luuknam
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Posts posted by luuknam
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Speaking for myself it isn't a hot topic....it happens to be the topic of this thread.
It's apparently hot enough for you to click on the thread, and to post your disapproval (even though the thread started out as supportive).
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Why I initially berated the mom for posting on Facebook was because of the potential harm to this child, not only now, but also future job and mate prospects. How many times has Facebook changed the rules on what is public and private? Obviously, mom is posting to long ago friends who the OP said she is. She is not limiting to just a close circle of trusted friends. And, who knows when Facebook will make public everything again until we go back and change our settings.
Even on this board, I cringe at what gets posted sometimes. While there is an anonymous overlay, a good sleuth could figure out who many people are IRL just by putting all the posts together. Add in a agency that can track IP addresses or steal files from TWTM data base, and nothing is sacred.
You do realize that unless you're running for president, people are usually not going to bother going through decades old stuff, right?
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Do children need passports too if walking across the footbridge or will birth certificates be sufficient? We may be in Buffalo next week and will drive up to the falls if we are. It's completely last minute so I don't have time to get passports for my kids.
From what I've heard, birth certificates are enough for the kids. However, I've never tried it.
Corning is a 2.5 hour drive or so from Buffalo... which explain why I never heard of it and possibly explains why the poster above me had gone only once. Too far for a day trip, really, unless you're really motivated.
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I know this conversation will go nowhere on this thread. People who are posting have their minds made up. But hundreds more are reading and lurking and I hope if someone has a spouse or a child or themselves are struggling with these feelings they can know that there are people out here who have deep compassion for that struggling while believing it is something to resist not give in to.
The loudest voices insist it all just be accepted and embraced....but there are people out there staying true to their beliefs even when their feelings don't match up,
I get that. But not everybody shares your belief that acting on feeling LGBT is wrong.
What's happening is similar to if a mother expresses disapproval every single time a child doesn't perfectly wipe the table. The child will quite likely grow up with a neurosis surrounding cleanliness, regardless of whether the child believes everything should be perfectly clean. The child will quite possibly turn into a person who feels bad if she doesn't clean things thoroughly enough, even if as an adult she might rationally be able to understand that it's not that important.
Also, I'm not real sure why LGBT issues are such a hot topic for non-LGBT people. Aren't there a million sins out there one could comment on? I understand "hate the sin, love the sinner", but when you focus on only a few sins and keep repeating those, while ignoring the other sins, that's going to feel like picking on people rather than equal opportunity "hate the sin, love the sinner" (because really, doesn't everyone sin?).
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Firstly, we haven't found that out re transgender.
Secondly, I'm not sure. Parts of deaf culture would strenuously reject what they perceive as deaf genocide via a focus on 'cure'.
Plenty of people have found a 'cure' for Down's Syndrome, via early testing and termination of an affected feutus. Is that acceptable ?
It isn't for us to say whether a particular 'condition' should be cured, and thereby eliminated - it's up to the community and culture involved.
What happens if the 'cure' is expensive and only available to some ? How does that impact on societal acceptance of those still not 'cured' ?
What if some of us enjoy the diversity of a community where people are different, sometimes radically so ? What if having that sort of community challenges us all in useful ways ?
What are the implications of a socially homogenous society, in which we are all the same. Is that 100% good ? Or does it lead to a lack of challenge to empathy and understanding ?
Whose morals get to determine 'normal' ? What legitimacy do those with the power to develop 'cures' claim ?
Is a 'cure' neccessary to relieve suffering ? Acceptance of a transgendered person or child goes a long way to relieving suffering caused by their 'condition' ? So if we don't need a 'cure' to relieve suffering in the 'affected' person, what and who is our 'cure' for ?
It's a question that merely raises more questions, it doesn't provide a 'solution'.
I don't think Martha means badly, and to be honest, I think she has a valid point.
I'm not going to address everything, but here's a start:
Just because some deaf people don't want to be cured, doesn't mean that we shouldn't find a cure for those who do want to be cured.
Saying you enjoy the diversity of a community where people are different, sometimes radically so, doesn't mean that those who are different want to be different just for your enjoyment.
For those who are transgender and feel the need to change their bodies to match their minds, there is more than just social acceptance that's a problem. Some people want to have kids that are biologically theirs. The hormones and surgeries involved in transitioning tend to have a risk/certainty of becoming infertile. An adult male can bank sperm before transitioning (and an adult female eggs, but that's trickier), but if there is societal acceptance for transgender people we might see more people transitioning before the start of puberty. How do you make the choice for your preadolescent child whether to pursue transition and thus ruining the odds of the child ever having biological kids, or whether not to do that. I realize that there are plenty of people who are unable to have biological kids, and that adoption is a great choice too, etc. My point is just that there is more to transition than societal acceptance.
There are also people who fall "between". If you're a 5 on a scale of 10, with 1 being masculine and 10 being feminine, should you transition? What if you're a 4? A 3? Making these decisions can be stressful... it's not like being trans is all rainbows and sunshine and happy happy joy.
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Are you saying I shouldn't state my opinions in threads like this? Or anywhere? Ever?
Maybe I'm overreacting though, taking this too personally. But, there is a *reason* for that. I don't know if you've ever lived in fear. Like, really in fear of what would happen if people found out. Fear of losing a job or not being able to find a job. Fear of not being able to feed the kids, just because other people disapprove of choices that don't even affect them (or anyone other than yourself).
That's one reason, fwiw, that I'm less inclined to call Bruce's coming out heroic. He doesn't have to worry about money.
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Are you saying I shouldn't state my opinions in threads like this? Or anywhere? Ever?
Threads like this. Although I'm not real sure why you think it's that important to voice your disapproval, other than to the people you're in charge of raising.
ETA: if you started a thread titled "the ethical dilemmas of transgenderism" or something, I'd expect people to be raising these kinds of issues. Okay, I expect them in a thread like this one too, but only because I've learned people will feel the need to voice their disapproval.
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Btw, sorry if this sounds like a zillion things to evaluate. I would definitely make sure that any evaluator she works with knows of her family history of Asperger's and any other issues (LDs, etc) other family members may have.
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She has another aunt who might be willing to help with practice another day or two per week. Dad is too overwhelmed, and her older brother has issues of his own (Asperger's) and would not be able to help.
Has she ever been evaluated for Asperger's? It often presents a little differently in girls than in boys, with girls being more likely to pass under the radar. And as far as I know, there is a genetic component to ASDs.
Also, wrt her glasses, when is the last time her eyes were checked? If it's been over a year, it's time for another checkup.
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I think the teachers and aides matter more than the curriculum, btw. And you won't know what they're like unless you either hear from other people about them or observe them yourself. Degrees are less important than what the person does.
I agree it would probably be good for him to have positive peer role models. I don't know if there is any mixed regular ed/special ed preK program in the area?
ETA: possibly in a neighboring school district? Although that would be a fight to get your kid in.
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Is this a full day or a half day program?
C started full day preK at 3 years 3 days old. It was a mixed regular ed/special ed program though, so he was around normal kids as well. I think it was good for him, although I was hesitant at first because 6.5 hours a day, 5 days a week, plus a 23 mile commute each way seemed like a lot for a 3yo. But he liked it.
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I suspect that the school has dropped the ball--since they say she doesn't have any LDs, she's not getting much help. She is a very sweet child--NO behavior problems--and is willing to work but gets distracted, according to her dad. She will sit down and start working, but then--oooh, shiny!-- and "forgets" what she's supposed to be doing. He says that as long as someone is nearby to redirect her when she gets sidetracked, she will stick to it, but if she has to do it on her own, she will be off on another tangent pretty quickly. She is very, very, VERY immature--really more like a typical 11 year old than a 15 year old. Her interests (games, television shows, etc.) tend to be what you would expect of a 5th or 6th grader, and at church and in the neighborhood, she gravitates toward playing with the 10 & 11 year old girls and doing what they do.
I'm thinking that maybe she needs to be treated like a 11yo wrt homework etc. Concentrating on work is a skill that takes time to learn. That means someone is going to have to do a bunch of redirecting her when she gets distracted. I wonder if they could hire a mature high school senior or a college student or so to sit next to her while she does her homework, if no one else has time to do that. If that's not an option, would it be possible for her to do homework at the local library or so? Assuming she's not going to get distracted by things there.
And, with all the further information you've given, I am inclined to say that she should indeed be tested more for a variety of issues... LDs, ADHD, etc.
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Well, it depends. Are we having an avatar discussion, about the relative merits and detriments of the usage of avatars? In that case, you (and she) should feel free to state that you find some avatars objectionable and on what basis.
You shouldn't be silenced for your avid promotion of avatars any more than you should be silenced or shamed for your distaste of them.
I seriously doubt the poster wanders down the road stopping people everyday to insert her opinion on same sex marriage (or anything else, for that matter).
Why should she be silent here in a discussion about something that is affecting people today?
In my example, I was actually talking about her specific avatar, rather than about avatars in general.
The title of this thread also isn't "let's discuss the pros and cons of trans people".
I have no idea what Scarlett does or doesn't do when wandering down the road. I do know that the school bus driver/classroom aide of my then 4yo son felt obligated by her religious beliefs to let me know that she believed our situation wouldn't improve unless we stopped living in sin (or something along those lines). At the time, my wife was unemployed and we were living in poverty. I think she thought we were a lesbian couple. We're not. My wife transitioned from male to female when C was about 6 months old.
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But our actions almost affect other people. His children aren't going to have a father anymore. Sure, they seem to accept it, but there is pain and hurt that they have to work through and heal from.
I think it's more important for kids to have loving, involved parents than to have parents of specific genders.
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Yes and some believe that believing something is wrong is minding others business. People not only want to do what they want but they want no one to disapprove of it.
You don't have to announce to everyone if you disapprove of something. If I disapproved of, say, your avatar, should I let you know? Or would the polite thing be to keep my mouth shut, since it's not hurting other people?
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Just curious based on some comment in another thread.
ETA: Okay, let's exclude performances on stage... those are different, in that pretty much anyone would wear makeup for those. Same with Halloween... let's exclude Halloween as well.
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Wayyyy overstepping for the school.
I am surprised that they took her to the ER for a double dose of those meds though.
I'm guessing she went back to school, the meds knocked her out, and the school freaked and took her to the ER. I probably would freak out too if I were a school.
Totally messed up in so many ways, btw.
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Not the title of a thread, but the first sentence:
"I'm 25 and 27 years older than my youngest siblings." (or something along those lines)
My first thought was "why are your youngest siblings -2yo?".
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Admittedly, I have NOT seen the interview (I am staying away from that family's TV shows on principle). There are a lot of headlines about how "genuine" Jenner is and how he is a "hero" etc to the LGBT community. I read that article you linked yesterday and I have to say that I am somewhat repelled by him - according to his second wife, he knowingly married her without disclosing his intention to transition into a woman. She even says that she would not have married him at all had she known about it. And she talks about her own personal heartbreak and devastation when she was forced to deal with his issues. And then, he walked out of his sons' lives and did not pay child support or alimony (however much Kris gets blamed, in the end, he has to take responsibility for his actions).
Not sounding heroic at all to me. (I have no problems with his transition, everyone has free will to do what they wish and I wish him well, and I am only commenting on the screw up that his relationship with his kids and his ex wife are and how he cheated them of a happy life)
I haven't seen the interview either. I think the problem lies in how we define "hero". Some people think a hero has to be a great role model in all ways. By that standard, there aren't any 'real' heroes, as everybody has their flaws and has done things that they shouldn't have done. I think it's easier to say that a specific action is heroic, than to say a person is a hero.
I wouldn't call Bruce a hero either, fwiw. I'm not even sure how heroic I think his coming out is. I mean, it's 2015. If he'd come out in 1980 my opinion would probably be different.
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I LOVED Lego Technic when I was a kid. They didn't really have robotics back then though. I think I got my first Lego Technic set for my 7th birthday and I was like "why didn't you get me this sooner!?" (I had regular Legos before then - the answer btw was that the box said 7+yo).
Back then, *every* Lego Technic set had 2-3 models to build. Lego has been on a bit of a downhill slide, imo. But it's still fun.
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Her sexual orientation has nothing to do with his sexual orientation. I am trying to figure out what you are trying to express because I have a feeling I am missing something.
I think she means "why didn't Bruce at least marry women who liked feminine men/who would be okay with him transitioning".
My guesses:
1) They're not as easy to find (I suspect)
2) He didn't really accept himself as trans and maybe wanted to have a wife who'd keep him masculine
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I think the essay question is funny because book 5 teaches a 4 paragraph essay and book 6 skips to the six paragraph essay. I guess CAP wants to be different.
I don't have CAP W&R, but I can say that IMO the 5-paragraph essay is (vastly) overrated. I'm from NL, and was never taught how to write a 5-paragraph essay. In secondary school we usually just were told to write an essay about x, and how many paragraphs we used was up to us. Also, we had a maximum word count more often than a minimum one. I've seen the writing of American college students who are used to minimum word counts and they often use a LOT of filler words just to get to that word count... more words isn't automatically better. In fact, I think being able to concisely present your idea is a useful skill in and of itself.
A good writer can learn to do a 5-paragraph essay without much specific instruction on 5-paragraph essays. Never having been taught how to write a 5-paragraph essay hasn't hindered me in college in America.
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Not Starbucks, but the pharmacy I go to seems to want to hear an uncommon Hispanic last name when I say my common Anglo last name. Other places often have trouble too, but usually just ask me to spell my last name. I get a lot of "oh, duh!" looks when I do that (now I tend to start spelling it right away after they ask for the name). I know I have an accent, but it's not a Hispanic accent, and people tend to understand me just fine with everything else I say, except "water"... waiters seem to have a really hard time with that one. It's like, sit down in restaurant, waiter asks "what do you want to drink?", "water, please" - puzzled look. Because there are so many beverages that sound similar to "water", no? I think it's the 'w' that trips up my last name and 'water', but people understand all the other 'w' words I say.
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Yes, and that second wife began a relationship with him in the spring of 79 while he was still married. He went back to his wife long enough to conceive baby #2.
And then after marriage number 2 ended effectively abandoned those children. He seems very scattered and irresponsible. I do feel for him...he has a lot of stuff going on.
Yes... LGBT people can be scattered and irresponsible too. They're not somehow automatically saints just by being attracted to the opposite sex or by feeling like they are the opposite sex.
There are a fair number of transpeople who try to suppress it by trying to live in a traditional masculine/feminine role. You know, thinking that if they just try hard enough, they can maybe fake it till they make it. It doesn't tend to work, from what I know.
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I feel for Bruce Jenner.
in The Chat Board
Posted
Why would it have implications for changes to a birth certificate? Aren't birth certificates just pieces of paper used for certain practical things, rather than some sort of metaphysical 'truth' about people? People got by without birth certificates for millions of years. I think it would make sense to just be pragmatic about things like birth certificates and passports. How would you feel if you looked female, had female genitalia, felt female, but when dealing with government officials had to go through the "Uh, this isn't you." "Yes it's me." "But it says 'male'." "Yeah, I'm a transsexual. Now can we please get on with business?". Every. single. time. Why should the government even be involved in what gender/sex you are? It seems pretty irrelevant to their job/purpose.