sad as it is to move forward and make a path for yourself, it's the smartest thing to do. All of these comments make perfect sense to me. I appreciate your input.